Chapter 19

19

Lena

I come awake with a start. The scent of sherry oak and cinnamon laced with sweaty man, the rasp of a whiskered jaw against my cheek, the thick rough fingers inside me fucking me until I'd come. I glance down to find my fingers are inside my panties. Again. Shit. I pull my hand out, hold it up to my nose, and the scent of sex teases my nostrils. I was masturbating again. OMG, I was fucking myself with my own fingers. I was sure Isaac had come to bed and fucked me. It had felt so real… So much better than real, actually.

The last few times Isaac and I made love, he'd seemed to be in a hurry. As usual, once I pretended to come, he finished quickly, then pulled out, and was gone without any post-coital cuddles. He used to hold me close after sex, in the early days of our relationship. He doesn't bother with that anymore. There have been times when he's thrusted inside, not bothering to find out if I was even wet. It was a relief when he finished, then pulled out and left. I must have been imagining that it was him, but it had felt so real.

I shake my head. I must be losing my mind. I haven't seen Isaac over the last few days, and come to think of it, I haven't seen JJ, either. He moved me out of his office to a cubicle, and that had been a relief.

He also started to communicate through his personal assistant, which is good because that means I don't have to speak with him. On the other hand, Karen—yeah, her name really is Karen—speaks to me like she's doing me a favor. In a word, she is insufferable.

I've been spending long hours at work and using the tube to commute. At least I don't have to spend time in close proximity to him in his car. Not that I'm a fan of the tube, but the commute gives me time to steel myself before I get to work, just in case I end up seeing him. Similarly, on the return journey home, I have the chance to strengthen my resolve not to be affected by being under his roof. And it hasn't actually been necessary because I haven't run into him at all. All in all, things have been so much more peaceful. Maybe even... lonely. I grab my phone, pull up my group chat and check the messages.

Seema: News? What news?

Josh: Lenaaaaaa

Mira: Bitch, what's the goss? Did you finally hook up with someone hot?

Seema: She has a boyfriend.

Mira: Who, Isaac? Is he even a real boyfriend? He's barely around for her.

Seema: Stop talking shit about him, he's a good boy.

Yeah, that's what he is—a boy. His father, on the other hand, is all man… And so not right for me. Neither of them are, actually. Isaac is too impetuous; his father's too controlled. Isaac's too involved with his creative pursuit; his father's too involved with his business. Both are workaholics, too. Once Isaac gets involved with a project, he tends to forget to eat and drink, let alone remember that he has a girlfriend. JJ? He seems equally absorbed with his company. Karen had taken great pleasure in telling me that his breakfast, lunch, and dinner meetings were all taken up so he didn't have time for me—yes, I had tried to set up a time to meet him. And it's not because I've missed him or anything. I just need to run an idea past him—something I thought of that would benefit his business. Only, the time slot I was given is for two weeks from now. Two weeks! Imagine that. It's bullshit, come to think of it.

My phone vibrates.

Josh: Lena?

Josh: Lena. Lena. Lena.

Josh: Lenaaaaaaa are you there?

I blow out a breath.

Me: I'm here

Mira: Heyyy! What's the goss? You can't leave us hanging like that

Seema: Is it to do with Isaac?

Me: Yes. No.

Claire: Knew it. Are you breaking up with him? Not that he's a bad sort or anything. I just wonder if he really appreciates you for who you are

Jeez my siblings really are more observant than I give them credit for.

Me: Nothing like that. We got evicted from our home.

Mira: Whaaat!

Seema: Are you joking?

Josh: No way Dinky

Mom: Oh my goodness, honey! Are you okay? Do you need money or anything?

Me: No, I'm good. We moved in with Isaac's father actually. Turns out Isaac has more money than I thought

Mira: Ooh, how old is his dad? Is he a dirty old man?

Umm, yes?

Me: No, of course not. He's been very generous allowing us to stay under his roof for as long as we want. He's also given me a job in his company

Seema: Holdonasec so his dad has his own company?

Me: Kane Enterprises.

…

…

Mira: You mean THE Kane Enterprises

Me: The media company, yes

Mira: STFU his father is the head of an international media organization?

Me: Yes?

Seema: So does this mean Isaac's loaded?

Me: His father is...

Mira: You know what I said earlier about the dirty old man? I take it all back. If he's loaded then ? —

Mom: Mira, stop that, don't go putting ideas into your sister's head

If she only knew.

Me: Chillax guys, I barely see him. He goes to the office and I work on a separate floor as his executive assistant

Mira: HE MADE YOU HIS EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT?!

Shit, shouldn't have mentioned that, but it's too late now.

Me: It's fancier than it sounds, and it's not glamorous at all. He makes me work all day. Man never takes a break, and I don't even have enough time for lunch.

Mom: It can't be healthy if you don't have time to eat.

Me: Oh it's fine. I manage to eat a sandwich at my desk.

Mom: It sounds like hard work. You sure this is what you want?

Me: Mom, you know that's why I studied for an MBA. I've always wanted a career in a big corporate company.

Josh: And I've always wanted to steer clear of those behemoths. But if it works for you...

Me: It does. I'm learning so much.

Seema: So, his father is letting you live with him rent-free, and in return he's being a slave driver?

Me: He's also given Isaac a chance to get his paintings displayed at his offices. And I discovered he has ten offices around the world! So it's a big break for him.

Seema: What's the catch?

Trust my older sister to read between the lines.

Me: No catch.

Seema: There's always a catch Dinky

Me: Not this time. It's all going swimmingly well.

Mom: Goodness, you sound so British. You've been away far too long, honey.

Me: I'm just getting started on my career, Ma.

Mom: You always were the ambitious one.

Josh: Hey have you forgotten who has his sights set on becoming a pilot?

Mira: Umm, Josh, you never did make it through flight school...

Josh: Their loss is the army's gain. I can't wait to leave on my first tour.

Mom: You know I'm proud of your choice Josh, but I wish you didn't have to leave so soon.

Josh: Aww Mom don't go all emo on me now

Mom: Emo, me? Ha! I'm the first to support my children on whatever their career choices are. I'm all for you leaving the nest so I can get my life back.

Josh: You say that but you're gonna miss me when I'm gone

Seema: Mom never tells us how much she misses us, but I did catch her putting away your clothes when you were in training Josh.

Josh: Knew it! Mom you promised not to fiddle around with my stuff

Mom: I was only putting your washed clothes in their place.

Josh: Mom you promised not to come into my room

Mira: Don't worry, Mom knows that you watch pron.

Me: Ewww, can we not have this conversation? Or at least not in front of Mom.

Mom: I'd rather you not hide anything from me. And it's not that I don't know about your smutty books, either

Me: Wait what?

Mom: You do realize you share your Kindle with me?

Me: What? No I don't!

I scramble up from the bed to snatch my laptop from my bag.

Mom: Relax. Of course you don't share your Kindle with me. Just kidding.

Me: MOM!

Mom: Sorry, couldn't resist. But you think I don't know that all four of my kids are now sexually active and ? —

Mira: Okay bye

Seema: *face palm emoji* I'm gone, too.

Josh: *hand waving emoji *

Me: Bye, Mom.

I log out of the chat, then drop my phone on the side table. My family can be crazy, but I do miss them and their sense of humor. When we're together, we're always kidding each other and our group chats are often hilarious. It never fails to perk me up. I glance at the other side of the bed. The pillow is slightly indented. I lower my nose to it and sniff. The faint trace of detergent reaches me. Even though I'd been dreaming of JJ, I'd been so sure Isaac was in bed with me, but that doesn't smell like him. Where is Isaac anyway?

I swing my legs off of the bed, pull on a pair of yoga pants, T-shirt and socks, then creep down the steps. When I hit the landing of the ground floor, I hear voices. I head toward them, past the kitchen where the lights are ablaze, past the dimly lit conservatory and the living room, and into the study. I pause at the entrance, then rub my eyes. What the—? Am I still dreaming? Maybe I'm stuck inside one of those dreams where you think you woke up and started doing regular things, only to wake up a bit later and realize you'd been sleeping.

I find JJ and Isaac seated at a side table. The same one where I'd noticed the open game of chess. They're seated across from each other, an ashtray on the side. Both have a cigar stuck between their lips. As I watch, JJ pulls out the cigar and lifts his head. The tendons of his gorgeous neck tighten, then he blows out a perfect smoke ring. He clamps the cigar between his lips again as he considers the chess pieces in front of him.

Isaac moves a piece. He must capture one of JJ's because he fist pumps. "Yes! Got you!"

"Only because I let you," JJ growls. His eyebrows draw down and he focuses on the board.

Isaac shoves the hair back from his face. The gesture is so familiar, a ball of emotion clogs my throat. How many times have I watched him do that when he's focused on playing a video game or cleaning his brushes? Or sometimes, when he looks through the viewfinder of his camera and asks me to push the hair off of his forehead so it doesn't interfere with his shot.

Isaac lowers the cigar from between his lips, then takes a long drink from his tumbler of whiskey. He wipes the back of his hand across his lips. "Goddamn, JJ, this whiskey gets better with every mouthful."

"It's the best there is," JJ says simply. He moves a piece on the board, taking out one of Isaac's pieces this time.

"Fuck," Isaac swears.

"I've got a lot of life in me, boy." JJ smirks.

He called Isaac boy. He calls me girl. Does he think of me as someone that young? I mean, I am that young in age, but really, I've always felt much older in spirit than my friends. Or in comparison to Isaac, for that matter. Age-wise, I am closer to Isaac, but on a soul level, I might as well be in an older age bracket. But JJ can't see that. All he notices is me in the role of Isaac's girlfriend. I'll never be more than that to him. So why am I still thinking of him?

I walk over to the nearest shelf and run my fingers across the spines of the books. Moby Dick, Don Quixote, Crime and Punishment by Dostoevsky—to be expected. Also, Dickens, Tolkien, Aldous Huxley, Leo Tolstoy, Harper Lee, Jules Verne, Bram Stoker—which I didn't expect. And volumes of Shakespeare. He did quote the Bard earlier, but I didn't think he'd have studied his works in such detail. I pause. A space has been cleared in the shelf below it. Maybe he's looking to buy more books?

"That space is for you."

I glance over my shoulder to find JJ's gaze on me.

"Excuse me?" I mutter.

"Your books—" He tilts his chin in my direction. "You like reading books, don't you?"

"Given the choice, she'd prefer to curl up with a book than talk to people," Isaac interjects.

"Nothing wrong with that." JJ's lips curve slightly. "Books are far more trustworthy. Also, they don't talk back to you."

I snort. "Leave it to you to take the pleasure of reading and turn it into something misanthropic. Also, thanks, but no thanks. I prefer to have my books close where I can see them and touch them many times a day."

His nostrils flare and his gaze narrows. I know I've pissed him off by turning him down. Also, that came out more suggestive than I'd intended. Or maybe I had wanted him to feel how frustrated I am? Damn, why am I acting in such a contradictory fashion? He's my boyfriend's father. So he's attractive, but he's also an asshole. Someone I need to keep at arm's length. But it's so much fun getting a rise out of him, too.

I walk over to Isaac and touch his shoulder. "Hey, babe, where've you been all this time?"

"Hey." Isaac's lips twitch. He pulls me into his lap.

The hair on the back of my neck prickles. I can feel JJ's eyes bore through me. I ignore him and focus my attention on my boyfriend. "Didn't realize there was a party happening here. Why didn't you invite me?"

I pluck the cigar from Isaac's lips and plop it between mine. I puff on the cigar then blow out a cloud of smoke straight in JJ's face.

His gaze narrows.

I allow my lips to curve, and tip my chin up toward Isaac. "I woke up and missed you. Why don't you come on up to bed?"