25. Julian

JULIAN

Lightheadedness. Difficulty breathing. Stabbing sensations in his chest.

Julian wasn’t entirely convinced he wasn’t experiencing some sort of cardiac event. He reached over to wind the car window down slightly to let in the cool night breeze and was mortified to feel the sweat pooling in his armpit.

He was en-route to Juno’s pack house, having caught a flight in (at their expense) and been met at the airport by a chauffeur holding his name on a sign. Despite his name written very clearly in block letters, he still felt like a fraud when he made his way over and said “that’s me?” It was abundantly clear that Juno’s pack was send-a-driver rich, and did not have to squabble over who had to do the airport run like plebs.

His theory was only further confirmed when the car turned into the driveway. The pack house was situated in an idyllic tree-lined suburb amongst other similarly imposing residences. Julian was fairly certain at least six of his family’s dilapidated two bedroom apartment could fit inside it. He felt thirteen again, going to a classmate’s house after school and becoming painfully aware that living with five people — mum, dad, Ye Ye and Nai Nai — crammed in a tiny space above the restaurant they were barely keeping afloat was not how most people lived. Sweaty palms smoothed along his jeans, reassuring himself it was not the rough weave from his long outgrown school uniform.

Julian thanked the driver and made his way to the back of the car. He was in the middle of the awkward no, please I insist song-and-dance over getting his suitcase out when the sound of the large door opening turned his head.

Isaac appeared, but his attention was instantly diverted away from the intensely serious prime alpha. A small face stuck her head out from beneath where Isaac had his arm braced against the door.

Juno.

His heart stuttered and there seemed to be no oxygen left in his lungs. His brain barely registered the physical changes in her since he saw her last. Flying blonde hair as she raced towards him. Tattoos he hoped didn’t hurt too much. But were those house slippers she had on? She better not have worn them outside for his sake. Before he could idiotically ask her this and have it be the very first thing he said to her in almost four years, she slammed bodily into him, sending them both to their knees.

He was touching her.

He’d never known how soft her skin would feel under his fingertips. Or the solace her embrace brought to his tattered nerves. How pressing his nose into the curve of her neck and inhaling her scent — all summer and sweetness — would open a Pandora’s Box of emotion within him. Devotion. Bliss. Lust. For a brief moment, his only tether to the world was her.

“You smell like Christmas.”

Juno was nuzzling his chest and neck like an affectionate little kitten. Julian stayed very still, not wanting it to ever end.

“Like…turkey?”

She gave his arm a cross little pinch and laughed. “No, like a Christmas tree. A fresh one, that fills the room with its scent and makes you instantly happy the moment you walk in.”

“I…wouldn’t know.” Christmas trees were not a priority in the Tsai household. Not fake ones and certainly not a real one. In fact, Christmas presents weren’t really a priority either. Julian thought back to when he was ten and his Mama handed him an unwrapped packet of ballpoint pens on Christmas morning and said, “Merry Christmas. Don’t forget you need to clean the tables downstairs before lunchtime.”

Great, he was finally reunited with Juno and his brain decided to completely bum him out.

Instead of being taken aback by his sombre response, Juno brushed his hair back lightly from his forehead. “Me neither, really. Not until I got to the Omega Village.”

It was a small thing, but imagining her experiencing a real Christmas tree after everything she’d been through lit a warm sensation in his chest. The first glimpse of a lighthouse on a stormy sea. He ran the backs of his fingers across her cheek, amazed that he could finally do so. “You’ve been good?”

“Yes. I can’t wait to catch you up on everything. What about you?” The corner of her lips quirked upwards. “1 to 10?”

His stomach gave a little flip. She remembered how he used to check in with her after all this time? Her expression plainly said of course I did, silly.

“Right now?” he whispered, pulling her as close as humanly possible without crushing her. “Off the freaking charts.”

Juno led him inside, exchanging a quick word with Isaac at the door. “Is it alright if we leave meeting everyone else till tomorrow?”

“I already chased them away when they started gawking like you were zoo animals,” he said with a disapproving sniff.

As they made their way through the house, they spoke to each other for some reason in low, hushed tones like errant children in the back of the classroom. Is it just me or is the floor warm? Yeah, they have underfloor heating. Julian then asked if she’d ever felt the urge to put her face on it and she let off peal after peal of silvery laughter.

“Yes. So I did.”

“And?”

“Solid 1 and a half points. 5 points for warmth, then minus 3.5 as you start to wonder what you’re doing with your life.”

He baulked when he saw her nest. Not because he didn’t want to go inside but because he definitely, unequivocally did not belong there. But she tugged at his hand with her fingers and at his heart with her pouty little lip. “You’ll hurt my feelings if you don’t,” she said, and there was no universe in which that was allowed so in he went.

They talked long into the night, their time apart compressing into minutes and hours of conversation. He’d brought her a gift — a bag of all her favourite lollies he had painstakingly organised by colour, knowing just how satisfying she would find it (the answer was very, judging by her delighted gasp). She shyly produced a little drawing of him as a penguin in return. “It’s not much,” she said. The realisation that he finally had a new artwork of hers to add to his treasured collection made his eyes sting.

When she described the aftermath of their painful separation, Julian broke.

“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry I couldn’t get you out of there,” he choked out, unable to look at her.

“Don’t be sorry.” Juno clasped his head, refusing to let him sink away. “You have nothing to be sorry for, you hear me? Pack Zhao did this, not you or me.”

He let her hold him until they both fell asleep, wishing the guilt could drift away just as easily.

* * *

Julian’s arm going numb from a lightly snoring Juno resting atop it. A sacrifice he was willing to make. The entire nest smelled of peaches, sweeter than he had ever experienced in the years he had known her. He couldn’t help watching her sleep, fighting the urge to trace her serene expression with his fingertip. Just when he began to tip over to the ‘staring for too long’ side of the scale, she yawned and stretched like a cat, blinking up at him with her long lashes.

Their relationship felt new again somehow in the morning light, shyness prevailing despite the night of soul-bearing.

Juno pulled the blanket up until only her eyes were visible.

“Hi.” Her muffled voice greeted him bashfully.

He pulled his side up too. Two caterpillars not yet butterflies.

“Hi.”

They’d shuffled downstairs together where the pack had been busy throwing together breakfast. Everyone looked coincidentally busy yet Julian was sure they had been waiting for them to come down. Juno skipped over to kiss a bespectacled unruly-haired alpha. He grabbed her ass enthusiastically and Julian found himself whipping his head toward the ceiling, certain he should not have seen that. Isaac thankfully doled out introductions so he had something to do with his hands.

If he had met Isaac elsewhere in another life, Julian would’ve harboured a secret crush he’d never dare act on. Purely because of just how out of his league the magnetic prime alpha was. But right now, he was just grateful he had been allowed into his home. Into his pack omega’s nest.

Yeah, he was still processing that.

“Julian, I’d like you to meet Miles.”

There was a familiarity to Isaac’s touch on the other beta’s shoulders that made Julian’s belly twist. It was clear Miles was his and the last thing he wanted was to get in the way of that. He shook Miles’ offered hand, focusing on not making it feel like a limp dead fish.

Isaac introduced Ollie next, who greeted him with an unholy amount of enthusiasm considering it was morning, before going back to staring at Juno like she hung the moon. Everett rounded out the pack, ginormous and utterly intimidating with his brief nod.

“Can we finish making breakfast now?” Juno pouted and the tenuous energy in the room broke immediately as every pack member subconsciously leapt to their omega’s whim. Ollie asked how Julian liked his coffee as he settled into one of the stools. Juno was rifling through the fridge as Everett watched her. His eyes darted between the mixing bowl on the counter and the scavenging omega. Julian had only just met the alpha but swore he looked nauseous.

“The chef at the cafe I used to work at said the secret ingredient to fluffy pancakes is ricotta. Then I remembered that we just had cannelloni the other night.” Juno emerged holding the tub triumphantly in front of the hulking blonde alpha. “We should add a couple of spoonfuls!”

Everett looked like he was crunching glass under his molars. Julian tensed, the muscles in his back growing tight as his eyes darted between the two. It was a painfully familiar scene — an alpha staring down at Juno until she capitulated.

His arm shot out and Julian found himself rising slightly out of his chair. As if a skinny little shrimp like him could face down the great white shark of an alpha. But all Everett was doing was taking the tub from Juno before handing her a spoon.

“Two spoons was it?”

“Yeah, big ones!” The size of her ricotta dollop made a thick splashing sound as it hit the pancake mix. As Juno gleefully added another, Everett hunched over a well-worn notebook with a pen. Julian peered over to read what he was writing under the pancake page. Two Juno-sized spoons of smooth ricotta, equivalent to 5 regular tablespoons. Juno held out the spoon for Everett to taste and he shook his head, earning himself a stripe of batter on his nose. Her delighted cackle dissolved into shrieks when he wound his inked arms around her waist, trapping her as he wiped his nose clean with her cheek.

“I would never let anyone that would hurt her within the same building let alone the same room.”

Julian started violently, unprepared for Isaac’s low velvety-rich voice beside his ear. He spluttered strangled-sounding nonsense in reply, feeling far too exposed. But all Isaac did was offer him a bemused tilt of his lips (it would have been too much to call it a smile) before turning back to his bonded beta.

Juno was now mashing up some brown bananas she’d found — “we can’t waste these and let’s face it none of us are going to make banana bread today” — as Everett counted to ten under his breath. She had the grace to say nothing when he made a test pancake, his face black as he ate it in large furious bites.

“Why is this so fucking good?”

Ollie set a mug in front of him and promised that despite his failed attempt at coffee art, it would still taste very good. Julian swore he could see a cock and balls in the froth somehow, like it was an unintentional Rorschach test.

“Did you give him a dick on his latte?”

Ok maybe it wasn’t just him. Miles sounded both outraged and amused. Before Julian could get a word in, Ollie stuck a clean teaspoon handle in the froth. After a few strategic swirls, he declared the penis was now an elephant. Miles swapped their mugs once Ollie’s back was turned. “Quick, give me the dick. I haven’t touched mine yet.”

So Julian let Miles take his elephant dick coffee like this was a perfectly normal occurrence.

“Have fun in the nest last night, Julian?” Miles nudged him with his elbow and winked. Julian’s face flamed with embarrassment, matching Juno’s.

“Miles!” She held her spatula over her face, hiding unsuccessfully behind the slotted utensil. “We just talked, ok?”

“Yeah, I-I missed her so much.” To his horror, his voice wavered a little. He gave Juno a quick glance only to find she was misty-eyed.

Miles looked between them and groaned. “Ok, now you’re making me the dirty-minded asshole.”

Ollie pointed the banana he was eating at him. “You’re not an asshole, don’t say that.” He smacked Everett’s arm, looking for backup. “Right?” Everett gave a noncommittal shrug and slanted his hand in a so-so motion.

“But you are the other thing,” Isaac murmured, his eyes never leaving his phone as he scrolled through emails.

The domestic bliss of his first breakfast with the Rivera-Gunnarsson pack was difficult in ways he did not expect. Lonely for a lot of his life for a multitude of reasons — his scarce upbringing, being an immigrant child straddling two worlds and the fluidity of his sexuality — witnessing the clear and easy affection between all the pack members drove a dull ache beneath his sternum.

It was everything Juno deserved and more.

But where did that leave him?

“I want to court you,” Julian declared with uncharacteristic bravery. Every head turned toward him and he prickled with self-consciousness. “I mean, if you want,” he added hurriedly. Shit, was he even allowed to just say something like that? He turned to Isaac, “And if you’re ok with that, I don’t want to step on any toes and—”

“Julian.”

Isaac’s stern but gentle interruption saved him from babbling further. “You and Juno had history before any of us came into the picture. We already agreed as a pack that it wasn’t our place to deny you two the chance to reconnect if that’s what she wants.”

“Yes,” Juno cut in suddenly. There was the faint smell of pancakes burning but neither of them cared. “Yes, I-I want that.”

His giddiness was blinding. Julian felt like he was 10 years old, sliding Juno a piece of paper where he had scrawled Do you like me: YES OR NO and received it back with the yes box ticked.

“I don’t allow members into my pack easily, Julian,” Isaac warned, cutting into his childish daydream. “Consider this a trial.”

“Just make her happy,” Everett muttered. A bloom of peach perfume filled the kitchen, the apples of Juno’s cheeks flushing crimson as Miles and Ollie shifted in their seats.

A potential place in a pack? Julian had never even believed such a thing could even be possible for him.

But first, he was going to finally, finally court the love of his life.