Chapter 33

Gordon blew out a relieved breath when Ada June and Mira came out of the trees. Ever since Mira had lost her way on that first Sunday in Sourwood, he felt uneasy whenever she ventured out without him. Not that she would get lost like that again. Especially not in the daytime.

He had no real reason to worry about her, but he did. He knew the Bible said prayer could defeat worry. He should trust her comings and goings to the Lord. Cover her with prayer. That he did. Every day.

He had always thought being married would be easy. His parents had a wonderful marriage. His sister, Julie, and her husband seemed made for one another. Pastor Haskell and Aunt Stella were a powerful couple living for the Lord.

But Gordon was beset by doubts. Not about being married himself. He felt blessed continually to have Mira as his wife, but was she happy? Would she have found more happiness in the city? She gave every indication she liked teaching the Sourwood children, but lately she looked so tired at the end of the day. Was teaching such a large group of children ages six to seventeen too much work for her?

He needed to find ways to encourage her and show her more love, but would love ever kindle in her heart? His thoughts swirled back and forth. His uncertainty about a place in Mira's heart seemed to allow other doubts to poke at him. Were his sermons losing some fire? He studied his Bible. He prayed for inspired messages, but some Sundays he worried his words might be flying out the church windows without stopping to rest in the first person's head.

He surely did fall short at times. All men did. But most of those in Sourwood had embraced him as their pastor. They brought him their troubles, asked his advice, coveted his prayers as he coveted theirs. Best of all, the church benches were a little more crowded every week.

Plus they had a school. They had a teacher. He had a wife. All that was good. He should be on a mountain of joy instead of sinking into a valley of worry. He had no reason to allow doubts to shadow this blessed path the Lord had set him on. Better to trust in the sunshine of the Lord's love to make those shadows vanish. Gordon needed to push his worries aside and not let Mira's hesitation to answer Pastor Haskell when he read the marriage vows linger in his mind. She had answered. Had promised to take him as her wedded husband for better or worse, to love and cherish. With the Lord's help.

Did he doubt the Lord would supply that help after being so sure the Lord was the one who put them in front of Pastor Haskell to say those vows? And hadn't he said the same? With the Lord's help.

Mira gave him no reason for his doubts. She had promised forever. Till death parted them. She was keeping her promise to be his wife, but even when he held her close and his love for her warmed every inch of his body, she seemed to stay apart. She whispered no words of affection.

He expected too much. Just because love had bloomed abundantly in his heart didn't mean it ever would in hers. He couldn't fight her memory of Edward, her one and perhaps only love. He didn't want to replace him. He simply wanted his own small corner of her heart where he could belong. As much as he said he didn't need to hear her words of love, he yearned for them.

Gordon waited on the porch for Mira. Ada June and Bo were with her. They nearly always were. Ada June stayed at their house most all the time now. Nothing for it but to have the dog in the house.

Fact was, he had not only got used to that but liked Bo's company during the school day while he studied for his sermons. His mother would have had a fit, but then she didn't know Ada June. If she had, she might have opened her door to Bo too.

Mira's steps seemed to drag as she came toward the cabin after her wildflower hunt with Ada June and Joseph, who must have headed home. Gordon had spent the last hour wishing he'd gone with them, but he'd had to visit Greg Washburn, who had expressly asked him to come share about Jesus. Then after he got to the Washburn place on the other side of the far hill, a good two-hour walk through rough country, the man didn't recall asking Gordon to come at all.

Some days were like that. Duty before pleasure, but Mira's face showed no sign of pleasure now. Nor did Ada June's. Even Bo was dragging his tail. He always took his mood from Ada June.

Gordon went out to meet them. A wilted flower was stuck in a buttonhole on Mira's blouse. Both Mira and Ada June appeared just as droopy.

"What's wrong?" He moved faster across the yard. "Is one of you hurt?"

"No, no. We're fine." They didn't seem fine as Mira pulled Ada June close to her side. The girl hid her face against Mira's sleeve. "We went by Elsinore's. You need to go see her."

Relief whispered through him. "All right. I'll go first thing tomorrow."

"I think you should go on now." Mira's eyes were sad.

Ada June turned her face toward him. "She's sinking, Preacher Gordon. Don't seem to want to see the sun again."

"Is anyone with her?"

"Mr. Perry and his mother," Mira said. "Mrs. Perry encouraged us to leave."

"I see." He did see. At times the mountain people were ready to close ranks against any they considered outsiders.

Ada June pulled away from Mira to grab his arm. "Please, Preacher Gordon. Jesus could heal her, couldn't he?"

Her cheeks were wet with tears, something he didn't see often with Ada June.

He squatted down in front of her to be eye to eye. "The Lord can do miraculous healings, but that doesn't always happen."

"Why not? Don't you say that if we pray, the Lord will hear?" Her mouth straightened out into a determined line.

Mira put her hands on Ada June's shoulders. Gordon slid his gaze up at her. He could tell she was hoping for the same assurance.

He searched for the right words. "The Lord knows how much you care and he does hear our every prayer. But sometimes his answer isn't what we want."

"But it might be." Ada June seemed to be daring him to deny that.

"You're right. It might be. Let's all three of us pray right now."

Ada June nodded as Mira kept a grip on the girl's shoulders. Gordon stood up and put one arm around Mira and the other around Ada June. Instead of bowing his head, he stared up toward heaven. The sun had gone to the other side of the hill, and the sky was going from the blue of day to deep evening blue.

A silent prayer for wisdom rose from him before he started praying aloud. "Please, Lord, restore the health of our dear sister, Elsinore. Trouble and sickness have laid her low, but you, Lord, have the power to defeat all sorrows of the world." He took a breath and tightened his arm around Ada June before he went on. "Be with those of us who love Elsinore, but your will, Lord, and not ours."

"Why'd you have to say that?" Ada June jerked away from Gordon to glare at him. "Everybody dies when people say that."

She turned and ran away from them.

"Ada June!" Mira's voice was stern.

Ada June slowed for a couple of steps but then ran faster.

When Mira started after her, Gordon put his hand on her arm. "Let her go."

Mira didn't pull away from him as she stared toward where Ada June disappeared into the woods. "She wants to believe in miracles."

"I know. Poor child hasn't had many of those in her life. Other than Bo." Gordon hesitated. "And you."

Mira let out a shaky breath. "But this is so hard for her. I want to help her."

"You already have, and should Elsinore pass on, you'll help her then too. Give her time to think things through." He stroked Mira's cheek. "Go rest. You look exhausted. She will be ready for your hugs again tomorrow."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." He studied her face. She looked pale. He hoped she hadn't caught Elsinore's sickness. She'd been with her almost every day, but she'd shown no sign of illness until the last few days. "Don't worry. Ada June is a tough girl, but I'll try to find her."

He wanted to stay with Mira, comfort her, but others needed him more. He leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Don't wait up. I may be late, according to the need."

Mira watched Gordon walk toward the path that led to Elsinore's cabin. Ada June had gone into the trees at a different place. He'd go pray for Elsinore before he looked for the girl. That was only right.

Mira hesitated. Perhaps she should follow Ada June, try to find her. But what would more likely happen would be that Mira would get lost as night fell faster under the trees.

Gordon was right. She was exhausted. She could barely put one foot in front of the other to move on toward the porch. Once there, she sank down on the top step as darkness crept over the hills and settled around her.

She should fix Gordon's supper. He could be hungry when he came back. If he came back before morning. He might stay to be a comfort to Elsinore. Mira wished she was there to be with the girl. More girl than woman. Only sixteen. And so ready to leave this world. And her baby. Mira felt too sad for more tears.

Dear Lord.She started a prayer, but what could she say more than what Gordon already had. The Lord knew the sadness of her heart. The sadness of Ada June's heart. He knew Selinda needed a mother. Mira wanted to believe he would send down a healing touch.

She needed to go see to the fire. Heat up the leftover beans. The thought of food made her stomach heave.

Pulling in a deep breath, she faced the thought she had been pushing aside since she left Elsinore's house. How could Granny Perry know more about Mira's body than Mira did? More important, could it be true?

Everything had been such a busy whirl since she got to Sourwood. Even before the schoolhouse was completed, she'd started teaching Ada June and Joseph. Some of the time, Emmy Lou was there too. Along with that, she'd been trying to figure out what a preacher's wife should or shouldn't do.

She thought back through her months in Sourwood. If only she had a calendar. The one she'd brought from the city was on the wall at the schoolhouse, but no need to make the trek over to see it. She knew the date. Friday, April 15, 1910. She had come to Sourwood January 8.

Her cycle had never been regular. What with the stress of adjusting to her new life and getting ready for school, she had paid no notice to missing a month. Or had it been two?

She closed her eyes and thought back. Was it late January or early February that she had to break the ice in the creek to get water to wash her sanitary cloths? She hadn't wanted to ask Gordon for help with that. So many things she felt uncomfortable sharing with him.

She sensed he felt the same. At times, he looked troubled when he came in from visiting, but he never shared about the people other than to mention a name when they prayed together. She looked forward to their prayer time in the mornings before she headed to the school. While she didn't say her own prayers aloud, she united her silent thoughts with his spoken ones.

Was this one of her unspoken prayers being answered? Was her story like some of the Bible stories of barren women blessed with a baby on the way? A smile slipped across her face.

The night was velvet around her now. She didn't always notice the sound of the creek during the day, but now the water tumbling over rocks soothed her. The spring peeper frogs filled the air with their celebration of spring. A whip-poor-will sang its name. The sound tugged at her heart. She stood to go inside. Still weary to the bone, but joyful in the spirit despite her worry about Elsinore and Ada June.

After fixing the fire and lighting a lamp, she picked up her mother's ceramic bluebird off the mantel and sat in the rocking chair.

Would she soon be rocking a baby in this chair? Not Emmy Lou or Selinda, but her own baby. Hers and Gordon's. Would Gordon be happy? He had never mentioned a desire for children. He wouldn't. Not and add to the challenges she already felt being a wife and a teacher. Would she be able to keep teaching? In the city, they didn't allow married teachers, much less teachers in the family way.

The family way. She ran her fingers along the bluebird's wings. The bluebird of happiness. She whispered a prayer of thanksgiving for this new life beginning inside her and a fervent prayer of appeal for Elsinore to have more time with Selinda.

She set the bird back on the mantel and moved the kettle of beans closer to the fire in case Gordon was hungry when he came in. She lacked any appetite, but touched her middle and promised the new life inside her she would eat come morning.

After she blew out the lamp, the fire's glow gave enough light for her to make her way to the bedroom. She left the door open to keep the room from complete darkness.

With no idea of the time, she woke when Gordon came to bed. He patted her shoulder and whispered for her to go back to sleep.

Mira pushed away the grogginess of sleep. "But Elsinore?" She didn't turn toward him as she held her breath and waited for his answer.

"Her breathing seemed a bit easier. I will go back in the morning. The women have gathered with her." His words were a whisper against her hair.

"The women?"

"Miss Nicey Jane and Miss Effie came to sit with Granny Perry. Horace is splitting wood by moonlight."

"Splitting wood?" Surely she heard him wrong.

"The poor man needed to do something and the half moon is up now."

"Oh. Did Ada June come in?" She hadn't heard her, but she often slipped into the house without waking Mira.

"No."

Guilt stabbed Mira. She should have gone after her. "Did you find her?"

"I looked, but no."

"Where could she be?"

"Maybe she went to Miss Dottie's. Or she might want to stay in the woods tonight."

"All alone." Sadness filled her.

Gordon smoothed her hair. "Not alone. Bo is with her. The Lord is with her. Before you came, she slept out in the woods more than she stayed inside."

"I know, but—"

"Shh. She'll be fine. I'll find her in the morning." He kissed her cheek. "Rest now. You have looked tired this week."

She should have told him then, but she didn't. It didn't seem the right time. Not with her worries about Elsinore and Ada June.