Chapter 13

thirteen

Regan didn't consider herself the type to suffer in silence.

Regan also didn't know if she was suffering.

Because, frankly, Regan had no fucking clue what the hell was going on in her own mind. In her own body , which was a first for her.

All she knew for certain was that last night, she'd been acting super, duper normally – as a friend! – and complimenting Emma's body. That was the kind of thing Regan did for her friends all the time!

She couldn't even count the number of occurrences over the years in which Sutton had been fretting over something in the mirror, and she'd swooped in to dissuade any and all self-conscious notions from her best friend's mind. She'd done the same for other friends over the years; just the other day, Beth had been lamenting about how she'd spotted a gray hair, and Regan had hyped her up: tons of women wore their naturally gray hair and were totally fucking gorgeous! Aging was normal! Why was it sexy when men started to gray at their temples, but not women?!

Hell, Regan did that for customers. For the random woman she shared an elevator with at the gynecologist – hey, your legs look great in that dress !

Regan merely viewed that as her job as a woman. Who else would be there to hype one another up, sincerely and genuinely, without expecting anything in return, if not for other women?!

She'd believed she'd been doing that with Emma at the bookstore.

Yeah, she understood that Emma was implying that she wasn't as attractive as someone who was waif-like . But she honestly hadn't understood why Emma would think that.

Fine, Emma wasn't, like, super thin – big deal.

Regan had never been captivated by another woman's physique the way she was by Emma's. She was voluptuous and curvy, and her clothing clung to her in a ridiculously hot way, and Regan intended to say that.

Hype woman!

Only… she hadn't been able to get the words out. Not in any normal sort of way.

Because, as she'd stared at Emma's body, she hadn't just felt the need to hype Emma up. She'd felt – she'd felt .

Her heart had skipped a beat, and she felt a heat start to simmer low in her stomach. That tingling awareness had started buzzing through her body, and she hadn't truly recognized it for what it was until she'd realized she was feeling attraction. While staring down Emma's shirt, like a perv.

And that insistent, heart-pounding feeling hadn't faded as soon as it arrived.

It had remained throughout their walk back home as they'd gone down the hallway to their respective bedrooms. When Regan realized her eyes had fallen to Emma's butt as she'd walked in front of her –

How often did that happen?! She didn't even know! Was it brand new?

– she was grateful, for once, that Emma proclaimed to be too tired to do anything other than fall into bed with one of her new books as soon as they'd returned home.

Regan had her own thoughts to ponder.

Like, how did she know if she was attracted to women?

The thought had kept her up for most of the night. It had her pacing back and forth in her room this morning.

Google was surprisingly unhelpful; Regan had taken all sorts of quizzes before about whether she was a lesbian! Obviously, they hadn't gotten her anywhere so far.

She clutched her phone tightly, staring down at Sutton's contact info. She'd very nearly hit that call button, oh, only about a hundred times in the last ten hours.

How was she supposed to get through this situation without Sutton's input?!

Finally, she hit the call icon.

Doubt seeped in, though, by the very first ring.

How could she call Sutton and get her honest thoughts when Regan couldn't tell her the truth? Because Sutton didn't know that Emma was attracted to women, and Regan couldn't – wouldn't – break Emma's confidence, even if she didn't understand her need to be so cloak and dagger.

Another ring.

And Regan knew herself; she knew there was no way she could even begin to assess this situation with Sutton and omit any details. Even if she tried to, Sutton would know she wasn't telling the truth.

"Damn you, Sutton Spencer, and your truth-seeking eyes," she muttered, canceling the call.

She startled as her phone started buzzing in her hand.

Incoming call – Sutton, The One and Only.

Regan bared her teeth down at her phone, indecision warring, before she picked it up. She couldn't start screening Sutton's calls; she was already in the midst of a personal crisis! If she had sent Sutton to voicemail, she wouldn't know who she was anymore.

"Hiiii," she sang out brightly.

There was a beat of quiet before Sutton questioningly spoke. "Hey. Is everything okay?"

"Ha. Ha. Yeah. Why wouldn't it be?" Regan asked, feeling pretty good about herself for turning the question back on Sutton.

"Um, because you just called me but then hung up before I could answer? Was it a butt-dial?"

Right. "Yes. Yes, my ginger sunflower, it was a butt-dial. Just me and my silly ass, literally."

Sutton hummed, the sound full of disbelief. "And everything is okay with Emma?"

Regan's eyes widened as she pulled the phone away from her ear and stared at it, baffled; did her best friend develop some sort of ESP?! "I – what did you hear? What's on your mind?"

"Nothing…? All you've said in the last week or so is that you two are peachy keen ." Sutton's tone was full of suspicion as she quoted the exact phrase Regan had texted her regarding the state of her and Emma's relationship.

Friendship , that was. Friend relationship.

"Because it is! It's peachy keen." Which, actually, wasn't even a lie.

"Uh huh," Sutton shortly hummed. The skepticism was so loud that it rang in Regan's ears. "So, what did you do last night? You didn't answer my texts."

Seriously, had Sutton developed some sort of brain link with her?!

Because Sutton was still being kept in the dark regarding the "dating" situation with Emma's family so, naturally, Regan wasn't able to tell her what her Saturday night plans were.

"Yeah. Sorry about that. Nothing to worry about; I just turned my notifications off for the night because Audrey was being Audrey." Which – again – was the truth.

"Aw, I'm so sorry," Sutton's disbelief immediately melted into sheer sympathy. "Was she rude to you?"

"Is the sky blue?" Regan joked.

"I feel so awful saying this, but I really can't stand her." The muted anger in Sutton's voice made Regan feel supported, as always. After all, if anyone understood her and had her back with her family, it was Sutton. Granted, Regan's sour feelings about Audrey yesterday had long faded by now.

"You and me, both. But it's fine. I'm all right."

Which was true. Because the realization that she might be attracted to Emma had overshadowed Audrey's texts. Like, by a lot. By a whole lot.

"I feel so bad that I won't be there with all of her wedding stuff happening. I want you to call me if you need me, even though I'm in a different time zone. Okay?"

Comforted by how genuine she knew Sutton was in that, she found herself smiling. "I will. Even if it's two in the morning your time and you're having phone sex with Charlo–"

Regan cut herself off with a gasp, her eyes widening as the idea struck her.

Sutton groaned. "I already told you; we are not discussing my phone sex life with Charlotte."

"Yes. Yes, shame on me for bringing it up. I should hang up and think about what I've done. That's what I'm going to do. Love you, starfish, kick ass!"

Sutton barely managed a confused goodbye before Regan hung up. Quickly, her anticipation mounting, she scrolled through her contacts until she came to the right person.

She needed help. And it so happened that she knew a lesbian guru.

Regan – 8:08 AM

Heyyyy what are you up to today?

Given that your hot gf is out of the country, I figured you might be available

Esp for the best friend of your hot gf who is in need of some serious counseling rn

SAPPHIC counseling!

Stunning Charlotte Thompson – 8:14 AM

You know, I distinctly recall when I gave you my number in March that it was for emergencies.

Regan – 8:15 AM

First and foremost, I am experiencing an emergency

Second and secondmost, if my memory serves, I was there for you on the worst night of your life and then played an integral part in you winning back the love of your life…

I feel like that kind of warrants us being text pals on occasion

Stunning Charlotte Thompson – 8:19 AM

Fine. You have my attention.

But I would like to stress that this number is private.

Regan – 8:20 AM

What do you think I'm gonna do, write your # in sharpie in a bathroom stall and write: call for a good time?

In fairness, Regan had that thought – and other similar ones – when Charlotte had broken Sutton's heart six months ago. But she'd never do that to Charlotte, now .

Stunning Charlotte Thompson – 8:27 AM

I think it's better if I refrain from answering that.

Regan was usually totally thrilled to engage in a little texting banter with a friend. Or whatever Charlotte was to her.

But right now, she felt so antsy. Just the very thought that Emma was sleeping across the hall and could get up at any moment – granted, Emma didn't normally rise so early, but you never know! – made her feel like she was ready to climb out of her skin.

Regan – 8:27 AM

Charlotte, are you available today?

Regan had never been inside Charlotte's apartment before.

It had the startlingly similar feeling of running into a teacher outside of school. Like she was getting a glimpse at the private life of someone she had no business seeing.

Only, this was her best friend's girlfriend, which meant Regan – in her opinion – had the right.

There was a lack of personal items on display, though Regan supposed that didn't shock her.

She paused when she got to the only framed photo in the living room that wasn't professional artwork, and she grinned down at it. A picture of Sutton laughing, which looked very familiar. In fact… Regan bent down to get a better look at it.

"If you're satisfied poking around in my personal business," Charlotte drawled from where she sat at her kitchen island, watching Regan roam around her home. "Maybe we could discuss why you were contacting me before nine in the morning on a weekend, proclaiming to have an emergency?"

Regan sent her an impish smile over her shoulder, pointing at the picture beside her. "I took this, you know. And I put it up on SapphicSpark. Safe to say I made a good choice, huh?"

Charlotte sipped on her coffee, giving Regan a measured look over the rim of her mug. After she swallowed, she hummed. "Yes. You very obviously made a good choice, though I'm not sure it would be possible to pick a bad picture of Sutton."

Oh, there it was. Beneath whatever exterior Charlotte put on when Sutton wasn't around, even talking about her made the corniness jump right out. Regan loved it.

"You fucking sap."

Charlotte didn't verbally disagree. Instead, she nailed Regan with one of her serious stares and asked, "Am I mistaken, or did you state that you needed sapphic counseling ? What in the world do you mean by that?"

Oh, right.

Immediately, the reminder of her current sapphic dilemma – dilEMMA – rushed back to the forefront of her mind, bringing with it the jangling of her nerves.

She could feel her face heat, not from embarrassment but simply from the image of Emma that popped into her mind's eye.

"How do you know if you're attracted to women? Like, how do I know if I'm attracted to women?"

Charlotte's eyebrows both lifted in obvious surprise. Normally, surprising Charlotte would have made Regan feel pretty good, but right now, her own conundrum was all she could focus on.

"Is this hypothetical or…?"

Regan shook her head. "Totally not hypothetical."

Charlotte pursed her lips, delicately clearing her throat, as she set down her coffee mug. "I do feel the need to ask before we go any further: this has nothing to do with Sutton or me?"

Regan reeled back with a disgusted grimace. "Ew! No!"

" Ew ?"

"Sutton is like my sister! Only closer , because Sutton and I actually like one another. And you're…" She stared critically at Charlotte, some revulsion fading as she took a few steps closer.

She kept her eyes trained on Charlotte's face, carefully studying her.

Charlotte Thompson was incredibly attractive; Regan had known that since she'd first seen her profile on SapphicSpark. She had big, doe eyes that had a knowing gleam to them, a small, straight nose, and full lips. Her skin was flawless, as was her long, wavy brown hair.

Humming to herself, Regan ran her gaze down Charlotte's body appraisingly. Yeah, her body looked great, too.

But Regan didn't feel anything. None of the urges and desires that had swiftly entered her mind last night when she'd been looking at Emma.

Stumped, Regan crossed her arms over her waist, sighing to herself.

"Should I pretend that you didn't just blatantly check me out?" Charlotte asked incredulously.

Regan met her incredulous level. "Only to check and see if I was attracted to you!"

"That is generally why someone checks out another person, yes."

"Well, I'm not. So, don't go letting your ego get any more inflated."

Charlotte closed her eyes, reaching up to pinch the bridge of her nose. "Regan. Please, I truly beg of you, will you explain yourself? If you want advice, I need context."

She could literally feel the words bubbling up in her throat, the desire to spill the beans and try to find more insight into whatever was going on inside her overwhelming.

"Okay, so I've been spending a lot of time with this woman lately. That I know from the café," she rushed to add on because it technically was the truth – that was how she'd first met Emma – but also because she felt it would help throw Charlotte off from connecting any dots to the fact that she was, in fact, referencing Emma. "And when we were hanging out, I was complimenting her. You know, the way I do. Like, with Sutton – in a friendly way," she emphasized, lest Charlotte ask any other ridiculous questions.

"Yes, I have heard the many interesting complimentary choices," Charlotte confirmed, motioning for Regan to continue with a regal wave of her hand. "Very sweet, but very fascinating at times."

Regan could accept that.

"I was going to just… just be honest with her. Trying to make her feel a little confidence boost because I do think that she is really attractive."

As she spoke, she replayed the moment with Emma in her mind. The intention she'd had, the way she'd looked at Emma with platonic intentions, but her thoughts had then been… intercepted. By something very not platonic.

"But I felt – I felt – it didn't feel how I feel when I compliment Sutton. Or when I just checked you out."

"And… what did you feel?" Charlotte pressed coaxingly.

Regan swallowed thickly. "I felt like I didn't just want to compliment her thighs or her boobs, but I wanted to touch them. Like, I didn't want her to just think I was saying these words for the sake of saying them. I felt like," she licked her lips, "Like she had no business feeling bad about herself in any way because she looked sexy . And I didn't just think, objectively, she was sexy. I felt like she was."

Even saying those words made her feel dazed all over again.

"That certainly sounds very telling," Charlotte commented after several beats.

Regan stared. "That's all you have to say?"

Charlotte matched her stare easily. "What else would you like me to tell you?"

Tossing her arms in the air, Regan resumed her pacing from this morning. "I don't know! You're the expert here. You're the one who was essentially tutoring Sutton in the art of dating." She frowned. "Then again, you didn't do that great of a job, given that she never went on any dates with anyone else."

"She went speed dating," Charlotte corrected, her voice dipping to a jealous mutter.

"You know what I mean." Besides, Regan had signed Sutton up for that, so it didn't even really count.

"Regan, the difference between my interactions with Sutton in the beginning, other than the obvious–"

"That you desperately wanted to make passionate love to her."

Charlotte's nose wrinkled up in disdain. "I was going to say that I was interested in her."

"To-may-to, to-mah-to."

Charlotte took to ignoring her, then. "As I was saying, the difference is that when Sutton wanted my advice, she knew for a fact that she was attracted to women. What you're asking my advice on is a far more difficult subject."

Confused, Regan slowly paused her pacing. "Why?"

Charlotte stared critically at her for several moments, and Regan nearly squirmed. She had to hand it to Charlotte; she had an incredibly direct stare. One that made Regan feel seen from the inside out. What a skill to have.

"Because – there simply is no one size fits all here," Charlotte explained before taking another sip from her mug. She seemed too calm right now, especially given the storm Regan was feeling inside.

She waited several more seconds to see what other sage wisdom Charlotte would offer, only to be met with quiet.

"That's all you have to say?!"

This time, Charlotte let out a quietly amused chuckle. "There is no real answer, Regan. I can't tell you if you're attracted to women or not. Or even if you're attracted to this woman or not."

Regan stared at her dismally. "Charlotte, please. You want to be a leader of our country. I need more leadership right now. Win my vote."

Charlotte seemed to take her statement seriously. Seemingly as a challenge. She focused that intense stare on Regan, tilting her head slightly as she asked, "Fine. Why are you doubting this? My intuition about you is that you typically follow your feelings without fear. Why is this different?"

Huh. Okay, that was a good starting point. Regan's eyebrows furrowed in thought as she slowly resumed her strides back and forth across Charlotte's living room.

"I think… I think it's because – shouldn't I know , by now? Shouldn't I have figured it out?" She demanded from both of them and the universe. "If I'm queer, shouldn't I know ? I was with Sutton every step of the way through her sapphic self-discovery. I did all of the research for her on different queer dating apps–"

"Appreciated," Charlotte interjected.

"You're welcome," she answered easily, continuing without missing a beat. "But none of it made me feel like I was missing a piece of myself. Shouldn't I have felt some sort of… stirring, too?" She challenged, her hands falling to her hips as she faced Charlotte. "Shouldn't I have felt my awakening, then?"

"It's not some sort of sixth-sense tingling," Charlotte's amusement was clear in her tone, even if her small smirk was reserved. "And just because you witnessed Sutton going through something doesn't mean you'd have felt the same way."

Regan wondered if, in some way, maybe watching Sutton go through her self-discovery journey had made Regan totally dismiss the idea for herself. She'd been fully focused on working with Sutton through her newly realized bisexuality and becoming the number one best friend ally. She hadn't contemplated her own sexuality at all. Not really.

"When did you know that you were into women?" She asked, shaking her head.

"Middle school," Charlotte answered unthinkingly.

"Exactly!"

"I'm also not attracted to men in the slightest, so that may have facilitated my discovery. If you are attracted to men, it makes sense that it might have taken you longer. That's a very normal thing," Charlotte informed her, her voice softening. Enough that Regan did feel comforted. "Sexuality is fluid; it's a scale. You are – bafflingly – attracted to men. Maybe your sexuality scale is ninety percent men, ten percent women, or an even smaller percentage. It's not one-size-fits-all. Some women don't even realize they are full-fledged lesbians until they're decades older than you are."

Regan felt like some of the wind was taken out of her sails, abruptly feeling very aware that she'd gotten very little sleep all night.

"That's not exactly the information I'd hoped to hear, but I guess it makes sense. Guess I'm luckier than the women that don't figure their shit out until they're even older than I am."

"What I can say," Charlotte aimed a look at her. "Is that – even if you've never experienced this kind of attraction before, it doesn't mean it's invalid. Sometimes that's how it is. Maybe you really haven't been attracted to women before. Maybe there's something about this person. Maybe it was just something you felt in the moment and isn't going to be replicated. None of those potential avenues are wrong."

Regan ultimately collapsed onto Charlotte's couch, blowing out a long-suffering breath. "What would you do, then? What do I do now?" That was really what Regan needed a guiding light for, she supposed. What was the appropriate next step? "That's something you can help with, right?"

Charlotte softly sighed, slowly standing from the island and coming to join her on the sofa. "First, you continue to hang out with this friend. See if you feel those same… stirrings again. If you do, then you'll have your answer."

Regan blew out a breath, slumping down on the couch even more as she stared blankly ahead. "God, this sapphic shit is exhausting."

She felt better going home than when she'd left in the morning, at the very least.

After all, Regan felt her emotions very strongly. Maybe last night had been a strange one-off. It could happen, according to her conversation with Charlotte. And she had no reason to doubt Charlotte, who was a veritable lesbian lothario. Pre-Sutton, of course.

Regan took a deep breath as she entered the apartment, feeling nervous anticipation weigh heavily in the pit of her stomach.

Honestly, she didn't even know what she wanted to be the outcome here.

Everything would probably be way simpler, clearer, and better if she didn't have any attraction to Emma, she decided as she toed her shoes off.

And that was probably the reality she should expect, she reasoned with herself. Why should she believe that the way she viewed Emma was fundamentally altered? It was probably a fluke, a weird one-time response.

Walking down the hall into the kitchen, she came to a stumbling stop.

Emma sat at their table, wearing a black tank top as she pressed one of Regan's small gel ice packs – she'd found them online, all in bright colors with little slogans on them – against the bare skin of her neck.

Her hair was thrown up in a bun on the top of her head, and she wore a pair of wide-framed glasses, and… fine, yeah. Okay, so she was attractive. That was true. But –

Regan's throat ran dry as Emma slowly slid the ice pack down her neck, and she choked on the sharp inhale she'd just taken.

Because there it was.

That same feeling from last night. This insanely strong urge to replace Emma's own hand with her own as that ice pack slid over her warm, soft skin.

Emma lifted her gaze away from her computer as Regan choked on nothing. "Are you all right?"

Regan wheezed. "I'm fine! Fine, I am. Why do you ask?"

Attention completely off of her work, Emma sat up straight in the chair, eyeing Regan closely. "Because you're standing in the doorway, staring at me, sounding like you can't breathe?" She offered, drawing out the words slowly. "On top of that, last night you took an intense fall to the ground, and – based on how you've been acting ever since – I'm still not convinced you didn't whack your head."

"Oh. Right. That makes sense, then, why you'd be concerned." She paused for only a second, unable to take her gaze off Emma. "You are concerned, right? About me."

Emma's blue eyes – Regan really was constantly amazed by her eyes. Seriously, so crystal clear. Stunningly so – narrowed in suspicion. "No, I'm asking about your well-being because I couldn't care less if you keeled over."

A titter of laughter escaped her as she felt her cheeks heat. "Funny. Funny woman."

Regan forced herself to walk past Emma so she could brace her hands on the porcelain edge of the sink. She was attracted to Emma. She was attracted to Emma . A woman she'd known for two years. Her roommate. Her new-found friend.

What did it mean? What happened now? Her mind buzzed with questions, and Regan felt like her veins had been lit up by a sparkler.

"Where were you? I saw that you didn't have work on the calendar," Emma commented.

Regan could feel Emma's eyes on her back, and she couldn't help but wonder what Emma saw when she looked at her .

Emma had said that she'd looked good in her underwear. But – as Regan well-knew – that didn't denote feeling attraction.

"I was hanging out with Charlotte," she pushed herself to answer. Did she sound normal?

"Sutton's Charlotte?" Emma clarified, sounding surprised.

"The one and only. Why? Did you miss me?" She couldn't help but ask, meaning to tease, not feel like she was invested in the answer.

But… she hoped Emma missed her. At the very least, she liked that Emma had thought about Regan when she'd been gone. Because she thought about Emma when she wasn't home.

"Desperately," Emma dryly responded. "I just didn't realize you two were friends. Like, hang out without Sutton there to buffer kind of friends."

Regan shrugged. "It's a relatively new development."

There were a lot of those going around in Regan's life.

Speaking of Charlotte, Regan pulled her phone out of her pocket.

Regan – 2:34 PM

Mayday, captain, mayday!

The attraction is REAL and verified

Looks like I'm in the club

Regan spun around, finding that she needed to face Emma. To be able to look at her, to take her in. To try to make sense of this attraction or brush it off or…

Or immediately dip her gaze to Emma's chest.

"Have you always worn such low-cut tops?" She demanded to know. She could see the cups of her bra, and… yeah. Wow.

Emma really did favor those pretty bras, like the red one she'd been wearing in the kitchen last month when she hadn't expected Regan to be home early from work.

Regan's mind conjured that image in perfect clarity as if playing on a tape.

Oh, wow .

Had she been attracted to Emma, even then?! Was that why she could picture every time she'd seen Emma in any state of undress so easily? That was definitely not normal; she couldn't summon an image of any of her other friends in specific bathing suits or similar attire for the life of her.

"What?" Emma spun around in her chair, draping her arm over the back to stare at Regan above the frames of her glasses. "Did you seriously just ask what I think you asked?"

Regan forced herself to stop staring at Emma's chest like a perv, which honestly wasn't that difficult. Because she found that exciting, buzzy zing continued thrumming through her when she was also looking at Emma's face.

Had she always found glasses to be so attractive? That was something she was going to need to look into.

"Do you always wear glasses?" She asked.

"Yes – I mean, kind of," Emma corrected, still frowning concernedly at Regan. "I've had them since I was little, but I normally wear my contacts." She rolled her lips before softly confessing, "Last night was… emotional for me."

"Better to give your eyes a break after you cry," Regan surmised, feeling her emotions pitch out of heat and into sympathy.

Emma's cheeks turned pink as she cleared her throat and turned back to her laptop. "Ah, yeah. Ergo, the glasses."

"They look really good. You should wear them more." She couldn't hold the comment in. Really, she couldn't.

Emma spun back around quickly, eyeing her closely as the color on her cheeks deepened. "The compliments – enough with them. Seriously. And what did you say about my shirts? What, would you prefer me to change into something else?"

"No!" Regan all but shouted as she jumped forward, as if propelled by an invisible force.

She found herself standing in the middle of the kitchen, dropping her hands listlessly to fall on her thighs as she stared at Emma.

Who stared at Regan with nothing short of alarmed confusion.

"That is to say, no. You should wear what you feel comfortable in. Always. But especially here, at home. Of course."

"Of course," Emma repeated skeptically.

Regan hadn't even registered that she was still clutching her phone until it vibrated in her hand.

Stunning Charlotte Thompson – 2:37 PM

Congratulations. I will personally send you a toaster.

Regan – 2:37 PM

Charlotte, this is no time to talk about random kitchen equipment!

This is a MAYDAY

What do I DO now!!!

BTW we really need to talk about your text response times. Like what if there's a national emergency – and you take 5+ minutes to see it?!

"Uh, so," Emma started, easily regaining her full attention.

Regan licked her lips as she stared at the way Emma drew her own bottom lip between her teeth. She'd always admired how full Emma's mouth was.

She supposed now she understood why.

"I talked to my gram earlier today. She heard all about our dinner from Kimberly, and she, ah, she really wants to meet you now." Emma blew out a deep breath, as if she'd been preparing herself for this. "Is there any time next weekend that you're free?"

Regan could only stare for several beats as her heart rate doubled. Amidst this whole realizing she was attracted to Emma aspect of her life, she'd forgotten that she was also Emma's fake girlfriend . Oh, wow.

Real attraction for a fake girlfriend. Not on her bingo card!

"It's fine if you're not." Emma frowned as she tapped her fingers lightly against the edge of the table, looking uncomfortable. "And, really, it's fine if you don't want to do it again. You going out of your way to meet Kimberly for dinner was enough. I can–"

"No!" She asserted again, far too loudly, as she took another step forward. She was only a foot away from Emma now. "I mean, no. I'd love to meet your grandmother; I told you that before. I'm free all next weekend. Just tell me when, and I'll be there."

She grimaced, the day's excitement dimming slightly as she remembered Audrey's weird brunch. "Except for Saturday, late morning and early afternoon. But any time other than that, I'm yours."

The smile that bloomed on Emma's face was tentative, sweet, and far more than enough to shake Regan out of any stressful Audrey thoughts. "Thank you so much. Really. How's Friday? I checked your work schedule – off by one? You're doing the morning shift?"

Regan nodded; honestly, she didn't have her work schedule memorized that far in advance, but she believed that Emma and her love of schedules properly checked their calendar, so…

"Allegra is taking that afternoon off; she's going to the Hamptons for the weekend. I'll be home around lunch. So, we can plan to leave here by three?"

"That sounds great. Consider it booked."

And it really did sound great.

She was eager – really eager – to meet Emma's grandmother. She'd felt that way before she'd become aware of this tingling attraction.

Now, she felt even more excitement around meeting the woman who'd shaped Emma so completely!

Stunning Charlotte Thompson – 2:41 PM

Are you likening your sexual awakening to a national emergency?

Regan – 2:41 PM

It is for the sovereign nation of Regan C. Gallagher

Stunning Charlotte Thompson – 2:42 PM

Shockingly, I am unfamiliar with that country. I should clearly brush up on my world geography.

Regan – 2:42 PM

Yes. But FIRST – WHAT HAPPENS NOW

She was shocked and elated when she saw that Charlotte was writing back to her already.

Stunning Charlotte Thompson – 2:43 PM

What happens when you're attracted to anyone? I assume you've had romantic encounters before?

Apologies. I do forget that figuring out women for the first time can be… scarier.

First, you need to decide if you want more. If not, then your quandary ends there. If you do, then you'll need to discover if they want more.

Did Regan want more? She stared at Emma, who was also texting. Presumably her grandmother, to solidify their Friday plans.

Wanting more with Emma would make things infinitely more difficult.

They were forming a real friendship. Something that made Regan feel good . Made her feel seen. Made her feel heard, funny, and useful.

They were roommates. Something blowing up could make living together incredibly awkward and uncomfortable. That had the potential to be very, very bad.

And yet…

Regan – 2:44 PM

And, if I did decide I want more… what do I do next?

Stunning Charlotte Thompson – 2:45 PM

You'll need to figure out if she feels the same attraction. Subtle looks and touches can usually do the trick. Figure out what she's looking for, what she likes. It can all be very casual.

Regan – 2:45 PM

aye aye cap'n. Appreciated. Seriously

She slipped her phone into her back pocket as she slipped that tidbit of information into the back of her mind.

Because she didn't know what to do about this attraction. And she really didn't know how Emma would respond to it.

Probably not well, Regan could admit to herself. Which should have dampened the electrified draw she was feeling the longer she stayed in the same vicinity as Emma, breathing in the subtle scent of her shampoo.

Should, being the keyword.

And yet, she found herself staring intently at Emma, her thoughts racing…

Did Emma have any sort of attraction to her as well? Did that matter? What –

She snapped back to the moment as Emma pointedly cleared her throat. Regan startled, bumping her hip into the counter, sucking in a breath through gritted teeth at the pain. Damn, between her fall last night and now this, her attraction to Emma was resulting in so many bruises.

"Are you sure you're doing okay?" Emma asked, an urgency in her tone that Regan wasn't sure she'd heard before.

Regan blinked her eyes open, glancing down at Emma's wide-eyed stare. God, she really did look concerned for her. And knowing that felt… nice.

"Totally fine," Regan lied as she gingerly rubbed a hand over her hip.

Physically, she'd be fine. Emotionally and mentally – that remained to be seen.

Emma's doubt was etched into her face as she frowned at Regan. "Why don't we ignore my question, and instead, you go and relax? It seems like you need it."

"Question? What question?"

"When you were spacing out a minute ago, I asked if you wanted to go through the applications with me." Emma gestured at the table, where her laptop, notebook, and an array of papers were spread out in orderly piles. "I have to finish reviewing the portfolios for the Alton Fellowship by Tuesday. Right now, I have them narrowed down to the top two hundred, but Allegra only wants to personally review our top fifty. We move on to interviews in the next couple of weeks. I came up with a system – a rubric – that I think will help decisively make some cuts, and I thought I'd run it by you to get your thoughts."

Regan told herself she should leave; that was the logical decision. She should return to her own room and give Emma time and space to work. She should take some time and space to work through everything herself. Emma was right; she could definitely use some relaxation.

She should go to her room and get her shit together. She shouldn't come out of her room until she was positive that she could act like a normal, functional human being around Emma. Until she was reasonably positive that she could think – yeah, sure, I'm attracted to my roommate and experiencing some sort of sexual awakening because of her, but hey, that's fine!

That would probably be the soundest choice she could make.

"I'd love to," she said, quickly pulling out the chair next to Emma's and sitting down.

The thing was, Regan didn't always make the soundest decisions.

Besides, she'd only just realized she was attracted to Emma, to a woman. What was the harm in letting herself revel in it?