18. Carson

What an asshole.

But I can't seem to stay away. I certainly shouldn't be waiting on his front porch like a little puppy, but here the hell I am. What am I thinking?

I don't let people speak for me. Not ever.

But I just stood there and said nothing as Brayden went all caveman and told the guys we had plans, like we're a damn couple when, in fact, we are not a couple.

Idiot.

Shit. I really am behaving like a rookie here. Like it's my first taste of dick or something. I can't let him get away with this. I have to be strong.

I see his car pull into the drive. He parks and climbs out, walking over to me. Why the hell does he have to be so damn hot? His hair is styled from the shoot, but he's wearing tight ripped jeans and a t-shirt which stretches perfectly over his broad chest.

I swear my knees nearly buckle as I stand up to meet him, trying to keep a pissed-off look on my face but probably failing. Okay, totally failing because, when he meets me by the front door and his hand goes to the back of my neck, pulling me to him, I kiss him.

I kiss him hard and biting. I wrap my arms around his neck as our bodies squish together. I don't want to talk. I don't want to yell at him. I just want to go inside, get naked, and make him scream in other ways.

But no. Mad. I'm mad.

I put a hand on his chest and push him back away. "What the hell was that?"

He definitely doesn't have a hard time looking pissed off. He's angry when his eyes darken and his breathing is rapid as he glares at me. "What? The kiss?"

"No, you asshole." I fold my arms over my chest, trying to keep from touching him.

He sighs heavily and pulls his keys from his pocket, going to the door to unlock it. "Let's talk inside."

I know that's probably not the best decision. Being alone behind closed doors makes it really hard to concentrate. But I nod my head anyway and follow him inside when he has the door unlocked.

His puppy runs up to both of us, yipping and excited, so I scoop him up and sit down on his couch—a couch I'm becoming increasingly comfortable with. Stupid. This is all so damn stupid.

"You going to tell me what the hell that was about with the guys? You speaking for me. We didn't make plans," I say as I scratch the puppy's ears and get in some puppy belly petting. Not looking at Brayden.

I see him out of my peripheral vision, sitting in a large chair near the couch. He looks almost sheepish, but I'm not going to look at him directly. I can't. "What did the photographer say to you?"

"What?" Okay, I look at him now, my gaze cutting sharply to his face. "The photographer?" I mean, yeah, the guy was flirting with me nonstop, even told me where he'd be later tonight if I happened to stop by there. But he wasn't even on my radar. I couldn't keep my eyes off Brayden.

Is he jealous? Is that what this is?

No. Can't be.

"He was awfully fucking flirty." His jaw is clenched tight, and he for sure looks jealous, but I don't know. I can't read him, and it's driving me crazy.

"So you spoke for me with the guys because the photographer was flirting?"

"No," he says instantly, but again, I think he looks sheepish. "I just didn't want to go to the club."

"But you told them we," I say, and the puppy seems to sense the tension because he quickly runs off before I sit forward a little on the couch. I want to ask him if we are a we, and that's just... nope.

Not going to do that.

What the hell is wrong with me?

He looks conflicted and grumpy. I want to kiss his damn grumpy mouth and make him talk to me, but I don't. I resist. I sit there on the couch and wait for him to talk.

But he doesn't. He doesn't say a thing.

"You know, I'm supposed to be the young, naive one who doesn't know what he's doing, but for the more experienced one, you sure are being dumb. Just tell me what the hell is going on." Okay. So I probably didn't play that right, but his silence is making me crazy.

"We got tested."

I frown. We did. As soon as we got back this week. I cock my head to the side. "O—kay." I don't understand. We haven't even fucked each other bare yet. Having stuck to hand jobs and blowjobs this week. Not for any particular reason, but that's just how it seemed to go this week.

His face is flushed red—I think with anger—but I don't understand why. "So if we're fucking bare, you can't be fucking anyone else. Those are the rules."

I stand up and walk closer to him, my body shaking with rage. "I'm not fucking anyone else."

He scoffs angrily. "That fucker was in your ear. I'm surprised he didn't throw you down and dry hump you in front of all of us."

He's jealous.

Holy shit. The Ace is jealous.

"Look at me," I say firmly, and slowly, he does. His eyes meet mine, and I swear he looks afraid. I don't know why, but he does. "Just say it. You're the grownup, right? Say it."

He stands up, his chest bumping mine. "Say what?"

I'm not intimidated, and I don't back down. I stand there, tall and in his face. "Say you want us to be exclusive. That you don't want me fucking anyone else."

I watch him swallow hard. His eyes narrow on mine as he stares at me. "You can do what you want."

Goddamn him. What the hell am I doing?

"Okay then," I start to leave, pissed off at myself mostly. I knew this was a horrible idea, but I still did it. Maybe he's right. Maybe I am just reckless.

"Wait." Don't wait. Just keep going. This is nothing. This is not a big damn deal. You're blowing it up. But my feet stop and ignore my thoughts.

I turn to look at him. I didn't get very far. "What?"

"Why the hell do you have to be so damn stubborn?"

I swear my jaw drops. I'm the stubborn one? "Fucking really?" I point at my chest. "I'm willing to talk, but you don't want to. You won't say what's actually going on."

I take a step toward him when he comes closer to me, meeting me halfway. "And what exactly is going on?"

You're jealous. You want me far more than you let on. Say. It. I stare into his eyes and huff, annoyed. "You don't want me fucking anyone else." Kind of the truth.

His jaw ticks. "Of course I don't. If we're fucking without condoms. I don't want to catch something while you're fucking everyone who shows a hint of interest." I glare hard at him, my chest thumping with rage. "And you're not even out. What the hell were you thinking?"

My glare intensifies. What a fucking asshole. "So you're slut-shaming me and telling me to stay in the closet, all at once?"

He at least has the decency to look a little guilty, but he doesn't back down. Of course he doesn't. He's Brayden Beckett. Never backs down. He's always fucking right. It's always his way. Damn him. "No." He swallows hard, and I try not to watch the motion. I don't want him.

Okay, I don't want to want him. "No?"

"No. I just..." He looks so damn torn, but I'm not letting him off the hook. "I'm not slut-shaming." He says it like it's the most ridiculous thing ever. "But if we aren't using condoms..."

I hold up my hand to stop him. "I get it. I also took sex ed in high school. Which wasn't all that long ago, so I still remember it clearly."

"Fine." He's for sure uncomfortable and looking shifty. "And I'm not telling you to stay in the closet, but..."

"But I'm not exactly out," I finish for him. This conversation is just goddamn painful. I huff loudly. "But that doesn't mean I won't always be. And you're not exactly waving the rainbow flag."

He slowly nods his head, looking ashamed, which isn't what I wanted. None of this is what I wanted. This is a mess.

"Which, for the record, is fine. It's no one's business."

He nods, clearing his throat softly like he's nervous. "Right."

I'm frustrated and throw up my hands. "Just. Say. It."

"Say what?" he says, equally as frustrated it seems.

"Say you don't want me fucking anyone else." I get in his face, our breath mingling, our chests and feet touching. "Say it."

"Fine," he bites out. "I don't want you fucking anyone else."

My lips crash against his, and we both grunt but don't part. My hands clench in his shirt, and his hand goes to my hair, threading through the locks and holding me there for the punishing kiss.

It's not really anything at all, him saying that. But I'm counting it as a win.

For now.