Chapter Five

Camdyn watched her face and calculation in her eyes while Sheena tried to reason out how he had come by the whisky her family distilled. He also did not expect her to admit that it was from them.

MacGregor had sworn that a Scot could tell the difference between whiskies and by the puzzlement in Sheena's eyes, Camdyn now believed him.

Sheena sighed then stared into the fire.

He should just tell her. Come right out and confess everything, but Camdyn knew the risk and the cost if he could not make Sheena understand.

Except, if he didn't face the truth now, he may never do so, which would make him nothing but a coward.

"Though you will not admit it, yes, that is MacGregor whisky, which was given to me by your uncle."

Sheena narrowed her eyes on him and sipped again, taking her time in tasting it. Her mind was working around a plausible explanation but was too careful to say anything that could implicate her family in smuggling.

"We did not intercept a shipment or find out where you make deliveries and confiscate it."

"As we do not smuggle, it would be impossible for you to do so."

It was a lie and they both knew it. And, while their relationship had started off with lies, hers were to protect her family, even if their activities were illegal. His had been far more destructive because he had begun with a fake courtship to obtain information.

"Your uncle did give me a bottle of his whisky," Camdyn insisted.

This caused a frown. "When and why?" she finally asked.

"I requested an audience with him after my father died. I needed to explain so that he understood and then to ask for permission to court you."

"Then you are the one who broke the law by bringing it across the border."

That was her response to his answer?

"Did you hear what I just said?"

"Aye, I did."

"And that is all you have to say? That I am the one who broke the law?"

"I assume ye feel bad for what happened."

"If it was something so simple as guilt, I would not have bothered to call on MacGregor during summer last year or this past one."

Sheena frowned. "Both summers?"

"He refused to see me that first year. He only granted an audience after my father died."

"There was still no reason to do so."

Camdyn wanted to throw his glass into the fireplace because she was so frustrating. "At least he heard me out. He let me explain. You will not even give me the same opportunity."

Sheena stood and marched from her chair. "There is nothing to explain. You admitted why you approached me in London. There is no reason to discuss it further."

He had hurt her, deeply. "My entire life I had listened to my father disparage the MacGregors and blame them for any ill fortune that befell our family. He scorned Scots in general but had a hatred for the MacGregors."

Sheena wheeled to face him. "Why are you telling me this? It doesna matter."

Camdyn stood and looked her in the eyes. "It matters greatly."

She sucked in a breath and stepped back. Admittedly, his tone had been harsh, but she was being stubborn, and it was aggravating. If Sheena would just sit and listen to him.

Camdyn pushed his fingers through his hair. If he were her, he'd not listen to a word that he said or accept any explanation either. Therefore, he needed to be calm, then hope and pray that she understood.

"My father asked me to charm you for information so that he could finally have your family arrested for smuggling. I thought it only fair for the harm they had caused."

"We have harmed no one," Sheena bit out.

"I know," he answered quietly. "I know that now."

He took a drink and welcomed the burn and hoped that it would help calm him and he could manage to say the right words to help her understand. "Then I met you. The prettiest and sweetest miss in London and I found it hard to believe that you came from the family my father hated. The family of smugglers and thieves. And that's when I began to question his motives."

"What did you do?" Sheena sounded curious enough to really want to know instead of dismissing him. Camdyn took it as hope.

"I spoke with a friend I trusted, Jamie," Camdyn answered. "We attended school together."

"Jamie?"

"Jonathan James Trent, brother to Gideon Trent, who is married to your cousin Arabella."

Sheena frowned and her green eyes filled with worry and suspicion. "Did Jamie tell ye we were smugglers?"

"I do not care if you smuggle whisky or anything else in England," he nearly yelled. Whether her family smuggled or not was not the point of this conversation. It was his confession of why he had wronged her.

Sheena took a step back.

"I am just trying to explain my stupidity."

At least she started to smile at that statement. "Do go on." Then she took a sip of the whisky and waited.

"For as long as I can remember, my father had insisted that all MacGregors were bad and not to be trusted. The men and the women. Smugglers and marauders who came in the middle of the night to take what they wanted. If a barn burned, then the MacGregors must have set it. If a prized animal disappeared, or became sick and died, it was the fault of the MacGregors. The stories were so engrained that as a child my deepest fear was the MacGregors crossing over the border and onto our land."

He shook his head and chuckled at his childhood fear.

"Jamie told me that your father was not anything my father had claimed. The last realization of how wrong my father was came when I remembered that your aunt had been a Trent, the dowager countess and well-respected. She would not have married your uncle, or had anything to do with him, had my father been telling me the truth."

"So, a few conversations changed your mind about me and my family."

"You did that all on your own," he answered honestly. "I thought you were all rotten, so I had no guilt in approaching you in the first place, having no idea how very wrong I was. My father was filled with hate for reasons that I will never understand." Camdyn shook his head. "I had no reason not to believe his stories—until I met you."

"I know why your father hates MacGregors," Sheena whispered, still not certain if she believed his confession that he had changed his mind about her.

"I wish someone would inform me. Such hatred is not warranted."

"My uncle Calum knew your father and they were friends at one time…until they fell in love with the same woman. Aunt Jean chose my uncle, and your father has been trying to destroy my family since."

All Camdyn could do was stare at her. He then blinked. "All that hatred and animosity because a lady chose someone else?"

"A miss," Sheena clarified. "A Scottish miss."

"How do you know this?"

"Uncle Aidan told me on our return to Scotland."

"I thought my name and that of my father were forbidden within earshot of you."

How could he possibly know that unless Uncle Aiden had told him?

Sheena still hadn't forgotten what else Camdyn had said about his visit to her uncle—that he wished to court her. It was not something she was prepared to discuss.

"I asked my uncle to explain. Then you were never to be mentioned again."

"I was wrong, Sheena. So very wrong."

Aye, he was, but they could not go back and change things now.

"But I was not wrong for long."

"How long?" she asked.

His blue eyes darkened. "That first supper dance," he answered. "When I first met you, it did not feel right. I could not imagine you were all my father claimed and each time we spoke, I became more convinced and that is what led me to finding my own answers."

His words tugged at her heart and some of the ice that she had packed around it had begun to thaw, but she'd made the mistake of falling for his silver tongue before.

"Do you remember when I practically begged you to go to Gretna Green with me?"

Sheena remembered it well. Every moment of that night was burned into her memory even though there were many times that she wished that she could forget.

Camdyn had wanted to leave that night. She was the one who would not bring shame or scandal to the family. Not that it would've mattered. Her uncle and his father arrived before they could have ever left London.

"I knew that my father would never permit a marriage. I suspected that MacGregor would deny us as well." He stepped forward and reached out. Sheena would not take his hand.

"I had fallen in love with you. I wanted to marry you and I knew that if we made it to Gretna Green and became husband and wife in truth, there was nothing that they could do other than be angry."

Sheena studied his face and searched his eyes for the truth.

He had nearly begged her to go.

Then she noticed something else and frowned. "You have a scar on your cheek. That was not there before." She would have remembered because everything about him had been memorized.

The corner of his mouth tipped a smile so familiar to her. "You gave me that scar."

Sheena pulled back. "I most certainly did not."

Camdyn chuckled. "When you slapped me, your fingernail caught my skin and it cut deeper than I even realized. I actually had three scratches from your nails across my cheek, but it was the middle one that cut the deepest. Did you not notice the blood?"

She had turned away and never looked back. "I am sorry."

Camdyn touched it with the tips of his fingers. "I am not. I deserved no less and much more."

She used to think the same, but was not certain she did any longer.

Oh, this was so confusing, and he did know how to charm.

She did not want to be a fool for that rogue again, but her heart wanted to forgive him.

"I am still in love with you, Sheena. I tried to forget but was unable to. It is the reason I requested an audience with your uncle."

His words were a knife to her heart, or maybe it was a pick chopping at the ice.

She turned and walked away and added more whisky to her glass. What would be his purpose in lying to her now? She was here in his home, and he did not have to tell her anything. He could have simply been kind enough to offer a roof over her head and let her be on her way, but Camdyn felt the need to explain.

And she needed to finally learn the truth. What came after the but.

"What did you want to tell me that night?" she asked. "You admitted to your duplicity and then started with a but…at least I think you did, before I slapped you."

"I could not let you walk away from me believing the worst. I needed to explain, but I also could not get my thoughts straight."

"That is likely due to your head being slammed against the brick wall and being knocked out."

Camdyn rubbed the back of his head as if he could still feel the pain. "I am certain that had everything to do with why my thoughts were scrambled. That and panic that my father had arrived and your uncle, and they had told you what I had set out to do while I was unconscious. You needed to hear my side but you never gave me the chance."

"I would not have believed you." She'd been too angry and hurt to believe anything that he would have said then.

"Perhaps not then, but what about now?"

Sheena stared into his blue eyes. They were so warm, caring, and worried. She wanted to believe him in her heart of hearts but how could she trust him now when he had not been honest before?

"And as I am confessing all, there is something else you must know."

Her stomach tightened, afraid of what else he might say. "What would that be?"

"That in coming to know you, I did come to love you. That was never a lie, nor did I want to live without you. I was sorry for the reason I first asked for an introduction, but not sorry that we had met."

Sheena walked to the window and stared out. The snow was falling more quickly now, and it was thicker. The wind had also increased and she watched the top of the trees and wondered if they were going to experience a blizzard. If so, she may not be able to leave for days. Sheena also wondered if that was such a bad thing as it would allow her and Walsingham to discuss what needed to be said and settle upon what happened. Then, maybe she would have peace.

"As I was saying earlier, I visited MacGregor to explain the truth of the matter and asked for permission to court you. He was more understanding than my father would have ever been. But he did not grant me permission."

"I was unaware that you had even called on him."

Camdyn smiled that crooked smile again. "That is because he was not allowed to mention my name, remember."

Sheena's face heated with the truth. It was too painful to be reminded of her first Season in London even though a day hadn't gone by that she'd not had at least one thought of that night.

"MacGregor suspected that if I came to call on you that you would not be home to me or blatantly refuse to see me."

"It is likely." If she were to be honest, she would have been curious as to his visit, but she would've been too afraid to see him. Her heart had not completely healed nor had it yet.

"We hatched a plan."

Sheena stilled and narrowed her eyes on him. "What kind of plan?"

Camdyn laughed. "It is not so sinister as you fear."

"What was it?" she bit out. Was Uncle Aiden somehow responsible for her being here. Had Ewan intentionally gotten them stuck and then left her behind?

"He promised that if you were going to go to Edinburgh in the spring instead of London for the Season, that he would tell me. He would also let me know which entertainments you attended so that I might approach you. He thought that I should be given the chance to explain to you in person."

Sheena blew out a sigh, relieved that her uncle hadn't intentionally arranged for her to be here.

"You ran the risk of me giving you the cut direct," she offered.

"Do you think I would have let that stop me from speaking to you?"

Sheena could not help but smile and was thankful that he could not see her face.

Yes, her heart was thawing, but it had not yet forgiven. He had still set out to deceive her, which made her question his character as a whole.