19. Mai

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that. But you're here now, and we're not going to let anyone hurt you ever again, are we, Thomas?"

Thomas nodded. "You're safe now, Mai. You're strong. I have no doubt you'll find your way. And remember, you've got a whole Pack here to support you. The Shaw boys might be a handful, but they're good at their jobs. They'll track down Seth and make sure he leaves you alone."

"No! I don't want them to know. I'll handle Seth if he shows up."

Wally looked at me, a horrified expression on his face. "Girl, what are you talking about? Of course you need to tell them."

I shook my head. "I can't. I feel… I feel so stupid. I should have seen the signs. Why didn't I leave? Why did I stay with him for so long? And when he started hitting me, what the fuck did I do? Nothing. I'm a fucking werewolf. Ryan trained me to fight before I left, and I kept training wherever I went. I even trained with Seth's best friend, Isaac. Every Thursday, we'd hit the gym, and I'd learn how to beat the shit out of him. Yet when Seth started hitting me, all I did was curl up in a ball."

"Someone you loved and trusted just hit you; of course you did nothing!" Wally looked like he wanted to shake some sense into me. "That's not something to be ashamed of."

"No? Well, I feel ashamed. Ashamed and embarrassed. I don't want people to know what an idiot I am. I don't know how I feel about Ryan, but I don't want to see pity in his eyes when he looks at me," I pleaded with him. "They can't know. If I have any chance of looking at myself in the mirror, then I have to deal with this by myself."

Wally studied me for a minute. "How?"

"How, what?"

"How are you going to deal with it?"

"I… Well, I just will." Okay, even I knew that was a lame-assed answer.

"Girl—"

"Not now, Wally," Thomas interrupted. "Give her some time."

Wally glared at him. "We don't know this motherfucker, Seth. We don't know if she has time."

"Wally," Thomas said again, more firmly this time.

"Fine, fine." Wally threw his hands up in defeat. "But this conversation is not over, girly. I think you need to tell them, and I intend to keep telling you that."

"Thank you," I replied, relieved that he was going to drop it for now.

"But in exchange, I do have a question I want an honest answer to."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What's the question?"

"What are you going to do about that big heap of drooling wolf that's sitting outside our house?"

I frowned. "What?"

"Ryan, girlie, what are you going to do about Ryan? It's all over town that you're back, and everyone knows that you're his mate. So, what about it? You gonna jump that thang?"

My heart thumped in my chest. "Everybody knows?"

"Sure, everyone's talking about Jem's lost little sister who Ryan rejected and then spent the last four years pining after."

Wally's words hit me like a ton of bricks. Everyone in the northeast knew about my rejection, but now they also knew I was back and that Ryan had been pining for me? It made me feel exposed and vulnerable.

"So? What's the plan?"

"I don't know," I whispered, feeling my cheeks heat up.

"But you want this, right? You guys are fated mates."

"Yes, we're fated mates, but honestly, I don't know what I want anymore."

"Well, you better figure it out soon. That man is head over heels for you. And let me tell you, I don't know Ryan particularly well, but I know enough that Ryan is not the type to let the woman he loves slip through his fingers twice."

I swallowed hard, feeling a mix of emotions stir in my chest. Anger, hurt, confusion, and desire all battled for supremacy within me.

Wally's eyes softened. "Did Thomas tell you about how we got together?"

I shook my head.

"I knew he was my mate the first time I set eyes on him. I was visiting his Pack for a business meeting, and something happened when I looked at him. I felt hot and cold, I couldn't breathe, it was like, in that moment, a part of me knew that my world had turned upside down and nothing would ever be the same again."

His words stirred something within me—a familiar blend of excitement and dread that I'd felt before but tried to forget.

"But I was scared," Wally continued. "I didn't know what it meant, and I didn't know if I was ready for that kind of commitment." He paused, looking at me with earnest eyes. "Thomas never gave up on me. He was patient, kind, and he always knew when to push and when to back off."

As he spoke, my mind snapped to Seth. Patience wasn't his strong suit. He'd tried to dictate every facet of my life until I became a shell of who I once was. The thought of giving someone that kind of influence over me again was terrifying, even if it was Ryan.

"Eventually, I realized that I couldn't run from this. We were fated mates; it was meant to be, and I couldn't imagine my life without him."

Meant to be? Like I didn't have a choice anymore?

Wally must have seen the panic on my face. "Look, where have you left it with Ryan?"

I shrugged. "He explained everything about why he rejected me, but it's not that easy. He can't just say, ‘Oops, my bad, let's start again.' Too much has happened. I've changed too much. I'm not the person who ran out of here. I'm sure he isn't the same person he was four years ago, either. And now he wants to have dinner tonight. Dinner. Like a date!"

Wally grinned at me. "That boy moves fast! A date is exactly what you need right now. Why don't you go? Forget about everything else for one night?"

Forget? How could I? My past was a tapestry of experiences that had shaped me, and Seth's dark thread was woven through it all. I didn't know how to move past it, to even consider writing a new story with Ryan and not let Seth's shadow darken everything.

"Ignore the past, Mai. Just go and get to know him. Let him meet the person you are now. No baggage, no anger, for one night, just you and him and leave all this stuff at the door. Get to know Ryan for who he is now, and let him see the strong woman you've become."

I thought about it, about forgetting the past for one night and just being with Ryan. I was tired of being angry, of being scared, of feeling confused about everything. Maybe if I just switched off for a night, showed Ryan who I was now, found out who he was, then maybe I could decide what to do next.

"I guess I could try."

"Good." Wally smiled at me, a satisfied look on his face.

I looked out of the window. Ryan was in a familiar position, leaning against the car, arms crossed, glaring at the house.

"He might not think so," I replied, nodding toward Ryan. "He has no idea what he's let himself in for."