8. Arianne

Ididn't want to walk to the store without my phone, so I can't ignore the slew of messages from Patrick. One after the other, since he realized I'd left. All filled with rage.

Patrick: Where are you?

Patrick: You need to get your ass home right now.

Patrick: Benny said you didn't show. You went to your goddamn sister's fucking funeral.

Patrick: You better show your face before lunch.

Patrick: Cunt.

As my hands shake, I think about Halo's prescription. "You are the cunt," I whisper so Lola can't hear me.

There's a warm feeling in my belly when I think about Halo, which I'm doing my best to ignore, but with every step, I feel stronger.

Halo didn't yell.

He didn't get mad when the coffee spilled.

He didn't mention the scorch marks on the last three pancakes that burned while he was talking to me about said coffee spill.

He ate all my food without question.

He kissed the top of my head.

Okay. What can I serve you, Halo?

That sounds good coming from your pretty mouth.

Yeah. I'm definitely going to pretend that didn't happen.

I slip my phone into my pocket, even as I acknowledge that a man I've known less than twenty-four hours is treating me better than my own husband ever did.

"You ready to go for a walk to the store, Lola?" I ask as I strap her into the stroller that cluttered up the hallway.

"Nana?" she says while opening and closing a pair of chunky pink sunglasses.

"Yes, monkey, we'll get you some more bananas."

I pause, crouch down in front of her, and my heart drops for the thousandth time that morning.

Mercy is gone.

Gone forever.

And this little girl is the only living part of her left.

At some point, I'm going to want to go to the home she shared with Anthony, Halo's father, and pack up her things.

"I'm going to look after you, Lola. I don't know how right now, but I'm going to figure out a way. You and I are going to live a happy, peaceful life, somewhere away from all this…"

I huff. I suppose I should call Halo Jax if I want to separate the man from his club and us from them. But Halo suits the man. It was the first name he gave me, and it's the one his friends use.

The walk takes about forty minutes. But the weather is mild, and the sun is shining, and I don't feel the tight band around my chest that I'm doing something I shouldn't. It's liberating to be out on my own without telling Patrick where I am or what I'm doing.

Not that I'm doing anything reckless, after all, a trip to stock up Halo's fridge on me isn't such a big deal. I'm utterly grateful to the sanctuary he's provided while I find my feet and the opportunity he's given me to get to know my niece. For the first time in my life, I can see a way out and pathway to healing.

Just as I'm approaching the store, I hear a voice call Lola's name.

"Hey, Arianne," the woman says as she approaches me. "Sorry, this must seem really weird. I"m not some random stranger, I promise you." She offers me her hand. "I'm Gwen, Clutch's old lady. He mentioned you. I"m so sorry about your sister."

I still feel a little salty about that, even though Briar and Iris explained the hierarchy to me. "From what I hear, the old ladies of the club don't have a lot of time for the club girls."

Gwen at least has the sense to look a little ashamed. "That's a fair assessment. When I arrived at the club, I had no end of trouble with a couple of the club girls. But that doesn"t mean I'm not sad for you that you lost your sister, and it certainly doesn't mean I'm happy about Mercy."

I hear sympathy in her voice and decide if I'm going to stay here for Lola, more friends won't hurt. So, I take her offered hand and shake it. "Pleased to meet you, Gwen. Iris and Briar mentioned you."

"You're staying at Halo's house?" she asks.

"I am, for now."

"Do you mind me asking what happened to your face?"

"I do, because I only just met you and some parts of my life are private."

Gwen smiles softly. "Understood. But you and Lola will get looked out for by the old ladies for as long as you stick around here."

"I'm sorry. I promise I'm not always this rude. In fact, I've spent most of my life trying to be as nice as possible."

Gwen studies the side of my face carefully. "Well, I'm hoping that from here on out, you stop being quite so nice because whoever did that to you needs a serious beating of their own."

"You sound a lot like Halo."

Gwen chuckles at that. "That might be the first time anybody has ever compared me to Halo. He"s a good guy, so I kinda like it."

Lola offers her glasses to Gwen, who playfully takes them from her and pretends to put them on her face. "Oh, I love these. Do they suit me, baby girl?"

Lola chuckles in return, then reaches out her hand to grab the glasses back again. Gwen carefully slides them over her ears and puts them back on her. "I have to pick up some dry cleaning. Want to grab a quick coffee when we're done with our errands? I've taken a lot of photos since I got back to the club, and I"m sure I have some of your sister and Wrinkle and Lola that you might like copies of."

I hear Patrick"s voice in my head telling me that I don"t need girlfriends and that it's his sole responsibility to make sure I stay on the straight and narrow path. That the two of us are enough for each other, even though he was allowed friends. "I"d like that," I say. "I'm here to pick up some groceries. Where do you want to meet?"

"There's a coffee chain inside after the cash registers. First one there grabs a table?"

"Sounds good. I"ll see you in about fifteen minutes."

I"ve written a list on my phone of things I think we need. The idea of a we is a little wild. But I"m hoping Halo will let me stay for at least a few more days, saving me rent or hotel costs. I have the kernel of a plan.

As I grab potatoes and seasonal corn and the fixings for salad, I consider how I need to work with Halo to reconcile Mercy"s estate as quickly as possible. If I can do that, and my sister had any money, I might be able to find the first and last month's rent to get a place here. The other option I am considering is swallowing down how I feel about returning to Anthony and Mercy's home to clean it up so that I can either live in it for lower rent if Halo will let me, or get it ready to sell fast if there is any chance that any small piece of its value belongs to my sister.

"Shit," I quietly mutter when I realize I left my little cash stash in my bedroom. I'll have to pay with my card and cut the list down a little.

I manage to discreetly put a large bunch of bananas into the shopping basket without Lola noticing. I have a feeling that as soon as she sees them, she"s going to want one, and I need to pay for them first. The meals I have planned won't be fancy. I'm used to cooking on a budget and actually like cooking things from scratch, so it doesn't take long to shop.

It feels like the very least I can do to say thank you to Halo.

We get to the register, and I begin putting everything on the belt just as Gwen arrives at the store. "Here, let me help with that," she says.

I offer her the two shopping bags I found in the bottom of the stroller, and she begins to bag the food as I load the belt.

"That'll be thirty-two dollars and seventeen cents," the cashier says.

Relief floods me. I was careful as I picked things so it wouldn't be more than I have in my account, as Benny usually pays us in the afternoon. I tap my phone, but the transaction is declined. "Oh my gosh, I"m so sorry. Could you try that again please?"

"Of course, there you go." Her smile is sympathetic.

I try again, and the card is declined for a second time. "Shit," I mutter, fumbling in my purse for bills I know aren't in there. "I'm sorry, I…"

Gwen opens her purse, pulls out a card, and taps it to the device. "There, that way you can call the bank and figure out what is going on."

My cheeks heat, and I feel a little dizzy. If there was one thing Patrick hated, it was for me to embarrass him or let the two of us down in public. "Thank you."

Gwen squeezes my arm, and I flinch. She immediately lets go. "Shit. I'm sorry. Let's move away from the register."

I do as she suggests, but as soon as we are at the entrance to the coffee shop, I open my banking app and check. Where there had previously been enough money, there is exactly nine dollars and twenty-seven cents. Nine twenty-seven. Patrick's birthday. Then I notice the unthinkable.

"The bastard," I say.

"What's happened?" Gwen asks, her face ripe with concern.

I can't tell her that I saw Benny paid me last night at 11:47 p.m. And then at 11:49 p.m., everything except the current balance was transferred out. "My husband emptied my account."

If she is surprised by the mention of a husband, she doesn't show it. "For real?"

"I need to make a call."

"Leave Lola with me."

I glance down at my niece. "I'm sorry, I don't feel comfortable leaving her with you when I barely know you."

"One second." She dials a number. Whatever the person says to her when they answer makes her smile. "As much as I'm intrigued by that proposition, I'm with company. Is Halo there?"

I begin to shake my head. "No, please, don't make a fuss." The words escape on a strangled whisper.

"It's fine," she says to me. "Sorry, no, sweetie. Was talking to Arianne. Yeah, I just need him to confirm it's okay to leave Lola with me."

There's a pause, and a little bit of me dies inside. Tears sting, and I force them down. Most men don't like being bothered at work. I rarely called Patrick while he was working. Even though I knew my dad wouldn't mind, Patrick did.

"Hey, Halo. I'm with Arianne and Lola, and Arianne has something she needs to take care of real quick but doesn't want to leave Lola with me because she doesn't know me. Can you reassure her it's cool?"

Halo obviously says yes, and she offers me the phone. I look at it like it's a viper ready to stick two fangs into me. But finally, I take it.

"Hey. I'm sorry. I didn't know she was going to bother you at work and I?—"

"You got a problem, Arianne?" he asks, cutting through the apology.

"I just need to make a call and didn't feel comfortable leaving Lola with someone I didn't know." My heart races in my chest.

"Smart girl. I should have left you my number this morning. Give me yours. I got a pen."

I recite my cell number.

"I'll text you in a minute from mine. Yeah, Gwen's one of the good ones. She's my president's twin. You sure you're okay? You need help with something?"

I think about the call I'm going to have to make. "No. I'm okay. Thanks."

"Okay. You did the right thing checking, and Gwen did the right thing calling. Good girl. Catch you later."

And with that, the phone line goes dead. I hand the phone back to Gwen. "I'm sorry. This is all new. Yes, please, take Lola with you. I'll just be a minute."

I step outside, and before I can pull up Patrick's number, I see a text from an unknown number.

Save this to your phone. H.

The speed at which Halo is ready to ask if I need help, and the efficacy with which he deals with things, is enough to hammer home the absolute lack of care in my marital relationship.

He reassured me I did the right thing, as if he knew I'd be worried about that. Patrick used to love leaving me hanging.

You did the right thing calling. Good girl.

His praise shouldn't make me feel quite so gooey, should it?

Taking a deep breath, I call my husband.

"Where the fuck are you?" he says. His voice is tightly controlled, reedy. I'm certain his lips will be narrowed to thin lines. I always knew if he walked into a room looking like that, he was furious. And I'm relieved to be an unknown distance away from him right now.

"I couldn't let Mercy be buried without family."

"Do you know how it feels to come home to an empty house? No dinner? No wife?"

I note the order in which he raises his concerns. House, dinner, then me. "I'm sorry," I say, then I wonder why I apologized. I try to swallow, but my mouth is so dry, I find it hard. Somehow Halo's quiet strength and burying my sister both give me some clarity. "I had to come. You gave me no option."

"No fucking option. I?—"

On a roll, I cut him off. "Put my salary back into my account."

Patrick laughs snidely. "Come home and I'll put it back."

"I'm not coming back, Patrick."

There's a moment of silence. "You'll get your ass home and apologize, you no-good sack of shit. Do not make me come up there and drag you home."

"Put the money back into my account…or I will call the police."

I catch sight of my reflection in the store window. I'm ever so slightly hunched, and the hand not holding the phone is wrapped around my middle.

"Like my brother will allow anything to happen. He'll pull all the right strings."

A squad car drives by the store, and I'm suddenly inspired. I force myself to stand tall. "I'm not calling the police there. I'm calling the police here, where they don't give a shit who your brother is. I'll show them my face and tell them how once I left you, you went into my bank account without permission and took my money."

The silence is a roaring whoosh in my ear, right up until Patrick disconnects the phone.

I'm not sure what I've done, but despite my moment of bravery, I'm pretty sure this isn't the end.