13 Monastery of St Bavo, Ghent, July 1340

13

Monastery of St Bavo, Ghent, July 1340

For the next week, Katerine kept Jeanette under close scrutiny. The Queen was too preoccupied with her husband's return to concern herself with her ladies, but Katerine remained strict and watchful, ensuring Jeanette had no opportunity to approach any of the knights.

Letters arrived from Jeanette's mother, exhorting her to continue with her lessons, to comport herself with dignity and not bring disgrace on her family. Feeling resentful and ashamed, Jeanette tore them up, and cried to herself. It was like being stuck in quicksand and sucked ever further down.

The times she did see Thomas among company, she was afraid, and when their eyes did meet she saw the growing bafflement and anger in his. He sent messages via John de la Salle and Hawise to meet him in the mews, but Katerine wouldn't let her out of her sight and Jeanette was too heartsick to make the effort to abscond.

At the start of the following week, the Queen sent Jeanette and Hawise to the alms building with a basket of bread and cheese to hand out at the gate. Katerine was suffering from one of the bad headaches that came upon her sometimes, and had been forced to lie down with a sick bowl at her side, her vigilance abandoned.

Jeanette gave the basket to the almoner, but as she turned to leave, Thomas arrived, and a white-hot bolt of panic shot through her. Thomas nodded to Hawise. ‘Give us a moment, mistress,' he said, in such a way that Hawise curtseyed and left, with a worried look over her shoulder at her mistress.

‘Why have you been avoiding me?' he demanded.

Feeling sick, Jeanette placed her hands on her belly like a shield. ‘I haven't. The Countess of Salisbury watches me and gives me no opportunity. She is unwell today, and I am only here on a quick errand. I must go, or they will come looking.'

‘No,' he said firmly. ‘Stay, and tell me why you will not look at me and why you shun my company. You were busy enough before, yet you managed to find moments for us to be alone. What has changed? And do not take me for a fool!'

Jeanette crumpled inside at the expression on his face. She didn't know what to say or do. ‘I do not have the courage to tell you.'

‘Tell me what?' His gaze sharpened. ‘Have you forsaken me so soon while I have been in danger for my life? Have I been no more than an excuse to get you out of the Gascon marriage, and a plaything to while away your time?'

‘No, never that!'

‘Then why avoid me as you have been doing?' he asked grimly. ‘What is it, then? Tell me – after all, we are husband and wife. You should share whatever is bothering you, and I will take the burden too.'

She shook her head again. ‘I . . . Oh dear God, Thomas. The Countess of Salisbury gave me a drink to balance my humours, and it brought on my flux. There is no child.' She flushed with guilt, remembering the advice she had used at first that had not worked. ‘The Countess said the tisane would make me better because I was being sick all the time. You were gone the day after our wedding, perhaps never to return, and they wouldn't let me leave the Queen's apartments. I had no help, no succour, no protection.'

‘You mean, the moment I was gone, you lost faith,' he said with bitter accusation.

‘It wasn't like that. You were not there,' she repeated. ‘They knew we had been meeting. I was so afraid – and so alone.'

‘And now you will not come near me or speak to me?'

‘If I do, how long do you think you will live?' she answered, with a flash of spirit. ‘Do you think they will not punish us both for this? Lady Katerine knew we had been lying together, I am certain. If she has not spoken of it to anyone else, it is because it would cause too great a scandal in the Queen's household, and diminish her own influence. The Queen just thinks there has been an inappropriate flirtation, but if she were to learn the truth . . .' She broke off and shook her head. ‘She would not be lenient.'

‘So where do we stand?' he demanded. ‘Do you now deny your marriage vows? Are you still my wife?'

‘Of course I am!'

‘But you will not talk with me, and you turn your gaze, and the child is no more.'

She shook her head. ‘I fear for your life if they find out – and I want you in the world.'

‘Then how shall we ever live our lives as man and wife?' he asked with impatient exasperation. ‘When shall it be known? You want me in the world, but you will not speak to me. What kind of a marriage is that?'

She swallowed, and dropped her gaze.

‘Look at me. At least afford me that courtesy.'

Scared, upset and ashamed, she raised her head and jutted her chin. ‘I thought you were going to speak to the King when you went to England, but clearly you did not.'

A red flush crawled up his own neck. ‘He warned me off before I could say anything. I know we must be careful, but when you turn your shoulder and behave as if I am nothing to you, what am I to do?'

‘I hear you have performed great deeds – the King will look on you with favour if you speak.'

‘And will you look on me with favour too, or am I chasing my tail?'

‘I love you, Thomas.' It was simple. It should be a joyful cause for celebration, but the moment they shared their marriage with the world, they would become doomed lovers instead of secret ones. ‘But how shall we be husband and wife unless we let it be known? And if we let it be known, what will then happen to us?'

From nearby they heard the sound of two youths in conversation, and she realised the danger in which they stood, just for so small a thing.

He let out a hard sigh. ‘Return to the Queen, and stay with her ladies,' he said. ‘We are setting out to war again within a few days. Perhaps there will be time for even greater deeds than at Sluys.' Taking her right hand, he placed a large, rough-cut ruby in her palm, scratched and opaque on the outside but with a glowing red centre. ‘This stands for my heart,' he said. ‘Take it and keep it safe. It came from a treasure chest on a French ship, and it is part of my claim on the booty given to me by the King. I was going to have it made into a pendant for you to wear around your neck. We shall talk again when I return from campaign, should I be fortunate to survive, and then we shall see where we stand, and I shall speak my case to the King. We are married in the eyes of God, and that is a holy sacrament. I shall not give you up.'

He bowed stiffly and walked away. She watched the graceful motion of his body, and her heart almost broke. The rough edges of the stone were sharp as she closed her fist over it before stowing it in the alms purse at her belt and going outside to Hawise.

‘They will wonder what has taken you so long,' Hawise said.

‘I shall say I have been at prayer. In truth I do not care whether they wonder or not. I have told him about the child. We are saying nothing of our marriage until he returns from the next campaign – there is no urgency now, is there?' She walked off briskly, making it clear she did not wish to say anything else for she was hollow inside.

Their return was greeted with a few sharp queries from Katerine's maid about the length of their absence, but Katerine herself was sleeping, and Jeanette murmured in a subdued voice that she had remained at prayer, because she had felt the need, and the moment of danger passed.

Thomas sat down at the trestle table in his lodging and sent his squire to fetch bread and cheese.

Otto, who had been checking their equipment, joined him at the board. ‘Have you seen her?'

‘Yes.' Thomas rubbed his face. ‘She has lost the child,' he said. ‘The Countess of Salisbury gave her a tisane to "balance her humours", and she miscarried.'

‘Ah Tom, I am sorry . . .' Otto reached out to clasp his arm. ‘So the Countess of Salisbury knows?'

Thomas grimaced. ‘About Jeanette being with child – yes, but not about the marriage. The King and Queen are still unaware beyond what they consider an ill-advised flirtation between us.'

‘Do you think the Countess will tell the King and Queen about the child?'

‘I doubt it. She was Jeanette's chaperone and it will reflect badly on her if they find out. But the fact that she knows is a threat. She has the Queen's ear and also the King's because of her husband's close friendship with him – not to mention her own.' There were certain rumours concerning the King and Lady Salisbury that travelled like thin wisps of vapour in some corners of the court.

The squire returned with the food and a brimming jug. Thomas thanked and dismissed him.

Otto poured wine for both of them and reached for the bread. ‘What are you going to do?'

Thomas frowned. ‘That Jeanette was with child at all is the result of my own sin and dishonour – Jeanette's too, but she is less to blame than I am. I knew what I was doing and I yielded to temptation instead of walking away. We both know we dare not reveal our marriage to the King and Queen at this point without damaging consequences.'

‘So, you are both going to pretend nothing happened?' Otto chewed and swallowed. ‘That will have its consequences too, brother.'

‘Yes, but for now it is the wisest course to take. I shall be absent on campaign for at least another month, so nothing can be done before then, and perhaps it should be longer than that.' He took some bread himself but made no attempt to eat it.

Otto raised a questioning brow.

Thomas sighed. ‘She is too young for the burdens that have been set on her. Even without what happened she would have been no wife for Armand d'Albret. She is like a young hawk that has been forced to fly before it has fully fledged. We are away on campaign with the King and after that he will release us from our contract until he needs us again.' He broke the bread in half and gazed at the scattered crumbs as though they might tell the future. ‘I have a mind to take the cross and go to Bavaria. I shall use my profession in God's service to atone for my sins for a year and a day. Should God grant me the grace to return from that undertaking, then perhaps He will also show me the road ahead. And in the meantime, Jeanette will have had time to grow her wings.'

Otto shook his head. ‘That is an undertaking,' he said doubtfully, ‘and a great risk.'

‘I have been thinking upon it for a while. I cannot continue without a clean start, and Jeanette needs time. We dare not expose our marriage for now, so I must make other plans. I know your own plans may be different. I do not expect you to accompany me.'

Otto shrugged. ‘I may not have the same burdens to carry and atonements to make as you, but every man should pay his dues to God in his life. Of course I shall ride at your side. What else would I do?'

‘Then thank you, with all my heart.' Now it was Thomas's turn to reach out for a hand clasp.

‘If nothing else, it will keep you away from the temptations at court for a while,' Otto said with an attempt at humour.

‘I think I have been cured of that for life,' Thomas replied wryly, ‘but what about you?'

‘Oh, a soldier's life for me.' Otto raised his cup in a toast. ‘Roll the dice and lie with a woman for tuppence, rather than the price of my life.' The smile fell from his face. ‘You are doing the right thing.'

‘I hope so,' Thomas replied, ‘I truly do, but God help me, and God help Jeanette.'