Chapter Twenty-Six

After that, I grew quiet. I'd answer Vax's questions but that was all. The shame affected me. It made it feel less like a game. Yeah, he had come on my face before, but that felt different. He had rubbed it in and been all sexy about it. This time, he made me come on my face, then added his to it. Double cum all over my face. No rubbing. No sexiness. And he made me leave it there throughout his bath. Only after he was clean did he wave me off to shower.

I'd known it would be difficult to win Vax back, but I didn't think he'd be so cold about it and for this long. I didn't think he'd revel in my humiliation. Where was the man who had touched every inch of my body as if to reassure himself that I was really there? Would he never return?

"You haven't said much today," Vax noted.

Yeah, it had been a day since that whole coming-on-my-face thing. It had taken Vax that long to notice that I was giving him the slave version of the silent treatment. Not that it was a plan or anything like that. I was simply too hurt to speak to him. Ironic since that had been all I'd wanted the day before.

But now it was dinner time, and we were sitting at his low dining table. He was sprawled out like the king he was while I knelt beside him to feed him. He'd point, and I would select the best pieces to present him with.

I didn't respond to his comment since it wasn't a question.

Vax didn't like that. He grabbed my chin and turned my head to face him. "Why are you silent? I thought you wanted to talk to me?"

I glanced at him, then lowered my gaze. "I have nothing to say, Your Majesty."

With my gaze down, all I saw was his hand clenched into a fist. I wondered if he would get violent with me. And then I wondered if that would be what finally tipped the scales. I don't let my lovers hit me. Not ever. Not even if I deserve it. Fuck that.

"You are supposed to be earning my forgiveness, Zixin," Vax said. "This is not how you do it."

I looked up and met his stare. "Then how? Tell me what to do, Your Majesty. Would you like me to suck you off as you eat? Or maybe I could bend over the table for you to use as a plate before you fuck me. Oh, I know. I could bend into an awkward position and you could throw food at me. Or would you prefer to piss on me?"

Vax jerked back at the last suggestion, his expression horrified.

"Well, thank the Gods I won't have to deal with that at least," I said. "But I'm sure you'll think of something just as humiliating for me to endure."

"So, that's what's upset you?" He lifted a brow. "Did you think this would be fun, Zixin? Did you think appeasing my anger would be exciting and even pleasurable for you?"

"I didn't think it would be humiliating."

"Humiliating? That was sex, not humiliation. Do you know what true humiliation is? It's when you crave someone above all others, you offer them everything—things you've never offered another, and they throw it all in your face."

"That's not—"

"I'm not finished!" Vax roared. "Humiliation is when you can't rule your kingdom because you're pining for one man like a pathetic youngster. It's when you tear apart the home you offered him because every beautiful thing reminds you of him. And that breakdown, that utter destruction of your sanctuary, sanity, and your pride, is seen by all the people who you need to respect you. And those people—your dread—pity you. That is humiliation, Zixin."

"Oh, Gods," I whispered. "Vax, I didn't know you felt embarrassed. I didn't know my leaving was such a big deal for you."

Vax made a disparaging sound. "Do you know why I demand sex from you constantly, Zixin? Because it's all I can think about when you're near. I can't allow myself to feel anything else for you. If I did, I would be even more humiliated. So, all I have is this base need, and it consumes me. It fucking consumes me!" he shouted. Chest heaving, he took a few seconds to compose himself, then went on. "I'm supposed to be your master, but I feel enslaved by my need for you. So, I fuck you. A lot. I take you hard and in the most demeaning ways possible because it's the only way I can bring myself to punish you." He grabbed my throat and pulled me close. "And the dragon inside me demands that you pay for what you did."

"Why?"

"What?!"

"Why, Vax? Why did my leaving hurt you so badly? You had twenty-six bed slaves to comfort you."

"I offered to give them up for you!" he snarled. "I offered you monogamy. I offered you me!" He slammed a fist to his chest. "All of me. Do you think I've ever offered that to anyone else? Do you think I've ever begged someone to stay with me?"

"You never begged me," I whispered. "It wasn't like that."

"Yes, it was!" Vax closed his eyes, calmed himself, and opened them. "It was. I offered to give up so much for you, and I asked you to give up one thing—your old life. And you refused."

"Vax, please. Try to see it from my perspective. As you said, you're a king. You have everything. What you offered was incredible, and I wanted to accept, but I couldn't leave the man who saved my life and raised me as his son. And your offer was too good to be true. I couldn't fully believe it. Why would you want me enough to give up your freedom and twenty-six lovers who obeyed your every command? It just didn't seem possible. There was a good chance that you made those offers not because you wanted me but because you didn't want to lose. I was afraid you were trying to hook me like a fish. Once I was in love with you, you'd go back to your slaves, and I would become one of them."

"Now, you doubt my honor?" Vax asked, his expression horrified.

"No," I huffed. "Not exactly. I did, but I was wrong. Don't you understand? Those fears came because you are so fucking incredible. And I am not. That you'd want to be with me was simply unbelievable. It felt like a scam. And a pirate doesn't fall for scams."

Vaxarion's jaw clenched. "So, you left me because you thought I was running a scam on you?"

"Yes." I grimaced. "Sort of. I was scared, bound to my family, and uncertain of our future. But I never thought you'd spend more than a minute mourning what we had. I thought you'd shake it off and go back to your wonderful life. While I returned to an unstable existence of piracy and a possible early death. I faced a bleak future without you, and yet you were the one who raged and burned. You were the one who withdrew from the world. And I still don't understand why."

"It's simple, Zixin," Vax said softly. "Figure it out yourself."

I paused, gathered my courage, and asked, "Do you love me, Vax?"

He looked away.

My chest clenched. "Very well. I won't ask again. And I won't try to talk to you beyond what's required. You tell me when you're ready to talk and then we can try this again."

"And what if I'm never ready? What if I only want this from you forever?"

"I told you the term of my slavery was open and I meant it. If this is all you want from me, then this is what I will give you. Forever."

Vax shuddered and bent forward. "Go to bed, Zix. I'll join you later."

I stood up and left the dining room, my hearts so heavy, I could barely lift my feet.