Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

B eth had never cared about what society said, but it was hard not to think about the rumors of her husband-to-be.

The Scottish brute, the man that murdered his own father just to take his title only to then do nothing at all with it. An evil man, a monster in fact. Had she not been desperate, she never would have even tried, yet when she entered his study and saw him she realized that what the ton said of him could not have been more wrong.

Then again, she hadn’t exactly prided herself on her judgment of the character of others. Regardless, she was in no position to assume the worst of the one person willing to help her. She had to take him at his word that he would take care of her, even if she couldn’t quite bring herself to believe it.

“I’ll be sad to see you go,” the owner of the inn she was staying in said to her that morning, “It isn’t too often that my tenants pay on time, and you never missed a day.”

That was easy enough to do when one had been given a large amount of money upon her husband’s death, though it had rapidly been running out.

“I shall miss it here too, I must admit. The freedom of it all.”

“Well, should you change your mind, the room is yours. I shan’t find another person to stay here longer than a few nights again.”

“You are too kind, Sir.”

“I mean it, Beth. If this man is not good to you, you have a home here.”

She nodded kindly before taking her things and boarding the carriage to take her to her second wedding. The owner was kind to her, but she was quite sure that he would have been less welcoming if she hadn’t had the funds to pay for it all, and that day would have approached quite quickly.

She watched the inn disappear from view, and her heart ached. It had been the closest to a real home that she had ever known, but she had always longed for somewhere she could truly see as hers. If ever that opportunity was going to arise, it would be now.

The church was far emptier this time around. Her first wedding was filled with people, none of whom she knew and most of them simply there to increase their social standing. It was quite the honor to know that her wedding was seen as such, but five years on from it she realized that it had meant nothing at all, just as this wedding did.

Even so, she had to admit that it all felt eerie, and quite surreal. It was quiet, too quiet, and it made her bristle.

Walking herself down the aisle felt strange. Even if she hadn’t particularly liked her father, at least he had done the decent thing and handed her off to her late husband. She had tried to send letters to them this time, hoping that even if they would not have time to respond they could at least attend, but they were noticeably absent. She put her shoulders back, and continued walking.

“Stomach in,” she told herself, remembering her father’s words, “No slouching, gentlemen cannot stand it. Smile. This is the best day of your life, the one that you girls dream of, so act accordingly. We spent enough money on this, so do the right thing and at least look grateful.”

She laughed softly, knowing that their supposed sacrifices had all been for nothing, though she had to admit that she was glad to have kept hold of her wedding gown. It wasn’t what she had envisioned as a girl, but it was white and that was enough. It wasn’t as though someone in her position had any right to ask for more.

Her smile faded, however, when she saw the groom. Gone was his smirk of amusement and his jovial tone, replaced by what could only seem to be anger. Then again, now that it was too late for her to leave, there was no need for him to put on a facade anymore. Was that all it was?

“Are you alright, My Lord?”

“Perfectly fine.”

“It is quite clear to me that you are not.”

“I hate weddings.”

“I see. In any case, there is no reason that we cannot-”

“Let’s just get this over with.”

“Oh,” she sighed, “Alright then.”

“Adam Winston,” the vicar began, “Wilt thou have this woman to be thy wedded wife, to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honor, and keep her in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?”

Beth had already been through the vows, and neither time did they seem to hold any real meaning. They were just words, nothing more. She thought that God would punish her for that, for taking one of his rituals and thinking nothing of it at all, but then she thought he might have at least pitied her a little.

“I will,” Adam replied, his eyes avoiding hers.

“And Miss Beth Harvelle,” the vicar continued, “Wilt thou have this man to be thy wedded husband, to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony? Wilt thou obey him, and serve him, love, honor, and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?”

“I will,” she nodded, trying to mean it.

She had promised once that she would keep a man so long as they both lived, and it was a strange thing for a lady of five-and-twenty to be saying it a second time. Then again, it would be worth it all in the end, would it not? One year, and then she would have her freedom, even if that year would be with…

Whoever this man was.

Adam took her right hand, and took his turn to say his vows. It was hard to listen to them knowing that it meant nothing, especially having already heard them before. He didn’t love her, he didn’t even know her, nor did she know him. It was preposterous that they were there, and absurd that she was going through with it, but it was not as though she had any other choice. She had to be grateful to him.

Her marriage would afford her many luxuries, not to mention a title. She was no longer a baroness, nor a widow, but a countess. Countess Beth Winston. It was a strange new feeling to be another person entirely once more. Hopefully, she thought, if the name was different then the life could be too.

There was no great celebration, nor any celebration at all. They would not even have a wedding breakfast, though it was customary, as it simply wasn’t that sort of wedding. Then again, Beth considered, her last wedding had had all of those things and it was still miserable. If anything, she was pleased that it would be over with sooner rather than later.

“Allow me,” Adam said gently, helping her into the carriage before climbing in after her, “To the Colton estate, Smith.”

Beth could have fallen from her seat.

“My Lord,” she said quickly, “We must go to your London house first. I am in no fit state for such a long journey, and nothing is prepared for our arrival there. It is unwise to leave for your main estate now.”

“It is unwise for me to spend another moment in London if I need not do so.”

“But-”

“Everything is already prepared. What do you think I have been doing all week? There is no need to worry.”

“But it- it will look bad on us.”

Adam laughed at that, and Beth eyed him carefully. With all that was said about him, she supposed that he didn’t have much to lose in terms of his reputation.

“I do not care what these people think of me, and I use the word people very loosely. You ought to care less about what they think too.”

“I want to care. It is this uncaring attitude of yours that has gotten you in this position in the first place. It would do you some good to care more.”

“Then I look forward to learning from you. Now, if you are truly concerned about that gown, I would be more than happy to carry you inside myself. I assure you I am capable of that.”

“Nonsense,” she huffed, “I am more than capable of entering a household.”

“Then all is well. On we go.”

He was quite different to the man she had met a week prior, but she had to admit that he was not frightening. Misguided, yes, but not a monster. Then again, he was yet to truly have her alone.

Neither one of them spoke for a while, and she wasn’t sure why her husband couldn’t think of anything to say, but on her part it was simply that there wasn’t anything to say. She had said her vows and made her promises, was that not enough?

“Your gown is nice,” he said after what felt like hours, “For what it is worth, I can see why you wouldn’t want to make a mess of it.”

“You do not mean that,” she laughed, “This gown is… it is quite horrendous, isn’t it?”

“If you like it, then I shall like it too. They really should add that to those vows. For richer, for poorer, in lovely gowns and not so lovely ones.”

“It is not a gown that I like,” she explained, “My father chose it. My parents chose everything for my first wedding, and forbade me from making any decisions for myself. I was too young to know any better, they said, and that they knew what was best for me.”

“And did they?”

“Look at this gown! It was more in line with their own wedding than one for a lady of twenty. It was abysmal.”

“And then ours was no better, I suppose.”

She looked at him to see the faintest hint of regret in his face.

“At least ours had no pretenses,” she assured him, “No pretending that we were enamored with one another, and no pretending that we are something we are not. Either way, it is all over with now.”

“Yes, the worst year of your life begins now.”

Beth looked out of the window, wondering just how serious he was about that.