Chapter Fourteen

July 2004

Sleepovers at Isa's house were the best. So far this summer they had already racked up a number of them—alternating whose house they stayed at. And while Mandy loved her giant bed, the trundle that pulled out from under Isa's was pretty comfortable. But the absolute best part of sleepovers at Isa's was that Abuela made breakfast.

Mandy lay in bed staring at the plastic stars she and Isa had put on her ceiling ages ago as the savory smell of what was most likely eggs and chorizo wafted in from the crack under Isa's door.

Abuela always made chorizo when Mandy stayed over, knowing it was her favorite. And the tortillas Abuela made from scratch were better than any other tortillas ever.

Isa was still curled up in bed fast asleep. They had stayed up late the night before watching movies and eating way too many M as her own grandmother said at first, "Oh, it's just a phase." But Abuela surprised Mandy, insisting she meet this girl. "You should love whoever you want," she told Mandy, and kissed her cheeks. "You should be happy."

Later Abuela would tell Mandy about a brother she had who liked other boys, and although he never told the rest of the family, Abuela knew—and she knew how sad he was all the time hiding who he really was.

"You two just got off on the wrong foot," Mandy tried to reason. But reasoning with Abuela wasn't easy, and normally should be avoided at all costs.

"She only has two wrong feet," Abuela muttered before ripping off a piece of tortilla and popping it into her mouth.

Abuela's first meeting with V did not go well. At all. And it got worse when V accidentally broke a statue of Our Lady of Guadalupe. Mandy hoped Abuela would give V another chance but never pushed the issue.

"She wakes," Abuela said as Isa appeared from the hallway, rubbing her eyes.

Isa greeted Abuela the same way Mandy had before, then took her usual seat next to Mandy. "It's hard to sleep with all the noise out here. What are we talking about?"

Abuela shook her head and gave Isa a look. A long time ago she would have told Isa in Spanish, but over the years, Mandy picked up more and more until she understood enough to be dangerous. So now Abuela used glances to communicate, but Mandy knew what most of those meant too. This look meant that Isa shouldn't ask. "Eat. Eat."

Isa started to make herself a plate, taking the hint to change the conversation. "That movie gave me the weirdest dreams. I still don't get if all those things really happened or not."

The movie was Big Fish , and while it was interesting and had some really fascinating characters, Mandy wasn't entirely sure what it was all about either. "Does it matter?"

"I guess not, I just kinda want to know. Because how cool was some of that? The circus and traveling and meeting all those people?"

"Studying is good too." Abuela always liked to remind them of this whenever she could. "You can learn lots from books."

"Too bad the ones they make us read at school are so boring," Mandy said.

"I told you to take AP." Isa shoved a bite of food into her mouth, then mumbled around it, "We don't use the same books you do."

Mandy could've taken AP. It was an option for every student, but she didn't think she could compare to the kids in those classes. They were all so smart, and Mandy was just average. She excelled in art, and that was where it ended for her. Otherwise, school was something she needed to do, not anything she actually enjoyed, or was "good" at. "Well, I'd love to travel." Mandy changed the conversation back to the movie—a topic she was more comfortable with. "I'm thinking I might want to go to Europe after graduation. So many great artists have come from there. And it has so much history and culture."

"You should," Isa said, and Abuela relaxed into her chair just a little—likely because Isa's response wasn't me too .

"You still need to go to college," Abuela said.

"I know. I will. I just…it would be fun."

"You know what else is fun?" Abuela asked. "Dishes."

"Yes, Abuela," Mandy and Isa responded in unison.

That was one thing Mandy didn't love about Isa's kitchen. It didn't have a dishwasher, but she had gotten used to helping clean up after a meal. Isa and Mandy had a system. They would switch off who would wash and who would dry, and then occasionally toss each other things just to hear Abuela utter, "Ay, Dios mío," while she sat and watched them from the dining room.

After everything was put away, Mandy went home to get ready for V. She needed to wash her hair, shave, and put on makeup and the new dress she bought. She wanted to really impress V since she had been gone for such an extended time. Their calls hadn't been as often or as long as Mandy wished they'd been. But V was busy with all her family things, so Mandy couldn't be mad at her. What she could do was remind V what she had been missing.

Mandy had worked herself up so much she was practically vibrating by the time she got to V's house, and her hand shook when she rang the bell. What she really wanted to do was rush inside, but the door was likely locked, and Mandy tried her best to be patient. The chimes hanging from the porch jingled, and little kids across the street screeched in delight as they ran back and forth in the sprinkler, a set of moms standing close by, watching them with wineglasses in their hands.

A car drove past, and then another. Did she get the time wrong? Mandy took a step back and looked at the empty driveway. Did V go somewhere and forget Mandy was coming? She pulled out her phone, about to give V a call, when the door creaked open.

A groggy-eyed beauty peeked her head out. "Mandy?"

Not able to contain herself anymore, Mandy launched forward, pushing the door open wider and embracing V. "I've missed you so much."

"Yeah, me too." V wrapped her arms around Mandy. "I'm sorry…I was sleeping."

"Jet lag is the worst, isn't it?" Mandy had experience with this every time she got back from her family's holidays. She leaned in to kiss V.

V turned away and covered her mouth. "I should brush."

Duh. Even though it was the afternoon, morning breath was the worst no matter what time it was. Not that Mandy really cared about it, but V did, and Mandy respected that. "So can I come in?"

"Oh, yeah." V stepped back to let Mandy inside.

If Mandy had to describe V's house, she would say it was a cross between her own and Isa's. Sizewise it was right in the middle. Like Isa's home, it had lots of family pictures, and like Mandy's it had a design magazine kind of decor. Except for having a room that no one actually sat in; Mandy had one of those that her mom kept pristine. Every room in V's house was used, and in order to keep it pristine, there was plastic that covered the sofa.

Since it seemed like they were alone, Mandy headed toward the back of the house where V's room was, but V stopped her.

"Let's sit in here instead," she said.

Her parents would probably be home soon, so Mandy didn't question it. She was just so excited it didn't matter where they were. Mandy had missed seeing her face, smelling her lavender body lotion. "I want to hear everything. How was it?" She had never been to Mississippi.

Instead of joining Mandy on the couch, V sat in the chair next to her. She looked adorable with her hair in a bonnet and wearing her PINK sweatpants and tank. "Good. It was good. My nana was so happy to have everyone together." V pulled her knees into her chest and tugged on the bottom of her sweats. Her toenails had been painted a bright pink with little white flowers on her big toes. She glanced down, and then when she glanced back up again her eyes were glassy. Poor thing. She must've been really, really jet-lagged.

Mandy started to move over to hold her in her arms, but as soon as she leaned forward, V raised a hand.

"I can't do this," she said. "I thought I could, but you look so amazing and you're looking at me like that, and I…I have to tell you something."

She looked good, but why was that a bad thing? Bad enough to make V cry. What was Mandy missing?

"At first it wasn't anything. My cousin had a friend with her, and she was really cool, and we would all hang out, and it was no big deal."

Mandy fiddled with the hem of her dress; she heard the words coming out of V's mouth, but she did not want to process them. She wanted to tell V to stop, but she couldn't—because at the same time she needed to know what V was going to say.

"And, well, you were here and so far away, and I just didn't get to talk to you enough, and one night she kissed me—"

"What was her name?" Mandy didn't know why this was important, but at that moment it was.

"Kaylee." V couldn't meet Mandy's eyes. "I wasn't even into her like that, but I don't know. Kaylee kissed me, and I didn't stop her, and then we—"

"That's enough." It was all more than enough. Mandy might have been sitting on a plastic-covered couch, but she was also staring up at a Ferris wheel as Brandon Martínez sat there with someone else. Just like that night, Mandy wanted to run, but she also couldn't move.

"I'm so sorry." Tears rolled down V's cheeks, and she brushed them away with the back of her hand. "I love you so much. I would take it all back if I could. I know it was stupid." She sniffled, and then she used her tank top to wipe her nose.

"You weren't going to tell me." Mandy wasn't sure how she kept her voice so level. "You said you can't do this, meaning you were going to just pretend it didn't happen."

"It didn't mean anything," V tried to reassure her. "She doesn't matter to me. You do. It's in the past. I can't change it. And I didn't want to hurt you. But the way you look at me…"

"So this is my fault?"

"That's not what I'm saying."

"But I wasn't there. And now I'm looking at you…and you didn't want to hurt me, but now you are. This hurts me, Veronica."

"Don't do that. Don't call me that." She wiped her eyes again.

"What am I supposed to call you?" Mandy didn't want to cry. She wanted to scream, or break or hit something, but she did not want to cry.

"V. Babe. Your girlfriend."

Mandy steadied her breath. Her insides shook harder than an earthquake. "You're not my girlfriend anymore." She stood up, and somehow, she left. It felt like she was there and not at the same time. Her body went through the motions. Key, ignition, drive, but her mind was blank. An empty void that echoed the sobs of the girl she left behind. Why did this have to happen to her again? What was wrong with her that people needed someone else? Why wasn't Mandy ever good enough?

She gripped the steering wheel so tightly she should've broken a finger or the wheel itself. But it didn't hurt. Not compared to the ache in her chest. Why couldn't anyone love her back?

The sun had started to set, and Mandy was still driving. She knew where she was, but she had no idea where she was going. Her phone rang again. She had lost count of how many times it had done that. It stopped and then started again.

The traffic slowed down, and Mandy was forced to stop. Her idle hands reached for the phone just as it rang again, and she picked it up.

"Where are you?" Isa's frantic voice came from the other end.

Mandy looked around. "The freeway."

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know."

"You sound so calm," she said. "Mandy?"

"Isa."

"Will you please come to my house?"

Mandy nodded even though Isa couldn't see, flipped on her turn signal, and headed home.