13. Mai

Iwoke up and stared at the ceiling for a long time. Fucking Ryan. How could I be so mad at him and, at the same time, just want to feel his hands sliding along my body, touching my skin, and making me pant with need? I desperately wanted to know what his lips felt like on mine. What they'd feel like kissing every part of me. I wanted to run my hands through his hair, over his chest, and down toward the bulge in his jeans that I'd spent years fantasizing about.

My vibrator had not been one of the essential things that I'd grabbed on my escape from Seth, although I was regretting that now. Maybe if I took care of myself, I could just be mad at Ryan and not think about what it would feel like to have him thrusting inside of me, filling me completely with his cock, and making me scream with pleasure.

I moved my hand down my stomach and then drifted lower, skimming under the waistband of my panties to the skin beneath. A spark of heat ignited at the contact, warmth spreading through my belly, and I bit my lip against a quiet moan.

This was what I craved. What I needed. A reprieve from the anger and heartache, a chance to simply feel.

My nipples were tight peaks beneath my tank top, sensitive and wanting. I rolled one between my fingers and moaned.

My other hand slipped beneath my panties, questing fingers finding my clit. I rubbed slow, teasing circles, pretending they were Ryan's fingers instead of my own. The coil inside me wound tighter, pleasure building with each touch.

I dipped two fingers inside, imagining the stretch and fullness of Ryan filling me. My breaths came fast and shallow; my heartbeat raced as I drove myself higher. Ryan would grip my hips, thrusting deep and hard, growling my name against my throat—

My orgasm hit like a thunderclap, wringing a strangled cry from my lips. I shuddered against the mattress, aftershocks rippling through my body in waves. This was bliss. No thinking. No worries. Just this feeling of calm and peace.

And then the door swung open.

Ryan stood in the doorway, shoulders braced against the frame. His eyes were fathomless pools that gave nothing away. But there was a tightness to his jaw, and the way he held himself hinted at barely leashed control. Oh, Goddess, how long had he been outside my room, hearing me pleasure myself while thinking of him? Humiliation and anger warred inside me.

"Enjoy yourself?" The harshness of Ryan's tone made my hands clench into fists.

"Get out," I spat. My face flamed, and I was acutely aware that I wore only a tank top and panties. I crossed my arms over my chest as if I could hide what he'd already seen. What he'd heard.

Ryan prowled into the room, closing the door behind him with a loud click. "I don't think so. We have things to discuss, you and I." Ryan stopped in front of me, looming over my smaller frame. His eyes glowed like embers in the dim light from the window. "Did you think of me when you touched yourself?"

"Don't flatter yourself, Ryan." I swung my legs out of the bed and grabbed a pair of jeans from the floor.

"You want me as badly as I want you, Mai. Deny it all you like, but your body betrays you." He reached out, tracing a finger down my jaw in a feather-light caress.

I jerked away from his touch, heart pounding. "I didn't think of you. I didn't think of anyone. I just had fun. You should try it sometime. It might make you less of a jerk."

A smile tugged at the corner of Ryan's mouth. "I'm looking forward to you showing me fun, Mai. But I'm not wrong." His gaze raked over me, hot as a physical touch. "You're mine. And soon, you'll admit that to yourself."

I swallowed hard, refusing to give him the satisfaction of a response.

Ryan leaned in closer, his breath warm against my ear. "I could smell your arousal, Mai. I heard every gasp, every moan."

Heat flooded my cheeks. I shoved at his broad chest, but he didn't budge. "Fuck off, Ryan," I said through gritted teeth.

"Not until you admit this is bigger than both of us." Ryan caught my chin in his hand, forcing me to meet his gaze. "We're mates, Mai. We're meant to be together. No matter how much you fight it, I won't let you go. Not again."

I wrenched my chin from his grasp. "There is no us. There never will be an us."

Something dangerous flickered in Ryan's eyes. In one smooth movement, he pinned me against the wall, hands on either side of my head. I sucked in a sharp breath, heart rabbiting against my ribs.

Ryan leaned in until his lips brushed my neck. "Keep telling yourself that. But we both know the truth; you want this as much as I do." Ryan nuzzled my neck, and I shuddered despite myself. "Say it, Mai."

I squeezed my eyes shut. I couldn't give in. I wouldn't.

Ryan nipped at the sensitive skin of my neck, and a helpless moan slipped from my lips.

"Say it," he repeated, voice rough with desire.

Every inch of me was on fire for him. I couldn't remember why I was fighting this. Fighting us.

No, wait, I did remember.

I stubbornly lifted my chin. "You're delusional. This is just a fantasy you've concocted in your mind."

"Really?" Ryan slid a hand down my side in a slow, deliberate caress that made my breath hitch. "Your heart is pounding. Your cheeks are flushed. And I can smell how wet you are for me." His hand ran across the gap of bare skin between my tank top and panties. "Tell me you don't want this. Tell me you don't want me."

I shoved against his chest again, panic and longing warring inside me. Ryan still didn't budge.

"Let me go," I whispered.

He leaned in closer to me. "The next time you come, it'll be because I'm fucking you, Mai."

More heat rushed to my cheeks. I opened my mouth to protest, but no words came out.

A smug grin spread across Ryan's face. "You can pretend all you want, but your body knows the truth. It craves me, just like I crave you."

Okay, I had to shut this down. Now. Nothing had changed. Yes, Ryan acknowledged that I was his mate. But he'd rejected me four years ago. Had lied to me for months and made me believe I was unlovable. Ryan admitting the truth didn't change anything. I didn't trust him, could never trust him. My plan was still in place. I was going to heal and then get the fuck out of here.

"Ryan—"

A knock at the door stopped me.

"Mai, you up yet?"

Jem. He had freaking brilliant timing.

"I'm up!" I yelled back, my frustration mounting.

"I'm heading out. I've got some meetings in town. Do you want a lift to the Bottley Bar? I've had six texts and three phone calls from Sofia this morning, asking when I'm going to let you out from your ‘luxurious prison,' as she seems to have nicknamed my home."

"Yes!" I shouted, scrambling out from Ryan's hold and ignoring his chuckle. "Hell, yes!"

"I'll be downstairs in ten, then. Be quick!" Jem said.

I turned, limped into the bathroom, and slammed the door. I heard Ryan leaving the room as I stepped into a deliberately cold shower.