Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

A dam had been terrified to give her the drink.

He liked his wife, that much was clear to him. She had good intentions, and he liked being around her, but she was also an uncertainty that haunted him. She would be with him forever, but as per his own rules she would be both with and without him, even if she were his wife. He liked her, yes, but she would not be by his side forever and he needed to remind himself of that more and more as time passed.

It was more than a drink. It was a hot toddy– no, it was even more than that. It was his old life, his culture, poured into a cup and served tentatively. He knew that she had hated the whisky, and he had expected as much; it was not an alcohol that a lady from England would have been used to, but if she had hated the hot toddy, it would have meant that two things from his life were things she hated, and it would have devastated him.

Because she was his wife and no other reason, he told himself.

But she had enjoyed it, so much so that he almost had to take it from her lest she overindulged. He decided to watch on as she drank, knowing that one single drink would not do her any harm. He saw that she was watching him too, and he wondered just what she was thinking.

“Here goes the Scottish brute handing me alcohol,” perhaps, or “How should I lie in a way that might convince him?”

He scolded himself for it. She had only ever been honest with him, and he had to trust her in return, even if he did not want to. He had learned so much from her during their time together, and he wanted to repay her for it, and that was what he knew how to do.

Give someone a good drink, he thought, and it will always be appreciated more than words would be.

The following afternoon, she found him in the hallway and pulled him into his ballroom. It was clean, but it was not a room that was used. He had seen it perhaps three times in his life, and had it not been for his wife he would have told them to stop cleaning it at all a long time beforehand.

“Your lesson today,” she instructed, “Shall be dancing.”

“Good afternoon to you too, Dear.”

He loved the way her cheeks flamed at that.

“Good afternoon,” she stammered, “Now, before we begin, what do you know about all of this?”

“I can walk decently.”

“That is a good start, far better than the other ones we have had.” She said, smirking, “Wonderful. Shall we begin?”

“Begin what, exactly?”

“Dancing,” she smirked, “As you can walk decently, you shall have no difficulty with it, I imagine.”

“But-”

But Beth had brought in a pianist, who had been sitting at the pianoforte waiting for them, not that he had noticed, and then they were off. It would have been perfectly fine, had Adam not been lying.

Not a lie as such, but he was certainly out of practice. He hadn’t needed to dance in ten years, and it was as though all memory of it had left his body entirely.

“One does not typically step on toes during this,” she winced, “But that is alright. It is deserved after how many times I stepped on my own tutors’.”

“Do you honestly mean to tell me that you were not born with the gift of perfect steps?”

“Not at all,” she chuckled, “In fact, I found quite a lot of difficulty in it. I was not born to be graceful, it would appear.”

“Then there is still hope for me yet. For now, however, I have shown you the extent of my talents, and so I think it might be for the best if we stop for now, lest you never be able to dance again on account of injuries.”

She nodded, and they retired to the edge of the dancefloor.

“It is just as well, for we did not discuss the appropriate way of asking a lady to dance.”

“Must I do that?” He groaned, “I am already married. That is unnecessary, is it not?”

“There is no harm in knowing nonetheless. Besides, you shall still have to ask me to dance when we attend a ball, even if I am your wife.”

“Very well. Give me your rules.”

“For one, and this is important, a man cannot assume a lady will dance with him. He must formally ask her, and she has the option to decline politely.”

“Even if you are my wife?”

“Of course! It is not a given that I would like to dance with you, particularly if it could cause me pain.”

He swore she winked at him when she said this, and he liked it. She had always been a proper lady with proper expectations, but she was treating him now as though they were friends, and he appreciated it greatly.

“However,” she continued, “Ladies cannot ask gentlemen.”

“Whyever not? If she has the right to choose whether or not she dances, why is it not permissible that she chooses who to dance with?”

“It is considered improper for a lady to initiate a dance invitation,” she shrugged, “It is how things are. Also, introductions are necessary. If a gentleman and lady have not yet been formally introduced, he cannot request a dance with her unless a mutual acquaintance makes the introduction.”

“Pardon my lack of enthusiasm, but I am quite pleased that we did not have to suffer through all of this.”

“In all honesty, I feel the same way. I have never had to do it all, given that my first marriage was arranged and you and I… Well, it is as you say, we did not need to suffer it all.”

But she seemed upset about it. Adam was not a fool, he knew that ladies were raised to do this sort of thing, but he truly had believed that he had saved her from it. It wasn’t something that he thought any of them actually liked, only something that they knew was necessary.

“Did you want to do all of this?”

“What do you mean?”

“All of these things. For someone that never needed to do it all, you seem to enjoy it. Why else would you want me to do it so badly? There is no need for it if we are in our own home, and yet you have it all memorized.”

“Well, it was expected of me. Then, I suppose, I found a passion for it. I would daydream about meeting my husband on a dancefloor, fluttering my fan just like this, oh so demure.”

She showed him what she meant, and Adam momentarily forgot how to breathe. Had she done so, it certainly would have worked very well; it was doing so on him, at least.

“Did you not attend events with your husband?”

“Once. Once was all he wanted to do, and even then it was not as though we spent any time there together. He avoided me all evening, then he was furious with me for wanting to leave. It was what I had asked of him, after all, and I had been pleading with him to take me out. It was no wonder he was angry.”

“Is that why you wish to go now?”

“Partly. I will not pretend to know whether or not I shall find any true joy in it, but I would at least like to know for sure.”

“Very well,” he nodded, standing straight, “Let us continue.”

There was more resolve in her this time. Adam had promised that they would attend some event or other during their year together, but he hadn’t expected to keep to it until that moment.

“Precedence matters,” she explained, “Higher-ranking ladies and gentlemen are often invited to dance first. We would be among them.”

“In which case, may I have this dance?”

“You may,” she laughed gently, taking his hand and returning to the dancefloor with him.

“The fact that you did not refuse is a good start for me.”

“I wouldn’t hold yourself in too high of a regard,” she smirked, “A lady is expected to dance, especially if she had already accepted another invitation. Turning down a gentleman’s offer without a valid reason, such as being fatigued, is considered rude, especially if one then dances with someone else afterward.”

“That is to say that you do not truly have a choice.”

“When does a lady?”

“A fair point,” he nodded, “But at least you have accepted my invitation regardless.”

“Although, had I not, you would have had to accept it. A gentleman should not pressure a lady. If a lady declines, the gentleman is expected to accept her decision graciously.”

“Even if we are married?”

“Even if we are married.”

“Very well. What shall we practice first?”

“A country dance. It is the most common dance, and the most likely one for us to do. Partners begin across from one another in a long line, with movements like dos-à-dos, allemande, and chasse.”

“Ah, yes, I am aware of those movements.”

“No you are not. This is a dos-à-dos.”

She moved, and then stood watching him expectantly. He pointed to himself, and she nodded, waiting for him to make his own attempt. He tried, but he stumbled, making her giggle.

“Try once more. Precision and timing are crucial, particularly when one could hit anyone in their surroundings.”

He tried again, feeling rather a lot more natural on this attempt. He knew that he had improved, as she was smiling at him.

“Very good. Here is an allemande.”

He found that one far easier, as well as the chasse. Beth beamed at him, almost applauding with the way she held her hands in front of her chest.

“Brava! Very well, we can practice that later. For now, you must learn a waltz. It is less likely, but should it be called for, you must be prepared.”

“A waltz…”

“You shall like it. It is considered improper still in some parts.”

“Impropriety? Oh, how wonderful.”

But it was not exactly the debauchery he had had in mind. Instead, she placed his hand on her waist, the fabric burning his fingers, and pulled him forward.

“You must count in threes,” she explained, “And follow your steps in time. One, two, three. One, two, three.”

He was expected to lead, of course, and that made it all the more difficult. After a while, Beth sighed and told him to watch what she would do as the leader. It made him feel small, but only for a moment, for her quickly learned what was expected of him, and it became easier from there.

“I do not understand,” he said after a while.

“The dance? Nonsense, you are doing it perfectly.”

“No, not that. What is so improper about this?”

She gestured to his hand on her waist, and he noticed that her cheeks were scarlet when he looked back up at her.

“The waltz was introduced a few years ago now. It is considered far more intimate than other dances, as it involves close contact and continuous turning. It was controversial initially, and it still is for a few people that are sticklers for the rules. Permission to waltz at a ball is sometimes restricted to engaged or married couples, but as we are married…”

“We may well have that expectation placed upon us.”

“Precisely.”

“Very well. I rather like this one. It is easier than the other. Besides, should I make a misstep, you shall be far more forgiving than any gentleman I might step on.”

“In which case, we shall move onto a quadrille. This is a group dance performed in a square formation, which will be slightly difficult given that we are but two. These require good coordination and attentiveness to the caller’s instructions.”

“I cannot stand instructions.”

“I know, but you will survive it, I assure you. I believe in you, you know.”

“I cannot imagine why. I am useless with all of this.”

“And yet, you have already come so far. It seems to come naturally to you, whether you like it or not.”

Adam sighed; he had hoped that the English influence wouldn’t have been ingrained in him, but it appeared to be the case regardless.

“Might we go back to the waltz?” He asked, and she froze.

“Why the waltz? You were perfectly fine.”

“I simply think that it is the best one to practice given that there are only two of us.”

She accepted this, and he was grateful for that because it was a white lie. He wanted to be close to her again, and he wanted nothing more than to not feel that way, but he had to allow himself to give into it. He wanted to feel her in his arms again even if the knowledge of that made him furious with himself.

It wasn’t the plan.

“We can certainly do it some more,” she smiled, changing their position and nodding to the musician.

As they danced, not one word was exchanged. This time, he simply looked into her eyes and lost himself in them. She was kind to him, and she trusted him far more than he could have expected a lady in her position to. It was more than that, however; she seemed to trust him, and she was the first person to see past his rumored life as a heathen. She saw Adam, rather than an earl, and he hadn’t known that he wanted and needed that until that moment.

Suddenly, she seemed to leave the trance that he had been in, and put some distance between them.

“My, you are a pretty good dancer,” she said gently, coughing awkwardly, “We can leave it here. I thought we might tackle conversation next?”

Adam laughed, exasperated, and she eyed him carefully.

“Please, have some mercy.”

“What do you mean?”

“I know how to speak with people. It is not as though I need to be taught when I have been talking almost my entire life.”

“Yes, but–”

He caught her by the waist, silencing her in such an effective way that he was quite proud of himself.

“You have shown me how to live in your world. Now let me show you mine.”

“Are you going to take me to Scotland?” She asked, eyes wide.

“No, no,” he laughed, “But there will be something similar nearby, I am sure. It will be the closest we can find, at least.”

Without questioning him further, she nodded, her face inches from his thanks to the hand on her waist.

“Then let’s go.”