Prologue

PROLOGUE

A dam thought he would feel something when his father died, but he didn’t.

The family that he had left for England in search of was not what he had expected, although he had to admit that he loved his sisters dearly now that he knew them. He had been naive to think that all would be perfect, to think he was going to get a family at last. His father, Jonathan, turned out to be a pathetic little man. He hardly even had it in him to call him his father, because as far as he was concerned he was not. To anyone he knew (his sisters, his solicitor, and his staff) he had no father at all, only a man named Jonathon that happened to call Adam his heir.

He was a terrible father to his daughters and he didn’t regret it at all until the day he died. It made them stronger, he said, to have had no choice but fend for themselves. Adam disagreed heavily, but there was no arguing with a dying man. There was no point in it, his sisters told him as much.

“You seem unhappy,” Diana, his oldest sister, commented at the funeral, “That is better than Samantha and I, at least, for we truly do feel nothing at all.”

“I wish I was unhappy. I suppose all I truly feel is guilt that I feel nothing. He at least tried to be a father to me, which is better than could be said for the two of you.”

“We were daughters. We did not matter. I suppose we should have been angry about it all, and how it didn’t change, but after so many years of anger it is hard to conjure up any more.”

“Perhaps the same could be said for me unhappiness?”

“Perhaps. Then again, it could be that your happiness at becoming the earl is coming to you at last?”

“I shall never be pleased about that. That title is a burden that I will only carry because it links me to you and Samantha.”

“I thought you might say that.” She laughed, “But I promise you, there is something to be said for England. You will come to love it, I am sure.”

Adam thought about those words almost every day for the following year. He had once labeled his life in Glasgow as lonely and unhappy, but with each passing day in England he had to admit that he was wrong. Glasgow was where he was happiest, and since moving to England he had felt as though a piece of him was missing.

It hadn’t helped that his sisters were married and left him to start their own lives. All hopes for a family were dashed then and there as far as he was concerned, though Samantha and Diana tried to make him see it differently.

“It is normal here,” Samantha explained, “And you must know that you are welcome to visit any time you please. You are our brother, Adam, and there is no changing that.”

“I suppose that man did something good for me in the end, then.”

“Precisely.” Diana smiled, “Whether we liked him or not, our father gave us each other, and that is how it is. You cannot rid yourself of us that easily. We shall always be here for you.”

And to their credit, they were. They were good sisters, good ladies too. They tried to make Adam feel like a member of their family, but he never quite felt as though he was one. He spoke differently, behaved differently, and simply was not as ready for life in high society as they were. He was an outcast, and the worst part was that nobody was truly to blame for it. It was how it was, and nothing could change that.

Which was partly why he decided he had to leave.

“You cannot!” Diana protested when he told them, “I forbid it.”

“Diana, Glasgow is my home. I am not happy in London.”

“But we only just found you. It isn’t fair for you to disappear, especially so soon.”

“Nor is it fair for me to stay when I have affairs to tend to in Scotland. You have a family of your own. You will hardly notice a difference at all.”

“That isn’t true and you know it.”

“Sister,” Samantha said gently, “Perhaps Adam is right. What with everything happening of late, it might be good for him to return, at least for a little while, until it all stops.”

“Adam, if this is to do with what I think it is, then I truly do forbid it.”

He took Diana gently by her shoulders, looking her in the eye.

“I would not be leaving if I thought it was not the right thing to do. Di, I had to leave my home quickly, and could not return while assuming my new role. Now that it is in order, I must go and finish where I left off in Scotland.”

“So it has nothing to do with-”

“No, Diana. The only reason that I am leaving is that I miss my home. I assure you, there is nothing that you can do to change that other than let me go and return.”

“But you will return, will you not?”

Adam hesitated.

“Of course, eventually…”

It was not the most convincing that he could have been, but it was what he could muster. In truth, he did not know for sure how long he would be away for, but he did not dare utter the word ‘indefinitely’ around Diana for fear that she would lock him away completely.

“Very well,” she nodded, “But you must write to us once you arrive, and tell us where you will be living, so that we can visit you.”

“I can most certainly do that.”

“In that case, I suppose it is alright.”

Adam smiled at her. Now that she believed his leaving was on her terms, she would handle it far better.

“We ought to throw a ball for you,” Samantha suggested, “A final goodbye, for not at least.”

“No!” He yelped, “I mean, no thank you, Sister. I do not wish for any of that. The more I can limit the attention on myself for now, the better. It is better for the two of you, as well.”

“We are duchesses,” Samantha reminded him, “Our reputations are not so easy to slander.”

“It is a risk all the same, and one that I do not wish to take needlessly. Now, I shall be leaving in a week’s time, and then we shall see what happens.”

“What will happen,” Diana reminded him, “Is that you will write to the both of us, and we shall visit. I am yet to see Scotland, and I have heard only good things about it.”

Adam chuckled. His sister was one of the most stubborn people that he had ever met, and usually that was a trait he could not stand, but he knew that she only wanted the best for him and so it was impossible to dislike it.

A week later, he had boarded his carriage and began making his way back to Scotland. He had already written to Thomas and David, and had received responses from the both of them. He was to stay with Thomas for the first while, and he already knew that, but he had not disclosed as much to his sisters. He would upon his arrival, by letter, but he had not done so beforehand because he wished to warn Thomas before two duchesses and their husbands appeared at his door. He had told his two friends there of his new position, but not that of his sisters. He did not wish to gloat.

He also did not wish to receive any judgment; he knew what they thought of the high society English folk. As it turned out, it was due to the late Earl of Colton himself, having snatched the lady David so loved away. It was also due to the sheer number of them that had complained about the cleanliness and service at the inn, because they had grown accustomed to the finer things in life.

Adam, on the other hand, hated such things. He missed being in his own home in his own town, where such airs and graces were nonexistent. The journey would be long, but upon his arrival he would be well and truly home , as much as it pained him to say such a thing when his sisters would be so far away. He would miss them greatly.

But if that was the case, he wondered after a week, why had he not yet written to them?

“Any word from those sisters of yours, yet?” Thomas asked, “I should like to know if I am to arrange for their visit. I should be able to find thirty rooms by asking fifty people, and then it will be as though they have not left their homes at all!”

“They did not grow up in such circumstances,” Adam reminded him, “They were raised with even less than I was. At least my maither cared for my well being, unlike our father.”

“You make a fair point, but you have not answered my question.”

“No, I have not received a letter from them as yet.”

“I know,” he smirked, “The parchment on my desk has yet to be touched. I was asking out of courtesy. Come now, Boy, why haven’t you written to them yet? You said they were your family.”

“They are. I simply do not know what to say, nor how to say it. I was not truthful with them about my plans, and told them that it would only be for a while. I have the title, and the late earl’s affairs are in order, and I am hated there, so there is no real need for me to stay. They will come to understand that in time, but for now I do not know how to tell them.”

“Honesty would be a start. I would rather know the truth than sit waiting for a letter that was never going to arrive.”

“But they will be angry with me. They think that I can wait for this situation of mine to pass, but it isnae going to. They’ve already made a decision about me there, and that decision is that I’m an outsider. I’ll never be one of them.”

“Your reasoning for leaving is not where I take issue. I understand, Adam, that you do not feel at home there. What I do not understand is why you are making your sisters suffer because of it. You must at least tell them where you are.”

Adam knew that Thomas was right, and so at last he went to the desk and began writing. At last, everything that he had wanted to say came flowing out of him. Unfortunately, he could not bring himself to tell them the truth. Instead, it was a short letter apologizing for being so late, but that he had a lot to do in Scotland before he could accept any visitors and that he would write again soon. He sent the same letter, copied word for word, to each sister. Neither contained his whereabouts, but he decided that neither had to.

He would tell them eventually, he was certain of it.

Soon enough, his response came. It was from Diana, and thankfully she did not ask for his address. Instead, it talked about how she was with child again for the third time, that Colin missed having the three gentlemen together, and that she hoped he would return soon so that they could all be together again.

He smiled, folding the letter and putting it to one side, determined to respond this time. But then a day passed, then three days, then a week, then a month, and he still had not responded. By that point, biting his lip, he decided that it was too late to send anything back. Diana was more than likely not expecting anything further, given that she had not yet received anything.

It was for the best that he let it all be. Besides, he considered, they had their own lives to manage as duchesses, and he had his own. He was back in the inn, working as if nothing at all had changed since he left. Soon enough, it had been a year and the time he had spent in England was a distant memory, a bad dream as he called it, and he was himself again.

“Will you ever return?” David asked him one evening, “I know you enjoy it here, but you are an earl! You should be in London enjoying yourself.”

“I might return, should I ever have to carry out any of my duties as earl, but until then I am perfectly content here.”

“But there is a possibility that you will go back? I don’t suppose a visit to your sisters would do any harm.”

“Oh, Aye, those sisters,” Thomas said pointedly, “I’m still waiting on the announcement that they are coming!”

“Aye, well, it is as I said. They have roles, ones far more important than mine. They will find the time somewhere, I am sure.”

Thomas knew that he was lying, of course, but he did not say anything about it and Adam was grateful for that. Had he been asked, there was nothing that he could have said as an explanation.

Other than the fact that he was his father’s son, at least, and the thought of that killed him.