Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

TRISTAN

Another night, another crappy performance.

No one besides Emily had mentioned anything about my voice being off. Did they not want to upset me, or did they truly not notice? Maybe they just didn't want me to stop. Tonight's concert in Minnesota had been one of my worst shows in a while. And all I wanted to do now was close my door and shut out the world. But that was hard to do on this bus with the scene playing out just beyond my bedroom.

Women laughing. The smell of weed and alcohol seeping through the crack under my door. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary. If anything, this was the norm. I'd been known to party with the best of them. But lately, I needed an escape from it.

Before I could think about that further, the door to my bedroom opened. I could've sworn I'd locked it, yet in walked two women, a blonde and a redhead. They could've been twins aside from the difference in hair color. I squinted to get a better look at them. They were fucking twins. They had the same face.

Without so much as an introduction, they crawled onto my bed. I'd been lying against the headboard and straightened to sit up.

In the not-so-distant past, I might've reached over to the condom drawer and let them do whatever they pleased. But I'd had a shitty show, and I wasn't in the mood to play along tonight. It took a lot to get my dick hard when I was upset about something.

The blonde leaned over and started unzipping my pants. I placed my hand over her wrist. The old Tristan would never have turned down a blow job from a gorgeous woman, no matter my mood. But tonight? I couldn't.

"Thanks, but no thanks. I'd like to be alone right now."

"But he told me you asked for us specifically," the blonde said.

"Who's he?"

"Atticus."

I shook my head. That guy was so full of shit. He was pawning these two chicks off on me because he'd probably miscalculated the number of women he told our tour manager to let on the bus.

"Well, he lied. I'm sorry. Thanks, but no thanks."

As quickly as they'd entered my room, they left. Relief washed over me. I sat at the edge of my bed with my head in my hands. The sounds from beyond the door told me my bandmates certainly hadn't turned anyone down tonight.

Feeling stifled, I decided I needed some air. We were set to take off for the next city in a couple of hours, so I couldn't go very far. Grabbing my black hoodie, I left my room and waded through the illicit acts in the main cabin before exiting the bus.

The cold air against my face was a welcome sensation at first, but then I realized I was freezing my ass off. When had it gotten so cold? And damn, I wanted a cigarette right now. That would warm me up. But alas, I wouldn't be smoking tonight; I'd quit when my voice started going to shit. I didn't need the effects of smoking on top of everything else, even if I wasn't always known for my great judgment. At least I'd gotten that one right.

I looked over to the bus parked across from ours. I'd bet it was mighty warm in there. I'd also bet there were no groupies to run away from. That seemed like the perfect escape right now. Didn't it?

I walked across the lot, unsure where I was going with this. Or, did I know precisely why I was headed this way? I wanted to see Emily and ask her if I'd sounded worse to her tonight. That might've just been an excuse, though. I had her number; I could've texted.

It had been a week since the jaunt she and I took in Detroit. I hadn't spoken to her at all since then, which was quite deliberate. Nothing good could come from her spending time with me, even if I'd had fun the last time we hung out. I'd probably divulged too much that night, but she'd made me feel comfortable.

When I stepped onto the bus, every head turned in my direction.

"What are you doing in here?" Veronica, our PR manager, asked.

"I can't come say hello? I haven't thanked you all lately for how hard you've been working."

Veronica narrowed her eyes. "You've never once stepped onto our bus, Tristan…"

"Well, then it's about time I did."

I looked over to the back corner. Emily was reading a book, but she closed it when she spotted me.

"Excuse me," I said as I moved toward the rear to talk to her.

Guess I hadn't wasted much time getting to why I was really here. I could sense everyone's eyes on me as I took a seat next to Emily.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, seeming genuinely surprised.

Fuck it. "Feel like taking a ride with me? Getting a bite to eat before we have to leave Minnesota?"

"It's late, and we're taking off soon. So no."

I checked the time on my phone. "We have over an hour."

"I don't feel like going out. It's cold."

Rejection wasn't something I was used to, but the fact that she didn't jump made me like her even more. Fuck. I was screwed. "You're right. It's cold as balls out there. I don't blame you."

"You could've asked one of those groupies who got on your bus tonight to go out with you," she said, her tone almost bitter.

Ah. "You noticed them, huh?"

"Yeah. I notice them almost every night."

Maybe she was being standoffish because she was annoyed with the groupie situation, rather than general ambivalence about seeing me. That gave me a little hope, even if I shouldn't have cared.

"What do you think goes on in there with them?" I asked.

She shook her head. "I don't want to know."

"It's not always what you think."

"Oh, really?" She raised a brow. "What…are you playing Monopoly with them? You expect me to believe there's anything going on in that bus besides the obvious-"

"That's part of the reason I came over here. I wasn't into it and needed to escape."

She tilted her head. "You weren't into tonight's particular selection of girls, you mean?"

"No. Megan Fox could've walked in, but I wasn't in the mood tonight."

"Even I wouldn't turn down Megan Fox." She finally cracked a smile.

I chuckled, loving her comeback. And loving the visual of Megan Fox and Emily that flashed through my mind.

"Good to know you swing both ways." I winked.

"Well, I don't typically. But you know…there are always exceptions." She picked some lint off her shirt. "So you left the groupies on the bus to come see me? Why?"

"I'm not into you like that," I assured her. "I just wanted to say hello."

"I'm no Megan Fox. I get it." She rolled her eyes. "Thanks for the compliment."

I felt myself sweating. Why the fuck had I said that? I cleared my throat and attempted damage control. "I meant I don't have ulterior motives." I looked around the bus, noticing a few eyes still on me from up front. "It's actually way better over here. Calmer. You think they'd let me switch buses permanently?" I teased.

"I wouldn't want you here," she said.

My eyes widened. "Why not?"

"You attract too much attention."

"Everyone's but yours. You didn't even know who I was when you met me. Which I loved, by the way."

"That's because you looked like a grizzly bear with that beard."

I cackled. "See? This is why I miss you, Emily. You make me laugh."

"I'm surprised you feel that way. You haven't said a word to me in a week."

"That's also a reason I'm here. I wanted to apologize. I should've at least come to say hello. Especially after we hung out in Detroit. That was fun."

"Well, I know you've been busy. The tour has been nonstop. And then there's your extracurricular activities."

"Do I need to clarify again that I don't always partake in the groupies?"

She shrugged. "Honestly, I can't blame you if you do. Not sure I would be any different in your shoes."

"The truth is, this lifestyle gets pretty old sometimes. My bandmates may not share that opinion, but most nights I'd rather be eating a burger alone in a McDonald's that's about to close than fucking some groupie who's only interested in me because of my money and fame. That's like my dream-to just sit alone in McDonald's and not be bothered."

She chuckled. "I find that hard to believe, but okay…"

"Why? Anything that comes easy gets old. It's the chase that's exhilarating. You know what's really exhilarating? Wanting something you can't have. That's exhilarating."

"There's not much you can't have, Tristan Daltrey."

"Not true."

"Name one thing," Emily challenged.

You. Licking a line over that little gap between your teeth.

"A normal life," I opted to say.

"You could have that. You could quit tomorrow. Get a job at a local hardware store somewhere in Kansas. Eat your burger alone at the nearest McDonald's at closing time."

"When you've invested so much of your life in trying to achieve something, once you finally get it, it's very hard to throw it away, even if you occasionally wish you could. I also feel like I owe it to my bandmates not to flake on them. But some days, it's definitely tempting to walk away." I sighed. "Anyway, I don't feel like walking away so much when I'm talking to you. You're the most normal person I've come across in a while."

"Mundane, you mean?"

"Far from it."

"Well, I don't like hamburgers, so I wouldn't be able to join you in that depressing McDonald's that's about to close."

I laughed. "You make me smile, Emily, from the moment I met you. You're real." I lowered my voice. "And you're one of the few people who knows what's going on with me lately. You know…with my voice. So it feels good to be around someone I can be honest with. That's all."

"How is your voice?" she whispered.

"I wanted to ask what you thought after tonight's show. Did you notice it getting better or worse?"

"I'm not a doctor."

"I know. But you have ears." Cute ones that stick out when you wear your hair back in a ponytail.

"You want the truth, I assume."

Feeling a knot in my stomach, I nodded. "Yes, please."

"You were sounding better to me after Detroit. But tonight you sounded a little worse again."

That felt like a gut punch, even if I knew it was true. Fuck . If she noticed, how many other people did, too? I nodded. "That's what I was worried about."

"It hurts me to have to admit that to you."

"Don't be hurt. It's good for me to know these things. I appreciate your honesty, Emily. More than you know."

"Are you going to see a doctor soon or…"

"I have an appointment when the tour stops in L.A. No one knows, though."

"No one else has said anything to you?"

"No. Which is really fucking weird, if you ask me."

She nodded. "I'm sorry you're going through this."

"It's not the end of the world."

"Yeah. But it's scary, I'm sure."

I stared into her green eyes for a moment, reluctant to leave even if the stares from the people up front told me I'd overstayed my welcome. "Are you sure you don't want to grab a bite to eat?" I picked up one of her hair scrunchies and began winding it around my hands as I waited for her response. There was something oddly calming about the mindless motion.

"We have even less time now than we did before. Plus, it's still warm and toasty on this bus, and I'm not moving."

"You're no fun," I teased.

"I'm not that hungry anyway. Layla got chicken fingers earlier, and I had some. I think I'm good for the night."

"Okay then." I pouted.

She turned to look out the window, and I admired her beautiful profile. I would've given anything to know what she was really thinking.

I kept twisting the scrunchie. "Are you happy, Emily?"

"On the tour, you mean?"

"In general, but sure, yeah, on the tour, too…"

"In general? I'm working on it. On the tour? Actually, yes. It's been an amazing distraction from reality. I can't say I'll be any clearer on what I want to do with my life when it ends, but it's a good experience. And it will look good on the resume, too." She yawned. "The one thing I've been struggling with is sleep, though."

"You're having trouble sleeping on the bus?"

"Yeah. It's psychological, I think."

"How so?"

"I have this fear that we're going to get into an accident. So I can't relax. I feel like I need to be on alert."

"You'd rather be awake and alert if the bus crashes? Wouldn't it be better to be asleep and not know what hit you?"

"No. I'd die of a heart attack from the shock of waking up that way. If I could see it coming first, I'd be better able to handle it."

I chuckled. "But you eventually fall asleep, right?"

"Gradually, my tiredness wins out, yeah."

"If I were on this bus, I'd sing you a lullaby or tell you a bedtime story."

"That would be awesome, but you should probably rest your voice." She smiled. "Why don't you go get something to eat if you're hungry?"

Because I'm not really that hungry. I just wanted an excuse to see you. "Yeah, maybe. I'm sure catering has something for me to eat back on the bus."

She arched a brow. "Not a woman, I presume?"

Emily's innuendo gave me a visual of eating her that I had no business entertaining, even in my imagination. I cleared my throat. "Not a woman, no."

"Not tonight at least." She winked.

If she only knew how uninterested I was in anyone else right now.

I glanced up to find Veronica shooting daggers at me. "Why is she looking at me like that?"

"Because she's the den mother of the crew, and she probably doesn't trust you."

She shouldn't.

I guess I wasn't as nonchalant as I'd hoped. "Does this seem suspicious? Me talking to you?"

"A little," she answered.

"I don't care what they think, if you don't."

"I do like talking to you," she said.

That sent a jolt of excitement through me. "I like talking to you, too, Emily." I smiled. "A lot."

Which is exactly why I should go.

I reluctantly stood. "Well, I'll let you get on with your night. Don't want to overstay my welcome. You were reading a book."

She picked it up and flipped it over. "It's not that good."

"Kind of like my performances lately." I winked and took a step back. "Have a good night."

"You, too."

I saluted her. "See you in Chicago."

"Yeah. See you there."

I couldn't help myself. "Maybe I can convince you to get a bite to eat with me there?"

She rolled her eyes. "Maybe."

I inwardly fist-pumped. "Cool."

High off the way she made me feel, I tripped on something as I walked away backwards. Real slick . Veronica gave me the stink eye one last time on my way out. She could probably see through my intentions better than I could. I'd tried to convince myself I just wanted to talk to Emily, but there was a lot more I wanted to do with her. But I can't. She was too good for me. That's one thing I knew for sure.

I headed back to my bus as if it were some kind of punishment.

Thankfully, the girls Atticus and Ronan had invited over earlier were gone. Good riddance.

"Where the fuck were you?" Ronan asked as I walked past.

I stuck my middle finger up and continued to my bedroom in the back. I most certainly wasn't going to admit where I'd been. Atticus and Ronan would give me so much shit.

Back in my room, I tossed off my shoes and lay down on the bed. My stomach grumbled, reminding me that I should probably eat something. But I didn't feel like talking to anyone long enough to go back out there and dig through whatever catering had brought to the bus.

I turned to my side and placed my hands under my head. That's when I smelled it-a flowery scent that was all too familiar. Fuck. Why did I smell like her? Emily. Then I noticed it.

Her scrunchie wrapped around my wrist.