Chapter 18

I awoke with a terror unlike any I'd ever felt. Arcturas, seemingly just as shaken by something as I was, scratched at the door and whined. Pacing the bedchamber until the first trace of dawn touched the sky, we waited to head downstairs to meet our fate. I pulled Vikar's key from its hiding place beneath a loose floorboard and looped it through a silver chain I'd borrowed from Frya, securing it in place beneath my tunic.

Finally, after dressing in an olive green tunic and thick leather trousers, I slipped on the new pair of fur-lined boots and crept down the stairs. Leaving before the barkeep awoke would be easiest. I wasn't sure I could look her in the eyes and walk away. Rune sat at the bar, a thermos of coffee in one hand, a slice of toast in the other- smothered in plum jam. Pots clanked from the kitchen, illuminated only by candlelight.

"I guess she's awake then," I sighed. We'd have to do this the hard way.

Rune shrugged and took a long sip of his coffee. His hair was ragged, as if he hadn't bathed since the night before. Somehow, the shaggy mess above his brow curled and twisted in all the right directions. He really was effortlessly handsome.

I crumpled the note I had written Frya last night and shoved it into the pocket of my trousers as she appeared from the kitchen carrying plates of sausage and potatoes in both hands.

"Figured you best have a hot breakfast before heading out. It'll be a long day of traveling. You'll need something to keep your strength up." She set the steaming food in front of us.

The smell, any other morning I'd find delightful, only nauseated me as I thought of those torn up bodies from my dream. Rune dove right in, taking sausage links and scoops of eggs, until the plate was nearly empty.

Reaching for his next serving, Frya smacked his hand away. "Boy. Save some for Lady Elpis."

Her nostrils flared as he gulped down the bite of potato and folded his hands in his lap.

"I haven't eaten since last night. I'm sorry, My Lady. The rest is all yours." He smiled, pushing the plates toward me. My stomach knotted, and I swallowed back the bile now rising in up to my throat.

"I don't think I'm up for eating yet. But we can take it for the road."

"I packed you a bag with some loaves, cheese, and the dried meats from our stores. But I'll wrap this for you. Maybe once you get going, you'll feel better." Frya took the plates back into the kitchen and wrapped the leftover breakfast.

"It'll be okay. I promise." Rune glanced nervously at me as he took my hand.

Faking a smile, I let him think his reassurance gave me the comfort I needed. Nothing could distract me from the smell of that blood, or the feel of dead flesh pressing against my chest. Arcturas pawed at my ankle, pulling me back from the brink of spiraling again, and sniffed towards the window. The sky was a light periwinkle, marking the day's arrival.

"You best be going now. Take to the eastern wall; the roads are better protected from the creatures of the North. Stay in the shadows, and if anyone recognizes you…" Frya trailed off, placing a black leather sheath into my hands. The hilt of her silver dagger protruding from the leather was cold against my palms. I nodded, strapping the sheath around my thigh.

"Keep this with you always," she said, her voice quivering.

"Thank you." I choked back my tears and reached for the barkeep's hand. She took it, lacing her fingers through mine. Looking at me fiercely, with damp cheeks, she smiled and pulled my forehead to her lips.

"Be safe. I hope we meet again." Dabbing her eyes with the kitchen rag tucked in her apron, she motioned for the door.

"You have shown me such kindness I don't deserve. I'm endlessly in your debt, Frya. Truly." I squeezed her hand one last time and stepped into the faint morning light.

The empty streets were silent as we snuck through the shadows to the eastern wall. Neither of us spoke as Arcturas led the way, always keeping a few yards ahead.

It was a change of watch, leaving the gates unguarded for only a few minutes. The sun crept just below the horizon as we charged towards the passageway, stepping silently through the darkness. When finally, I felt the bright orange light of the sunrise against my face, we were beyond the wall. I could breathe again, drawing in long pulls for my neglected lungs.

"You ready for this?" Rune asked, taking my hand in his.

I nodded towards Arcturas, who had shot ahead down the dirt road.

"I don't think I have a choice, even if I'm not."

"You're probably right." He smirked as we followed the wolf's trail.

We walked for most of the day, following our shadows as they stretched further and further in front of us. As we traveled East, the snowpack began to thin and green buds perked on the tips of branches. I had shed my thick cloak and my skin glistened across my brow by the time the evening arrived.

"We should set up camp here before it gets dark. I don't want to know what roams these woods after dark." Rune dropped his pack and stretched his arms. The skin of his hips peeked from beneath the hem of his white cotton tunic.

My face burned. I focused on unrolling my sleeping pad, catching my wandering eyes follow the sliver of exposed skin.

"I'll go find us some firewood." Rune trailed into the shadows of the surrounding woods, twigs cracking beneath each step.

The fading day's light cast shadows across the clearing. Pockets of young greenery poked through cracks in the forest floor. I closed my eyes, letting the gentle breeze brush against my brow. The air was vibrant and new, as if it too was a fresh bud of spring, nearing its bloom. Evening birds cooed in the distance, letting their melody bounce across the branches above.

The harsh frigidity of the northern climate was far behind us, and I couldn't help but smile. The mild, setting sun beams warmed the nape of my neck. Piling my locks in a messy knot at the top of my head, I let the cool air dry the beads of sweat that accumulated during our travel. When Rune returned, staggering against his arm full of kindling and fallen branches, we built a fire and unpacked the rations Frya had sent us with. Nibbling on a wedge of dry cheese, I tossed Arcturas a strip of dried lamb.

"Look what else that crazy barkeep packed for us." Rune's eyes grew mischievous as he pulled an amber bottle of spiced wine from his sack. I raised a brow in his direction.

"Are you sure she packed that? Or did you slip that from behind the bar when she wasn't looking?"

He shrugged and pulled the cork with his teeth. The bottleneck popped loudly, and he drank deeply before passing it across the firelight. Wiping the remnants of cheese from my hands, reaching for it, I took a sip, the familiar warmth of cinnamon and clove pooling in my stomach.

"So the woman you um…melted, who was she?" The amber flames flickering across Rune's face reflected in the golden flecks of his unsure eyes. I paused for a moment. Hela's dissolving skin flashed through my mind.

"She was my chambermaid in the tower. A cruel, insufferable woman. She'd look for any chance she got to crack that whip across my back." I took a large swig of the wine and passed it back to him. "It was rare if I didn't receive a lashing for not answering a question the right way or leaving too much of my breakfast untouched."

Rune's gaze drifted to the flames between us.

"I'm so sorry." His voice was low, struggling to find the proper response. "I can't imagine the strength it took to survive so many years around such cruelty."

"It wasn't strength or resilience that got me through it." I took a breath, hesitating before admitting to him what I hadn't yet accepted myself, "Anger. That's how I survived. I'd lay in bed at night, sore from the healing wounds on my back, and imagine all the slow and painful ways I'd murder that bitch." Rune was quiet, a look of fear, and maybe wonder passed across his face as he handed the wine over once more.

"I'm the Queen Slayer, as you said. A monster. That tower stripped everything from me. All that's left is violence and this horrible, unwavering rage." I swallowed the rest of my words. I'd said too much. The wine numbed the feelings bubbling up, so I continued to drink deeply.

"I'm sorry I called you that. It's not true." Rune slid around the fire until he sat next to me, the heat of his body radiating against me. "I should've stopped those guards the second they held you down. I'm so sorry Elpis. She should've never even gotten close to you in that courtyard. I should have done something. Anything."

His eyes were intense, and he took my hand in his. "You're not a monster. Anyone who'd been through even a fraction of what you have would feel the same way."

The shadows lurking just beneath the surface of my skin said otherwise, but I smiled anyway. Maybe he'd truly believed what he said, but death and darkness gravitated around me, haunting my thoughts and flooding my veins with icy violence and this barbaric rage.

The embers dimmed softly as the last lick of flame fizzled away, leaving us in a quiet darkness. I wrapped the scratchy wool blanket tighter around me, attempting to push out the chill spreading through my chest.

Rune leaned into me. That familiar pulse of electricity jumped between us, jolting across my chest and settling in the pit of my stomach. Running his thumb against my cheek, he lowered his lips, only inches from my mine. The scratch of shadow lurking beneath the surface faded until it was merely a tickle. His warmth against mine chased the darkness away. He wrapped himself around me, holding me fiercely against his solid chest. The heat of his touch melted my blood until I felt human again.

The Queen Slayer, the Monster, the Demon.

It didn't matter what they called me, so long as I was safely tucked away in him.

His kiss stole the remaining breath in my lungs, and I pulled away, lips swollen and cheeks burning. Those eyes didn't belong to the goofy, pestering man who'd followed me into the tavern after Festival, cracking jokes and making himself laugh.

No, they were the eyes of a man who'd experienced just as much hurt and despair as I had in his life. They were eyes that glimmered in the starlight and sent shivers throughout my entire body. Tracing the length of his jaw, I was the one to close the gap between us this time.

Curling my fingers through his soft, brown hair, something unlocked. A faint groan escaped his lips as I lowered the two of us to my sleeping mat and laced myself against him. Something ancient and powerful pulsated through me, taking hold of my body as I explored each curve of his chest.

Rune slid the back of my tunic over my head, letting it fall beside us, exposing the bareness of my skin. He followed the raised rows of scars across my back with his fingers, as if his touch alone could heal the damage those ridges of flesh caused. Pulling away to catch his breath, he soaked in the moonlight, reflecting off my skin in beams of silver. Following the arch of my neck, down across my breast, to the curve of my hips, his eyes now ignited with golden flecks of desire.

"You're not a monster," he whispered, sliding his hand down my waist.

I wasn't sure if it was his touch that raised goosebumps across my arms or the chill of the night. His hand stopped just above my knee, digging his fingers into the muscle of my thigh. He pulled me closer, wrapping my leg around his torso.

My skin, electrified and aware of every point of contact between us. His lips found mine again, their warmth melting down my throat with each frenzied kiss. Everything within me was alive with his scent, with the feel of his calloused hands against my waist, moving my hips against his.

I could sense I was slipping away. The power between us consumed me entirely, and a deep, frantic need blossomed in my chest. It'd been so long since I'd exposed this part of myself to another. My intimate self, my most feminine, most divine self. It all washed through me as if my skin glowed brilliantly and beautifully with magic.

This yearning that coursed through my veins wasn't a desire for the man that lay beneath me. Not really. It was a desire for myself. My old self. A suffocating need for her to emerge from that self-confined prison and step into the moonlight. To join me once again in this life. To bring her pallet of colors and paint each back into the world around me.

I clung to Rune, almost savagely, as I willed her to show herself. When our bodies finally molded together, flesh against flesh, she surfaced, bringing with her an upwelling of joy that sent me spiraling and spiraling into sheer, encompassing bliss.

We laid next to one another for a while in silence, as he traced the outline of my collarbone with his fingertip. The pale, bleached moonlight illuminated our bodies as we watched the stars above. Millions of glinting orbs dusted across the sky in hues of blue and violet.

"Did you do it?" Rune turned to face me, silver constellations reflected in his eyes.

I sucked in a breath, curling fistfuls of gravels in my fists.

"Did you kill your sister?" Those deep voids and rotten teeth flashed through my mind.

You did this.

Look what you did.

I squeezed my eyes shut, pushing her decrepit voice out of my head. Rune stroked my cheek, his thumb smoothing away a strand of hair.

"No. I didn't. She fell ill unexpectedly, and the Elders blamed me. No one believes that, though, and they have punished me for it my entire adult life." Fiddling with a pebble between my fingers, I turned back to the stars, seeking their comforting light across my face.

Midnight birds cooed at one another as they flittered above us- sporadic little shadows against the infinite chasm overhead.

"I believe you, Elpis," he whispered.

My chest tightened. Not a single person had ever said those words to me, not even Vikar. Deep down, I think even he suspected me. Hearing those sounds and syllables strung together, I couldn't help but cry.

"You don't know how much that means to me," I said between hushed sobs.

Rune squeezed my hand and I relaxed my fist, letting the gravel scatter back across the ground. He pulled me into his chest, letting me cry.

I sobbed until all the pain and hurt and anguish of my past was stained across his tunic in damp patches of tears. Brushing away the hair stuck to my wet cheeks, he placed a gentle kiss across my brow and squeezed me tighter. I wanted to stay wrapped in his heat forever, safe from my uncertain future and my unforgiving past. I'm not sure when I dozed off, but what felt like only minutes later, ringlets of dawn coiled across our faces .