8. Willow

Ilook in the mirror and see that I’m still the same woman. I still have the same reflection. I still have the same goals, the same wants, and the same needs. But there is a difference. I don’t want to be all dramatic and I certainly don’t believe in all those romance novels, but I can see it in me. There’s no denying it.

I knew that I liked control in my personal life as well as my professional one. But Lola made me see just how deep that ran in me. It was a surprise. I’m happy to see her sparkle and I love watching her flirt. She surprises me with her directness--how she can say or do something that others may only think about.

Then it all changes in a second and her body sings for me. She comes apart just for me. Sometimes I don’t even know what I’m saying: I just seem to know what Lola needs to hear to make her magical navy blue eyes fill with devotion.

I’m obsessed with her. With us, and what we are together.

I watch her dance in the club when I can. I feel the sting of jealousy when I see the men looking at her with lust, but it’s only natural and I let myself feel it. But I also revel in the knowledge that for every dollar that gets tucked into Lola’s panties, it will be me that she goes home with. And that makes everything ok.

Lola isn’t interested in them. She is interested in me, only me. And I don’t doubt that for a second.

Lola is an actor, a performer. Lola gives what she needs to give to survive in life.

Her body and face make a living for her. But, at the same time, Lola loves it. She loves the adoration. She loves the effect she has on people when she is nude, smearing neon paint over her incredible God-given body.

And it feels like a privilege to see her do something that she loves, however unconventional.

But it isn’t just about the sex with Lola. For a woman in her late twenties, Lola acts like a teenage girl. She lives her life purely for enjoyment and the for sheer joy of being. For someone who doesn’t see much of the daylight hours, every moment of the night belongs to her. This city that I know like the back of my hand by day becomes a whole new place in the darkness. I love discovering it with her.

“Let’s go to the Big Easy,” she says, dragging me out the back of McLandon’s, a huge smile on her face.

“Big Easy? Why does that sound like the kind of place I won’t like?” I ask. I wrap my arm around Lola anyway and let her lead the way. She laughs.

“Oh, you’ll see, your Gucci won’t be noticed there, but they make a mean JD and coke, and Mac is pretty cool.”

The Big Easy was a downtown dive bar. As far as I was concerned, it was a gritty, run-down establishment located right in the city’s urban core. We enter. The atmosphere is dark and dingy, with a mix of old bar stools and tables that have seen better days. The walls are adorned with neon beer signs, vintage memorabilia, and graffiti.

The bar serves cheap drinks in large measures--in plastic cups--and the music is loud and eclectic, ranging from classic rock to punk to hip hop.

The clientele is a mixed bag of locals, regulars, and tourists alike, all looking for a cheap drink and a good time, and my gaze drifts over them as we make our way through. The conversations are lively, with groups of people sharing stories, jokes, and local gossip.

As I settle on a stool, I can see why Lola likes it here. Mac, the bartender, is friendly and down-to-earth, providing a sense of warmth and familiarity that is often lacking in the more upscale establishments I typically find myself in.

And to my surprise, I like it. A downtown dive bar may not be the most glamorous or trendy spot in town, but the Big Easy has its own unique charm and character.

“See,” she says with a playful wink, as she nudges my knee with her hand. Then, to the bartender, “We will take two of your finest and best, Mac!”

He gives her a smile and I can see the twinkle in his eye. I wonder how many guys she has had that effect on. The Lola Effect is still very much present, even when she is fully and casually dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. Her body still sings from beneath her clothes, her incredible skin is still shiny and bronze, and her eyes are still that other worldly dark blue. Most of all, there is her dazzling smile and childlike charm.

Lola’s joy and beauty is infectious and I’m not the only one who feels it. I notice this everywhere we go together.

People fall in love with Lola a little bit every day. She easily charms everyone she meets. It doesn’t make me question myself. I know who I am. I am confident in my sense of self. Still, it makes me wonder if I would be happier if I weren’t always so distant from people.

I watch Mac make the drinks, generous pourings, the right amount of ice and a splash of soda stream coke that looks thick and sugary. He slides the glasses across the bar to us, with a straw for good measure.

I think college was the last time I drank out of a plastic cup with a straw. While I feel the nostalgia, I also feel that Mac does indeed make a killer JD and coke, and I’m suitably impressed.

“I swear it’s the straw,” Lola says with a smile. I can’t help but laugh.

“Maybe it’s the company,” I say softly, and watch the way she plays with the straw with her tongue.

Then she looks up at me with a nervous smile. “Well . . . speaking of company . . .”

The timing couldn’t have been more perfect. The second she starts to speak, the door swings open. It takes me a few seconds to see why this dive bar might be more popular than others and why Mac might be a little friendlier than most.

The dancers of McLandon’s, Lola’s work friends, descend on the scene in a haze of perfumed air, giggles, cigarette smoke and an aura of sex that can almost be seen pulsing in the air. They are wrapped up and dressed for a change, but I can still see the glisten of oil on the flashes of bare skin. They shrug off their coats.

Lola’s girlfriends saunter through, their laughter echoing through the dimly lit space. Dressed to the nines in shimmering, revealing outfits, they are the center of attention as all eyes turn toward them. Their high-heeled shoes click against the scuffed wooden floors as they make their way to the bar.

Despite the stares of the regular patrons, the girls seem to be enjoying themselves, their laughter and playful banter filling the room. They order drinks with a wink and a smile, eliciting chuckles and flattery from Mac.

As they gather around a table in the corner, their conversation grows louder and more animated, occasionally punctuated with bursts of raucous laughter. They seem to be oblivious to the stares and whispers of the other patrons--enjoying each other’s company and the carefree atmosphere of the dive bar. Their presence lends an air of glamour and mystique to an otherwise sleepy place, and for a moment, the dive bar feels like the most exciting place in the world.

“Come on,” Lola says with a smile as she stands and beckons me toward the table in the corner.

I follow her. I definitely feel plain next to these women who are full of color, glitter and shimmer, but Lola’s in her element. She is around the same age as me and I definitely don’t consider myself old. In fact, in my profession, I’m still a baby.

When I’m alone with Lola, I’m motherly toward her. I see our mommy/little girl dynamic as clear as day. Although I never before realized that was my thing, it certainly is my thing.

But here in Lola’s world, it’s obvious that Lola is the veteran, the mother hen. The other girls all look at her as she walks over. In a couple of the women, I can see a flash of something like jealousy on their pretty faces. Maybe Lola is a rarity in her field, but most of them have obvious respect, care, and love for her.

“Girls, this is Willow. Willow, these are the girls. They can introduce themselves when they want. You’ll forget their names, but that’s okay!” she says with a laugh, as she sits down and takes a big drink from her Jack Daniels and coke.

I don’t think anyone could necessarily tell they were strippers, but what does strike me is the variety in their appearances. Tall, short, dark, fair, caramel skin, hazel eyes, blonde, full chest, small chest, sweeping hips. Something for every taste.

The one thing they have in common is this easy sensuality, like sex is so natural to them that it seeps out of their every pore. I feel almost turned on by being around women like this.

The bar is buzzing with laughter, music, and the clinking of glasses. Lola and I keep catching each other’s eyes from across the table and our eyes hold steady as we sip our drinks.

The girls grow louder as the alcohol flows. They laugh at each other’s jokes and share stories of their past experiences. But I only have eyes for Lola, and I feel the sparks flying between us as we lean in closer and closer---the chemistry between us palpable.

As the night wears on, we linger over our drinks and continue flirting, unabated, our bodies inching closer as we bask in each other’s company. Finally, we acknowledge our need. With a knowing look, we make the decision to leave the bar together.

Our fingers intertwine as we make our way out of the bar, my heart beating wildly with anticipation. Every moment feels like an eternity as we walk home, the anticipation heightening with every step. The streets are quiet and deserted as we walk arm-in-arm through the empty city. It’s three in the morning. Our hair is messy and our faces glow from the drinks we shared at the dive bar.

As we make our way through the cool night air, our conversation becomes hushed and intimate. We share stories and secrets, whispering sweet nothings to each other--our laughter and occasional kisses punctuating the soft sounds of the night. The streetlights cast an ethereal glow on Lola’s face, highlighting the want and tenderness that flows between us. And we stop on a quiet street corner, the silence is broken by the sound of our soft kisses and whispered desires to one another.

As we reach my apartment, the air buzzes with electricity. Entering the hallway, we waste no time as we explore each other’s bodies. Our passion and chemistry are undeniable. With every touch, kiss, and caress, it’s more clear that we have found something special in each other.