Chapter 30

Chapter Thirty

ZANE

Grey is standing at the door, her purse held in front of her like a weapon. The overhead light paints an orange glow over her rigid shoulders. She's still wearing her Redwood Prep teacher's uniform, but the fabric is rumpled now. Her hair's frizzier than usual. There are dark circles under her eyes.

She's had a long day.

So have I.

I'm just starting to breathe easier now that we got to our hotel room safely.

It's been a hell of a night and my head is killing me. In times like these, I have the overwhelming urge to do something—anything—to center myself.

Drums.

Sex.

Alcohol.

Strangely enough, just looking at Grey is a better antidote than any of my usual remedies. I was full of anger driving all the way here. My head kept running circles around all the bad things that could have happened while we were apart.

But now that the adrenaline is fading, I feel more like myself.

"I need to tell you something." I unbutton my shirt. "About Slavno."

"What about him?" She flies across the room until she's standing in front of me.

I almost smile. Almost.

One day, she's going to run across the room because she wants to be closer to me, not because I'm talking about The Grateful Project and revenge.

That day isn't today. Obviously.

But it'll happen soon.

"Are you hungry?"

"Zane."

"I'll order room service." I abandon the task of unbuttoning my shirt and pick up my cell phone where the hotel app is already installed.

"Stop playing games." Grey's voice is fierce. "If you know something, you need to tell me. Now."

"The burgers here are good." I scroll through the options.

She remains silent.

I glance up and find her scowling deep.

With a sigh, I set the phone down. "I'll tell you about Slavno after we've eaten."

"I'm not?—"

"Have you eaten today? Have you had anything since breakfast?"

She sets a hand on her stomach and glances away.

"Thought so." I return my attention to the phone. "I'll get burgers for us both."

"I'd rather have a salad."

My eyes shoot up. "A salad?"

She purses her lips. "I'm gaining weight."

I scan her over slowly. "Where?"

Her mouth opens and closes as she grapples for an answer. "I mean, I will if I keep eating like I do right now. I'm older than you. I'll lose my metabolism soon."

I snort. "I don't care what you weigh, Grey."

"I never said this was about impressing you. Maybe I just care about my health."

"When have you ever cared about that? You order pasta from the lunch menu every day. You always sneak away with two brownie cups. Fridays you have fried chicken with mashed potatoes. You take your coffee with enough sugar to kill a diabetic. But tonight you want a salad?"

Her eyes widen. "How do you know all that?"

"I've spent a very long time watching you."

"You were stalking me."

"You stalked me first."

Her nose scrunches. "No, I didn't."

She did.

She stalked my dreams.

Stalked my memories.

Stalked my heart.

If she has any idea how much I've ached to be with her, touch her, hold her…

"The point is," I redirect her attention to the menu, "you don't have to count your calories because you think I won't find you attractive at a different size."

"Don't lie, Zane. I know looks are important to you."

" You're important to me."

She glances away, but when she pulls in her lips I know it's because she's trying to hide a smile.

"Eat what you want," I add.

Grey thinks about it. "Fine. I'll have a burger. But not because you told me to."

I nod, proud of her. Tapping the order in and choosing a wine bottle, I send it off.

"The food will take about thirty minutes. You want to shower?"

She pulls back, putting her purse over her chest again.

"That wasn't an invitation to shower together, Grey. Although I wouldn't be upset if you wanted to."

"N-no. You shower first."

I didn't expect her to say anything else.

After a long, cold shower, I shrug into a pair of grey sweatpants. Glancing at the T-shirt I brought, I decide to go without it, just to see what Grey will do.

Her eyes nearly pop out of her face when I return to the main room. Her appraisal drops to my hips and slowly winds back up my abs until she reaches my face. She swallows so hard her throat bobs comically.

"You're up, Grey."

She doesn't move.

I arch a brow. "Are you waiting because you really want to shower together?"

She flies into the bathroom so fast, she's almost a blur. I smirk when I hear the lock on the door click shut.

The food arrives while Grey is still showering.

I wait for her to emerge. Eventually, she comes out in a swirl of steam, wearing the silk pajamas I packed for her. She doesn't say anything about the clothing choice or the fact that I went through her panties and chose my favorite pair—a red set with a matching bra.

The moment she spots the food, her eyes light up and she dives in right away.

"I guess you were hungry," I muse when she takes another big chomp.

She freezes, mid-chew and seems to remember that she should be awkward around me. Gingerly, she sets the burger down and dusts her hands of the crumbs.

"I'm ready to talk now."

"Ketchup."

"Huh?"

"You got a little ketchup…"

"Where?" She brushes her chin.

"No, to the left."

"Here?"

I reach out and swipe my thumb against the corner of her lip, tugging her mouth down slightly. She freezes, her eyes glazing over.

"There," I say, wiping off on a napkin.

She coughs. I offer her a sip of my wine, noticing she hasn't touched hers. Grey rejects it and reaches for the glass of water to her right.

"You okay?" I ask.

She inhales deeply and nods, still catching her breath.

"I heard about the students walking out today," I say quietly.

Her movements still. She keeps staring at the ground like there's something extremely interesting beneath her feet.

"You were having a crappy day. I'm sorry I didn't make it better with what I said in the car."

Sweet brown eyes lift to mine. She blinks rapidly.

"I'm sorry I only have bad news to tell you tonight. It makes me really angry that I can't do anything for you right now."

She hiccups.

It's really freaking cute.

"But more than anything, I'm sorry that I haven't been able to give you what you really need." I reach out and take her hand, rubbing a thumb over her bare ring finger. "Everyone thinks I'm just the guy to call for a good time. But with you, Grey," I let out a shaky breath because damn, I hate being vulnerable, " with you… I don't want you to come to me only when you need sex."

The silence drops like a rock.

She's blinking so hard I wonder if I should offer to blow dirt out of her eyes.

"Don't get me wrong. Feel free to ask for sex. Whenever. Wherever. I'm always ready."

She smiles, one of those wobbly ‘I really want to be a prim and proper teacher but I can't right now' smiles.

I bring her knuckles up to my lips and kiss it. "But I want you to come to me. Not just when you're horny or angry and need to let off some steam. When you're tired. When you're sad. When you're happy. When you're not even sure what you're feeling."

Her eyes look a little glassy and she quickly ducks her head to hide from me. "Why… why are you saying all this?"

I pause, my thumb lingering over her ring finger.

"Did you know that Dutch turned down a gig because of me?"

Her nose scrunches in confusion.

"He thought I wouldn't be able to handle seeing a replacement behind my drums. He thought that I'd lose it. And I probably would've. For so long, music was what kept me sane when I was barely holding on. And yet, I told Dutch he should have taken the gig."

I stop again.

She looks at me. "Why?" she croaks.

"Because I have a wife. Her name is Grace Jamieson and she means more to me than those stupid drums. She means more to me than being with other girls. She means more than alcohol and partying and if I have to drink this prissy wine for the rest of my life," I lift the glass and she laughs, "because she prefers the taste of wine when I kiss her, that's what I'll do."

"You're not supposed to be drinking at all. You're eighteen."

"It's legal in Europe."

"Are we in Europe right now?" Her eyes glint with laughter.

I smile back. "I wanted to tell you something else in the car, something important but a bunch of stupid words came out instead."

She tenses and tries to pull back.

I hold fast. "I've never said this to any other girl. Not once. I need you to understand that because it's true. Grey… I lo?—"

She places a finger to my lips, smushing the rest of the words back in. "Don't."

I freeze.

She chews on the inside of her cheek, working through something in her mind. I give her the space. Give her the time.

Finally, she closes her eyes and breathes out.

"Show me first," she whispers. "Show me that world exists. Show me it's a world I can survive in."

"What world?"

"A world where it's okay to love you."

My chest rearranges. It feels like all my organs turned to soup and a bat from hell is stirring my insides with a giant ladle.

Grey successfully pulls her hand out of mine and sits straight up, all business. "My turn."

"Your turn." I agree and take a sip of the wine, feeling strangely full.

"You've been stalling all night. Don't hold back anymore. What's going on with Slavno?"