Chapter 23

23

Gene was kissing her in a way no man ever had before. Panic threatened—not that he was hurting her or that she wasn’t enjoying the press of his lips to hers. Just like when he’d kissed her before.

She was panicking because she was enjoying it. And this felt… a little different.

Gene, who had made her feel… sometimes not very good things about him for years.

But what she had felt about him for those years—she couldn’t remember what those things were at all. All she could think about was how perfect he felt pressed against her now. No wonder Mandy Kirby had wanted him so strongly six years ago. The man felt like perfection.

But… perfection could be a lie. Chantal knew that.

And despite what had just happened between them over the last week, this was Gene.

Gene, who had broken too many women’s hearts and hadn’t believed in her at all six years ago. Despite having known Chantal her entire life. They hadn’t had much of a relationship six years ago—or even before—but she had been a part of his life for decades. He could have at least listened to her side of things back then.

Then again… Genny had pointed out that Gene was far different today from the man he had been six years ago. He had been dating Mandy, broken up with her, and three months later, he was married to another woman—with a baby on the way.

That they’d learned Calvin wasn’t actually his was immaterial. He had thought the baby was, and that had told her so much. He’d just gone from one woman right to the next back then, like they were interchangeable. She didn’t expect he’d changed that all that much since.

Six years ago he had hurt her. She couldn’t deny that. And he had been a man she hadn’t respected after that. But… now? She wasn’t sure she could put all that behind her.

She would never really trust Gene again.

That had her stiffening against him.

Gene pulled back. “I didn’t hurt you, did I? I don’t exactly know where to put my hands, around your monitor and pump. But… show me, and I’ll learn.”

“Gene… what exactly is it you expect from me, and why? We… until recently… well, neither of us are stupid. I’m not the kind of woman who gets with a man to just have a good time.”

“That’s not what I want at all.”

“Then what do you want? I seriously doubt we will ever want the same things.” He had sworn before never to get seriously involved with a woman ever again. He’d said he had a son he loved, and that was enough of a family for him. She had heard him vow those very things. “We are just too different for that. I don’t do casual affairs. I never have, and I never will.”

And Gene wasn’t hardwired for anything other than casual. She knew that very well—this was the one Hiller who wasn’t.

That stung, in a way Gene wouldn’t have expected. “Anything between us won’t be casual.”

“Won’t? Not wouldn’t? I don’t remember agreeing to anything,” she said quietly. Chantal was quieter as an adult than she’d been as a girl. Less full-speed-ahead. Far more cautious.

He remembered the girl she had been, racing free across the field between her place and the Hiller ranch, her red hair flying out behind her as her horse flew over the ground. The uninhibited laughter that was so distinctive, he had always known it was her. He had felt it.

When she’d ridden like that, he had always had to watch, been unable to look away.

When had they lost that?

Six years ago, he thought. Before that? He couldn’t remember. She had been so… beautiful. He hadn’t realized it then, but he did now, looking back. She was even more beautiful today; now that maturity and life had smoothed out the edges.

Memories of her running in and out of his house as a girl flooded him. She’d be there almost every time he’d turned around. Like all of his sisters’ friends were in and out. They used to annoy him to the brink of insanity—him and the rest of his brothers, but… now…

He missed those days so much.

The house was too quiet sometimes.

Except when his son and his sister Genesis were playing, laughing over something. Gene had been thrilled when Genesis had decided to stay at the ranch permanently after the storm had destroyed the little place she’d rented before. They all still owned a portion of the ranch, and it would always be his sister’s home, too. He’d wanted her there, where she belonged, so he could protect her. And so he could have more of his family there. They all had rooms there, still. They probably always would. But it just wasn’t the same now that George, Guthrie, Giavonna, and Greer lived elsewhere.

Why hadn’t he realized that before?

Chantal wasn’t as in and out as she used to be either. At least… not while he was there, though Genesis had implied before that she visited almost every day. Why hadn’t he known that?

She’d timed her visits to avoid him—it was the only thing that made sense. For six years. He had hurt her that much, that she’d avoided him for years. He’d been such a bastard back then.

That made him flinch; he wouldn’t deny that.

Well, after everything he’d said and done between them, he didn’t blame her for that at all. “I’ve been a real ass to you over the past six years, and words cannot express how sorry I am for that. Not even for a moment.”

At the look in her big blue eyes, Gene realized the truth. Chantal didn’t trust him at all.

“I’m going to make it up to you. I promise. And I’m going to show you that I am the kind of man you deserve. The man you can trust. Forever.”

His lips pressed against hers again.

“Chan? Where are you?”

Genesis’s voice broke the spell instantly.