Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Zurielle

Ididn’t mean to fall asleep, but the last few days keep catching up with me and knocking me on my ass. When I closed my eyes on the massive bed in the spare bedroom, I was alone. I’m not alone any longer. A male body is pressed against my back, his heavy arms wrapped around me like I’m his favorite teddy bear. Alaric. The steady rise and fall of his chest tells me that he’s sleeping still. Of course he’s here again, and of course we found each other in our sleep. Again. No matter how conflicted my heart is when it comes to this man, my body doesn’t have the same reservations.

I open my eyes to find Ursa lounging on the bed just out of reach, a laptop on her thighs and a pair of bright turquoise square glasses perched on her nose. She glances at me and keeps typing. “Good, you’re awake. You have a little time before we need to get ready.”

I shift, and Alaric’s arms tighten as if even in sleep he wants to keep me with him. “You left.”

“I needed to clear my head.” She clicks a few things on the laptop and shuts it carefully. “You left first, little Zurielle.” Her dark eyes take me in as if she can see right down to the very heart of me. “You don’t like the idea of what happens after this week is over.”

She says it like she already knows the answer, but what little pride I have left demands I not roll over for her. At least not in this. “I’ve only known you a few days. It would be very ill-advised if I wanted more than this week with you.”

“With both of us.” Again, Ursa states it as fact instead of a question. She reaches out and sifts her fingers through my hair. “If I kept you, it would change you, Zurielle. There’s no avoiding it.”

I stare up at her, fighting not to arch into her touch like a cat begging for pets. “Ursa.” I clear my throat and force myself to continue, to take courage from this quiet moment. “I’m already changed from the last two days.” When she glances away, I continue. “But I was going to change regardless. No one stays the same their entire lives. It’s just not how things work.”

“There are changes, and there are changes.” She sighs. “At the end of the day, my operations aren’t that much different than your father’s. Carver City appears to have the function of a normal city, but the territory leaders are the ones who rule in truth. And they don’t do it with kindness and charm. Power demands sacrifices, and I will continue to make those offerings while I hold this seat. I am not a good woman, not by any definition. But the people in my territory are safe from a number of threats because of the power I wield. I won’t give that up, not for anyone.”

I’m not sure if she’s arguing with me or just being really insistent that I go into this with eyes wide open. “My father lied to me. I won’t pretend that I’m thrilled to be part of a criminal empire, whether in Olympus or here, but that’s the crux of it—I was already participating and benefiting from a number of illegal activities, even if I wasn’t aware of it at the time.”

“I would point out that you not being aware of it makes it a very different situation.” She examines her nails, but the tension in her body gives lie to the absentminded motion. “And you have options beyond choosing between your father and myself.”

“My father isn’t an option at all.” Not because he wouldn’t take me back at this point. He wouldn’t. But it ultimately doesn’t matter what he thinks because I refuse to return to living that half life in his household. No matter what the future holds, Olympus isn’t an option for me any longer.

“Alaric cares for you.”

I blink at the apparent change of subject. “That’s up for debate.” He’s still relaxed at my back, which amuses me despite myself. Apparently Alaric is a heavy sleeper.

“No. It’s not.” Ursa finally looks up from her nails. “He would leave with you if you asked.”

I frown. I thought she was changing her mind about letting me stay, but this seems like it’s just a continuation of our earlier conversation. Like she’s feeling me out for what would be my best option forward in walking away.

Disappointment sinks its claws into me, and my voice wobbles a little when I finally manage to speak. “You already said that you’re not keeping me. You don’t have to be cruel.” When she raises her eyebrows, I keep talking. “Alaric loves you. He’s never leaving you. Not for me. Not for anyone else. You don’t have to stick that knife in and twist it. You couldn’t be clearer that you don’t want me. You don’t have to forcibly remind me that he doesn’t want me, either.”

Her expression softens. “Little Zurielle.” She cups my face with one hand and draws her thumb across my cheek and down my face. “Whether it’s wise or not, I intend to keep you.”

My breath stalls in my lungs. “What?”

She continues as if I haven’t spoken. “But the fact remains that I am not in the business of permanent captivity, no matter how fun it is to dabble in. A week is one thing. Long term is entirely another. If you stay, you will have to compromise some of those sterling traits you cling to so tightly.”

“What sterling traits?”

“Your innocence.” She traces my bottom lip. “Your righteous anger at everything your father’s business is. As I said, our businesses are not so different—then or now. Being a hypocrite isn’t a charming look.”

She’s being serious, so I give her words serious thought. What am I willing to compromise on? “Do you deal in human trafficking?”

Ursa makes a face. “No. It’s an untoward business on multiple levels, and I won’t have it in my territory.” She tilts her head to the side. “Actually, now that I think of it, all of the current territory leaders feel the same. How novel.”

That’s a relief. “And everything else?”

She shrugs. “I am not a saint. I’ve never lied and said otherwise.”

I can accept this and we can try, or I can refuse to and be done at the end of this week. If I were the good person I pretend to be, I would leave. I would start a new life and find someone normal and mundane to love. The thought leaves me cold.

Really, there’s no choice at all, and that tells me all I need to know. I am just as selfish and complicated as my father. It’s not enough for me to forgive him for all the lies and for him trying to control every part of my life, but a small part of me understands him. The high pedestal he put me on isn’t one I choose. I don’t know where I stand on so many things, because I haven’t had a chance to figure it out for myself. Not while I lived in my father’s gilded cage.

I might as well start now.

I want Ursa. I want her more than I have right to. From the moment I first saw her sitting in the back of that town car, I felt a connection I still can’t quite put into words. It’s stronger than ever now, thrumming between us so blatantly, it’s a wonder I can’t see it disturb the air. But there’s one thing I need to know before I say the words trying to fling themselves from my mouth. “What happened with you and my father?”

She’s silent for a long moment, and I think maybe she won’t tell me. But finally Ursa sighs. “That’s a fair enough question.” She sets her laptop aside. “ I was freshly out of college and very green when I took the position at the shipyard working for Poseidon. Your father was in an identical position and we became friends. He’d worked for the company longer and showed me the ropes.” Her dark gaze is distant, focused on what happened decades in the past. “We were friends.”

Friends.

I don’t know why that surprises me. Of course their enmity flares crueler because there was genuine caring before things went sideways.

Ursa takes a breath and continues. “Several years later, Poseidon’s eldest son came of age and he wanted the boy in one of the positions held by us. We both knew too much about the operations to be fired so he lay down a challenge of sorts. Only one left standing.”

Easy enough to read between the lines. I tense. “So you tried to kill my father.”

She laughs bitterly. “No. I thought we could find another way. I naively assumed Triton felt the same, so when he said he wanted to meet me at the docks after hours, I thought nothing of it. He pulled a gun on me and offered me a choice—a bullet or exile.”

I frown. “That explains why you hate him. It doesn’t explain why he loathes you.”

“Yes, well.” Her lips curve in a self-satisfied smile. “I might not have thought he’d kill me, but I wasn’t a complete fool. I cleaned out several of his secret accounts, the ones he didn’t believe anyone knew about. It was more than enough money to pave my way to Carver City and stage a coup for this territory.”

“Ah. That would do it.” I study her expression, thinking it over. “Would you have killed him if you knew he was willing to be that ruthless?” She’d killed others, after all. It’s how she got her nickname.

She opens her mouth, but pauses. “I don’t know. Maybe. I was very young and much softer than I am now. I don’t believe I had the capacity to pull the trigger on a friend in cold blood.”

“Thank you for telling me.”

“I have to be stronger and more ruthless than other people who hold territory leader positions because of who I am. That won’t change, not as long as I live. But…” Another of those careful pauses, as if she’s arguing with herself. “But I can try to be open with you and Alaric. If you stay.”

I take a deep breath. “If I say I want to stay, what happens then?”

“So cautious.” Her lips quirk, some of the amusement returning to her dark eyes. “Then you stay. We see if we can find a proper balance with the three of us. If it works, then it works. If it doesn’t, then you’re more than capable of walking at any time with my blessing.” She glances over my shoulder, and that’s when I notice that Alaric has gone perfectly still behind me. “But we’re a package deal, darling. If you can’t forgive Alaric for what he’s done, then you shouldn’t be able to forgive me, either.”

I open my mouth, but she presses a finger to my lips. “Don’t decide now. I’ll ask you again at the end of the week. Until then, we’ll enjoy each other.”

She says it as if it’s so simple. Maybe it is. Haven’t I decided to do exactly that? Enjoy everything they give me this week? I didn’t expect it to be so complicated. That was naive of me. I swallow hard. “Okay.”

“Good. Let’s get ready. We’ll need to leave before too long for the Underworld.” She smiles at me and then climbs off the bed and walks out of the room.

Leaving me alone with Alaric.

I should turn to face him, but my courage fails me. “You heard that.”

“I heard it.”

He starts to shift away, but I grab his arms, keeping them wrapped around me. It’s easier to speak without looking at him, to admit how foolish I was that I let him close enough to cause me pain. “You hurt me badly when I realized that it was all a lie.”

“It wasn’t all a lie.”

“Alaric, you’re not the man you pretended to be. You’re not a nice guy who made a mistake. You’re not a devil, but you’re not an innocent, either.”

“You’re right.” He huffs out a breath. “But that doesn’t change the fact that I did enjoy my time with you in Olympus. And I’ve enjoyed my time with you here, too.”

I smile despite everything. “We’ve spent most of the time fucking or fighting.”

“What can I say? I have a bit of a masochistic streak.” He chuckles. “I won’t pretend that we both didn’t say some hurtful shit, but verbally sparring with you? I like it.”

I finally force myself to turn in his arms so I can see his face. “It’s that simple for you.”

“Yeah.” He shrugs as much as he can in his current position. This is the first time I’ve seen his blue eyes unshielded without some kind of kink involved. He looks almost…earnest. “I like you, Zuri. I liked you in Olympus. I like you even better now.” I open my mouth, but he cuts me off before I have a chance to respond. “Don’t you fucking dare tell me it’s because I like your pussy. I, of all people, can keep sex and messy emotions separate. I’ve been doing it for years.”

It’s really, really none of my business but I can’t help asking, “Do you think you’ll miss it?”

He blinks. “Miss what?”

“Working at the Underworld. Having sex with so many different people. All of it.”

I half expect him to answer quickly, but he takes the time to really think it over. “I don’t know. I haven’t really considered it because I’ve been so focused on getting free of Hades’s leash and moving my relationship forward with Ursa. Maybe I’ll miss it. Maybe I won’t. However I feel, I’ll talk it through with Ursa, and we’ll figure it out.”

Somehow, his words reassure me more than if he rushed to tell me that he would never, ever miss the sex work. He’s being honest, rather than telling a soothing lie. Nothing in this world is so cut and dried, and Alaric might have chosen to make a deal with Hades, but he also chose the method of his repayment. I know enough to know that. “Okay.”

Alaric studies me. “Does that bother you?”

“I don’t know.” It’s the honest answer, if an unsatisfying one. I don’t know what I’m feeling right now, only that I’m swinging madly from one emotion to another. Elation that Ursa wants me. Fear of what the future might bring. Confusion on how this could possibly work. “You and Ursa haven’t even had a chance to figure out your relationship now that your debt is paid. You don’t have a problem with her inviting me to stay?”

Alaric’s smile is surprisingly tentative. “I’d like you to stay, too.”

I can’t fault him for being an asshole last night, not when I was more than a little bit of an asshole on my own. “What if we can’t make it work?”

“Then we can’t make it work.” He sits up, bringing me with him. “No relationship is guaranteed, Zuri. Not even the happy ones. We might fall in love and fall out of it again. I might be hit by a truck tomorrow. A meteor could destroy the world.”

I blink. “That is an exceedingly dark way of looking at it.”

“Not really.” He shrugs. “Knowing that it could end only makes it sweeter while you have the good stuff. Life is hard. Really fucking hard. Hell, you know that. You haven’t been untouched by death.”

He means my mother.

“That’s not the same thing. I barely remember her.” Is it possible to miss someone you only have the faintest smudge of memories of? I don’t know. I’ve never been able to figure out if I miss her or just the fantasy of the mother my sisters say she was. Kind and strong and fierce at times. My father always says I looked the most like her, was the most like her, but how can I live up to the memory of a woman I only remember as a soft hug that smells faintly of orange blossoms?

“It counts.” Alaric smooths my hair back, his touch gentle. “Look, I won’t pressure you one way or another. But I’m willing to talk through this shit if you are.”

I glance at the door. “Maybe later? I get the feeling Ursa doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”

He grins, his seriousness falling away so quickly, I have to wonder if he’s as relieved to set this conversation aside for the time being as I am. “That’s the damn truth.” Alaric climbs off the bed and holds out his hand. “Come on, Zuri. Let’s show you how good the Underworld can be when you’re really indulging.”

He sounds so happy, so full of anticipation, that I allow myself to smile and take his hand. “I can’t wait.”