RECOVERY

34

Nearly two weeks had passed since they'd made it home to Allar, each person taking to their assigned tasks while Selene had promised that she and the rest of her seers would continue their attempts at breaking through to Mallium.

They had briefed the entire Royal Guard the day after they returned, still keeping Vera's name a secret to avoid arousing further suspicion. The Legion Council had agreed to do the same. As far as the Assembly understood, only those closest to Vera knew she was the one leading the Unifiers, so it was best to keep it that way as much as possible.

The king and queen—accompanied by Clem and Hyla—had immediately taken off on a tour across Allar to meet with some of the noble fae families, informing them of the upcoming battle. Meanwhile, Aria spent most of her days alternating between training and helping Professor Embris group the guards by skillset, strategizing who would stay in Allar and who would travel with them to the Academy.

After biting her tongue for over a week, she finally worked up the nerve to ask Jil about Amyr's journal. They were wrapping up one of their work sessions when she pulled the journal out of her pack. "Professor, can I ask you something? "

Jil looked at Aria's hands warily. "What is that?"

"I—I found it in the library," she lied easily, "I believe it belonged to Amyr…"

"Oh gods," Jil's knees buckled and she braced herself against the table. Aria reached out to try and steady her, but the woman was already grabbing for the nearest chair and working herself into it. "I thought it had been lost, I thought—" she'd stopped abruptly, shaking her head. Jil sucked in a labored, panicked breath, her knuckles turning white where she gripped the arms of the chair. "After all these years…"

"Would you like to see it?" Aria asked gently, offering the journal to her. The professor looked up at her, her face sallow and sunken, and then to the contents in Aria's outstretched hand as if it might bite her. Fear, Aria recognized. She was terrified.

Jil took the bundle carefully, her hands trembling as she flipped through the pages slowly. When she finally reached the last entry, the one written to her, she ran a weathered finger over the indents of the words. "My love," she whispered before closing her eyes. Heavy tears streamed down her face. "I never deserved you."

Aria lowered herself into the chair next to Jil's and let her eyes wander, attempting to give the professor a bit of privacy. After a few moments, she placed a soft hand on the woman's arm. "I'm so sorry for your loss, Professor."

"It's my fault," she replied solemnly, still focused on the paper. "It was the worst decision I have ever made, and it cost me everything. Amyr was my price to pay, and I curse myself every day for what I've done. It's been so long since I've read these letters… I thought I might never see them again."

"You didn't put the journal in the library?"

"Of course not," Jil scoffed. "In my blind commitment to maintaining appearances, I never wanted it to see the light of day. I always wondered where it went, though," she said, growing contemplative. "That day… The day I found her," she choked back a sob, "the journal was left open to that page. I should have ripped it out and kept it for myself as a reminder, but I was obviously overcome with grief.

"Later, I tried to find it to add to her funeral sailing raft so that it would truly disappear forever, but I couldn't find it anywhere. I figured it may have been shipped back to her family with some of her other items, but it must have been lumped into the other stacks of her books that were returned to the library," she paused. "And thank the gods for that. I didn't realize how much I wanted to see it again."

"What was Amyr like?" Aria asked. Jil looked at her in surprise. Perhaps she'd been expecting Aria to chastise her, but she could tell the old woman had kicked herself enough for a lifetime. If she was going to get the professor to make things right, scolding her wasn't the way to do it.

"She was so… warm," she began, a small smile forming on her lips, "and sweet. Like melted honey in an afternoon tea. She cared so much—about anyone and anything—that I think she spent more time helping people than she ever did on herself. And she had the most beautiful, infectious laugh, Aria. I wish I could have bottled it. It was more melodious than any song you've ever heard."

"She sounds incredible," Aria smiled.

"She was the most amazing person I've ever known," Jil sighed.

"How did you meet?"

The professor looked at her meekly. "She was a student of mine. As you probably read, she joined the Institute much later in life, but she was still far younger than myself. Even though she'd entered to be a healer, she was required to take at least one of my classes. She would often stay after class to argue with me about how she didn't believe in war," Jil chuckled. "I quickly became smitten with how passionate she was. Once she'd passed my class—of her own accord, mind you—I asked her to be my date to the Solstice Festival dance. After that, we spent every day of the next few decades together…" Her eyes wandered. "I only wish we'd had more time."

"I wish that, too," Aria mused.

Professor Embris wiped at the moisture on her face before turning to Aria. "Do your parents know you found this?"

"Yes," Aria said. "I've already confronted them about it, and we reached an agreement to tell Shara and Luka." Jil visibly tensed. "They don't know your role in it," she assured the woman, "but they were informed about the true reason for Molden's death before any of the deliberations at the Sanctum took place."

"So they… They know, and still want to work with us?"

"Luka thanked me for the honesty, even."

The professor's grip on the journal loosened. "I'm not sure if that makes me feel better or worse, that they took it so well."

Aria considered that, toying with the hoops in her ears. "All we can do is make the right decisions moving forward," she said. "It's not too late to make things right."

"I suppose it's not." Jil looked at her with a furrowed brow. "You are much wiser than anyone has given you credit for, do you know that?"

"That's what I keep trying to tell people," Aria smiled and shrugged dismissively. "I'm not a child anymore."

"Well, that much is obvious. Where did you learn to be so kindhearted? Certainly not from your father," the professor snorted .

It was a good question. "I'm not sure," she said. "Maybe my mother. Or maybe from seeing a lack of empathy in the world around me and deciding it doesn't have to be that way."

"Whatever it may be, you have a bright future ahead of you, Aria. I am sorry it took so long for any of us to realize that," Jil looked at her somberly. "I would like to use my age as an excuse for being obstinate all these years, but the truth is that I know better. If your parents are willing to make things right, then I am willing to own up to my mistakes. It is the least I can do to protect Amyr's legacy and let her finally rest knowing the truth is set free."

Aria's heart skipped a beat. Her plan was working. "You're willing to tell our people the truth? All of it?"

"It's only right," Jil said, defeated. "I think it should wait until after the equinox considering that is the more pressing matter, but if we make it to the other side, then I would like to see Amyr's journal published and our history books corrected."

"I think that would be a wonderful place to start," Aria nodded.

"Would you mind returning the journal to the library after this? We could have Lemira seal the journal in the vaults and begin cataloging all of the mentions of the battle that need to be corrected."

"I would love to," Aria beamed. "Thank you, Professor. Amyr would be proud of you for taking this step."

Jil sighed heavily. "I only wish I had taken it while she was still alive. Perhaps we wouldn't have lost her the way we did."

"But you're taking it now," Aria's mouth shifted into a half-smile, "and that matters just as much."

"It doesn't," Jil sucked in a deep breath, "but I appreciate you saying so anyway."

** *

The following day, Aria and Taren were tasked with inventorying everything in the armory. When they'd cracked open the vault below the castle, the door seemed to cough, waking up from a deep sleep with a sputter of stale air. The armory had been sealed a few years after the battle at the border, once the immediate threat had died down, and apparently had not been opened since if the thick layer of dust was to be believed.

Aria took the torch she carried and lit the braziers along the entrance, giving them enough light to see the cobwebs that coated nearly everything in sight.

"Absolutely no way I'm going in there," Taren muttered.

"You big baby," she chuckled. Aria sent a gust of wind flying through the chamber, strong enough to send the webs and dust to the back of the room where she whirled a small cyclone, piling the debris into a heap as she'd seen the castle staff do many times.

Taren just glared at her and walked through the threshold, continuing to light the remaining few braziers along the wall. "Dust makes me sneeze, that's all."

"Yeah, and I'm sure it has nothing to do with the spiders," Aria rolled her eyes. "You take that wall, I'll do this one." She put pen to paper, marking counts of every sword, shield, mace, and miscellaneous other sharp, spiky things that counted as weapons they might be able to haul across the continent.

A few moments passed before Taren broke the comfortable silence they'd been working in. "Are you missing your little lizard boy yet?"

Aria choked a laugh, not expecting any combination of those words to pass Taren's lips. Of course she'd spilled every detail to Taren the minute they'd gotten home, afraid to speak too much about it while at the Sanctum. And Taren had not been even a little bit surprised, much to Aria's chagrin. You two undressed each other with your eyes every day, I'm more impressed you managed to keep your pants on, they'd teased .

"He's not my anything," Aria replied wistfully, not bothering to look at her friend across the room.

"But you're obviously going to pounce on him the minute he gets here, right?"

" Taren —"

" What? I'm just saying. It's long overdue."

"My gods…" Aria mumbled. "And what about you and Finn, huh? You have some explaining to do, yourself."

They hesitated. "I don't think he's into me."

"You're full of shit," Aria said, trying to keep track of what she'd already counted. "I saw you two sitting against the wall that day after sparring. That was the first time I think I've actually seen him laugh. And his comment about having a good sex life? You're telling me that it wasn't about you?"

"He was just joking," they said timidly. "We haven't done anything like that. Nothing more than talk, unfortunately."

"Listen. He doesn't strike me as a first move kind of guy, so maybe you just need to be the one to say something."

"I don't know…"

"What's the worst that can happen? He says no, and you stay friends?" Taren just huffed, knowing Aria was right. "Best case, he goes down on you—"

" Aria— " Taren cut her off with an embarrassed blush.

"See? Not so fun when you're the one being interrogated about your sex life," she said with a laugh. But she dropped the subject, knowing Taren didn't fall for people often, and when they did, they kept it close to their chest. As open and bubbly as Taren was most of the time, they kept their love life very private, even with Aria. She didn't want to push the subject too much for fear of making it worse. Instead, she turned her attention back to counting. And counting.

And counting.

When they finally finished and she returned to her room, Aria found a package waiting on her desk that must have been delivered while she was out. Curious, she thought. The last time she'd gotten an unexpected package was no less than five years ago—a random, belated birthday present from Vera that turned out to be an ugly gown, fashioned in a centuries-old style she would never wear. Typical of Vera.

Under the bow and packing paper lay a note in a concise, printed handwriting.

I thought you might want some new reading material to keep you company. This one is a personal favorite of mine.

— L

She moved the note to reveal a book, bound in dyed blue leather, the title The Captain's Caress plastered on the front in big, curly font. It was the same author as the shifter romance he'd caught her with in the Sanctum courtyard.

Aria sat in denial, staring at the cover. He did not send her a romance book through a courier … She would wring his neck for that.

But also…

She flipped open to the first page and began reading, not stopping until she'd reached the fifth chapter, when her room became too dark to see the text on the pages. She grabbed a match from the desk drawer and lit a few candles around her room, shocked by how much time had passed so quickly .

The story was about a romance between a dragon captain and a civilian woman he met on a mission, which would have been fine, except the man bore a striking resemblance to Luka and she couldn't help but feel maybe he had inspired the story somehow.

But gods be damned , she still had to turn in her armory report to Professor Embris, who expected it on her desk by now. Aria kicked herself for losing track of time.

She compiled her counts with Taren's, writing them out nicely on a fresh page, and hurried to Jil's office—praying she wouldn't get a verbal lashing like the last time she'd been late on an assignment. And the whole way there, she tried to think about anything but the fact Luka may have just mailed her smut written about himself.