Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

Lala

After another week in my new position—one slightly more productive than the first—I went home to Pennsylvania for the weekend to visit my fiancé. I’d gotten in late last night, but Warren had cooked me a delicious dinner of beef stroganoff this evening, and we were just finishing up when he seemed to notice that I’d been distracted.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

I nodded, willing myself not to turn red or look guilty. “Why do you ask?”

“You just seem a bit out of it.”

I moved the last of my noodles around on my plate. “The stress at work is getting to me, I think. And I’m a bit tired from the drive over here last night, I guess.”

Or maybe it was my several late nights last week thanks to a certain neighbor.

“Okay.” Warren used his index finger to adjust his glasses upward. “Well, I was kind of hoping to have your undivided attention tonight. I need you to be of clear mind because I have something important to talk to you about.”

I straightened in my seat. “What’s going on?”

He cleared his throat. “I found out about a lead researcher position at UCLA, at the cancer center there. I’d like to put my hat in the ring for it. I think I have a very good chance because my old boss from PENN is now over there. He’d be able to put in a good word for me.”

California?“Um…wow. Okay. When will you know?”

“I haven’t applied yet. The position opens in six months because the current guy is relocating to Europe to head a large study over there. But they’re taking applicants now. I’m not sure when they’ll make a decision, but going for it means I need to be prepared to relocate if I get it.”

“Which means I need to be prepared to relocate.” I gulped some water.

He nodded. “How do you feel about that?”

Staring down at my plate, I shook my head. “I don’t know, Warren. It’s not that I don’t want this opportunity for you, but being so far away from my family? That would be really hard. I’m all my parents have now. At least in New York, I can drive home whenever I want.”

Maybe that was selfish, but he needed to know how I felt.

“Of course it would be difficult, my love. That’s why I would never go for this unless you were okay with it. It would need to be a team decision.” He stood up and grabbed a notepad. “Let’s go over some of the pros and cons together, shall we?”

I rubbed my temples. “Alright.”

Warren loved making lists and drawing diagrams. Any excuse he could find to do that, he took it.

He sat back down. “One major pro, which I haven’t told you yet, is that the salary would be almost double what mine is now, Laney.” He wrote down a number and underlined it before turning the paper toward me, displaying a ridiculously huge amount of money. Holy shit.

My jaw dropped. “Oh my God.”

“Yeah. Is that crazy or what? You know I don’t do what I do for the money, but this kind of money would be life-changing for us.”

How could I keep him from this?I blew out a breath. “Well, that’s obviously a very big pro.”

“And the research facility is twice as big and twice as modern. They have equipment I could only dream about getting where I am now.”

“I guess that’s an even bigger pro than the money.”

“Indeed.” He examined my face. “But let’s go to the cons. You’d obviously be farther away from your family. And me from mine.” He wrote the word distance down on the paper. “But with the extra money I’d be making, we could afford plane tickets home whenever we missed them.”

He had a point. “Okay…” I stared into space, imagining myself stressed and rushing through airports. It might’ve been doable, but that didn’t mean I wanted to have to get to the airport anytime I felt like seeing my mother. God, this sucked.

“There are many research opportunities for you out west as well,” he added. “I’ve already spoken to a few contacts. Once New York is over, things were going to be up in the air for you anyway, right? You don’t have anything lined up. This timing might be perfect. So that’s a pro.”

Feeling extremely unsettled, I licked my lips. “Maybe.”

“If I’m counting correctly, that was three pros and one con. Can you think of any other cons?” he asked.

The only thing that flashed through my mind was Holden. And what did he have to do with this? I wouldn’t be living in New York once my current project was up anyway. But I’d been enjoying Holden’s company in New York. And being back home with Warren made me realize just how guilty I felt about that.

Warren interrupted my thoughts. “Well?”

What choice do I have?“I can’t think of any other negatives,” I conceded. “I think you should go for it, see what happens, and we’ll figure it out if you get it.”

He let out a huge sigh. “You have no idea how happy this makes me. I suspected you’d approve once we worked out the pros and cons, but I didn’t want to apply until we’d had a chance to talk.”

“Thank you for waiting to clear it with me.”

He beamed. “The weather in Cali is amazing, Laney. We could have so much fun on the weekends, exploring the Pacific Coast. There are so many geological wonders out there. I know that’s your thing.” He smiled.

“Yeah,” I muttered.

If only geology were my thing lately. My thing as of late was far more dangerous.

***

Since Warren and I had spent Friday night together after I arrived and all day today, I went over to see my parents after having dinner with him this evening. My mom had made a special lemon dessert for me, and since Warren had said he was behind on some work, I planned to spend the night here in my old room, snuggling with Bully, Ryan’s old dog. Mom and Dad were thrilled to have me all to themselves.

My mother poured hot water into my mug of Darjeeling tea. “I really miss having you around, Laney. I know you’re not that far away, but it’s been hard not being able to just pop over to your apartment whenever I want for a quick coffee chat. It’ll be nice to have you back in a few months.”

Interesting timing for that statement. I sighed. “I know.”

Over dessert and tea, I filled them in on the bomb Warren had dropped during dinner.

The creases in my mother’s forehead grew prominent as she took it all in. “This is not welcome news. Can I be selfish and admit that I don’t want him taking my baby away?”

My dad turned to her. “Jean, if they’re getting married, she has to go where he goes. It wouldn’t kill us to go out there and visit her, if she has to move. Don’t make her feel guilty.”

Mom frowned. “That’s a very old-fashioned way of thinking, Bill. Laney has an important job, too. She doesn’t have to go where he goes. Why can’t he stay where her job is?”

“Actually…” I sighed. “My grant only runs for six months to do the initial research. After that, I have to figure out what I’m doing or make a new proposal. So I’m not really tied down. And the timing sort of works because Warren wouldn’t start the position for six months.”

“Of course it’s a decision they should make together,” Dad piped in. “That’s not what I meant. You’re just arguing against anything I say that might support Laney moving because you don’t want her to move.”

“I’m sorry. Maybe I am, but I can’t help how I feel. I know Laney is a strong, independent woman. She has a right to live wherever she wants. But she’s my best friend. I love her company and would hate to not have her near us.”

I placed my hand on hers. “I know, Mom. There’s no part of me that wants to move that far away, but I didn’t have the heart to tell him no. Warren works so damn hard and deserves this opportunity.”

“Well…” She smiled. “I guess we have to make sacrifices for the ones we love. But is it okay if I secretly pray he doesn’t get the job?”

“You’re totally allowed. I’ll be over here doing the same.” I stuffed my mouth with dessert, though there wasn’t enough lemon tart in the world to make me feel better tonight.

Melancholy continued to haunt me all through our tea time. Maybe I was jumping the gun, but I felt like Warren was going to get this position. His intelligence and hard work knew no bounds. And with his contacts, he had this job in the bag. I felt sick.

Then my phone chimed, interrupting my thoughts.

I looked down to find a text from Holden. It included a photo of him holding up a drink at a bar.

Holden: Having a vodka cranberry in your honor. Your drunk ass is missing out.

Lala: I take it that’s the actual alcoholic version and not one of the Shirley Temples you scammed me with?

Holden: Only your lightweight ass could get drunk off a placebo effect. And it’s called protecting, not scamming. But no Shirley Temple for me. This is the real deal.

Lala: Where are you?

Holden: We’re about to play in a bit. Just a small bar in the city. Not as big a gig as the one you saw.

Lala: Aw. Well, I wish I could be there. That still sounds like fun.

The three dots moved around as he typed.

Holden: I wish you were here, too.

My heart fluttered. Stop.

“What on Earth has you smiling like that?” my mother asked.

My hand jerked, and the phone slipped out of my grip. I picked it up and turned it face down. Jesus. I hadn’t even realized I was smiling.

“Nothing.”

“Was that Warren?”

Damn it.I’d never been able to lie to my mother. She could always see through me. This time would be no different.

I swallowed. “No, actually. It’s…Holden.”

My father’s eyes widened. “Holden Catalano?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Why is he texting you?” my mother asked.

“He just texted me a funny photo.”

“A photo of what?”

“Just a cocktail. He’s at one of his band’s shows in the City.”

“What’s so funny about a cocktail?” Dad asked.

“He knows I like vodka cranberries.”

My mother’s forehead wrinkled. “How does he know that?”

“I went to one of his shows the other night and had one.”

Or two or three. I can’t remember.

Herstare intensified. “You’ve been going out with him?”

“No. He just invited me to watch his band play once.”

“Does Warren know?” she asked.

“Yes.” I gulped.

My mother continued prodding. “He doesn’t mind that you’ve been galivanting around with Holden Catalano?”

I laughed nervously. “Mom, it’s not like that. His apartment is next door to mine. And he’s a good friend. That’s all.”

“Try to give Laney some credit,” my father intervened. “She’s a smart girl. We all know that Holden, as much as we love him and as much as Ryan did, would be nothing but trouble. But I’m sure he’s a lot of fun. Laney wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize her relationship with Warren.”

I nodded, feeling my throat close.

My mother crossed her arms. “Men like Holden can be very captivating, but he’s not the best influence. Sometimes in the presence of someone like that—particularly when alcohol is involved—our judgment can be compromised. Especially if you’re away from home.”

Feeling hot, I said, “I’d appreciate it if we could stop talking about this. It was a friendly text. That’s all.”

Beads of sweat now formed on my forehead. If only I believed my own words. It seemed my mother knew me better than my father.

***

A little while later, still feeling extremely unsettled, I retreated upstairs for the night.

But I stopped in front of Ryan’s room instead of my own. When my brother was at his sickest, he’d moved back home with my parents. They still kept his room here the same as it always was. Whenever I was feeling sad or conflicted, I’d sneak in and lie in his bed to feel closer to him.

I opened the door, and the first thing staring me in the face was the collage of photos on the bulletin board across from his bed. There were so many photos of the five guys. Memories of all of their fun times together had kept my brother going at the end.

Fishing trips on Owen’s father’s boat.

Holden and Ryan playing beer pong.

Ryan and Colby at a football game.

Brayden and Ryan dressed up for Halloween.

Because my brother hadn’t found love before he died, I was certain those guys were the most important people in his life, besides his family. My heart clenched. Ryan would have made someone the best husband.

There was a photo of my brother and me when we were little, too. I was dressed in a long gown and wearing my mother’s oversized heels. I used to beg Ryan to play prom with me because I’d been captivated by our teenage neighbor in her pretty dress taking photos outside before her big night. I’d put on the long princess Halloween costume and make my brother hand me flowers picked from the garden. I’d pretend I was the big girl going to the prom, and my poor brother had to go along with playing my date. That was probably the girliest thing I’d ever done before I stopped being interested in frilly things and transformed into a “science nerd,” as Holden would put it.

Speaking of Holden, when I looked down at my phone, I noticed he’d sent another text earlier.

Holden: Wild night.

There was a photo of him, home in bed, eating Hot Cheetos. He was shirtless. Only Holden could make eating Hot Cheetos look sexy.

Lala: Home already?

A few minutes later, he responded.

Holden: Yep. Didn’t feel like partying after the show tonight. Came straight home. Showered. And already in bed.

Lala: Who dis?

Holden: I know, right?

Lala: You have a reputation to uphold, Catalano. Going home alone goes against that.

Holden: I didn’t say I was alone. I have a girl with me.

My heart sank. How do I even respond to that?

My finger hovered over the keys.

And then he sent meanother photo. Holden had a guinea pig sitting on his bare chest. He was feeding it greens.

What the?

Lala: Who is that?

Holden: Colby’s daughter is getting a surprise tomorrow.

Lala: OMG what?

Holden: Colby pissed me off the other day. So Saylor is getting a gift.

I cracked up.

Lala:Oh you’re bad.

Holden:He told her she couldn’t have a dog right now. He never specifically mentioned anything about guinea pigs. She’s gonna love me. Favorite uncle award is mine.

Lala: Awfully cute.

Holden: Her or me? ;-)

I rolled my eyes and laughed.

Lala: Sigh. Thank you for cheering me up.

Holden: Why? Everything okay over there?

I kept typing and erasing words, unsure if I wanted to get into the California thing with him.

Lala: Something did come up today, but I don’t want to rehash it right now, if you don’t mind.

Holden: Talk to me.

Lala: I’ll fill you in soon. It’s nothing bad…just something that might make my life a bit complicated. I’m too exhausted to get into it tonight.

Holden: Got it. Won’t push.

I looked back over to another photo of Holden and Ryan.

Lala: I’m looking at you right now, actually.

Holden: Crap. You can see I’m not wearing pants?

Lala: No, on Ryan’s bedroom wall.

Holden: Wait…you’re in Ryan’s room?

Lala: Yeah. I come in here sometimes.

Holden: That’s cool to know your parents still keep it the same.

Lala: They do. It was the same when he moved away to college and the same when he came back.

Holden: I’d love to visit sometime.

Lala: You should come by the next time you’re home visiting your parents.

Even though my parents might give you the stink eye now.

Holden: I might.

Then Warren popped up on my phone.

Warren: Goodnight, my love. Heading to bed. See you tomorrow before you head back.

Laney: Me too. ’Night, babe. Xo

I was just about to put my phone down when another text came in.

Holden: Damn guinea pig just stole one of my Hot Cheetos. Can they have those?

Holden is nuts.

Lala: I’m thinking…no.

Holden: She better be okay.

Lala: Maybe you should put the Hot Cheetos down.

Holden: She has the hiccups now! What the fuck. I didn’t sign up for this.

My shoulders shook with laughter.

Lala: LOL I’m sorry.

About a minute passed before he texted again.

Holden: I just Googled it and some guy says he gave his guinea pig Cheetos and it DIED. Holy shit!

Lala: You can’t believe everything you read. It was just one Cheeto she had, though, right?

Holden: HOT Cheeto. But yes.

Lala: I think it’ll be okay.

Holden: I should’ve stayed out tonight. This never would have happened. Fuck! I’m afraid to go to sleep now.

This wasn’t supposed to be funny. But I couldn’t stop laughing.

Lala: Do you need me to stay up with you?

A couple of minutes passed before he responded.

Holden: No. She seems good.

Lala: Yeah. It was only one Cheeto.

Holden: I think she’s gonna live.

Lala: Me too.

Holden: Thank you for your support during this trying time.

I wiped another tear of laughter.

Lala: Of course.

Holden: You’re laughing at me, aren’t you?

Lala: Yes.

He sent a voice recording. When I hit play, it was the sound of the guinea pig hiccupping. I burst into laughter again. Holden had managed to break me out of my funk from earlier.

Lala: You weren’t kidding.

Holden: No. Even I can’t make up shit like this.

Lala: Thanks again for the laugh.

Holden: Anytime, Lala.

Lala: I’d better go to sleep.

Holden: Sweet dreams.

Lala: ’Night, Holden.

I fell asleep in my brother’s bed that night, with thoughts of Warren, California, Holden, and hiccupping guinea pigs swirling around in my head.