Chapter 7

Ella

T he problem with this shadow demon was that he was very difficult to find. No one ever knew where he was at any given moment. He'd gone from following me everywhere I was for weeks to being nowhere at all. I only had a quick lunch break to myself and I spent most of it eating and walking, hoping to bump into him. Was he avoiding me? He'd said he wasn't good with feelings. Perhaps the intensity of our kiss had scared him.

After I wrapped up all my sessions for the day, I ate with the other therapists as usual. I enjoyed their company, but my mind was elsewhere. A few of the others seemed distracted, too. I excused myself to my room and flopped onto the bed. My mind wandered back to that kiss again. His hands on my thighs, moving upwards. I was on fire all over again. The sheer passion of it excited me. A tingle ran up my spine.

"You called?"

I shot up and blinked as I took in the dark shadow in front of me. A wicked grin formed on his face.

"I don't think I did, but I'm happy to see you."

"Oh, you called. I could feel your arousal from the other end of the prison."

"You could…."

"Yes. Now, would you like me to help?"

I did, I desperately did. But something in me hesitated.

"What is it, beautiful?"

My stomach flipped. Beautiful. I wasn't sure if anyone had ever called me that before.

"I want you. I really do. But I also want to know you. I need all levels of intimacy."

His face went blank for a moment, literally turning into a swirling darkness with no features. Then it reformed.

"I'm not sure I'll be very good at that. I may disappoint you."

His voice was tight.

"Can we try?"

"For you? Anything."

He perched on the end of my bed and looked at me. He seemed lost for a moment. This monster that I knew in my soul was powerful and dangerous, didn't know how to deal with this. I was going to have to take the lead. But I wasn't sure if we had time for pleasantries if my life was at risk.

"You told me you can see the future. Tell me about that."

My stomach clenched at the thought of him seeing my death, and he seemed to tense, too.

"It's a common ability in shadow demons. It manifests as we reach adulthood or earlier if there is some sort of dramatic event that draws it out."

"When did it manifest for you?"

"I was 9."

I cringed. So young. I said nothing and gave him the space to continue his story. For a minute, I thought he wasn't going to speak again. But then he looked deep into my eyes and seemed to reach a decision.

"My father was a very angry demon. Full of rage. No ability to control his own emotions. My mother and I were at the whims of wherever his temper took him. One day, my first vision hit me like a hammer. He was going to kill her. Rage and rage at her until there was nothing left. So I killed him first."

The finality of that simple last sentence hit me in the gut. A 9-year-old had known his father was going to kill his mother and had to make that choice to save her. Tears instantly rolled down my face.

"Don't cry for me, beautiful. I'm a demon. It doesn't mean the same for us as it does for humans."

The edge in his voice told me that even if that was true, it had hurt him a great deal.

"That's still a lot to deal with, even for a demon."

"I suppose."

He fell silent, and I watched him.

"And after that, you decided not to bother with emotions any more?"

It was obvious to me as a therapist the path that he'd taken. I'd seen versions of it a hundred times. He'd shut down.

"Yes. Emotions drove my father to states where he was completely out of control and hurting the people he was supposed to protect. I vowed to never be like him. I squashed them down. I have always tried to act dispassionately. To make choices devoid of feelings."

"And now?"

"And now you have broken me."

The ache in his voice made me sob. He reached out and wiped the tears from my face.

"You aren't him. You know that, right?"

"I can't possibly know who I am with feelings. What if loving you takes me down the same path? I couldn't bear to hurt you."

"And that's why you never would."

I shuffled closer to him. He refused to meet my eyes.

"Your father couldn't control himself even slightly. He probably never even tried. It benefitted him to have you both afraid of him. ‘Losing control' got him what he wanted, I bet. You have controlled yourself for… a long time. Letting yourself feel those feelings now won't eradicate all of that."

"How do you know?"

"Because I've seen these sorts of things before. I'm a therapist. If you couldn't control yourself and your emotions, you wouldn't have been able to do it for all this time. I trust you. Every part of me trusts every part of you."

I knew with every single cell of my body that he would never hurt me. He finally met my eyes, and I leaned forward and placed a delicate kiss on the area that looked a bit like a nose. His face felt like the softest velvet against my lips. I focused intently on the future I thought we would have together. I didn't know if it would work, but I leaned my forehead to his and pulled up an image of us together, free of this place. In our own home, wrapped in each other's arms, and I imagined the contentment we would feel in that moment.

He jolted backwards

"How did you do that?"

"I don't know. But I figured if you could see the future, then you could see how it could be. The future I see."

His eyes widened.

"I've never felt that feeling before. What was it?"

"Happiness and contentment."

He leaned his face against me.

"Do it again."

I focused on the feeling again. Us in a garden in the sun. He sighed like the weight of the world had lifted from him and I felt his body sag before he spoke again.

"I will do whatever I have to, to get this for us."