Chapter Fifteen

You do not know what you possess in having Lady Louisa.

The words his mother had said to him rang round and around Joseph's mind as he sat alone in the drawing room. He had not been entirely certain as to what Lady Louisa had said to his mother but whatever it had been, it had been enough to convince her to remain in his townhouse rather than going to stay elsewhere. That was something that had brought Joseph so much relief and joy that he had been unable to keep that from her, telling his mother how glad he was that she had reconsidered. She had then said those words to him and Joseph, kissing her cheek, had found himself agreeing.

Quite what that meant for him, however, he did not know. To find himself appreciative of the lady was one thing but to know that there was something between them now was quite another. He could not define it but the way that she smiled at him a little more easily, the way that they had danced together, saying nothing but looking into each other's eyes, and the way that she had come to his defense spoke of a change.

Joseph could only pray that it would grow in strength. Hearing the scratch at the door, he called for the butler to enter, his eyebrow lifting in question.

"Lord Quillon has come to call, Your Grace."

Joseph scrambled to his feet, his eyes widening. "Lord Quillon?"

"Yes, Your Grace."

"Send him in at once!" Joseph exclaimed, a little surprised to hear that his former friend had come to call, though grateful that he had. He curled up his fingers and then uncurled them again, tensing and then relaxing as he bounced on his toes for just a moment.

Lord Quillon walked in.

"Good afternoon, Yarmouth." Lord Quillon bowed quickly. "If you do not wish for me to remain in your company, then I do not need to do so. I can take my leave just as easily."

"No, no, please!" Joseph gestured to a chair. "Would you like a drink?"

Lord Quillon nodded and then settled himself in the chair Joseph had suggested. "Brandy, if you please."

"Of course." Joseph poured two small measures and then handed one to Lord Quillon before he himself sat opposite. He blinked quickly, trying not to let any other words escape him as he waited for his friend to speak.

"You are wondering why I am here, I suppose." Lord Quillon paused to take a sip of brandy as Joseph nodded, clutching the glass in his hands. "Well, I have heard some things about you of late and yet, at the same time, I have heard them refuted. I suppose I am here to try and ascertain what is true and what is false."

Joseph frowned. "Why should you wish to do that?"

"Because," Lord Quillon said, clearly, "if you are who the ton says you are, then I do not think that we can even be acquaintances. However, if you are as Lady Louisa says you are, then I might have to reconsider the ending of our friendship."

"Lady Louisa has been very kind in her defense of me," Joseph answered as Lord Quillon frowned. "As you know, however, my mother did think to remove herself from this house though that has now changed."

Faint surprise etched itself into Lord Quillon's expression.

"Again, that was due to Lady Louisa and her words to my mother," Joseph continued, "for it was she who convinced her to remain."

"I see." Lord Quillon's frown returned. "But I have heard two other rumours and yet I have heard them both refuted – by Lady Louisa, of course. I do not know whether they are true and she is only saying so in order to keep herself defended from the rumours of the ton , or because she is being truthful."

Joseph hesitated. "Might she be both?"

The frown on Lord Quillon's face grew heavier. "I do not understand"

"She is a great defender of me. She does so in order to protect her reputation, I am sure, but she is also speaking the truth, whether she realises it or not. On the 1st matter, which I presume is the rumour that I have lost my fortune, I proved to her that it was entirely untrue, and I can do so for you also, should you wish it." Clearing his throat, Joseph sat the little further forward in his chair. "When it comes to the matter of my so-called visitations to houses of disrepute, I can also assure you that it is entirely false, though I have no way of proving that."

"I see" Lord Quillon shook his head a little. "It is said that you were taking a private dinner with her on the night you were supposedly visiting these houses of ill reputation. I presume that is not entirely true."

Joseph nodded silently, praying that his friend would believe him, even though he knew that Lord Quillon had no reason to do so. "I was not in the house of disrepute, nor was I at dinner with Lady Louisa and her family. I was here." Gesturing to the room, Joseph offered a rueful smile. "I was here alone. I had no intention of going out to be in company and I had no desire to do so either. I am afraid that recognising who I truly am and how society sees me has resulted in a lack of inclination towards being a part of the beau monde. "

Taking another sip of his brandy, Lord Quillon tilted his head. "This is all very peculiar. Interesting, certainly, but peculiar all the same. I feel as though I do not know you, though I believe I began to feel that way the very moment I returned from my Great Adventure and was in your company once more."

A small, sad chuckle run through Joseph's frame. "Would you be surprised to know that I feel the very same way?"

Lord Quillon's eyebrows lifted.

"Ever since I realised how society views me and saw how little my friends and family wished to be in my company, the less I have known myself. I have not often thought of myself in dark or disagreeable terms, but I was forced to see the shadow that my character passes over everyone who comes into my company." He ran one hand over his chin. "And now I have a young lady who, despite the fact that I have been cruel to her, despite the fact that I have attempted to push her away, seems determined to make herself my defense. My mother told me that I did not realise what I had in her, and I must say I quite agree. There is a lot about myself that I am ashamed of. There is much about my character that I do not like and yet somehow I have Lady Louisa determined to stand by my side regardless." He shook his head. "Believe me when I say I do not know myself. I am trying to become someone that I have never known before, trying to be the gentleman that I ought to have always been. With all that being said, however, I am not certain that I will be able to do so."

It took some moments for Lord Quillon to answer and given the play of emotions across his features, Joseph was not at all sure whether or not his friend would believe him. He looked away, sipping his brandy as he waited, his stomach twisting.

"Goodness."

Joseph's gaze shot back towards Lord Quillon.

"I have never heard you speak in such a way before." Lord Quillon frowned, rubbing one hand over his chin in a thoughtful manner. "I did not think that my friendship meant all that much to you!"

Wincing, Joseph closed his eyes. "Yet another failing of mine, I am afraid."

"Though I do not mean it badly," his friend continued, quickly. "Indeed, I confess that I am rather impressed to know that my retreat from our friendship was enough to have you reconsidering yourself in such a strong light!"

"It was." Joseph threw back the rest of his brandy. "Quillon, I am truly sorry for my lack of consideration when it came to your advice and your thoughts on my behaviour. I apologise for my arrogance, for my selfishness, for my complete lack of willingness to even think about what it was that you had to say. It was wrong of me and I apologise for it."

Lord Quillon blinked then, after a moment, smiled albeit rather tentatively. "Does this mean that I might have to reconsider what I said about our friendship?"

Joseph could not help but laugh, shaking his head a little. "That is not something I can advise upon, that must be your decision alone. Whatever you decide, however, I will understand. After all, it has taken Lady Louisa some time to consider whether or not she fully believes me – and I am not certain that she has any sort of trust in me as yet – and I cannot fault her nor blame her for that. I feel the very same way about you."

"I see." Lord Quillon finished his brandy, then held out his glass. "Might I charge you for another?"

Joseph nodded at once, getting to his feet and feeling the last lingering tension strains between Lord Quillon and himself fade away. "Of course."

"I know you better than Lady Louisa."

"Yes, you do."

Lord Quillon took the glass of brandy from Joseph with a nod. "And that is why I believe your words. I do not doubt for a moment that you mean all that you say – and I believe it because you have never spoken in that way before. It is truly remarkable, I must say, and it brings me great pleasure to witness it. In brief, I believe it shall enhance your character most admirably. And is that not the very essence of our aspiration?"

Joseph nodded, struggling to speak for a few moments. His friend had returned in friendship to him, it seemed, and Joseph felt himself more than a little unworthy of it. "You have always been an upstanding fellow."

At this, Lord Quillon scoffed loudly, his eyes twinkling. "I hardly think so! You know as well as I that before I went on my Great Adventure, I had every intention of behaving just as I pleased – and indeed, I think that I did just as I wanted for some time! It was when I was on that Great Adventure, and when I became ill, that I realised how much I had to change."

"You and I were both a little roguish, I suppose, but I have become something else entirely." Joseph sat back down heavily, his shoulders rounding. "I have become a scoundrel with such a dreadful reputation, none in the ton wish to be in my company despite the fact I have such a high title!"

Lord Quillon smiled rather ruefully. "Sometimes the consequences of our actions are not always immediately apparent, I suppose."

"Indeed not."

"Though you have Lady Louisa now, do you not? A remarkable creature, I must say, given all that she has endured thus far – and I do not mean solely her betrothal to you."

Joseph looked back at him. "You mean her father and the responsibility he has set on her shoulders?"

Lord Quillon nodded. "A responsibility he should be taking on himself! I have not told you, I suppose, but I am now courting Lady Julia. She is dear friends with Lady Louisa and has told me everything about the present situation. It does seem to be very unfair, I must say. Why would he insist that she take on the role of chaperone for her sisters when she herself was not wed? Why was he quite contented to let her be the one without a match, to become a spinster, rather than take on his own duty and make certain all of his daughters found a match?"

"I do not know." A little surprised to hear that Lord Quillon was now courting, Joseph smiled. "I am pleased to hear that you have found someone to pursue, however. I know that this is what you have long desired."

Lord Quillon's smile was gentle, his expression warm. "Lady Julia is quite wonderful. Ever since I first set eyes on her, I have found myself caught up with nothing but thoughts of her, of her smile, of her company, of her heart. I want to win her heart, you understand, rather than this simply being a match of suitability."

"A love match."

"Precisely." Lord Quillon let out a small, contented sigh. "Our courtship is blossoming and I am all the more delighted with her every time I see her."

Recognizing something of what Lord Quillon said was within his own heart also, Joseph frowned and then took a sip of his brandy.

"You are displeased to hear me say such a thing?"

"No, no, not at all!" Setting his brandy down, Joseph rose to his feet, gesticulating as he spoke, his words coming out quickly for fear that he might damage their renewed friendship. "Forgive me, I did not mean to give the impression that I found anything upsetting or disagreeable in what you said. It is only that… well, I find myself recognising some of what you have said."

Lord Quillon's face suddenly split with a smile. "You mean to say that you are feeling some great emotion for the lady?"

Joseph shook his head quickly. "No, I would not say that there was any great emotion. Instead, I have found myself thinking of her a little more, being drawn to her company, as you have said. I do not know if that means anything or if there is some great emotion that will soon come with it but it is certainly… interesting to consider."

An eyebrow lifted. "You are aware that you might well be growing fond of the lady?"

Joseph opened his mouth to say that no, he had no thought of that, only to close his mouth again slowly. He did not want to do as he had always done and refute what his friend had said in place of making himself out to be correct. "You know more about these things than I. I confess that my first urge is to refute you but I will not."

Lord Quillon chuckled, his eyes dancing. "Now I know that you are just as you have said in your desire to change, for no Duke of Yarmouth that I know would ever have admitted to that!"

Chuckling a little wryly, Joseph shrugged. "I am altering myself entirely, it seems… even down to my very heart."