Chapter 27

CHAPTER 27

EMILY

"I'll have the banana waffles." I put my menu down and slid it over to the edge of the table. "And he'll have a special order of waffles with pickles and bacon. And could you drizzle some mustard on top? I know that's a strange request, but if Chef Carl is still here, he'll know. He calls it the Jacob Special."

"Okee-dokee." The server smiled. "Carl is on today. Coming right up." The older woman didn't seem to recognize Tristan, which was a nice break from the norm.

Tristan's mouth hung open. "Are you serious? My tongue feels tangy even thinking about that. And not in a good way."

His tongue. The thoughts that elicited… "You said you wanted what Jacob would've had. That's what he ordered when he came here."

"Wow. Okay. Then that's what I have to get." Tristan looked around. "I guess I can see why he liked this place. It's old school."

Sparky's was a Shady Hills staple. It was warm and inviting with décor that combined vintage memorabilia and local artwork. There were mismatched, vibrantly colored upholstered chairs at each of the distressed wooden tables. Regular patrons occupied the counter.

Tristan and I sat across from each other at one of the tables. I'd been nervous to see him, but now that he was in front of me, it almost felt like old times. He had a way of making me comfortable even when I should've been nervous.

As he looked me over, I felt the room fading away.

"You look beautiful, Emily."

"Thank you." I cast my eyes down, feeling oddly shy. "You look good, too."

His gaze fell to my lips, causing my nipples to stiffen.

I cleared my throat. "You said you read all of Jacob's journals?"

"I did." He nodded. "Not right away. I hung on to them for months after you gave them to me. Toward the end of the tour, when I saw a light at the end of the tunnel and was confident I'd be able to finish my obligations without risking a nervous breakdown, I couldn't hold off anymore. I was blown away by a lot-namely that he wrote music. That twisted me up the most."

"Yeah. You have no idea how many times I've thought of that."

"It was clear how much he cared about you, too."

Jacob had written about how difficult our breakup was but that he knew we'd be in each other's lives forever. That had touched me. Jacob had just started dating a girl from his college in the months before he passed. He'd told me about her during one of our last phone calls. I remember feeling relieved because it had lessened my guilt about the end of our romantic relationship. But that's all I knew about her, because the date on his last journal entry was before he'd met her. Not sure why he'd stopped writing.

"What did you think of what he wrote about you?" I asked.

Tristan let out a long breath. "It hurt that he doubted my character, but I can't blame him. He didn't know me. But I hate that he was afraid to come find me."

"I'm sure you can understand why. In his eyes, someone like you could think he was out for money."

"Yeah, I totally get it. It just sucks. I never would've turned him away. Just the opposite. He wouldn't have been able to get rid of me."

His words tugged at my heart. "I know."

When the server set the plate of waffles with bacon and pickles in front of Tristan, the aroma brought on a wave of nostalgia. I couldn't help but laugh at Tristan's hesitation.

"Have I mentioned I hate pickles?" He grimaced. "And mustard? But I'm gonna eat the hell out of this for him." As I nibbled my own breakfast, I watched Tristan cut his waffle into pieces, being sure to layer each bite with all of the accoutrements. When he finally took a bite, he grinned with his mouth full sarcastically. "Mmmm…" Then he downed a bunch of water.

"Are you gonna be okay?" I chuckled.

He nodded, and I watched in amusement as he worked his way through the giant waffle, bite by bite.

"It actually gets easier with time." He rubbed his belly. "I guess I can kind of see why he liked it. It's got a certain bite to it."

I laughed. "There are other things he liked that are easier to stomach. I just started with this because it was his favorite. And, you know, it's kind of funny watching you suffer."

He grinned. "By all means, don't hold back. I want to learn everything about him. And if I haven't thanked you enough for doing this, let me thank you again. I appreciate you agreeing to be my tour guide."

"It's not a problem." I licked syrup off the corner of my mouth. "I'm glad to be able to do it."

"So…what did your boyfriend say when he saw you with me?" he asked a minute later. "He didn't look too happy. I hope I didn't get you in trouble."

I wiped my mouth. "He was a little freaked out at first, but I haven't told him what happened on the tour between us, so he doesn't have a reason to be suspicious."

"Ah…the old, what he doesn't know won't hurt him."

"There was no reason to tell him. I never thought you'd come to town. I wasn't sure I'd ever see you again."

Tristan pushed his plate away. "We should talk about us, though, Emily."

Us. My heart fluttered. "What about us, specifically?"

"I didn't handle things well when I found out about Jacob. After I left my mother's, I ran off to Europe when I should've gone to see you one more time. I owed you that. I don't want you to think our time together meant nothing to me. I just didn't know how to handle it, you know? Still don't, really."

"I'm the one who should be explaining myself, Tristan. I let things cross a physical line, knowing you were Jacob's father. What kind of person does that make me?"

His mouth curved into an impish grin. "A horny, gap-toothed little minx."

My eyes widened. "Excuse me?"

"I'm kidding…sort of." He chuckled as I sat there mortified. "Look, Emily…the truth is, I came on pretty strong. I was practically obsessed with you. Obviously, I had no freaking clue you were harboring my biggest secret. But I chased you pretty hard. You can't take all the blame for what happened between us."

"How can you forgive what I did so easily?"

"You didn't do anything intentionally. You gave in to your feelings, but it wasn't premeditated. You had your reasons for not telling me who you were during the tour. You didn't expect me to pursue you. You didn't expect us to have real chemistry. I can't fault you for that. You got caught up. So did I."

I shook my head, though I did appreciate his perspective. "I still think you're going too easy on me."

"For being human? I don't regret anything that happened. If I remove the obvious conflict of interest, there isn't a moment with you that I would want to take back. It was still one of the happiest times I can remember. And if that's fucked up to admit now, so be it. It's complicated. But so is life, Emily." He sighed. "So is this fucking life."

Tristan always had a way of making me see things in a different light. "Why do I always feel better after talking to you?"

"Likewise." He smiled.

"Where do we go from here?" I asked.

"Well, I'm hoping you'll be my friend."

"I thought you didn't have female friends," I teased.

"You're my only one." He winked.

Friends with Tristan? I would take that over erasing him from my life. "Okay, then, friend." I smiled, feeling my face tingle.

My body was the only one not in denial right now. Sitting across from him, there wasn't a moment when I wasn't acutely aware of my unwavering attraction. How I'd missed being in his presence, feasting my eyes on him. His tousled hair, unkempt but perfect. The way his piercing eyes directed all of their attention on me. His big, rough hands adorned with silver jewelry. The allure of his tattoos, too many for me to have memorized, despite so much staring at the magazine image of his naked torso. More than anything, his nearness was a constant reminder of how it had felt when he touched me, explored me with his mouth. It was the only time in my life my body had reached that level of arousal. I would never forget how that felt.

"Just like you used to say I reminded you of home, of your true self…you made me forget who I was, Tristan. You made me forget all the painful memories. I was a new version of myself around you, the bare-bones version of me without all the bad stuff. And in that sense, it was the true me you got to know. Unfortunately, I also lost sight of why I was there and that I had a job to do. That's why I left when I did, because I was incapable of handling things the way I should've." I started to get choked up. "I didn't want to leave you. It was the last thing I wanted."

He reached across the table for my hand. "You've had a lot on your shoulders, even before you came to find me. You need to give yourself a break, let it all go. Start fresh. You deserve that."

I nodded, but there was one problem with heeding his advice. Despite everything that had happened, I didn't want to let go of the connection Tristan and I had. If I let go of everything -the guilt and the bad stuff-the good memories would have to go, too. And that's why I'd probably continue holding it all.

He let go of my hand. "When will I see you again after this?"

"I have to work tonight, but I was thinking maybe tomorrow we could visit Jacob's parents, the Mahoneys."

Tristan straightened in his seat, seeming on edge. "You think they would want to see me?"

"After you found out the truth, I told them how I'd gone on the tour and found you. And I let them know why you're in town. They very much want to meet you."

"Wow. That sounds great, then. Thank you."

Tristan paid the bill, but we lingered at the table. His phone chimed at one point, prompting him to look down.

"Who's that?" I asked.

He looked up. "Nazarene."

Immediately, I regretted asking. It likely came across as jealousy to begin with.

The text was a huge reality check. Both Tristan and I had significant others now. Being with him again felt natural and brought back the best of memories, but any expectations my heart held on to were nothing short of delusional.

I stood from the table. "We'd better get going."