Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

Thalia

The sound of the front door opening has me coming instantly awake. I’d managed to doze fitfully, never fully going under. I am in a strange house in a strange bed, and Vyronas is still a little strange to me after being gone for so long.

I’d left a few lights burning for Bastien out in the main room, and I hear him move into the kitchen where he runs water in the sink.

He sighs, and it sounds burdened with the weight of the world.

His footsteps start coming toward the bedroom, and it spurs me into action. Sitting up, I swing my legs over the side of the bed and wave my hand at the lamp on the nightstand. Light springs forth from the wick. Because my magic fuels it, the glow is soft but illuminates the entire room.

Bastien halts just as he’s crossing the threshold, staring at me sitting on the edge of the bed. There’s no helping it, but my heart actually hurts for him. He looks drained even as he regards me with an open expression of surprise. “Did I wake you?” he asks before that beautiful face hardens into a mask of indifference.

“No. I couldn’t fall asleep. Can I fix you something to eat?”

“I ate earlier,” he replies as he moves into the bathroom. He doesn’t bother to close the door, but I can tell by the sounds he’s washing up in the sink and perhaps brushing his teeth. When he returns to the bedroom, he ignores me. I can’t tell if it’s intentional or if it’s just that he’s tired and lost in his own thoughts.

Regardless, my breath freezes when he reaches to the bottom of his shirt and pulls it up and over his head. He tosses it carelessly to the ground—typical man—and I don’t have an ounce of shame as I let my eyes run over his body. It’s the same brawny build he’s always had with honed muscles from his training, a lean waist and ripped abdomen. The differences I note are in the scarring, indicating he’s been injured in the last seven years as his body was free of such marks before I was sent away.

Jagged scars in varying lengths mar his arms, one shoulder, and lower back, and as he turns slightly my way, I note a scar across his stomach, as if he’d been pierced with a sword. My heart bleeds for his sacrifices to win this war, and once again, my breath stills within me as Bastien’s hands go to the front of his pants to unbutton them.

I have no intention of stopping him, figuring this is his house, and he can walk around naked if he wants. Also, I’ve seen what lies beneath, and I know its beauty. For a time, it belonged to me, and I’ve missed intimacy with this man.

But then he jolts, glances over his shoulder at me as if he’d forgotten I was there and mutters a curse. There was a time when there would be passion etched in every line and angle of his face if he caught me checking him out, but now there’s anger.

I don’t think at me but at himself for forgetting that I’m here now, and his life has changed.

“Sorry,” I mutter, although I’m not. I prefer the anger and frustration over his impassivity, because it shows me he isn’t completely dead inside.

Bastien ignores my apology and moves to a chest at the foot of the bed. It opens with a creaking groan, and he pulls out a wool blanket, which confuses me. It’s a warm evening, and I ended up kicking off the quilt as I tossed and turned.

Blanket in hand, he heads for the door.

“Where are you going?” I blurt.

“I’ll sleep in there,” he replies, nodding toward the living area.

My jaw drops slightly. “On the floor? There’s no furniture.”

“I’ve slept in worse conditions, Thalia,” he drawls with a sigh. “I’m a soldier.”

“But there’s plenty of room in the bed. It was clearly made to accommodate a man of your size. There’s no sense in you sleeping on the floor.”

He doesn’t even spare me a glance when he mutters, “I’ll take the floor.”

“Wait,” I exclaim before he can leave the bedroom. “Can I talk to you?”

Bastien turns and glowers at me with impatience. “It’s late, Thalia, and I’m tired. Can this wait?”

I should let it wait. He’s exhausted, I can tell. It’s been an upsetting day for everyone.

But I disentangle the sheets from over my lap, pushing off the bed. “No. It can’t wait.”

I hadn’t given a single thought to how I was dressed. Bastien’s thin cotton shirt hangs loose on me, just mid-thigh, totally covering everything, but also slightly transparent. I only know this is an issue when Bastien’s gaze rakes down over my body, and that muscle starts ticking at the corner of his jaw. He looks fiercer than ever.

My plans to talk about the spell and what he did to me, and how it’s making me feel, evaporate. That look on his face tells me he won’t care. He was the one person in the world I could tell all my troubles to, and now he’s the one I absolutely can’t.

But I have to talk about something.

Clearing my throat, I say, “I learned much at Conclave Hall today, and I’d like to talk about a game plan.”

“Surely the Conclave filled you in on our prior discussions,” he replies with a frown.

“Yes, but I want to hear it from you. There’s still a trust issue with them.”

Bastien snorts. “And you miraculously trust me now? I don’t think so, Princess.”

I was expecting this… a denial of potential forgiveness. My voice is gentle so he knows I have a new perspective. “Archer told me that the Conclave was going to send me away regardless. Put me in stasis but offered you the option of sending me to the First Dimension as an alternative. It wasn’t hard to figure out you chose the option that would give me a happy life until I could return.”

Surprise flickers over Bastien’s face, but quickly fades. He doesn’t confirm or deny the Conclave’s perfidy, nor does he further justify his decision to do what he did. Instead, he answers my original question. “If we want to take back Kestevayne, we need to muster all forces spread throughout Vyronas into one place within easy marching distance to the city walls. This can be accomplished with planning and a combination of magics through each house’s Scrinia. But, even if we could breach the walls and have enough forces to fight Ferelith’s men, we still don’t know how to battle her magic.”

“Blood magic,” I say distastefully.

Blood magic is absolutely prohibited in Vyronas, and its use can result in imprisonment or banishment from our dimension. If the offense involves killing of another, then it can mean a death sentence for the practitioner. Not that Ferelith is worried about those consequences. “I heard the horror stories today. Requiring the citizens left within the city walls to swear a blood oath to her. If they refuse, she burns their houses to the ground with them in it. If they accept, their lives are forfeited if they ever betray her. Her magic ties their fidelity and their lives together. They cannot exist if the pledge is broken. Archer told me that business still goes on as usual within the city, that most of the shops are open, but Ferelith taxes at fifty percent, causing those previously living good lives to exist mostly in squalor now. The poor are being systematically murdered, and Archer says their blood is used in horrific rituals to strengthen Ferelith.”

“The stories are disturbing.” Bastien scrubs a hand over his shorn hair, then rubs at the back of his neck. “And we’re spinning our wheels. The best we’re able to do is take out her soldiers when we can, but she always has more. She’s been untouchable.”

“Strength in numbers.” I pace as I ponder. “We bring the remaining royals who are pledged to me here, and we train them all together.”

“They can’t leave their cities unattended,” Bastien points out. “Not until we have a solid plan to take down Ferelith herself.”

“What about the collective wisdom of the Conclaves? Bringing together those who serve the Sorin, the D’Amuris, the Groucutt, the Baudin, and the Foss. Have they bothered to put their heads together for any length of time outside of monthly meetings?”

Bastien shakes his head. “No. But we could host them all. We have the room, although it’s a risk to take them away from their cities.”

I wave a hand, nonplussed. “The royals themselves will have enough magic, supplemented by the Scrinia. It’s worth the risk to bring all the Conclaves together.”

“I’d agree with that,” he says with an approving nod, and for the first time since returning, I don’t hear tension in his tone.

I pounce, not able to help myself and completely willing to take advantage of his transient openness. “I want to talk about the spell you used to send me away.”

“What’s there to talk about?” he asks as his eyes dull and his voice drains of emotion.

“I’m obviously angry that you did it—”

“Then I apologize from the bottom of my heart.” He turns away, dismissing me, the conversation apparently over in his mind.

“But I’m grieving too,” I exclaim. That causes him to freeze but his back remains to me. “All of those events happened seven years ago for you, but they happened yesterday for me. I just lost you yesterday, and I’m having a hard time processing this. I need to understand what happened.”

“You know what happened,” he says, finally turning to give me his full attention. His words are clipped and strained. “You saw my power leave me and go into you.”

“You mean your love,” I correct.

Bastien shrugs. “In that case, love was power.”

“And then what? You just… all of a sudden no longer loved me?”

Pain ripples over Bastien’s countenance but smooths just as quickly. “It was exactly like that.”

That’s not what I want to hear. I have to suppress stomping my foot in childish frustration. “I refuse to believe that. Not with what we had. Not with years of memories and a friendship dating back to childhood. At the very least, you should care for me as a friend. Or as your sovereign. Instead, I feel like you hate me, and I can’t reconcile that.”

“I don’t hate you,” he growls, his eyes cold and distant as he steps toward me. “But you clearly don’t understand the magnitude of that spell or the sacrifice it required. Yes, I have all those memories. I can recall any one of them with extreme clarity. I know all the things that happened between us, and none of it touches me. They happened, and yet, they didn’t. They left no lasting mark on me. In fact, I don’t think about our past at all. The last seven years, I didn’t think about you at all.”

“You’re lying,” I whisper.

Bastien takes another step and bends his head. “You have to let all that go and look to the future. I’m truly sorry that you were hurt and that you’re angry. I don’t know what else to do other than apologize, but I can’t keep going round and round with you about it.”

Wild, desperate emotion swirls within me, anger at the forefront that he won’t even try. It’s like Bastien is fading away all over again, and it makes me feel so lost and alone. I reach out, grab his arms. “I know you have to feel something for me. Love is more powerful than magic. You’re scared and not willing to push past this dead space inside you. You’d rather live half a life, and I don’t think this choice is because of the sacrifice you made and what you had to give up. I think it’s because you’re scared and a coward, and it’s so disappointing—”

My words are cut off as Bastien’s hand goes to my throat. It’s large enough to crush my windpipe if he wanted, and yet there’s absolutely no pain. He merely holds me captive and backs me across the room until I come up against the dresser. He pushes inward, and I lean back.

Bastien’s face hovers over mine, darkened with fury. His teeth clench as he murmurs words drenched in condescension. “You’re being manipulative, Thalia. It must be something you picked up in the First Dimension because my memories are clear, and I don’t remember you being this way.”

I clamp onto his wrist, attempting to pull his hand from my throat. It locks iron tight, still not hurting but ensuring I stay in place. I’ve angered him by calling him a coward and trying to force him to have the same feelings I do. The new Bastien apparently doesn’t like emotion at all.

He pulls back slightly and looks down my body. With his free hand, he plucks at the collar of his shirt I’m wearing. It’s loose around my chest, and he can see straight inside.

His eyes come up to me, and he sneers. “Was this some effort to try to win me over? Dressing in my shirt, naked underneath.” His voice turns husky, and it sends a shiver up my spine. “What do you want me to say, Thalia? That you’re as beautiful as I remember? That I’m still attracted to you? That I find you very fuckable right now?”

“Do you?” I whisper, knowing I’ll die if he says no.

Bastien smiles, and it’s neither warm nor loving. It’s wholly sinister. “Of course, you’re fuckable. There’s not a soldier in the dorms who would pass up a shot with you.”

I screech with rage, clawing at his hand to release my throat. I try to bring my knee up between his legs, but he turns, and it glances off his thigh.

My inability to escape his hold, which is only in place because I goaded him, makes me see red. I lash out, intent on hurting him with my words since I’m too weak to hurt him physically.

“A whole dormitory of soldiers, huh?” I smile sweetly. “Sounds like shopping in a candy store. I thank you for the suggestion.”

Bastien growls a warning, and rather than scare me, I take heart. “You’ll stay away from the soldiers, or I’ll lock you in this house.”

Yes. That right there was the sound of jealousy, and you’ll never convince me otherwise. It fills me with hope, and I have to believe there’s a possibility that Bastien’s heart will thaw.

Maybe with just a kiss.

A touch.

If we made love.

My hands go lax on his wrist and then fall to his chest. I push in close to him and surprisingly, he doesn’t hold me back, although his hand remains on my throat, whisper light. Tipping my head, I murmur, “I’m right here, Bastien. We could pick up where we were. I could be something to you again if you tried.”

There… another wash of emotion ripples his face.

It looks like agony mixed with denial.

He releases me so abruptly, I almost slump to the floor but manage to lock my legs to keep myself upright. Shaking his head, Bastien says, “I already have someone, Thalia. You and I can’t be anything.”

I’m so stunned that I stumble backward into the dresser again. My hands go to steady myself.

The expression on Bastien’s face is pinched with tension, and that jaw muscle leaps dramatically. “I’m going to stay at the dorms from here on out. I’ll keep guards posted around you day and night so you’ll be protected.”

I can do nothing but nod mutely in understanding. Gods… he has someone. And I just made a complete fool of myself trying to get something back that has been given to someone else.

So stupid, Thalia.

My gaze wanders over to the bed where I stare as Bastien grabs his shirt from the floor and marches out of the room. Only when I hear the front door close behind him do I sag onto the floor and let the tears fall.