Chapter 29 - Lowyn

Iimagine several hundred thousand ways I might fall off this galloping horse and die on our way up the trail. At one point, I simply give in to the fact that my life is over. But then I just hold on tighter. Which, I believe, is probably the whole reason Ike is doing this to me. To scare me and make me hold on tighter.

We finally stop just shy of the mountaintop clearing that contains the village of Blackberry Hill and as soon as this happens, I let go, get my leg between him and me, and slide right off that horse's back. When I turn and glare up at him, he's smilin' down at me like an asshole.

I try to stay calm and project an outward sense of control, but internally I'm seething. "You could've killed me, you jerk."

Ike scoffs. "You're still here, aren'tcha?"

"No thanks to you."

He tilts his head at me, those blue eyes of his dancing with… I would like to say mischief. People often mistake him for mischievous, but he's not. Because mischievous kinda implies that he's being playful in a teasing way and that's never been my impression.

Well, perhaps at first—the early hours of that first day nine years ago—I might've fallen for the charm. But it was a very short-lived mistake once I saw what was really happening in Blackberry Hill.

Then I just saw him as menacing. I got the impression that he likes to scare people. He enjoys it. He cultivates fear to keep his people in control.

Right now, he's looking at me like he's a cat and I'm a half-dead mouse he'd like to torture for a few hours before leaving me to die.

I haven't had any kind of interaction with him for all these years, but I did see him around a couple times. Once, when I was waiting at the stoplight in Revenant, right there at the highway. He was turning right, going up the hill. And I was in the left turn lane, about to go down into the valley. We locked eyes as he passed, but that was about it.

Another time I saw him in the Bishop Inn pickin' up food. I was lookin' out the back windows at the hedge maze, waiting for Bryn to take her lunch break—she was a maid back then—and Jessica came and hurriedly ushered me into the kitchen so I didn't have to talk to him.

There have been a few more incidents like that over the years, but no conversations. Not a single word between us since Jim Bob came up this very hill and walked me back out the way I came in.

Ike's last words to me were, "I do not ever want to see you again." And I just meekly agreed because I was young and afraid I'd get stuck up here forever if I didn't just shut my mouth and let him have his say. And… whatever. Like I cared.

Obviously, I didn't want to stay. I didn't care if I ever saw him again.

But, as the years went by, I would think about that day and roll that last conversation over in my head. Trying to remember every word. And of course, years and years later, I would have a proper comeback for that. Something along the lines of, If you were the last man on earth…

But it wouldn't have been true at the time. Even though I did not want to stay, I was still quite caught in his spell when he let me go. If I hadn't accidentally seen something I shouldn't have in that short time I was with him, I might've stayed up there forever and just let him take care of me.

That's just not how it happened, though. And I'm glad I saw what I saw. It would be far worse to be caught up in his lies and live as a fool than it was to admit he was just a liar right from the start and excuse myself from the situation.

What I saw scared me. I didn't really understand it, but I knew there was something bad going on and I knew it was a secret. After that, nothing about him—not those eyes, not that body, not that face—nothing about him was enough to make me stay.

He didn't know I saw what I did. If he had… well, I don't know what would've happened to me. I just know I wouldn't be living this life. There would be no McBooms. There would be no buying Collin's childhood home. There would be no Collin.

I need to get this conversation over with quick and then start back down the hill and be gone.

"Well," Ike says, still sittin' on that horse so he's even more imposing than he would naturally be. "Why are you here, Lowyn? Should I take a guess?"

I let out a sigh. Jim Bob already told me Ike called about Collin. So he knows why I'm here and there's no reason to beat around the bush. "Jim Bob sent me."

Ike laughs. "I bet he did."

"Do you mind gettin' down off that horse?"

"Am I too big for you, Lowyn?"

I turn my back on him and just stare down the hill. I want to walk away so bad, but I can't. Not until I set things right. So I turn back and my wish has been granted. He's on the ground now, only slightly less imposing.

He spreads his arms wide. "Well, I'm listening."

I take a breath and begin. "I'm not sure what happened this morning?—"

"You're not sure?" He cuts me off with the most incredulous look. "You're. Not. Sure?"

"I don't know why Collin came up here. The dog ran off, maybe. He doesn't have a reason to come up here."

Ike lifts one eyebrow. "Is that so? So he doesn't know we're married?"

"We're not married. That was not legal. I was distraught, and… and sad… and…" I let out a long breath. "It wasn't legal. We're not married."

"Well, now that's funny. Because all this time I've been saving myself for the day you came back because I thought you were my wife."

I just squint at him, confused. He was… saving himself?

A laugh bursts out of him. It's so loud, it startles me and I take a step back. He points. Right at me. "Your face." He laughs again. "Oh, my God, your face, Lowyn. You really thought I'd been saving myself for you!" Another guffaw bursts out. "That's amazing. You always were gullible."

"Anyway." I huff this word out. "I just came up to tell you that it's not gonna be a problem. He doesn't know anything. And when I say anything, I mean nothing. He doesn't even know you guys are here."

Ike's laughter is dead now, his face angry. "Well, obviously he does. Because I saw him in my boneyard this morning. Him and his trackin' dog. And I know that's a trackin' dog, Lowyn McBride, so don't try to deny it. I've had men on the inside of his compound since the moment Amon started hiring them. He's got a whole kennel of special dogs and a bunker underneath the church with a SCIF in it. So what hell is he doin'? Why the hell does he need all that shit?"

"Ike, I don't even know what a SCIF is."

"It's a private room. Everything's encrypted, all phone lines are secured. No recording devices. It's a custom-made private room that prevents high-level spying, that's what it is. So why the hell does he need one of those? That's government shit, Low. And if he's doin' something for the government, I need to know about it. So what's goin' on?"

"You're asking the wrong person. But they do own a security company. It kinda makes sense to have protection dogs and private phone lines, or whatever. My point is, it was a mistake and it won't happen again, so… we're good, right? I can go home and tell Jim Bob we're good?"

"Go home?" He laughs yet again. "Why would you wanna go home, Lowyn?"

"Oh, I dunno." I sneer at him. "Maybe because I have a life."

"You're not goin' nowhere, Low. Not yet. Not until Collin and I have a little chat. So you're gonna come with me?—"

I take off runnin' down the hill. I don't waste any breath arguing with him, I just book it. I don't even look back. It's a long way and I'm not really a runner and he's got a horse, so I know this is dumb. But there's no way in hell I'm just gonna give up without even tryin'.

He passes me on the horse, making the giant animal turn and then rear up just a few feet in front of me. I put my hands up, stumblin' back, and then I fall on my ass.

The next thing I know he's on the ground and got me by the arm. Then he starts tyin' my hands together with a piece of nylon rope!

I pull away, getting free before he can finish. But he's reaching for me again. "Stop it!" I'm yellin', trying to kick him.

But he just grabs my foot and stares at me. "We can do this the easy way, or I can throw you over my fuckin' shoulder and cart you back up this hill myself." He bends down and leans forward, so close to me. "Choose. Because I'm not fuckin' around here. He's working for the government, Low. And I know what you saw when you left me."

"What?" It comes out as a tiny whisper.

"I've always known. It never occurred to you that I had cameras all over that house?"

I don't know what to say. I just blink at him.

"You know what we're doin' up here. And you know it's illegal. If he's here to spy on us and report back?—"

"He's not!"

"How would you know?" He yells this. Right at my face. His eyes blazing. And it's certainly not mischief I see in there. Certainly not.

Then he must realize that he's losin' his temper, because he lets out a breath, releases my foot, and stands back up, offering me his hand.

I don't take it, but I do get up, dustin' off my ass as my mind whirls around with this new information, tryin' to force it to make sense.

He's wrong about one thing. I did see something, but I didn't know what it meant. And even though Grimm did tell me they're working for the government—the military specifically—that's all he knew. I don't know what they're doin' up here. I just know I don't want any part of it.

"He's here to suss us out, don't you understand?"

I shake my head. "I asked him that, Ike. Straight up, I did. It was one of the first things I asked him—‘Do you work for the government?'—and he said, ‘No.'"

Ike scoffs. "Do you really think he's gonna tell you if he's working on some secret operation for the government? You don't know what a SCIF is, so let me explain what it means that he has one. He's either getting secret information or givin' it. So which is he? The guy gettin' the secrets? Or the guy givin' them?"

I don't say anything. I can't really know what Collin is up to, but he's definitely up to something, Ike's not wrong about that. It's just… I can't picture it. And even if I could, I don't want it to be true. I want him to be here for me, not Ike Monroe.

I deflate a little and this must satisfy Ike, because he takes a step back and runs his fingers through his hair, looking off into the woods. Then he must remember he's got a horse—who is standing quietly close by like none of this is happening—because he gets it and walks it over to me. Then he offers me his open palm. Not so I can hold his hand, but so he can give me a leg up.

I look him in the eyes and shake my head. "I don't wanna go up there, Ike. I don't wanna know what it looks like these days, I don't wanna know who's up there… just let me go back and I'll send Collin to the bottom of the hill and the two of you?—"

"No." He says this very firmly. "Now get on the horse, Lowyn. Because if you don't, I'll just put you on the fuckin' horse myself."

I'm not gettin' away. Not right now, anyway. So there's really nothin' left to do. I put my knee in his hand and I swing my leg over the horse's back as he lifts me up.

I expect him to get on too, but he doesn't. He slips the reins over the horse's head and begins to lead me forward towards the mountaintop village of Blackberry Hill.

A little while later we come out from a thick copse of tall shrubs and then there it is. I don't remember a lot of details about getting up here or my first look—which is this same view here—but my first impression is that it looks the same. Two buildings appear first, both low and long and made of logs. The trail leads right between them and I know from memory that the one on my right is a stable and the one on my left is a blacksmith.

Sure enough, when we come out between the two buildings, that's what they still are. No one is working in the blacksmith's. It's all shuttered up and doesn't look like anyone's worked there in a while, maybe because it's still a little bit winter up here. There's still snow on the ground, though not a lot of it.

But the stable is open and that's where Ike stops. I feel stupid for being up on this horse. There's no reason for it this time, unlike last time when I was injured. Though I didn't have to ride alone. Ike was riding with me.

So I don't really see the point, other than he wanted to order me around. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if that was the only reason. That's the kind of man he is. Some might call that bossy the same way some might call his eyes mischievous. But the eyes are menacing and this alpha thing he does, it's authoritarian, not bossy.

"Get down, Lowyn." He offers a hand to help.

I don't take it. I just swing my leg over and slide down on my own. I don't ride horses a lot anymore, but Clover and I had our horse-crazy years as pre-teens, so I'm not afraid of a dismount.

A man appears from inside the stable. Not much more than a teenager. And Ike hands him the horse without comment and then he takes the horse inside.

Now I turn and look at the village. Like my first impression, it all comes off as familiar. But upon closer inspection, I can see that it's been fixed up a lot in the last nine years.

Even though I've lived in these parts since the day I was born, before Ike found me in my wreck of a car and brought me up to these hills, I never even knew people lived up here. The cabins were all here nine years ago, of course. And they were fine. They had windows and front doors. And, of course, log cabins always do come with a certain amount of charm. They were fine back then and that's really all you could say about the various buildings in this village.

But today they are more than merely livable. Curtains hang in the windows. Shutters hang on the outside. Some of them have window boxes with spring flowers coming up. Red and yellow tulips and purple hyacinths. The front porches have rocking chairs on them. There's new metal roofing, and gutters, and there's even a street—kinda of. It's made of dirt, but it's actually a really nice fine gravel the color of sand, not gray like most of the rocks around these parts. Some of the cabins have a second floor now. And balconies.

It's… nice. They've spent a lot of money up here. And this makes me angry.

But I can't afford to be angry right now. I need to keep a clear head. So I dial it down and just let myself see it.

"Looks different, huh?" Ike says.

I nod, but don't look at him.

"I'm over here now. Let's go."

I don't go. I turn and face him. And he must've known I was gonna object, because he hasn't walked off yet. In fact, he looks like he's expecting this confrontation. "Why do you want me here?"

"Because, Lowyn, Collin Creed and I are gonna come to an agreement today and I'm gonna use you to get what I want."

This is not a surprise. So I don't really react. It's just the kind of man he is. "What is it you want, Ike?"

"I want the truth." He's holding up a finger, making a list. "I want a promise." He holds up finger number two. "And I want to know who he's working for." That final finger comes up.

"Why can't I just call him up and ask him these things?"

"Because I need him to know that I will take you any time I want, just like I take the others. And I need to look him in the eyes when he comes to that realization."

These words rattle around in my head for a moment as I try to put them together. "What… others?"

Ike smiles at me. One could mistake this smile for charm, but it's not charming. It's… ugly. And when his words come out, they're ugly too. "He owes me, Lowyn," Ike says, his voice deep and threatening now. "He owes me Olive and the man he killed that night when we came to take her back."

And this is when I realize I don't know him. Not a little bit, not at all.

But at least now I do know what he did.

Ike Monroe, and all the other people up here on Blackberry Hill, are the ones responsible for changing our lives that one horrible New Year's Eve twelve years ago.

He's the reason Collin killed someone.

He's the reason Collin left and joined the Marines.

He's the reason why, in just two seconds' time, all my dreams were crushed.