Chapter Twenty-Five

August 2005

Since Isa's announcement at Grad Nite, the pair had been inseparable in a different kind of way. Maybe it was wrong of Mandy not to tell her mother about her and Isa's new relationship status, but then again, if Mandy had, she wouldn't be standing in her kitchen in her underwear and slippers making cookies with Isa at midnight while her parents slept. Isa wore her favorite plaid pajama pants and shirt combo—but for some reason, she looked extra cute in it that night.

"We should crush up pretzels and put them in there too," Isa said.

"Pretzels in chocolate chip cookies?" Mandy was intrigued—she wouldn't knock a food combination without ever trying it herself.

"Salty and sweet." Isa nudged Mandy with her hip. "Like you and me."

"Which one of us is salty?"

Isa quirked that eyebrow of hers, and Mandy just wanted to tackle her right then and there and kiss her all over.

"Very funny." Mandy instead threw an M she knew everything there was to know about Isa and her family. They were practically Mandy's family, after all. When Mandy and Isa were growing up, there were many nights Mandy slept over at Isa's that her mom wasn't there—just Abuela to look after them—because Sandy worked all night to come home, eat a meal with them, and head off to work again. And although Mandy never met Isa's dad, she saw pictures of him on the table in the dining room, and in Sandy's bedroom, and he was always prominently displayed each year on their ofrenda. "Isa's the smartest girl I know."

"She is. And I know you want what's best for her too, don't you?"

"Yes, of course."

"I know you do. I know you love her. But sometimes loving isn't enough. Sandra and Roberto loved each other and, well…" Abuela made the sign of the cross before she turned and held Mandy's gaze. "I know your love for each other is the same."

Did Abuela know about Isa and Mandy? Was she upset that they were together or that no one told her about it? Isa had planned to tell Sandy and Abuela when they got back from Europe, she just didn't want to do it before. Didn't want to ruin their summer of love—plus, the sneaking-around thing was pretty hot. Mandy opened her mouth, but Abuela held up a hand. "I'm not here to discuss that. I am here because I want to ask you, why are you going to Europe?"

Mandy chewed on the inside of her cheek; she didn't know where Abuela was going with this. "It's been a dream of mine, I suppose."

"And what is Isa's dream?"

To be a doctor, both of them knew that. "What are you saying?"

"Why not wait to go to Europe? Isa has scholarships and plans, but now"—Abuela raised an empty hand—"she wants to go to Europe too. But it will still be there—the scholarships and plans, maybe not."

"Are you saying Isa will lose her college money?" Isa had never mentioned this to Mandy. She had said that she would have to figure out loans and how to pay for things when they got back but never said she was giving anything up. Why wouldn't she tell Mandy something as important as this? "She never said."

"Isa wants to do what will make you happy."

Mandy wasn't sure how she should feel hearing that. She wanted to do what made Isa happy too. They had made plans together, but as the porch swing shifted under her, Mandy realized how much of these plans had been made around Mandy. Plans Mandy had made months before Isa was even a part of them. This trip was Mandy's dream. "I can't not go."

"And Isa can't not be a doctor." Abuela took Mandy's hand. "Ahogado el ni?o, tapando el pozo." Mandy scrunched her face. What did kids and wells have to do with this? "It's better to do what is right now, before worse things happen," Abuela said. "It won't be easy, for either of you, but it will be what's best."

Mandy understood. Isa needed to be a doctor, she needed her scholarships, and Sandy had worked so hard to help Isa achieve her dream. Having Isa come with Mandy could ruin that dream for Isa forever. And if Mandy didn't go, it would ruin her dream. A knot formed in Mandy's chest. "I don't want to hurt her."

"I know, mija. But it's for the best."

Was it though? How could not being with Isa be the best thing? What would she say if Mandy told her Abuela talked to her? So many questions raced through Mandy's head.

Long after Abuela left, Mandy's stomach was still in knots as she lay on her bed staring at the ceiling. There had to be a way to figure this out. There had to be something Mandy hadn't thought of so they could both get what they wanted.

Maybe Mandy could help pay for Isa's college. Then again, she was already going to be upset Mandy bought her shoes; there was no way Isa would let Mandy do that. Maybe Isa wouldn't lose all her scholarships. Or maybe there was something else she could do to arrange it with the school—like get a job or work on campus. How much could it cost to go to Boston University, anyway? Mandy never looked up colleges or how much they were because she knew she wasn't going to one right away.

Determined that there had to be something she hadn't thought of, Mandy sat at her computer and started to search. Student loans. College tuition. Personal loans. Off-campus housing—it wasn't like Mandy could stay in the dorms with her. Would Isa still be allowed to live there if she were late checking in? Wow, apartments in Boston were expensive. Mandy would definitely need her parents' help if she wanted to move there. They loved Isa, but they weren't going to like this. They'd also want to know what Mandy would plan to do—she hadn't really thought about it beyond just being with Isa.

Then Mandy searched for her art program. Looked at all the pictures of smiling students and of the school's spacious studios to work in. Plus, she'd already paid to watch a guest lecture and demonstration from one of her favorite artists. When would she ever get to do that again?

Isa wanted to experience Europe with Mandy. She wanted them to eat fish and chips, and buy ridiculous hats, and drink espresso from tiny little cups at an outdoor café, and Isa really wanted to see the Eiffel Tower. Mandy wanted to do those things with Isa too. They'd made plans and had maps with special star stickers on them of all the things they wanted to experience together. But none of that was what Isa needed .

Abuela was right. Isa had too much to lose—and their dreams of being together in Boston weren't going to be as easy as they'd hoped. Mandy was being selfish thinking Isa could drop everything to be with her. Isa had worked too hard. But just telling Isa no, that she couldn't come along, wasn't that simple. Tears soaked into Mandy's pillow. She was going to have to do the hardest thing she'd ever had to do. She was going to have to break Isa's heart, and in the process, she'd also be breaking her own.