Chapter 14

" What causes such pain within you that brings out those heartbreaking cries?" Polaris's voice was velvet in my ears, radiating goosebumps up my arms. I gaped at her, unable to form words, let alone conscious thought. Up close, the deep purple of her eyes swirled in rhythmic waves, seeming to glow with a buzzing power. Swallowing hard, I interlaced my trembling fingers, falling to my knees to bow before her.

"Although I appreciate your gesture of respect, there's no need for it, my dear." Suddenly, she was before me, tipping my chin up to meet her gaze with delicate, cool fingers.

The softness of her touch on my face brought a flush across my cheeks. She stood so close, if I leaned slightly forward, my nose would touch hers. Her sharp but sweet aroma wrapped around me. She smelled of apple and bergamot. She brought me to my feet, my knees still gelatinous and shaking. Smiling, the goddess tucked a loose strand of hair back behind my ear and brushed the dirt from my cloak.

"Child, why have you come here tonight?" The hem of her deep navy dress swished as she took a step back and encouraged me to speak, letting her hands fall gently to her sides. The material shimmered as if every star in the sky above had been collected and sewn into its folds. I noticed she wore no crown, just a carved amethyst clip collecting strands of hair neatly at the nape.

"I was looking for answers, Goddess," I said, my voice nearly a whisper. She raised a brow in my direction, and I could've sworn a slight smile curled at the corner of her plum colored lips.

"And did you find them?" she asked.

A trace of amusement floated just beneath the surface of her words. I sighed and shook my head, picking at a hangnail on my thumb nervously. Her eyes sparkled as she snapped her open fingers in front of her. The sconces mounted in each corner of the room erupted into flame, then faded into a dim crackle. Polaris placed her hands behind her back and began down the corridor, her steps so gentle she seemed to float above the floor.

"I would disagree, my dear. I think you've found everything you needed tonight." Smiling, she pulled a book from a shelf, opening it and perusing its contents until deciding it wasn't what she sought and returned it to its place.

"I have found no clarity here. Just a history lesson on the Great War and the fact that I descended from farmers," I grumbled, my brow wrinkling with frustration. Polaris reached for another book and flipped to its first page, rubbing her chin as she scanned each line.

Without looking up from the text, she said, "Elpis, dear, how can you expect to find clarity when you aren't truly looking for it?" she asked, without looking up from the text.

I hesitated, unsure what she meant.

"When you're ready for the truth, it will appear," she whispered.

What was it with immortals and riddles?

"But I am ready for the truth! I need to know what I'm up against. I… I'm frightened." My voice trailed off.

It was the first time I'd truly acknowledged my fear out loud. Speaking those words, it made everything solid. Polaris closed her book gently and looked up at me, her glittering eyes now soft and loving.

"It is you, my dear, that you are frightened of. Just remember that."

I sighed and slumped onto the oak stool next to me. Holding my head in my hands, I begged the goddess to tell me what she meant. I needed her to explain what was happening and why.

"Goddess, please, I don't know what that means." I looked up, wiping the new tears from my eyes.

The sconces, once lit, were cold and dark. I was utterly alone. Had I just imagined that? I rubbed at my eyes, making sure I wasn't hallucinating. The shadows of these archives must have caused me to see things that weren't truly there.

I shuddered, wrapping my cloak tightly around myself to warm the deep chill that now dripped down my bones. Scanning the room once more, I noticed a book resting on the desk in the center of the space where the imaginary Polaris had stood. The book hadn't been there when I entered, and I definitely didn't place it there.

Something struck within me that maybe what I'd just experienced was real, and I truly did just converse with our namesake goddess. With shaky fingers, I lifted the text from the marble tabletop. A dictionary? What was so special about a Gods damned dictionary? Maybe the Goddess was mocking me. Maybe that's what immortals did, simply toyed with their mortal people. I slammed the dictionary shut, gripped the leather bound and flung it across the room.

The heavy text hit the opposing wall with a thud, smashing the glass mirror mounted there upon impact. I sucked in a gasp, praying the guards above hadn't returned yet to hear the sudden disturbance of glass shatter. Save for the blood now roaring in my ears, all was quiet.

Gathering the glass shards, my mouth thinned with growing frustration. I needed to clean this mess to avoid igniting suspicion when the morning guards did their rounds. The last thing I needed was to spark up my search party in the city again. I'd heard they'd scoured the western realm with no success and were making their way down the southern trade routes, hunting for a lead.

When I bent down to pick up the final shard, however, something struck my eye. In the crease where the tile flooring met the wall, a sliver of vibrant magenta peeked from beneath the aging wallpaper. Placing the shards in a pile beside me, I scratched at the wall. The adhesive was aged enough that the wallpaper panel peeled cleanly off.

Hidden beneath was a mural so vibrant, so masterfully painted, it stole every breath in my lungs. Fluorescent greens, blues, and violets washed across the wall. A symbol of our northern goddess and her power.

The borealis bent and curled around a black mountain peak. Something about the landscape felt familiar. The colorful swirls in the painted sky seemed to call to me, inviting me to come closer with its beauty.

As if in a trance, I traced my finger along the mountain range, feeling the raised ridges of the brushstrokes. The landscape extended further beneath the wallpaper. With each panel of wallpaper I tore, the mural grew in size and splendor. A fjord in front of snowy mountain tops. A frozen lake, the reflection of the starry sky bouncing off its surface. A small cottage with smoke meandering out its stone chimney.

What was this place? The area resembled the Northern Realm, with slight variations. Where I expected a dip in the mountainous background, there would be a peak. A crystalline lake where there should have been flatland. I needed to know what this beautiful world was.

Finally, I ripped the final panel of wallpaper from its paste,revealing the last section of the mural. Inscribed within a small box was a sentence or two written in the ancient northern folk's language. Most of our realm's written history hadn't yet been transcribed in the modern tongue. With the hardships of winter and the depression that swallowed our city, transcription was lost to the wayside. And so, my sister and I were required to learn the ancient dialect. Academics and chroniclers maintained primarily, but as royals, it was equally important that we'd read it proficiently.

"When winter and spring coincide, darkness's heir brings the light of truth and the fall of vanity. Only embers of life can destroy visions of death." What did that mean? Someone had clearly covered this up. It must be of significance. I had a lot to report to Frya and Rune. Maybe they'd make some sense of this cryptic message. I had come to the archives seeking clarity, but would leave with something far from it.

A shuffle on the level above caused my heart to plummet into my stomach. Shit. How much time had I spent down here? And where the hell was Arcturas? She'd caught on a scent trail and disappeared down some shadowy alcove.

Hastily, I rolled the shreds of wallpaper into a dark corner row, tossing the mirror shards into a pile beside them. The dictionary, I tucked into my cloak. Not that I expected it to unlock the hidden mysteries of the realm, but Polaris had left it for a reason. I needed time to figure out why.

As I hastily made my way up the steps to the upper foyer of the temple, I couldn't shake the sinking feeling of dread. Something was coming for me, and if I didn't figure out what or why… I cast out the thought before it could bubble to the surface. Sitting at the top step was Arcturas, happily wagging her bushy tail, tongue hanging to the side of her mouth.

"Where have you been?" I hissed, reaching the top level, and tiptoeing toward the temple's entrance. She whined quietly and fell in step behind me. There was no sign of the guards returning for shift. All was quiet. Still, I had already risked too much time here. With each passing second, city guards could be returning to their post. We swiftly exited the temple, leaving the unlit sconces and shadows with their secrets.

The late night air stung in my throat as we made our frosty descent. I barely noticed it though, as thoughts and questions whizzed around my mind. Polaris and her riddles echoed through me until her words were exhaustively carved into my memories. The landscaped mural and its ancient message. Something had been so familiar about that place. Like I'd been there in a daydream, or a distant memory. I needed to think, to reflect on what I'd seen and experienced tonight. I needed to get out of this damned cold.

By the time we reached the tavern, a thin, dewy glaze of delirium had filmed over my eyes and my body ached in every muscle. Greeted by candlelight and bombarded by questions from a frantic Frya as we entered, all I could do was hold up my hand, mutter a few words, and climb the stairs to bed.

Throughout the next morning, Frya swarmed me like a fly to decay, asking question after question about the temple and what I'd found out. I'd chosen not to mention the part where I'd come face to face with our patron goddess, and instead focused on the mural and its mysterious inscription.

She devoured every piece of information I fed her and exploded with dozens more questions I didn't have the answer to. By the time the morning sun reached its pinnacle, I wanted to rip all of my hair out and scream at her until my cheeks were blue. I held my tongue, of course, throwing myself into my chores.

An hour or two before the tavern's opening, a knock on the locked front door interrupted Frya's relentless interrogation, however, and we looked at each other with startled expressions. Hiding in the kitchen, ready to slip into the cellar at a moment's notice, I watched the barkeep hobble to the front of the tavern. She slowly unlocked the door and cracked it open, just enough to peek through at the unannounced visitor. A familiar male voice, cheery with energy, spoke from outside as Frya said, "Oh, it's you."

Scowling, she stepped aside. Rune wore a thick fur-lined cloak, his espresso hair speckled with flurries. His eyes lit up as they met mine. Shedding the heavy layer, he trotted towards me, hands hidden beneath the pockets of black wool trousers.

"Ell! I wanted to make sure you were okay after the other night. I'm sorry I couldn't come sooner. The harvest held me up. Here, I brought you something I thought might cheer you up." Pulling a mason jar of what appeared to be some sort of jam littered with minuscule black seeds from his left pocket, he said, "Plum! Freshly made this morning."

He held the jar out, grinning widely. The deep red color of its contents reminded me more of congealed blood than a sweet topping for toast. Plucking the jar from his open palm, I faked a smile and thanked him, praying silently that he didn't insist I try it.

"It's delicious on fresh bread. I thought about bringing a loaf from my uncle's stores, but it would've been a cube of ice after traveling through this storm," he chuckled.

"Oh, that's alright, I'll try it with breakfast tomorrow morning." The lie slipped through my teeth, maybe too sweetly, and I cleared my throat, hoping he hadn't noticed.

"So," I began, changing the subject as abruptly as I could, "I did some…research… last night." Frya's intense stare burned holes in the back of my head as I crossed the tavern and pulled three chairs in front of the hearth.

"Anyone want some tea?" she interrupted. The bluntness in her tone screamed at me to keep the events of last night from him.

"No, thank you though Frya," I said, turning back to Rune who's golden eyes now burned with fierce curiosity.

If I held out now, the poor man might explode. I started the retelling of my experience in the archives, still leaving out Polaris and her speech of riddles. Rune's brow furrowed deeper across his face. With each passing question, another wrinkle creased itself between his eyes.

The white cotton tunic he wore hung loosely down his chest, revealing a peak of tanned, muscular flesh. Catching my traitorous eyes as they trailed to the exposed, smooth skin, I blinked towards my feet, stroking the sleeping wolf beneath me, my cheeks now the color of his plum jam.

"I can't believe you snuck into the temple! The guards could have seen you! Or worse, I've heard Polaris frequents the archives at night. Disappointing there wasn't much insight to find, though. The mural sounds promising. If we knew what it meant." He leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees, chin cupped in the palm of his hands. Frya joined us, carrying a tarnished glass and her polishing rag.

"So, this inscription. Tell me again exactly what it said." She sat behind Rune.

"When winter and spring coincide, darkness's heir brings the light of truth and the fall of vanity. Only embers of life can destroy visions of death," I recited.

"I'm not sure about the first bit, but darkness's heir… that reminds me of a story I'd been told as a girl." Frya placed the glass gently. "My grandmother loved ancient folk fables. There was one she'd tell me occasionally about the old gods. The predecessors of our namesakes today. There was Night, Day, Dawn, and Dusk. The points of the circadian cycle. Night, the ancestral god of our Polaris, was sometimes also referred to as simply darkness. Maybe that's what the ancients were referring to?"

"If that's the case, that mural must be hundreds of thousands of years old. I knew the temple was old, but damn, not that old," I said, stroking Arcturas's ear beneath the table.

"The ancient folk built around the mountain. Maybe the archives had already been there? darkness's heir could be simply suggesting our goddess. She was his descendent," Frya said.

"Maybe. I don't know what this all means or even if it has anything to do with me, but what I know is that someone covered it up. Someone wanted to keep this a secret. Maybe we shouldn't go poking our noses into this. Gods only know what it'll stir up." I tapped my fingers on the rough wooden table. The heat from the hearth turned stifling. I was treading into something I wasn't sure I should be. Something ancient. Something big.

My brow beaded with sweat. All I'd wanted was my freedom from this world. To live a quiet life far away, without the constant breath of fear tickling down my neck. That tower had taken everything from me, and yet I'd risked it all twice over to escape. Wasn't that enough? I was sinking into quicksand, unable to pull myself free from whatever shadows lurked beneath my skin.

Pulling the neck of my tunic from my sticky flesh, I stood from my seat.

"Rune, would you like to walk with me through the courtyard? I think I need some air."

He nodded and rose to his feet.

"I need to get dinner started. Don't worry, dear. We'll figure this out. Everything will be fine." Tucking the tray under her arm, Frya smiled sadly and limped to the kitchen. Arcturas trailed behind her, hoping to catch a rogue scrap or two fallen from the counter.

The courtyard, although small, was peaceful at night. Torches mounted on the exterior walls of the tavern and the adjoining brick townhomes flickered quietly, throwing shadows across the small stone fountain babbling at the yard's center. Our steps sunk into the snow as we passed firs that speckled the bleached ground with emeralds and olives. The air of the evening left my cheeks riddled with a harsh chill, but I welcomed it, trying to cool the heat of the hearth from my face.

Rune was quieter than I'd expected. A distance had glazed over him, as if he'd been carried somewhere far from here. Just like Frya, whose mind often tangled with memory and reality, I'd notice that same vacancy blink across Rune's eye. It was subtle and fleeting, but I recognized it. Demons of something, or someone, or somewhere, haunted him. Just as I was. Just as Frya was. Maybe the three of us had found each other for a reason. Maybe he needed this friendship just as much as I needed it.

"I love coming out here at night. Everything's so peaceful. It's one of the few places I truly feel at ease," I said, plucking a needle from a juvenile tree.

Rune gazed at the sky. Thousands of stars twinkled at us in a milky wave of ancient light.

"It's a clear one tonight," he said, silver moonlight reflecting off his sharp jawline. "I haven't seen the stars quite like this in a long time."

Not a grey cloud was visible above us. We stopped to admire the infinite stretch of galaxies and constellations extending from horizon to horizon. I took a long breath, letting the calmness of the night wash through me.

"My mother used to tell me the myths and legends of the sky when I was a child. There was a time when I could recite any of the constellations and their fables." Rune's expression grew dim.

"I don't think I remember a single one now, though."

A nighthawk screeched from above, its raven-colored wingspan nearly invisible against the blackness of the sky as it soared across the courtyard.

"How did you lose her?" I asked, hoping I hadn't overstepped.

He was quiet for a while, contemplating a response.

With a voice, nearly a whisper, he said, "She was sick."

We circled the courtyard once more.

"Flatland creatures killed my mother when I was young. I know what it's like to have someone you loved taken from you."

Faces of everyone I'd lost throughout my life blurred together. My mother. My father. Vikar. Even my sister. I hadn't realized I'd grown so quiet until Rune took my hand in his. That familiar spark pricked at the skin beneath his touch and it took everything in me not to jerk away from it.

"You have the look," he said, eyes burning into mine.

"What look?"

"The look of someone who's far too familiar with loss. I can see it behind those eyes of yours, no matter how hard you try to hide it. It's there."

The warmth of his hand against mine rose through my arm and into my chest, causing my heart to thud rapidly.

I scanned his expression, looking for something, anything, that'd give away his thoughts right now. There was nothing but kindness. Kindness and a trace of heartbreak.

"You have the look too, then."

I couldn't break the line of energy that buzzed between us.

He nodded, rubbing his thumb across the back of my hand.

Draped in curtains of moonlight, we stood there, reflecting on the demons of grief and trauma from our pasts.

I hadn't realized I was crying until Rune lifted a finger to my cheek. He wiped a salty bead of memories from my skin.

I'd been isolated, beaten, humiliated, destroyed.

My life, my future, had all been stripped from me in a matter of seconds.

My fate was decided for me.

I was losing control. My choices in life were stolen away with each passing day.

Maybe it was time I stole them back.

I was free from that tower and all the horrors it brought, but fear had been my true jailer. Fear of those shadows that dripped from my palms, fear of the Spring Queen and her vicious words. Most of all, I realized, fear of what might happen if I let myself out of that place I'd run to when everything fell apart.

What would happen if I unlocked the door? Even for a moment.

I wouldn't be afraid anymore. I leaned into Rune and brushed my lips against his. Everything inside me erupted with life. His lips burned against mine, stunned into stillness for a split second, then moving fiercely, matching the rhythm of my own. Draping my arms around his neck, I stepped into him, letting the ember of his body against mine send shockwaves throughout me.

I didn't care if this was foolish. I didn't care if he did not know who I really was. I wanted this- maybe even needed this. It was just me and him, beneath a washing of stars. It wasn't just a glimpse I'd set free, but my complete self. The brightness of who I'd been cast out those demons that had taken control. Even if only for a moment. There was nothing beyond where our lips met. Tears swelled and streaked my face. Here and now, I was truly and utterly free.

Someone cleared their throat behind me, causing Rune to rip away. Breathing with an unsteady rise and fall of my chest, I turned towards the light of the now open back door. It was Frya, wild with panic. Behind her, in atrocious purple uniforms, stood two city guards .