Chapter Forty-Four

Hayden

Most Likely to Succeed

If things had gone differently, my life would probably be the exact picture everybody else has painted for me tonight. I would be breaking down barriers of the limits others perceive and making strides forward in technology - probably within AI or robotics, as those were always my particular areas of interest, the ones I felt some kind of affinity to. I d be creating code and products and programmes that people could never have imagined ten years ago, changing the landscape of the future. I would have accolades listed against my name on Wikipedia, lined up on a shelf at home against which I would join Zoom meetings with the best and brightest or top-tier investors, or record interviews for news outlets. Perhaps I would even have collaborated with Ashleigh to build something for use in surgeries to complement her research.

But, I think, if things had gone differently, I wouldn t even be friends with Ashleigh anyway these days. If I hadn t dropped out of uni and wanted to live vicariously through her, we wouldn t have messaged as much as we did, and she wouldn t have made a point of visiting and hanging out any time she was home for term break, and we wouldn t have become such close friends. We would both have been too busy with our courses to do much more than exchange occasional texts about how things were going and how we must catch up soon , without ever actually organising anything.

Let s just say I stuck it out at uni. I d have let Lucy go ahead and have Margot while I dedicated myself to finishing my studies, an actively absent father. I know myself - I would ve been so intent on assuring our future that I d neglect the present - and neglect Lucy and Margot right along with it. Maybe we wouldn t have gone on to have Skye.

I d have been too focused on the next step. That wouldn t, in this alternate lifetime, have been sign Margot up for school or arrange her birthday party at the soft play; don t forget to invite Jesse from swimming class . It would ve been graduating with my master s, deciding whether or not to pursue a PhD or take up any of the job offers I was sure I d receive, which route would be the best . Not for my family. For me. For what I wanted to achieve.

For those accolades that never were, the breakthroughs that someone else would inevitably be credited for in this timeline I chose to be in now.

It s a world of what-ifs, and as I stay behind to help Bryony clean up the hall, I let my mind play out through all of them, exploring each branch in the multiverse, the versions of my life that might exist elsewhere

And I know that, if I could go back and make all those decisions consciously, with the benefit of hindsight - I would do them all exactly as I have done.

Ashleigh and Ryan stick around for a while, helping us clean up even after most everybody else goes home, and I wonder which of them will cave first - they ve gone back to their earlier routine of dancing around each other, pretending not to acknowledge the other s existence even as they orbit like binary stars, bound by a common centre of gravity, unable to quite get away.

Which means that, somehow, Bryony and Ashleigh have buddied up in the cleaning efforts, and Ryan and I have been stuck together.

We work mainly in companionable silence, which is how I hear Bryony confront Ashleigh and ask, Are you mad at me?

Why d you think that? Ash bites back, sounding quite mad at her. It makes Ryan and I exchange a look; he smirks knowingly, shaking his head, and it occurs to him that he might know my best friend as well as I do, in spite of their rivalry and hatred for each other. Ashleigh, meanwhile, sighs and tells Bryony, You just acted like kind of a bitch, earlier. Getting in between me and Freddie like I didn t matter. Like, it s cool, it s - whatever, but

Ohmigod, no! That s totally not what happened

As Bryony starts gushing explanations and apologies, I see Ryan s face cloud over, some emotion shuttering down that seems guarded, and when he notices me looking, he gives a small shrug.

Think I blew it, he says.

Blew what?

It, he repeats, as if it clarifies anything at all. Then he jerks his head towards the girls. With Ashleigh.

Oh.

She hasn t said much about what happened in the chemistry lab, but she s been staring longingly at Ryan all night since, and looking like there s more going on than she could even begin to explain.

I take pity on him - surprised that, for all that s happened tonight, it s me offering the captain of the rugby team, Mr Popular, any amount of sympathy - and pat his shoulder awkwardly, a bit like he did to mine at the beginning of the night.

I don t think you have, I tell him. She can be a bit prickly, but she wouldn t be avoiding you if it didn t matter to her.

You think?

I m not surprised that Ryan has this softer, vulnerable side, but I am surprised it s Ashleigh that s brought it out in him. He brightens a little as he looks in her direction again, where she s now giggling over something with Bryony, the two of them leaning on each other, the air cleared and a new friendship forming.

Something brightens in me, too, from the intense amount of self-reflection I ve done tonight, and I find myself saying, Hey, Ryan? You, um You still got that friend looking for developers for his start-up?

He flashes me a grin and winks. Haven t lost him in the last couple of hours as far as I know. Here, give me your contact details - I ll put you in touch first thing Monday. I ll give you my number, too, just in case

We swap info, and something warm and comfortable settles in the pit of my stomach and spreads through me, like hot chocolate on a snow day. It feels right. A good next step. Something that doesn t need to turn my life upside down and put it back on track , because there s nothing off -track, but something to rekindle an old spark and passion.

There are things that, yes, after tonight, I wish were different about my life. Things about myself I would like to change and adjust, because I have let them fall too far by the wayside. But those fundamentals that have shaped the rest of my life The girls, Lucy, my friendships, my home - I wouldn t give that up for anything.

We carry on cleaning up and after Ashleigh and Ryan leave, I end up helping Bryony to mop up the water in the science block, still cradling this feeling of being able to do something for myself - for this new version of myself, not the one I left behind ten years ago.

Bryony catches my eye, something in my own smile making her brighten, too. I expect her to try and tease me, or needle me about what s put such a spring in my step, but instead she just lets me be. Giving me breathing space I don t have to ask for, for once.

I think I ve got an answer for you, by the way, Bryony says to me.

Hmm? I pause, wringing water out of the mop we borrowed from the caretaker s office. She, meanwhile, winces at the state of the textbooks, about a third of which are unsalvageable from the water damage they sustained.

When we were talking, earlier. And I asked you if you were genuinely, really happy, and you asked if I was. I think I ve got an answer for you now.

Oh? I lean on the mop and push my glasses up my nose, waiting patiently. What is it?

Yes. She beams and it s blinding. It s the most sincere she s looked all night, and the most like herself, too. I am genuinely, really happy.

Good, I say.

Then I duck my head before changing my mind, and instead maintain eye contact with her as I finally offer up a proper answer of my own.

I am, too.