Chapter 1

Ella

"W e have more and more prisoners arriving every day. We need more hours from all of you. It can't be helped. There's no room in the budget for more therapists right now."

Cospire's clipped voice rang across the groans in the therapist's lounge.

"This is ridiculous, you must know that."

Lyla, as ever, wasn't afraid to speak her mind. My stomach clenched. I wished I had her confidence. Emotions welled up inside me in a writhing mess. I felt powerless. To help myself or my friends.

"It is how it is. We'll just have to do our best."

"And how are you doing your best to help us manage this workload?"

Everyone turned to Lyla, eyes wide. Serena snorted in the back of the room. I turned and saw her trying not to laugh. She winked at me, and I stifled a smile.

"I will do what I always do, Lyla. Support you as your boss."

At that, Cospire turned and left the room.

"So, no support at all, then," muttered Lyla.

"I'm sure she means well," I ventured, although I wasn't convinced.

Cerys leaned over and placed a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"You always try to see the best in people. I really admire that."

Around us, the conversation was getting louder and louder as everyone let off steam. It didn't matter how much I tried to see the best in Cospire, we were all verging on burnout. My heart ached for my friends. A knot of tension twinged between my shoulders and I tried to stretch it out without being noticed. I couldn't risk Lyla dragging me to another yoga class. She called it relaxing and good for the soul. I called it torture. Serena patted me on the shoulder as she left, waving at Billy as the slim guard wandered in the door.

"Hey, can I steal some of the good coffee?"

Billy peered down at me and flashed a shy little smile.

"Of course."

I jumped up and led him to the coffee machine, pouring him one as I refilled mine. He'd complained that the coffee in the guard's office was terrible, and Delaney refused to get them anything better.

"How are you?"

He looked me up and down and I tried not to blush. He seemed nice enough. About my age. Perhaps it wouldn't be terrible to get to know him better. Something in my gut twisted, and I tried to push it away. Tried to convince myself that it was just nerves.

"I'm good, thanks. You?"

"Yeah, better for seeing you," his voice had dropped to a whisper.

I smiled shyly, unsure of what else to say.

"I've got to go. Delaney will have my head if I'm late. See you later?"

I nodded, and he wandered off. As everyone left to head to their morning sessions, I gulped down my coffee. I'd had an idea that I thought might help. But I hadn't been brave enough to do anything about it yet. I had to pull myself together. For my friends. And for myself.

I felt every one of their emotions as intensely as if they were my own. It made me suited for being a therapist and empathising with others. But not very good at switching off and taking care of myself. I'd worked hard at detaching from clients and not carrying all their worries with me all day. But my friends were different. In this place, so far from the rest of the world, all we had was each other.

As soon as lunch rolled around, I took myself to Cospire's office. As intimidating as she was, I'd faced worse. I faced worse every day. Often for 12 hours per day. At least that was what I tried to convince myself as I knocked on the door.

"Come in."

I entered the room and noted Cospire's tense posture. Nothing new there.

"Ah, Ella. How can I help?"

She sounded irritated.

"I've had an idea that I think might help with workloads."

Cospire stared at me, already looking disapproving. I carried on.

"I think some of the prisoners who've been in therapy a while and made good progress could be put together in group sessions. One therapist per 4 or 5 prisoners. I think it's also important they learn how to get along with others in group situations, especially if they are facing release in the next couple of years"

"I don't have time to organise that, Ella. Sorry."

Cospire turned to her computer again. Clearly done with the conversation. I couldn't let this go. I wouldn't let her dismiss me, despite the tears pricking at my eyes. She wouldn't take me seriously if I let my emotions get the better of me. I took a deep breath and continued.

"I'm willing to do the admin to set it up initially. I'm sure some of the others would help too. It will be better for everyone in the long run."

"It isn't in the program provided by the government."

Yet again, her tone was bland, uninterested. I had to make it worth her while somehow.

"It can be a trial. We give it a go, then send the results back to the committee in charge. I really think this could be something that helps. And makes us all look good."

At this, Cospire stopped and thought for the first time. She did like looking good.

"I'll think about it and take it to the warden."

That meant she would present it as her idea and take all the credit. But I could live with that. As long as we all got some respite from the constantly increasing schedules. I'd been in sessions until 9pm last night. Therapy was intense, and we needed far more down time to recover.

"Thank you."

I left the office and let out a deep breath as I sagged against the wall. I hoped it would work. We needed this. And I hadn't let my emotions get the better of me.