Chapter Eighteen

Steph

Most Likely to End Up Together

I hold my breath - and my shoes - until we re safely out of the library, the volume of Ryan and Ashleigh s voices increasing behind us. They re so busy bickering that they don t notice the too-loud clunk of the door closing behind us.

My fingers tighten around the heels I took off so I could make a run for it more quietly, and it s only now that I register that my other hand is linked with Shaun s, our fingers intertwined, his palm warm and smooth against mine. Did I not notice because of the adrenaline of almost being caught, or because it s such a natural fit?

As I stare at it, Shaun s fingers tighten around mine, and he tugs me along the corridor.

Come on! he urges in a whisper, and we both bolt back towards the stairs, still hand in hand. I sprint to keep up with his longer strides, the laminate flooring cold beneath my bare feet, and something about this whole thing - running through a near-abandoned school after hours with the boy I used to love - feels so surreal and absurd that I start laughing.

Shaun shushes me, which only makes me giggle harder, and it s not long before he joins in. The two of us careen down the stairwell, breathless from the run and our laughter, and I have to pull him to a stop. I finally take my hand from his and try not to think about how empty it feels as I press that same hand into my side, bending over to ease the stitch in my side.

Think we re safe? he jokes, grinning at me. Shaun s cheeks are flushed, his eyes bright, and the whole look gives his face a boyish quality that strips the last ten years from him. It s enough to make me feel seventeen again, my outfit feeling more like a prom dress than a staple in my wardrobe for cocktail parties and wedding receptions.

Probably. I m still panting, still catching my breath. The rush of sneaking about has winded me more than the activity, but the thought makes me wince. Shaun either doesn t notice or assumes it s a reaction to my stitch.

We re not , I have to remind myself, sneaking around . The idea feels sordid - dirty - and I know that if Ashleigh or Ryan had noticed us in the library, they would have jumped to conclusions. If they d seen us hiding in the stacks, standing close and sharing stories about ourselves and our lives, smiling and laughing and teasing It wouldn t have looked very innocent.

Neither, I suppose, does running away.

None of it is very innocent, except

Well, of course it is. We re only talking, catching up with one another how is it any different to the conversations I ve had with Priya or Morgan or Thea tonight, really? It s hardly as if Shaun or I left the hall to find some peace and quiet with any sort of ulterior motive, and it s not as though either of us made a move in the library.

Sure, there might have been a few lingering looks, a couple of playful touches on the arm, but

We were being friendly, that s all. Even after all the years and the distance and the history, it s so easy to just be around Shaun; he feels familiar and safe and comfortable. It s so impossible to imagine that we re anything but those teenagers who knew each other better than we knew ourselves.

Standing on the step below him now, the silence expanding around us and pressing against me like some tangible thing, swollen and soft, I study Shaun s profile. The straight, short bridge of his nose and the way his left ear sticks out a little bit more than the right one. Those thick, long eyelashes I always envied because mine were so fair you could hardly see them, which would always rest so sweetly against his cheek when he dozed next to me on the sofa while we watched a movie at one of our houses. That one bit of hair right on the crown of his head that stubbornly sticks out in the wrong direction; I would always try to put it into place, but it would never go.

I catalogue the ways he s changed, too. The fact his hair is styled , now, the cut purposeful. His body is a little bit taller, softer instead of bony elbows and gangly shoulders, his jaw more defined even though his face has still kept that charming boyishness. The clothes, which are more mature, though he always dressed well - a bit trendy, too. The heavy watch around his wrist even though he always swore he never liked watches, and the deeper, more confident cadence of his voice.

I search for more, but all I can think of are things I noticed while we were talking inside the library, habits and quirks that haven t changed. How he talks with his hands, how expressive his face is, the way the tone of his voice alters when he s building to a punchline, the little pauses in his storytelling when he anticipates I m about to react somehow. He s still my Shaun, and I know him in my marrow. In every beat of my heart and every breath I take.

I ve no idea how long I stand there staring at Shaun, aware that he s looking at me in exactly the same sort of way and something about that feels entirely not innocent, yet entirely expected, but finally he opens his mouth and draws breath

But the words that fill the stairwell and echo off the walls aren t his.

What s the matter, Ashleigh? Can dish it out, but can t take it?

I glance up in the direction of the voice before my gaze darts back towards Shaun, and I watch his eyes widen in recognition. It s Ryan, and judging by the clack of heeled shoes stomping downstairs, Ashleigh is there, too.

Heading right for us.

This is really how you want to spend your night - yelling at me? Get a life, why don t you. Go back to the party, Ashleigh yells at him, I m sure your adoring fans will be missing you. Don t worry, nobody has to know what a dick-head you still are, I m not going to tell everyone and ruin your perfect reputation.

I don t even need to say anything or gesture to Shaun; he s already read my mind. The two of us hurry down the stairs as a furious-sounding Ryan and Ashleigh draw ever closer. I m sure I heard her voice wobble a bit there and if it were anybody but them, I d be a bit worried - but the two of them used to have such blazing rows and were always horrible to each other, so nothing about this interaction raises alarm bells. It was always better to leave them to hash it out rather than be caught in their crossfire.

Well, no alarm bells except how bad it might look for Shaun and I to be found lurking alone together like this. Ashleigh s been terribly pally with Bryony tonight, and if she mentioned it to her, well, who knows what Bryony might say? She s always loved gossip.

I m not hiding anything, I m just aware of the optics, is all.

I trip down the last couple of stairs and bump right into Shaun, who s come to a stop at a set of double doors elevated just above the ground floor. They lead out to the art block and the back field where they used to do rugby and football matches, and I freeze at what awaits us on the other side of them: the little set of stone steps where the two of us used to sit during free periods when the weather was nice. There was never any footfall this way while lessons were on, so it was as private as it got. The door rattles loudly and Shaun mutters a curse under his breath before reaching up for the deadbolt at the top.

It whines as it slides out of place, making us both flinch.

On the next floor up, and much too close for comfort, Ryan and Ashleigh don t seem to have noticed at all. They re completely wrapped up in their argument, which isn t unusual. Ten years ago, the school could have caught fire and burnt down around them before either of them stopped bickering long enough to notice.

Ryan huffs, exasperated. I m not worried about my reputation, Ash, for God s sake-

Right , sure, you re worried about me. People change, Ryan, but not that much. Go back to the fucking party already, and leave me alone .

Why are you always acting like I m the villain here? What, like you re the model of perfection the rest of us should set our standards by? Newsflash, Easton, but you re not .

What part of piss off can you not understand? she yells back and her voice definitely cracks this time. I swear I hear her stomp her foot, and part of me is gripped by the entire argument as if it s a soap opera on the telly.

Steph! Shaun hisses, gesturing through the open door.

But my heart is in my throat. For all I laughed at him earlier for saying it, now I really do expect someone to come and tell us off. What if the caretaker is still around, or one of the teachers has stayed behind to do some marking, and they heard?

I crowd closer like I can vanish into the shadows, or even behind him. We can t! Bryony said-

She said not to go off exploring the school and graffitiing the whiteboards. Technically , we ll be outside the school, so

That s - yes, but I squirm, arms wrapping around my waist as if I can hold this new wave of nerves back before they spill out everywhere. It s locked for a reason! We can t just We can t . What if somebody breaks in?

It s fine. We ll put the deadbolt back on when we go back in. And besides, we ll be right outside the door - it s not as if a burglar will just stroll past us, is it?

I chew my lower lip, only stopping when Shaun s eyes flit down to catch the gesture. I know it s instinctive rather than a conscious look on his part, but I don t want him to think I m trying to flirt. I m not. That s not what this is.

He gives me that perpetual easy smile, the one that s so wholly him and which everybody has always loved, and his eyebrows tick up mischievously.

Come on, Steph. When was the last time you broke the rules?

He knows the answer to that: never.

It s not changed in ten years.

A sense of daring, unfamiliar and intoxicating, dances through me, egged on by the adrenaline of almost being caught by Ashleigh and Ryan. It fizzes in my stomach and tickles at the tips of my fingers, making me uncross my arms from around myself and stand up a little bit straighter.

I ascend the two steps to be next to Shaun and reach past him to push open the door, a rush of cool air pouring in. The corners of his mouth stretch wider, and my body grazes against his as I take the first step outside.