5. Mai

Ryan. My Ryan. My heart stopped. He was here. Was he real? His eyes bore into mine, pinning me in place. And suddenly, I was transported to that day four years ago when my entire world shattered.

Four years ago

It was just after my eighteenth birthday. I'd promised myself that I would wait until I was twenty before I told Ryan that he was my mate. Mates recognize each other; our wolves recognize each other. There is no escaping it. But for some, it took longer than others. I didn't think he knew, not yet. He'd never made any moves, never given any indication that I was anything other than Jem's little sister. I'd watched him date others and stamped down my jealousy with the knowledge that I was his only true mate, and one day, he'd be all mine. That and slitting Karen Eastley's car tires, stealing all of Macy Daring's left shoes, and filling Nancy Hampton's car with popcorn and whipped cream. It took her and Ryan two days to get it all out and it stank for months afterwards, long after she and Ryan split up.

There was something about Sarah Conley, though. She'd been sniffing around Ryan for weeks. Sarah worked as an assistant manager at the bank in town. She wore sophisticated skirts and tight blouses and had flawless make-up. I could barely afford my second-hand trainers. Jem let Hayley control all our money, and new clothes for me weren't a priority, not when they were trying to buy snitches in Oliver's enforcers. Sarah was everything I was not. I was skinny, short, scrappy, had bad hair that hadn't been cut in two years, and dressed in Hayley's old jeans and T-shirts. I had no life plan other than to get to graduation, so I wouldn't need to hear Brock Madden calling me the "skanky trashcan bitch" anymore. Sarah had a job, money, her family had power in the Pack, she was curvy in all the right places, was well-liked in the Pack, and would make Ryan the perfect mate.

Sarah started slow, brushing past him too close when she walked by him, then moved up to lingering touches on his hands, his arms, his chest as she talked to him. My wolf watched every move, and it was all I could do not to let her loose and rip Sarah's throat out. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I'd put up with his other women, knowing I was too young, that I wasn't ready for a relationship. What was so different this time?

It happened at the Alpha meet. Once a year, all the northeastern Packs got together to discuss issues and build alliances. Sometimes, this was on neutral territory, but some years, a Pack hosted. This year, Oliver had volunteered the Three Rivers Pack to host the meeting. Everyone was on their best behavior, trying to impress and not cause any trouble.

At the first evening welcome party, the whole Pack was instructed to be there and make nice with the other Packs. There could be no hint that things were anything but perfect. Sarah was there, of course, and she was dressed to kill in a tight, dark blue dress that left little to the imagination. She kept close to Ryan all evening, whispering in his ear and trailing her fingers down his arm. It was a clear message to everyone there. She wanted him, and she was going to stop at nothing to get him.

I felt my wolf clawing at my skin, begging to be released. I was shaking with rage, and I knew that if I didn't get away from them soon, I would lose control. I headed to the door, but Brock Madden and his crew were there, and Brock was watching me carefully. I knew he wouldn't let me just slip away. I turned, heading for the fire exit on the other side of the bar. I kept my head down, pushing through the crowds. Until a hand gripped my arm, stopping me in my tracks.

"Not leaving so soon, are you?" Brock's voice whispered in my ear. "I thought you and I could have some fun later."

My stomach turned. Sweat was starting to run down my back with the effort of keeping my wolf under control.

"Fuck off, Brock." I yanked my arm back.

"Aw, don't be like that, Mai."

I ignored him, turned, and slammed into Oliver's chest.

"Mai Parker." His voice was full of disdain, like I was a bug he'd found on the bottom of his shoe.

"Alpha." My eyes were rooted to my feet.

"Well?" he asked.

My mind went blank. Well, what? I sneaked a peek from under my eyelashes. Oliver was standing with an Alpha pair who I didn't recognize. I could feel their power flowing off them in waves.

"Um…"

Oliver's eyes were cold and calculating. My heart was hammering against my ribs, and I knew he could hear it.

"Come see me in the Alpha compound tomorrow," Oliver commanded, then pushed me out of his way. I spun around, and that's when I saw them. Ryan and Sarah were just five feet away. Ryan was staring at me. He had heard what Oliver said. Jem was going to be so pissed. Rule number one for me was to stay away from Oliver. Don't draw attention, don't get on his radar. Sarah sidled up to Ryan, placed her hand over the six-pack I knew was hidden under his shirt, and pressed herself into his side. Her entire body was touching Ryan.

It was too much for me. Before I knew it, I'd darted forward and shoved Sarah away from him. She staggered back and looked at me with such surprise I almost laughed. Everyone discounted me. Everyone just saw me as Jem's quiet kid sister. I heard the gasps from those around us. Sarah's breathing was shallow. She kept her eyes locked on me. Her legs tensed, ready to spring at me. I growled, and then Ryan stepped between us. He grabbed hold of me and dragged me away from Sarah.

"What the fuck, Mai?"

I struggled against his hold, my wolf raging inside of me. "She was all over you, Ryan! Why are you letting her touch you like that?"

Ryan's expression hardened, his grip tightening on my arms. "That's none of your business, Mai. You need to calm down."

I glared at him, my heart pounding in my chest. I couldn't stand the thought of him with Sarah, of anyone taking him away from me. He was mine, even if he didn't know it yet. I struggled against his hold, trying to break free.

Suddenly, a voice cut through the chaos. "What's going on here?"

I turned to see Jem standing there, his eyes taking in the scene before him. His expression was cool and collected, but I could see the anger simmering beneath the surface. He walked over to us, his eyes flickering between Ryan, Sarah, and me.

"Mai?" he asked.

I was unable to control the words that spilled from my mouth. Without taking my eyes off Ryan, I blurted, "You're my mate."

A shocked silence spread out from us.

"Bullshit!" Sarah growled, walking toward us. "Tell her, Ryan. Tell her she's fucking delusional."

I glanced up at Ryan, afraid to look at him but needing to see his reaction. Was he pleased? Finally, he would have a fated mate. He had to be happy. Everything was going to be okay now that he knew.

Ryan's grip on my arm tightened. His face was blank, no emotion there at all. I frowned, confused.

"Ryan?"

"Mai, you're a fucking kid. We're not mates. We'll never be mates. You don't understand how this works. You will, one day when you grow up, but this is just a little girl's fantasy that's gotten out of hand."

His words hit me like a punch in the gut. I staggered, my heart shattering. How could he say that to me? He was supposed to be my mate, my other half. I looked at him, my eyes pleading for him to take it all back. But his expression was cold.

I yanked my arm free and stumbled back. "Why are you saying this? You know the truth, Ryan. You know I'm your mate."

How could he not feel it? How could he do this? My wolf was whimpering inside of me. Ryan's rejection of everything we had ever dreamed of confused her. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

"Mai." Ryan took a step toward me, but stopped when Sarah placed her hand on his waist.

I glared at her hand, willing Ryan to shrug it off. He didn't. I saw him glance around the room before he carefully put his hand over Sarah's.

Jem strode forward to stand facing me, blocking my view of Ryan and Sarah. "Mai, go home." His voice was harsh, disappointed. "Go cuddle your teddies. We'll talk about your behavior in the morning."

That was when I heard the laughter. Brock, Ben, and Roscoe had wandered over and had heard everything.

"Oh my God, this is fucking priceless. Even her own side doesn't want anything to do with the trashcan bitch. You know, Mai," Brock raised his voice so everyone in the room could hear, "if you beg, and I mean really beg, I might take you in as my plaything."

I couldn't take it anymore. My chest felt like it was going to explode; it was heavy, and there was such pain there. Pain I couldn't explain, couldn't get rid of. It felt like I was breaking apart, and the one person who should be there to hold me up was the one holding the hammer. I turned and sprinted out of the room, Brock's laughter trailing behind me. I ran home, went straight to my room, and locked the door. I collapsed on my bed, not able to stop the tears, to stop the whining of my wolf who wanted me to go back, to go and shake some sense into our mate.

I don't know how long it was before Hayley came home. I heard a soft knock on my bedroom door, followed by a voice that seemed too gentle for its owner. "Mai, it's Hayley. Can I come in?"

I hesitated, not really wanting company, but I knew she wouldn't go away until she said whatever she wanted to say. I clicked the lock.

The door swung open, and Hayley walked in, her eyes meeting mine briefly before she looked away. She sat on the edge of my bed, her posture straight, every inch the Alpha female she wanted so desperately to be.

"I heard about what happened," she began, her voice laced with sympathy. "I'm really sorry, Mai. No one should have to go through that."

I swiped angrily at the tears that were starting to fall again. I didn't want Hayley to see me crying.

"Ryan," she sighed. "Ryan is a complicated person. He's had to look after his brothers since his mom died and his dad checked out of the whole parenting thing. He's got a lot of responsibility. He doesn't need another kid on his plate, you know? But he really could have handled the situation with more care."

"I'm not a kid!" The tears wouldn't stop. Oh Goddess, why wouldn't they stop?

"Sure, you're not. But that's the way Ryan sees you. The way he'll always see you. I don't want to hurt you, but you need to know the truth, Mai. When Ryan is with Sarah, he lights up. He's happy, Mai. She's good for him."

I felt like Hayley had stabbed me in the heart with an icepick. It hurt so much to hear her say that Ryan was happy with someone else. That he was meant for someone who wasn't me.

Hayley reached out and stroked my hair. She had never done that before. Never shown me any physical affection. "I know you. I know you love Ryan and will want to do what is right for him. Sometimes, life gives us signals, Mai. Signals that maybe we're not where we're supposed to be," she continued, her eyes searching my face for a reaction.

"What do you mean?" I whispered, not sure I could take much more.

Hayley sighed, her eyes flicking to the door and back to me. "What I mean is, maybe this is your chance to get out, to see the world, to grow up, to escape this… smallness," she waved her hand vaguely around the room, "and discover who you really are."

"Run away, you mean," I clarified, my voice tinged with disbelief.

She shrugged. "Call it what you want, but sometimes, running away is running toward something better, something that's actually worthy of you. Do you want to stay here? To always be the kid who thought she was Ryan's mate and got rejected in front of all the Packs? Your little scene will sustain the gossips for months, years even. This news will spread across the northeast in no time. Who'll take you now, Mai? If you stay, no one will want you. You'll always be the delusional kid pining for the mate she can't ever have."

Hayley was right. Nobody would touch me now. I would always have to live with the rejection, the humiliation. But could I really leave everything behind? My home, my Pack, my brother? Ryan?

Hayley seemed to sense my struggle. "You could always come back. But you'll come back stronger, wiser, and who knows, maybe even out there, you'll be able to find someone who truly values you for who you are."

Her words were wrapped in a layer of sweetness, but something in her tone set off alarms in the back of my mind. Was she really concerned about my well-being, or was she just trying to get rid of me?

Still, her words hit a nerve. She was offering me an out, a way to escape the humiliation and heartbreak. And part of me, the part that wanted to stop feeling this unbearable pain, wanted to take it.

She stood up to leave, her eyes locking onto mine one last time. "Just think about it, okay? You deserve so much more than this, Mai."

She left the room, closing the door gently behind her. I don't know how long I stayed there, my feet rooted to the floor. But by the time I wiped away my tears, I knew what I was going to do. I packed a small bag and left that night. Everyone was at the party, and the border patrols were on skeleton crews—all the enforcers were in the center of town to protect the Meet. I was able to slip out of our territory without seeing anyone. I ran… and ran far. Only stopping two years later, when I reached Cocrane and tried desperately to forget all about Ryan.