Chapter 22

CHAPTER 22

I t was a perfect opportunity to show the ton that they were happy, as well as to prove that Adam was the rightful earl and the future of his estate. Beth, however, knew how else their walk would be perceived by the other members of the ton.

The lowly widow had found another husband, and it had been far too little time to be viewed as proper.

Regardless, the two strolled through Hyde Park, the cold air nipping at Beth’s cheeks. She clutched the arm Adam offered, her gloved hand resting lightly on his forearm. Though they walked in silence, there was a certain comfort in their companionship, one Beth was beginning to appreciate.

Around them, the park bustled with activity. Children darted between pathways, their laughter almost completely lost beneath the sound of carriage wheels and horses. Ladies and gentlemen promenaded, exchanging polite nods or carefully gauged smiles, but none of these seemed to be reserved for Beth. Instead, she couldn’t help but notice the stares and the whispers that followed their steps.

“They’re looking at us,” she murmured.

He did not seem to mind at all, though the faintest smirk tugged at the corner of his lips.

“They are not looking at you, do not worry yourself. They are looking at me.”

Beth frowned but said nothing, her gaze dropping to the path ahead. She could never understand how Adam brushed off their scrutiny so easily. It was as though he had practiced such a response for years, even though she knew that he had instead hidden from it all.

As they passed a group of well-dressed matrons, one of them dared to step forward, blocking their path. Beth’s breath hitched, her grip on Adam’s arm tightening.

“Lord Colton,” the woman said, “Your presence here is certainly unexpected.”

Her dark eyes flicked briefly to Beth before returning to Adam. Adam returned the woman’s gaze, his smirk unmoving as if she did not matter to him at all. Beth both admired and envied him for that.

“Is it?” He replied.

“Indeed. One might assume, given your reputation, that you would choose more discreet locales than Hyde Park. It is hardly a place for you, and I believe you know that.”

Beth’s cheeks burned. This was precisely what he had warned her about, and she had dismissed his concerns, but now that they were face to face with it, it was not so easy to ignore it.

“Ah,” he exclaimed, rather too dramatically, “And here I thought Hyde Park was open to all. Was there a decree I missed?”

The woman’s face reddened. Had it been appropriate to do so, Beth would have allowed herself to smirk, or perhaps even laugh at the situation, but she was not a fool. She knew that it would only have served to worsen everything.

“No, of course not,” the woman argued, “But–”

“Then there is no harm in me being here with my wife” Adam cut her off, “If you’ll excuse us.”

He stepped around her, guiding Beth past the women without a backward glance. Beth’s heart pounded as they left, daring to turn back to see the group of women staring at them.

“I cannot believe she said that,” Beth muttered once they were out of earshot, her anger at last daring to surface, “She should know better than to accost a gentleman like that!”

Adam chuckled.

“She’s harmless. They are simply self-important gossips that have no effect on you and I, unless you let them.”

Beth pulled her hand away from his arm, stopping abruptly by the edge of the lake.

“How can you laugh about this? She insulted you, and by extension, me. I cannot fathom why anyone would do that.”

Adam turned to face her, his expression softening.

“Beth, if I gave weight to every whisper and sneer, I’d have crumbled long ago. Let them talk.”

Beth’s lips parted, but no retort came. Instead, she folded her arms and looked away, out over the glassy surface of the lake. She could feel him watching her.

“They shouldn’t be allowed to say such things,” she said quietly, “Even if it doesn’t make a difference.”

“And yet they do,” Adam replied, “I’ve heard worse, Beth. Much worse. There’s no changing what they think of me. Believe me, I have tried.”

She turned back to him, her green eyes blazing.

“What did they mean by your reputation?”

For a moment, Adam said nothing, his gaze locked on hers. Then, with a resigned sigh, he gestured to the nearby tree.

“Let’s sit. It’s a long story, and I would rather not be standing as I tell it.”

Beth wondered quite what he was going to confess, given that he had already told her of the circumstances surrounding his father’s death. She settled onto the ground beside the lake, it’s surface still. She watched Adam as he sat beside her, and for a long moment, he too stared at the water, the wind brushing strands of his reddish-brown hair across his forehead. She wanted to push it back, but it was not the time nor the place to do something so bold and daring.

“I was almost twenty,” he began, “I had only really just arrived in London, and I was desperate to make a place for myself. I thought if I could blend in with the English nobility, I’d find– I don’t know, belonging, I suppose.”

Beth tilted her head, watching him. He was so confident, so self-assured in the present. It was hard to imagine him as the uncertain young man he described, but she tried nonetheless.

“There was a young lady,” Adam continued, “Eleanor. She was everything I thought I wanted. Well, no, that isn’t quite the truth. I wanted to return to Scotland, but what I needed was to find the perfect lady, and that was what I was told she was. She was graceful and poised, which was precisely what I needed. Our fathers arranged the engagement before I even understood what I was getting into. I thought it was a chance to prove I could belong in this world.”

Beth’ wanted to tell him that he did belong, but she did not want to interrupt him. He spoke quickly, and it was difficult enough to piece it all together without pulling it apart herself.

“At first, I convinced myself it could work,” Adam explained, “But as time went on, it became clear we were no good for one another. My father had never cared as to whether or not we would like one another, just that he would have a wife for me before he passed away. Every conversation between us felt like I was a child she was forced to speak to, and every time I stumbled, she looked at me as if I were some wild animal that she’d mistakenly invited indoors.”

“And yet you remained engaged?”

“For a while. I tried, I truly did. I thought if I worked hard enough, I could make it work. But eventually, I realized it wasn’t fair, to her or to me. So, I ended it. Her parents were furious, of course. My father didn’t care, for he was already gone. To her parents, however, I wasn’t just breaking an engagement. I was ruining her prospects, dragging her reputation through the mud. They needed someone to blame, and who better than the brash Scottish earl who didn’t belong in their world in the first place?”

“What did they do? Surely there hadn’t been much need to ruin you so badly that it follows you even now.”

“They spread rumors, and that was enough. They were ugly, vicious rumors. They claimed I’d courted her improperly, tried to force her into something she didn’t want. That I was a brute, a savage. People love to believe the worst, Beth, especially about someone they already see as an outsider. The whispers followed me everywhere.”

“So… you just left?”

Adam turned to her, his green eyes meeting hers.

“What choice did I have?” he asked, “I tried to defend myself at first, but the more I protested, the more it looked like I had something to hide. I realized staying would only make things worse. It was no longer only my reputation at risk, but that of my sisters. I didn’t know what else to do, so I went home. Back to Scotland.”

Everything made much more sense than it had before. There were always rumors when a man gained a title, but they hardly ever lasted. To say that he had been inappropriate with a lady, however, was another thing entirely, and the ton had clearly loved the story it brought.

“I spent ten years in Scotland,” Adam said after a moment, “It was healing, in a way. I found work, built a life for myself. But I always knew I’d have to come back here eventually. For the title, if nothing else. Then the threat of losing it all came, and…”

Beth’s throat tightened.

“And that’s why you married me,” she said quietly, “To show them you belong.”

Adam smiled faintly, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Yes,” he admitted. “But it is more than that now. I want to prove to myself that I can do this, that I can be the Earl of Colton, no matter what they think of me.”

“You don’t need their approval, Adam. You’re strong and kind and capable. If they can’t see that, it’s their loss.”

“You’re too good to me. Far better than I deserve.”

“I simply know the truth when I see it. Why didn’t you tell me this before, when I asked to come here?”

“It was the shame. I think of how easily my reputation was destroyed and it consumes me. I never wanted that to affect you, but that was foolish of me when I knew you would be known as my wife.”

They sat in silence for a moment, their hands joined. The wind rustled the branches above them, and in the distance, the laughter of children echoed faintly. It was supposed to be a joyous sound, but Beth hated it.

“Scotland,” he said suddenly, “Is nothing like this. London is polished, controlled, every inch expected to be perfect and nothing less. Scotland is wild, untamed. Everything is so completely different to here, and that is something that can only be felt, not described.”

“I’ve heard it’s beautiful,” she agreed, “Though I have only ever had it described to me, so I suppose I have no way of knowing the extent of it.”

At that, Adam turned to her, his eyes bright with something she hadn’t seen before. It was excitement, pure and unguarded. His lips curled into a grin, and Beth couldn’t help but smile back.

“It is,” he said, leaning forward slightly, “The Highlands especially. They stretch on forever, and Glasgow… What could ever be said that hasn’t been already? It is my home.”

Beth had never seen anything to do with Scotland before, only ever heard a few things, but she swore she could see it when she closed her eyes.

“You should come with me sometime,” Adam said without warning, his eyes locking onto hers with an intensity that made her breath stop, “You would love it, Beth. The freedom, the rawness of it all, it’s like nothing you’ve ever known.”

Beth blinked, taken aback by how suddenly he had suggested it.

“I’d like that,” she admitted, “I truly think I would. It wouldn’t be England, but then it is not as though I have had the best experience here. Perhaps it would be good to see somewhere else.”

“Then we’ll go,” he declared, straightening, “I’ll take you. You’ll see the mountains, the lochs, the glens. And I’ll show you the tavern, and my home–”

“Your home?” Beth asked, tilting her head.

“Aye,” Adam said, his accent returning at the thought of it, “The house I grew up in. It’s small, nothing grand like this estate, but it’s warm and welcoming. It is a far cry from where we live. My mother adored it.”

Beth’s smile softened at the mention of his mother. She wanted to ask more but held back, wanting him to simply talk about his life without prompt.

“I’ll take you to the village nearby,” Adam continued, his voice quickening with excitement, “The tavern serves the best stew you’ve ever tasted, and the people there, they’ll welcome you like you’ve always belonged.”

Beth chuckled, loving the way he softened as he spoke.

“It sounds lovely.”

“It is. You’d be happy there. I’d make sure of it.”

“Then let’s go,” she said simply. “I’d like to see Scotland with you.”

“Good,” he said firmly. “We’ll make it happen.”

For a moment, they sat in companionable silence, the promise of adventure hanging between them. The cold seemed less biting, the matron disappearing into nothing along with anyone else that had dared speak unkindly of him.

Beth turned back to the lake, Adam’s voice lingering in her mind. Scotland wasn’t just a place, she realized, it was a part of him. And now, he was offering to share it with her. It was almost impossible to believe, but it was true, and she couldn’t fathom how happy it made her feel. Scotland gave a chance to escape, and to truly enjoy her time in a place where nobody knew who she was. At last, she had the opportunity to be herself. They simply had to finish their time in London, and that would not be too difficult.

They returned home, Beth resting her head on Adam’s shoulder. They were silent, but it was one of contentment. She enjoyed their life as a pair, and once more came the thought of him leaving once their year together ended. She pushed it aside, wanting to enjoy their time together.

That was when their carriage arrived at the estate, and they saw them.

“Who is that?” Adam asked, pointing to the two figures standing in front of the building.

“That,” she said shakily, her throat tight, “Is my mother and father.”