Chapter Thirteen

"Here we are."

Joseph took the papers from his solicitor and scoured them before handing them to Lady Louisa. He watched her expression as she took them in, seeing the flickering in her eyes as she read all the numbers. He had every expectation that she was just as intelligent as he and could easily ascertain that all the transactions which had been written were correct.

"And this is all of them, up until the present day?" Lady Louisa asked, as the solicitor nodded. "Then you have not had any requests from the Duke of Yarmouth to take out some of his funds or to direct a significant amount to another?"

"No, my lady." The solicitor shook his head. "There is nothing other than what you can see here. The Duke of Yarmouth has always been diligent when it comes to examining his accounts and thus, we consistently strive to ensure that everything is transparent, up until the very day that he comes to visit."

Joseph managed to smile, a twist of nervousness in his stomach. "I do appreciate that," he murmured, "especially given that I came to call at an unexpected time."

The solicitor merely nodded though Joseph did catch the glimmer of happiness in the man's eye. He then turned his attention again to Lady Louisa, seeing how she continued to look through the papers before, finally, returning them to the solicitor.

"There are some rumours at present in London about me," Joseph explained, as the solicitor nodded, making Joseph a little suspicious that he already knew what Joseph was going to say. "They speak of an absence of sense when it comes to gambling and the like, stating that I have lost a good deal of my fortune. Given that I am soon to be wed, I wanted very much to reassure my betrothed that nothing of the sort has taken place."

The solicitor smiled briefly. "I do hope that you are reassured, Lady Louisa," he said, with a deferential bow of his head. "If there is anything else that I can assist you with, then please…?"

Joseph shook his head. "No, that is all. I thank you."

"Thank you." Lady Louisa, offering her own thanks, rose to her feet though she stepped out first rather than waiting for Joseph to do so. Joseph, after another nod to his solicitor, hurried out after her but she was already standing outside, waiting for him on the steps.

"Is… is something troubling you?" A little uncertain as to what might be wrong and what he ought to say given the tension and strain between them, Joseph did not make to climb into the carriage but instead stopped beside her, turning his whole body so that he could look into her eyes. Lady Louisa bit her lip, her gaze away from him and Joseph's stomach tightened. He did not know what it was that made her respond so, did not know why she appeared so ill at ease, especially after being reassured by the solicitor that all was well! Nor was he certain that it was his business to ask her such things, given that he was the cause of all her strife.

"Someone must have been spreading this rumor about you." Lady Louisa's clear blue eyes turned back to him, a faint hint of color dashing across her cheeks. "Someone has said something about you for their own reasons and that must be solely because of ill intent."

Joseph blinked, then frowned. "Or mayhap someone wishes simply to ruin my reputation further in the eyes of the ton. There can be no maleficence there, just a desire to add to the rumours already swirling, merely because the ton loves gossip and scandal! It does not mean that there is someone out in society eager to make certain that the ton thinks very little of me – especially given that they already do!"

Lady Louisa took in a deep breath and then let it out again, a faint line drawing between her eyebrows as she frowned. "That may be so, though I am not convinced by it."

"Does it matter?" Joseph found himself asking, as Lady Louisa's gaze returned to his. "I am already practically ruined in the eyes of the ton and everyone, most likely, feels nothing but great sympathy for you… as they should, of course." He shrugged. "If something more is going to be said, then what does it matter?"

"I – " Lady Louisa opened her mouth and then snapped it closed before shaking her head, a flash of irritation sparking in her eyes. "I suppose that it does not."

Joseph hesitated, sensing that there was something breaking down between them, something that was drawing them a little closer together. It did not mean that they were friends nor did it mean that she was happy and contented with the situation but there was certainly less animosity, less uncertainty and for that, he was grateful.

"Should you like to get an ice at Gunter's?"

Her eyes flashed to his, widening just a little, her mouth forming a perfect circle for only a moment or two.

"You do have your maid and given that we are betrothed, it would not cause any sort of scandal." He did not know what caused the sudden urgency within him, the sudden rush of desire for her to accept, but it was there nonetheless. He pressed his lips tight together for fear that he would say more, not wanting to push her into accepting when she did not truly wish to.

"There could be no harm in it, I suppose." Lady Louisa did not sound in the least bit excited by the prospect and Joseph's eyes dropped to the ground, though he reminded himself that he had no complaint in feeling such a way. She had no reason to like him, no reason to want to be in his company, not after how he had treated her.

"You are aware that the ton will all be looking at us," he said, though he did turn to one side, in the hope that she would follow. "There will be many whispers and sharp looks."

Lady Louisa closed her eyes briefly, then set her shoulders back as though she was quite determined to do so, nonetheless. "Yes, I am aware of it. But since we are betrothed and since neither of us is going to end our engagement – not as yet, anyway – I suppose that I can accept that."

"Not as yet?" Joseph frowned as she fell into step beside him. "I do hope that you no not think that I have any intention of ending our betrothal, Lady Louisa."

"Why would I not believe that?"

Joseph cleared his throat gruffly, hearing the sharpness of her tone. "I can see why you would. However, I should like to make it abundantly clear that I have absolutely no intention of ending our engagement." A slight tremor ran through him as he realized the severity of what he had said, recognizing that now, he fully intended to stand up beside this young lady in church and offer her his vows. "I will not end our betrothal, Lady Louisa."

She looked up at him, a slightly quizzical expression on her face. "And is that solely so that you might garner the respect of the ton ? Because you do not want them to think any worse of you? That is your only reason for continuing on with this arrangement?"

Joseph swallowed tightly but shook his head, finding it rather difficult to explain to her what it was that had driven him, especially when he himself was fully unaware. "It is true that I do not want the ton to think poorly of me, given that my reputation is already dreadful. However, as I am quite certain I have expressed previously, I possess no desire to continue being the sort of gentleman I have been until now." His shoulders lifted, the words coming slowly as he fought for them. "I suppose, what I mean to say, is that I do not want to be as cruel nor as inconsiderate as I have shown myself to be. For many years, I have thought of nothing and no-one apart from myself and it has only been with the loss of my dear friend's company and the awareness that my mother no longer wishes to be my company that has finally driven me to this change."

For some minutes, Lady Louisa said nothing. Once or twice she glanced up at him but still, she remained silent. Joseph too stayed quiet, not certain as to why she was so but feeling the heavy weight of her judgement settling upon him.

"This is not something that I can immediately believe, Your Grace, as I am sure you can understand."

"As I have said before, of course I do."

Lady Louisa nodded slowly, her curls dancing lightly in the breeze. Her eyes, whenever they caught his, were scrutinizing, as though she were thinking on not only all that had been said but on all that had taken place ever since the beginning of their acquaintance.

"The truth is," Joseph found himself saying, struggling to bear the silence and the searching gaze of her eyes, "I possess but a scant understanding of what it means to be a gentleman of admirable character. I have never truly embodied such a distinction, despite my father being an exemplary man of the highest regard. I confess to you that I have always thought of myself and the realization that I could do whatever I wished without too much upset from the ton because of my standing soon made me all the more inconsiderate! My mother has dealt with a good deal and in truth, I have never really thought about that until she told me she no longer wished to be in my company." Joseph shook his head, a sharp exclamation escaping from him. "Imagine, one's own mother no longer desirous of her child's company. That was a great shock to me, I must say, especially given that it came only a short while after Lord Quillon's remarks to me."

Lady Louisa nodded slowly. "You appear to be speaking the truth, Your Grace, and it is not the first time that I have heard you say such things. I am surprised that someone as assured as you would let his mother and his friend have such an influence upon him, however."

"But what else am I to take from it?" Stopping sharp, Joseph threw up his hands, turning on his heel so that he faced her. "I do not know what else I am to say! It felt as though all that I knew about myself, all that I thought I believed about society, was thrown upside down in one, heady moment – and it was not a pleasant feeling!" His hands fell down to his sides, his breathing quickening. "I saw myself as I have never done before: disliked, unwelcome and ill-considered. It was as though I looked at myself in a mirror and saw it shatter before my very eyes. Can you not understand how that has made me feel, Lady Louisa? Can you not see just how devastated that realisation has left me?"

Joseph, breathing hard, took a small step back from the lady, having only just realized that he had moved closer to her as he had been speaking. Lady Louisa's eyes were a little wider than before, her cheeks flushed but, as he watched, the surprise slowly left her expression and was replaced with only a brief hint of a smile.

"I think, for the first time, I may be inclined to believe you, Your Grace," she said, slowly. "It may take some time for any sort of trust to be built between us but either you are an exceptional actor or you are truly genuine in all that you have said."

Closing his eyes against the swell of emotion which rose in him – emotion Joseph did not understand precisely – he swallowed tightly and then let his hands go out either side before letting them fall again. "I am grateful for that at least."

"Then let us go and take our ice at Gunter's," Lady Louisa said, beginning to walk again. "Though mayhap, I might take your arm?"

Joseph's breath hitched, blinking rapidly for a few moments as he gazed down at her, barely comprehending. "My arm?"

"So we might walk together," she answered, her smile growing just a little. "I know that there is much to be built between us but this is a start, is it not?"

With a smile of relief etching itself across his face, Joseph moved closer and quickly offered her his arm which she took without hesitation. "Yes, it is a start," he agreed, a good deal more delighted with this small act than he had ever expected to be. "And a very good one at that."