Chapter 9

Ella

H e pulled himself from my hand and looked at me, panting. The dark swirls in his eyes a tornado now. His fingers were still buried inside me. I glanced down again at that hard cock. Big and reaching for me. A desire to taste it overcame me. To lick away the small drop of liquid that was now glistening at the tip. He thrust his fingers in me again and I moaned. I wanted to take him in my mouth so bad but I couldn't bear the thought of his fingers leaving me.

My hips rocked again of their own accord, and I cried out as his fingers bent and stroked at a spot inside me. I needed more and rocked harder and harder onto his fingers, an orgasm building up fast. His lips ravaged my neck and shivers ran all over my skin.

"That's it. Come for me, my beautiful girl."

I broke apart and lost myself in my climax. Carried by a wave of intense sensation as he murmured into my ear. I could have been flying as Descaris gently eased his fingers out of me and the waves subsided. I buried my head in his neck and let my breathing return to normal.

"That was the most perfect thing I've ever seen, you are truly beautiful."

I squeezed him tighter. This was madness. A shadow demon. I'd let a shadow demon into my shower and he'd brought me to orgasm. The craziest part of it was that none of it felt wrong. Even when he'd been following me around, I'd liked having him close by. We were connected. This felt like it was meant to be.

"I think I love you, Descaris."

I felt him tense against me. The moment the words left me, I regretted them. I'd spent most of my life being told that I was too emotional. Showing my feelings and expressing them to the point it made others uncomfortable. I had tried to restrain myself, to hold back. But this was overwhelming. This dark creature had captured me, body and soul, and even though I didn't understand it, I felt it. It was real. And I couldn't stop myself from saying it.

Descaris stepped away from me slowly and looked at me. His eyes seemed far away. His mouth opened, but nothing came out. He looked frightened. This big, menacing shadow demon, who'd lived in the hells and done something terrible to end up here. He looked frightened of me.

"I'm sorry."

I wanted to take it back. But it was too late.

"I have to go. There is someone I need to speak to."

His voice was tight. Before I could say anything else, he disappeared. I stood in shock for a moment. The air around me felt cold despite the hot water. I jumped out of the shower and dried myself. Tears threatened to spill, but I held them back. All I wanted at that moment was to run to Lyla. She'd know what to do. How to fix this. How to make the emptiness that was now forming in my chest go away again?

I dressed and stumbled out of my room towards the therapist's lounge.

"Where is Lyla?"

David looked at me wide eyed.

"She went to see Cospire."

Before he could say anything else, I turned and left. Speed walking to Cospire's office. I bumped into Lyla outside. I couldn't hold the tears back anymore and broke down as she spotted me.

"Oh honey, what's wrong?"

Concern flashed across her face.

"I… I think I messed up really badly."

She placed an arm around me and ushered me along the corridor and to her therapy room, before giving me a tight hug. I squeezed back and sobbed. There were too many feelings.

"Now, what happened?"

Lyla pushed me down into a chair and sat opposite, giving me her full attention. I took a deep breath and tried to make sense of it.

"Descaris, the shadow demon. Well, he was in the shower with me."

Lyla raised an eyebrow and smirked, but said nothing.

"And then I said I loved him and he ran away."

"He ran away?"

"Yeah, just disappeared. Gone. It was too much too soon. We barely know each other."

Lyla took a deep breath.

"Ok, Ella. So, do you love him?"

"Yes!"

It came out of me vehemently.

"Speaking your truth isn't a bad thing. It might have been a lot for him to hear, but that's his issue to deal with."

"I think I scared him off."

"Perhaps. But if that's true, then he needs to deal with that."

I sighed.

"I get the impression he isn't used to having feelings."

Lyla twisted her mouth in confusion before she responded.

"What do you mean? He just doesn't have feelings?"

"He's repressed them. Stuff with his childhood. His father. It made him decide that emotions are bad, and he shut them all down."

"And you, my friend, are nothing but emotions. You move through the world experiencing everything raw and unfiltered. It's wonderful."

Lyla smiled at me, and for a moment, I could almost see myself through her eyes. I could see that she meant it.

"I'm not sure Descaris thinks it's wonderful."

"I'm sure it might be a little bit overwhelming at first. But maybe it's exactly what he needs."

Lyla paused for a moment before she continued.

"Do you know why he is here?"

Her voice was tentative.

"Not exactly. I know what happened earlier on that made him who he is, but not all the details of what landed him here. And I don't need to. All I need to know is who he is now, and that is very different from who he has been in the past."

She nodded.

"Do you think he is your mate?"

I hadn't dared to ask myself that yet. There was a connection between us. I'd been told once that I had a mate and my path would lead me to them. But it wasn't something I gave much thought to. Not like some others seemed to do. I hadn't thought I needed it.

"I think so. It's the only way to explain the instant deep connection between us. I don't know much about him, but I know that he is mine and I am his."

Lyla grinned at me, and I couldn't help but smile back. The tears drying up now.

"Then I'm certain. He might be scared of such big feelings, but you are exactly what he needs. Just keep being you, and never apologise for it. You will balance each other naturally."

I leapt out of my chair and threw myself on to her in a big hug. She squealed, and we nearly toppled out of the chair together, erupting into laughter.