Chapter 56

56

One week later

Olivia

The hair on the back of my neck prickles. I glance over my shoulder, but nope, nothing seems out of the ordinary—just the flower stand at the corner, the coffee shop next to it with a bunch of teenagers hanging around the exit, a take-out delivery guy strapping his bag to his back—nope, there's no one else. Definitely no one watching me.

So why do I feel like someone is following me? I shake my head. Probably just my overactive imagination. After the doctor discharged me from the hospital, Peter drove me to Massimo's home. He told me they were arranging for me to move to a service apartment where I could stay on my own and figure out what to do next. I hadn't wanted to accept Massimo's generosity, partly because this meant he'd know where I was going to be, but who was I kidding? With JJ's help, he wouldn't have any trouble tracking me down in London, anyway.

Also, if I turned him down, I wouldn't have anywhere else to stay in London. I gave up my flat before moving to Palermo to be part of the musical there. It would take me time to find another place to rent. Meanwhile, if I wanted space, then I had no choice but to accept Massimo's plan and move to the apartment. Which I did. Peter dropped me off with my bags, and since then, I haven't seen or heard from any of them. I keep glancing at my phone, but it has stayed silent. Guess Massimo took me at my word and decided to leave me alone.

I spent my days following up with Declan's agent Kimberly, who already put me up for an audition for an indie film. It's a small budget production, but the role is exciting. It's where I was earlier today, and for once, I'm actually satisfied with my performance at the audition, too. The people at the audition didn't seem surprised to see my scar. Best of all, the role doesn't call for a character with a scar, either, and they still agreed to audition me. Which means, the crew behind this production is more open-minded than the people I normally meet in this industry. Which is good, right? I wrapped up the audition and took the tube home. The whole time, I felt as if someone was tailing me, but each time I looked over my shoulder, nothing seemed amiss. If someone is following me, they're very skilled.

I stop off at the supermarket to buy a bottle of wine and some frozen pizza, because I feel like I earned it and because, unlike Massimo, I don't have staff to cook for me. As a result, my diet has gone to the dogs but… At least, my career is looking up. I walk up the steps to my first-floor apartment and let myself in. I drop my handbag on the sofa and head to the kitchen, where I turn on the oven and slide the pizza inside. Then, I open the bottle of wine, pour myself a glass, and walk back into the living room. A buzzing sound from my bag reaches me. I sink down into the sofa, pull out my phone, and accept the FaceTime call.

"Helloooo!" Penny sing-songs. "How are you doing?"

"I'm good, now that I have a glass of wine in hand." I raise my glass, and Penny shows her own glass of wine to me.

" Salute !" she chirps.

We both sip from our glasses of wine.

I roll the wine around my tongue before swallowing it. "Mm, that's good."

"How did the audition go?" she asks. I messaged her to let her know about it before I headed off earlier.

"I think it went well. I told you I sent in my audition clips earlier, right? They loved them and asked me to read in person, which is what I did today, and guess what? The casting director was very enthusiastic about it. He gave me positive feedback on the spot."

"How unusual," she exclaims.

"Right?" I laugh. "I mean, usually they barely acknowledge you, and here, he pretty much told me he loved me and that I might need to come back for the second round to audition with the director."

"No way," she cries. "That's such good news."

"I still can't believe it." I shake my head, "Apparently, I found the one unicorn director and casting team which doesn't care about the scar on my cheek."

I touch the offending mark on my face, feeling the slightly puckered skin against my fingertips.

"To be honest, it doesn't look that bad. If anything, it adds to your personality. It makes you stand out, actually."

"I'm not sure that's a good thing?—"

"It is a good thing." She leans forward. "It really is. It makes your face unforgettable."

"But how many people will want to see a scarred woman playing a lead role in a film?" I shift around in my seat.

"Don't go second-guessing yourself. If the casting director believes in you, surely, they see something in you that others will, too."

I bite the inside of my cheek. "We'll see. It's too early to be worrying about that, anyway. I have yet to audition with the director."

"And you are going to ace it, I'm sure."

I laugh. "I wish I were half as confident as you."

"You are enormously talented, Olivia, I've seen you work so hard at your craft. And you've been so proactive, so hungry for every opportunity that has come your way. And you didn't allow what happened to you to hold you down. Anyone else would have taken the scarring as a sign to move away from trying to make a career out of acting, but not you. You were even more determined to prove your prowess as an actress. You deserve the successful audition. You deserve to get this role."

A pressure builds at the backs of my eyes. "You're going to make me cry," I sniff.

"Aww, don't, babe, I was only stating the truth. If only I had half the drive you do." She laughs. "But I'm too easygoing for my own good sometimes."

"And I wish I were half as carefree as you. I wish I had the patience to let things unfold, instead of always trying to push my way forward, you know?"

We smile at each other.

"It's what makes us so good for each other." She chuckles. "Now, Jeanne, though, she's somewhere in between. She knows when to push and when to take it easy."

"The three musketeers. No wonder the three of us get along so well. How is she doing, anyway? I bet the two of you killed the performances in the musical."

"You know my part was minor, but Jeanne, she was amazing as Belle. She stole the show. No doubt, finding her own beast in real life had something to do with it, too." She peers closely into the screen. "Have you forgiven her for taking the role from you?"

"Given I was injured, and she was my understudy, it's not like she had a choice. Also, if you remember, originally, I was the understudy, and she was the main actress. So, the role did, in effect, belong to her."

"But the director wanted you to play the main role instead."

"Only because Jeanne missed a very important rehearsal. Because she had been kidnapped. I never felt completely comfortable about how I got it, anyway. It all worked out for her, though. If she hadn't been taken, she wouldn't have met Luca. If they hadn't met in that cell, they wouldn't be married now," I remind her.

"And if you hadn't made it to your sister's engagement, you wouldn't be married now," she murmurs.

My stomach ties itself in knots. My chest feels like someone stabbed a hot sword through it. Something of my emotions must show on my face, for her gaze widens.

"Oh, sweetie, I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't." I swallow the ball of emotion clogging my throat. "I mean, you did, but I know you didn't mean to."

"Are you going to tell me what's happening between the two of you?"

Yeah, I've told her everything work-related, but talking about what's happening between Massimo and me? Nope. I'm not sure I want to tell anyone about it. I mean, what am I going to say? I realized I loved him, then shot a man for him, then asked him for time apart to figure things out? It sounds confusing, even to me.

"It's okay to share, you know?" Penny says softly, "Of the three of us, you've always been the most closed-off when it comes to your feelings."

"Well, not all of us can be like you, wearing our heart on our sleeves," I sniff, then slap my palm to my forehead. "Shit, didn't mean for that to come out like that, I promise."

She chuckles. "It's true, though. I wake up every morning, convinced today is going to be the best day of my life. And I'm never able to keep my emotions from showing on my face. So, you're right, I can come across as annoyingly chirpy and all sunshine-and-rainbows, and sometimes people think it's all an act, but it's not. It's just how I am."

"I know." I half-smile. "It's why I like you so much. Although I confess, there are days when I look at you and think, how can anyone be so cheerful all the time? But then I remind myself it's you. It's how you've always been. And it does perk me up. It's a good foil to all that intensity that Jeanne and I bring to our friendship."

"A-n-d, you're not fooling me, missy. You can't get away with changing the subject that easily."

"What?" I widen my gaze. "What did I do?"

"It's what you didn't do. You still haven't told me what happened with Massimo. I assume you're not staying with him anymore?"

"How did you guess?"

"You've been texting me nonstop and have time to take my calls, which means, you have time to think of me, which means, you're not with him because if you were, no way would he not have monopolized all your time."

I scowl at her. "You make me sound like a bad friend."

"And you're guzzling that wine like it's going out fashion."

I glance down at my wine glass to find I've drained it completely. "Shit."

"Yep." She presses a finger to her cheek. "So, what happened? Did you two guys fight or something?"

I slump into the sofa. "Or something," I grouse.

"Did you move out of his home?"

I remain silent.

"Holy shit, you did move out of his house. What, you guys broke up already?"

"We're, uh, taking a short break, is all."

"A short break?" Her frown deepens.

"It was my idea."

"Your idea?" She gapes. "What the—? What do you mean, it was your idea?"

"Just that. I told him I needed a little bit of time to get my head around everything that happened."

"And what happened? What are you not telling me, Olivia?"

I blow out a breath. "I need more wine for this conversation." I take the phone with me and walk back to the kitchen, where I pour myself more wine, then balance the phone against the wine bottle.

"Don't freak out, but remember my brother promised me to be married to some other Mafia guy?"

"I do recall you mentioning that," she replies slowly.

"Well, apparently, my brother not being on the scene didn't matter. He made a deal and the other guy wanted to collect."

"W-h-a-t?" she exclaims.

"Yep. Alvaro—that was his name—decided to come to London and he may have, uh, briefly kidnapped me."

"Excuse me? He kidnapped you? Do you mean he took you, like that Freddie character did with Jeanne?"

I nod.

"What the—!" The phone shakes a little, then she disappears from the screen.

"Hey, Penny, you okay? Are you okay?"

"Yes, of course I am," she says crossly. "Just thought I should be sitting down while you tell me the rest of this story."

I hear her moving around, then she comes back into focus again. "Had to refill my wine glass again, as well."

"So, he took you, but here you are, talking to me, so I assume Massimo found you and rescued you?"

I nod. "He did, with the help of some colleagues of his. I admit, it did get hairy, and there may have been some shooting involved."

"Oh my gosh, they shot at you?"

"They ended up knocking me out, actually," I reply.

She peers into my face. "They knocked you out?"

"Yeah, uh, you can't see the wound now," I gesture to my forehead. "Makeup, and it wasn't serious, so it's been fading quickly. Thank God. Can you imagine how it would've looked if I turned up for the audition with not one, but two scars?" I joke.

She frowns. "Seriously, though, you're okay?"

I nod.

"And Massimo?"

"He, uh, was hurt. That's what caused this issue."

"He was shot?" she asks slowly.

I nod.

"And then what happened?"

I shuffle my feet, take another big gulp of the wine. "I saw him collapsed on the floor and thought he was gone. I had a mini-meltdown, and then I found out he was alive and lost my mind." So, it was a full-on losing-my-shit kind of breakdown, but whatever.

"I don't understand." Penny blinks rapidly, "You lost your shit because you found out he was alive?"

"I lost it because I thought I'd lost him. Then, I discovered he was fine and lost it even more."

She shakes her head. "Okay, explain it to me. I get that you freaked out when you thought the bullet had gotten him. Then, you discovered he was alive, and you freaked out some more?"

"You don't understand." I jump up to my feet and begin to pace. "When I saw him lying on the floor, I thought I'd lost him. I think my heart stopped beating. I mean, my entire body went cold. I couldn't feel my hands or legs. I tried to wake him up, but he was so still. Then, he opened his eyes and… I looked into them and knew things would never be the same again."

"So, you discovered you love him."

"Well, I realized I loved him just before Alvaro's men kidnapped me. But when I thought I'd lost Massimo, I—" I swallow. "I realized I couldn't live without him." I stop in front of the phone screen. "Do you see how that changes everything? Now I'll want to be with him, probably follow him wherever he goes, maybe move back to Palermo—" I shudder. "Then, I'll probably end up getting pregnant very soon, and then, goodbye career."

"Would that be so bad?" Penny asks softly. "Don't you want to find a man and get married and have kids?"

"Of course I do. But I promised myself when I ran from my family that I wouldn't waste the opportunity I'd been given. So many women never get the chance to pursue their dreams. I have this chance and don't want to waste it, you know?"

"Don't you think you can have both? Why does it have to be one or the other?"

"Is it really possible to have both? I think of having Massimo in my life and I lose sight of everything else. When I'm in his presence, he's all-consuming. All I can think of is being with him, wanting him, holding him… He overpowers all of my thoughts, his personality subsumes me, and I worry about losing myself and losing sight of my dreams. And as for kids..." I shake my head. "I can't even think about it. I know I'm not supposed to say that. As a woman, motherhood is supposed to be the most important thing I can accomplish, but right now, I can't even think of children. I'm too busy trying to figure out myself, you know, and what I become when I'm with him."

"You're afraid of how he makes you feel?"

"I'm afraid of…" I glance away. "…of what I feel when I'm with him. Everything is too intense, too real. It's too much."

"So, you decided to run away?"

"I decided to take a short break," I correct her.

"You sure about that? You sure this is not a tactic to break things off completely?" She scowls at me.

"No, of course not." I stare at her in horror. "I... I don't want to not be married to him."

"From where I am, it seems you don't want to be married to him, either."

"I…" I shake my head. "I know I don't not want to have him."

"You said you don't want to not be married to him." She shakes her head. "You're confusing me, babe."

"I'm confusing myself." I twist my fingers together. "It's just, realizing the depth of what I feel for him, and then having him tell me he loves me?—"

"Wait, he told you he loves you?" she screeches.

I wince. "Stop that godawful sound, and yes, when I went to see him in his hospital room, he told me he loves me." A small smile curves my lips. "Most eloquently, actually. I'd have never thought that big, bad Mafiahole would have such a, a... lyrical vocabulary when it came to declarations of his feelings."

"So, he told you he loves you, and you responded by telling him you needed some time apart from him?"

I wince. "Pretty much."

"And he let you go?"

I glance into the depths of my glass. "Reluctantly, but he did."

"Wow, I wouldn't have expected that."

"Me neither. It would have been easier if he hadn't, you know? It would have given me a reason to doubt his declaration. But not only did he control himself, but he also didn't try to stop me. He just agreed to my wishes, and that… only made me look at him differently. I mean, clearly, the man has it in him to respect what I want. He gave me space when it was the last thing he wanted to do. In fact, he hasn't called me since I left his hospital room."

"You don't sound happy about it."

"I'm not," I confess.

"Isn't that what you wanted? Space and time to think."

"Yes, but..." I drain my glass, then place it back on the table. "I mean, he could have, at least, called or texted to check on me. It doesn't feel right, you know, for him to give in to my wishes like this. It's not like him to agree to what I want without wielding some form of control over the proceedings."

"So, what, you think he's watching you or something?" She laughs.

I stare at her. "That's it. I bet he's having me shadowed by someone, or maybe, he's doing it himself… No, he's probably not fully recovered yet for that. I'll bet he has someone following me around. That's why I've felt like I was being watched. That's why he hasn't called me. He doesn't need to. He knows where I am, because he had one of JJ's men drop me at this apartment, which belongs to him, by the way." I glance around the space. "Wanna bet he has cameras on me in this apartment, too?"

"Ooh—" She perks up. "So he's watching you sleep and stuff?"

"And stuff." I look around the room, take in the corners of the ceilings, the paintings on the wall. There are so many places where he could have hidden a camera. I stiffen. Yes, that's it. He's probably watching me, even now, as we speak. "Jerkass," I growl.

"You know, if he's watching you, you can use it to your advantage."

I swivel my head to face her. "What do you mean?"

"If he's watching you—" a sly look comes into her eyes "—you can show him what he's missing."