Chapter Thirty-Three

Shaun

Most Likely to End Up Together

Steph s shoulders tense and when she looks over at me again, I hardly recognise the expression on her face; I ve never seen her so stern and determined. But immediately, I know what she s thinking - she wants to try to climb over.

Let s just call someone, I say, already slipping my phone out of my pocket. The fire alarm is still blaring. Notifications fill the screen and I hide a wince at the string of texts from Aisha asking where I ve gone.

Baby, where d you go? Starting to get kind of bored without you

Is everything okay? You ve been gone ages, can t find you

Explain to me why I m stuck talking to YOUR friends when you re NOWHERE to be

Where are you?

Did you leave???? Shaun I swear to God if you ve left me at this naff little school reunion

Seriously, this isn t funny, let me know you re okay at least

I swipe away from them all, wondering if I have Bryony s number or if I m just as well to call Josh or Hassan, but Steph lurches towards me like she s about to smack my phone out of my hands, eyes huge, agitation twisting her mouth.

Are you mad? You can t do that! We can t - you ll She draws a deep breath, closing her eyes briefly. We don t need to involve anybody else in this; it ll just cause a scene, and you know what everybody s like when they get a whiff of drama. People thought Mara was a drug dealer just because one rollie cigarette fell out of her bag that time.

I don t point out that that was years ago, and we were kids back then. The way tonight s going Well, maybe Steph s got a point.

And again, I wonder if it would be the worst thing if rumours went around. They wouldn t be that far off the mark, even if we never actually kissed, would they? But I know, rationally, I m not being fair or sensible, and we need to be adults here. We need to make grown-up choices.

Even if we were wrong to go our separate ways all those years ago and even if tonight is all about us finding our way back to each other, the first chapter in the sequel of our epic love story I don t want to restart a relationship with Steph by being a cheat.

I don t want to hurt Aisha like that. And Curtis, I think, knowing as little as I do about the guy who put the ring on Steph s hand, would probably deck me, and he d be right to. I d deserve it.

If this is something we re going to try again

We should do it right. We owe ourselves that much, I think.

And I know Steph - she d never live with herself. She d feel like a homewrecker. I probably would, too, but Steph s always felt things more deeply than anybody I know, and it d eat away at her.

So I nod and she relaxes a bit, a smile reappearing on her face at last before she assesses the gate again. It can t be that difficult, can it? All we need to do is pull ourselves up and - and hop on over!

I look at the gate, which is about six-and-a-half-feet tall, and made entirely of vertical bars as if to purposely deter anyone from thinking they could climb over it. I can reach the top and can probably haul myself up if I prop a foot against the wall of the school, but there s no room to sit at the top and pull Steph up. Even in her heels, she s too short to reach on her own.

There s nothing for it, I realise - I m going to have to give her a boost.

I say as much out loud and Steph s cheeks turn pink, but after a moment of silence she nods, coming to the same conclusion I just did. She takes her heels off, manoeuvring them awkwardly between the bars to drop on the other side of the gate in order to climb more easily in bare feet.

I crouch in front of her and my head swims with how much this feels like a warped daydream - me on one knee looking up at the woman I ve always loved. Like, in another life, I should be pulling a ring out of my pocket and telling Steph how much she means to me. I always imagined the kind of life I d have when I was an adult - the house in the suburbs, the dog and then the kids, family outings and holidays, kisses on cheeks in a busy, homey kitchen as we took turns cooking and washing up afterwards

Steph hasn t forgotten that kind of life, either. What we wanted for ourselves. How we saw our future together. Does she have that sort of thing with him ? Can he give that to her, the way I could?

What if Aisha wasn t the right woman, just the right time? What if I made a mistake with her, and in not chasing after Steph when I had the chance?

Steph steps delicately into my clasped hands, cringing awkwardly even as I assure her it s alright, I ve got her. She lifts her other foot off the ground and I hoist her up so she can make a grab for the top of the gate.

It quickly becomes clear that she s not going to be able to pull herself the whole way up and over, though, so I step in to help before she has to ask, placing my hands on her waist to give her some extra support and guide her up.

Thanks, she puffs. Sorry, I m not This isn t, er

Skipped arm day? I joke, relieved when she giggles.

This close to her, the warmth of her body radiates into mine, the scent of her perfume and shampoo and something else so quintessentially Steph filling my nostrils, my mouth, making me long to draw her away from the gate, into me, so I can finally kiss her.

I don t, though. We have bigger things to worry about.

Like getting back to the party before anyone worries where we are if there is a fire and it s not some prank or whatever. Like dealing with our fianc s.

I have to help hold her feet and push her up to the very top of the gate, but Steph finally manages to swing herself over, and then dangles by her fingertips on the other side, wincing at the strain in her muscles, eyes screwed shut and mouth twisted in an awkward, if slightly cute, grimace.

Is it far? she asks, not daring to look down.

You got this. Bend your knees when you drop, okay?

She does, but lands right on her shoes and tumbles over when she hits the ground anyway, rolling on the path with an Oomph! There s the sound of fabric tearing, and she has to untangle the heel of one of her shoes from her now-ripped dress.

Are you alright?

Yeah. She winces again as she stands, though, rubbing her bum. Little bit of a bruise, probably, but I m okay.

I follow her over, wondering if she s not just watching but looking , and I wish I spent a little more time in the gym. I bet guys like Ryan and Freddie and Tommy could hurl themselves over this thing without even batting an eyelid. It s not as easy as it looks and I end up scrambling to get to the top and then flop over with my legs dangling behind me, winding myself in the process.

Steph hisses. This time it s her turn to ask, Are you okay? That looked painful!

Yeah, fine, I manage, and decide to do the rest as quickly as I can to hopefully make up for the flailing, decidedly un-sexy display she just witnessed. If anything was going to give her the ick

I m just glad the boys aren t here to film it; they d have a great time taking the piss out of me, even if they d be just as crap at trying to scale this bloody gate.

When I fling my legs over the top and drop down, though, I end up falling into the hedge. Right into it, too, crashing through the leaves, branches snapping under my weight, and landing with a thump on my back in the dirt.

Steph yelps and darts forward to offer me a hand and pull me up, and I m already laughing at myself for managing to fail at that so spectacularly. I almost wish someone had caught it on film now; I couldn t have done it so badly if I tried.

I clamber out of the hedge with Steph s help. She s giggling too now that she sees I m not hurt, and I dust some of the leaves and twigs off myself. She s in a bit of a state, too, with her hair out of place and her face pink and a bit sweaty, her dress so dishevelled.

I strike a pose. How bad is it?

Quite bad, she says, but reaches to pull another leaf out of my hair. The fire alarm is still going off, though, so she nods in the direction of the front of the school. Come on, we d better go. I m starting to worry this isn t just some silly prank

There s a commotion as we round the school; on the other side of the new languages building that I know I m about to see but still makes my stomach jolt with the unfamiliarity, there s a huge crowd of people, some of whom have the torches on their phones turned on, which is when I realise the floodlights that were illuminating the outside of the school earlier are turned off. Everyone looks like they ve been corralled together by one very sparkly sheepdog.

Bryony is shouting at the group and I glance at Steph, trying to work out what s going on. I watch her eyes widen as she takes in the scene, the tinge of panic there - because, shit, she s right. There s no slipping back into the party undetected now, especially with the way we look after climbing over that stupid gate. Everybody must ve come outside when the fire alarm went off, like an old-school (literally) fire drill. Shit, maybe it is a real fire.

There s something about the regular fire drills and false alarms from my schooldays that s made me immune to any kind of real reaction now, like deep down, I don t really believe this place could ever go up in flames.

Before I can wonder if I should be panicking - and, dammit, Aisha, is she okay? - Bryony s voice carries towards us.

Has anybody, she yells, projecting her voice like she s being Dorothy on stage again, seen Stephanie O Connell or Shaun Michaels?

There are mumbles, grumbles, shrugged shoulders.

Priya, I notice, is biting the inside of her cheek and looking supremely uncomfortable. She opens her mouth, but never gets to say anything because Steph is already running forward, heels clacking and an arm waving above her head. Hi! Hello! We re over here! We got locked out of the back door and had to go the long way round!

Bryony turns and someone s phone torch illuminates her face enough for me to see the relief that floods it, and how pale she looks. I pick up my pace, jogging to catch up with Steph and join everybody else.

Then Bryony s face hardens and she tosses her ponytail over her shoulder, thrusts one hip to the side and plants a manicured hand on it, fingers drumming against her sequin jumpsuit. And just what were you doing at the back of the school? Look at the state of you both!

Someone wolf-whistles and Freddie Loughton shouts, Yeah, Shaun, get in there! and then him and some of the rugby lads and their lot are singing, Steph and Shaun, sitting in a tree !

I m about to laugh and join in when Steph flinches, looking horrified and humiliated.

Bryony, for once, is paying the crowd no mind, too busy scowling at us. I explicitly said, no wandering around . I expected better from you two, I really did.

There s such a stern edge to her voice that I wouldn t recognise it as coming from Bryony if I weren t watching her speak.

We were just catching up, Steph says meekly, and now her shoulders hunch and it looks like she s fifteen and being berated by a teacher. Sounds like it, too, the way Bryony s talking.

I can t help but laugh now, and grin when Bryony levels me with a Very Disappointed In Me sort of look. Sorry, miss , I promise it won t happen again. What s going on? We heard the fire alarm go off.

She huffs and flips open a thick book nestled in the crook of her right arm. It s the guestbook from the hall she made us all sign, I recognise. Yes , and now I ve been making sure everybody is alright and we haven t lost anyone - namely, you two. Maybe if you hadn t been sneaking off like lovestruck teenagers wanting to cop a feel behind the bike sheds, you would ve noticed we ve had a power cut and it s triggered the fire alarm.

There s been a power cut? Steph blurts, and suddenly the lack of lights from the building make sense.

Bryony s lips purse.

We weren t copping a feel, for the record, Steph mumbles, although I don t think anybody even hears her over the whoops and jeers, and she slinks over to the front of the crowd to where her girls are. Where Curtis is. He s laughing, though, like he can t even imagine her thinking about doing something like that, and when she s close enough he seems to ask with concern about her ripped dress. His arm slips around her shoulders and Steph closes her eyes as she leans into his body, her hand braced against his stomach.

It twists like a knife in my gut.

A little way off, Aisha jumps up from a gaggle of people to flap a hand at me.

She wriggles out of the crowd to come over, her arm sliding around my waist and a kiss landing on my cheek, then hisses in my ear, Where the hell have you been? What happened? You look like you ve been dragged through a hedge backwards.

Something like that

Bryony is apparently not finished with her roll-call exercise and after a terse sigh in my direction and a pointed glare in Steph s, she continues ticking off names against the guestbook.

Aisha says, So that explains where you disappeared off to - you were hanging out with your ex.

Now the guilt starts to well and truly kick in. Did I really almost kiss Steph back there when I d left my fianc e waiting for me inside? Am I really hoping to sweep it all under the rug now?

Did you guys have a good chat? Aisha continues, but it s more polite than it is suspicious, and I fight hard not to squirm.

I shrug.

Right. Well, it s good to know that you abandoned me at your own school reunion to go talk to your ex, and not even have the courtesy to let me know. I was getting worried about you, dropping off the face of the earth like that for a whole hour. I know how things were with you two - it s been like, ten years since you broke up, and you were just kids when you dated anyway. It s not that deep. What, do you think I would ve bitched you out and had a problem with it? Give me some credit, Shaun. We ve been together for five years. We re getting married. You re allowed to talk to some girl you knew when you were a teenager - it just would ve been nice to have a little heads-up, that s all.

You re right, I say, because it s all I ve got. I m sorry.

Aisha nods, like she gets it, and I see in her face that she absolutely doesn t, and - there it is. The doubt that begins to creep in. It s not quite suspicion tainting the sparkle in her eyes, but something worse: worry, insecurity.

I squeeze her closer to reassure her she s got nothing to worry about, and wonder if she can feel the lie in it.

I don t even know if it is a lie. It s pure uncertainty, and somehow, I think, that s worse.

And then I hear myself blurting out, You re not going to ask me if anything happened? If I kissed her, or something?

Aisha only rolls her eyes and scoffs. Please. The state the two of you showed up in, but her lipstick is totally perfect? I don t need to insult us both by asking.

But she doesn t laugh, and doesn t quite meet my eye when she brushes a few twigs and some mud off my shirt, and it feels off enough that I know she s not asking for the same reason I m not telling her, because we both know the answer to a question like did you kiss her is a lot more complicated than just yes or no.

Bryony finishes up tallying names of people, and then studies the guestbook. My thumb draws arcs on Aisha s waist. A short way off, Steph and Curtis are having a hushed conversation and it looks serious - Morgan, Thea and Priya seem to have formed a protective wall in front of them and Curtis s head is bent low over hers, like a human blanket fort. His arms are around her, and Steph s hands flutter in between them in what I recognise as part of her usual emotive storytelling.

Is she telling him everything, or reassuring him?

I kiss the side of Aisha s head as I turn away, feeling sick as I wonder what I should be telling her. Feeling sick that there s anything to tell at all , and that I want to think of a good fucking way to spin it to spare her feelings.

She clings tightly to me, in a way that feels like a goodbye.