Chapter X

YOU ARE PROBABLY WONDERING WHYI did it. That's why you're reading this, isn't it? I can imagine this is all like a jumbled knot of jewelry to you. Unraveling one piece only to have another kink appear. Until it's all an impossible mess. It doesn't matter, I guess, when things started to tangle. Only the last snarl matters. If you tug too hard, the chain might break.

Or, if you're like me, you figure out a way to save the whole thing.

I sold my soul to the devil, and I don't regret it.

The air was near freezing. The sky was silver and purple, the color it turns right before snow. When all the light is sucked from the land. The night before, Grace had lost a tooth.

"Do you think the tooth fairy will find me here?" she asked, worming her finger into her mouth, prodding at the gummy hole.

We were sitting around the fire. Charity snorted and poked at the coals.

I smoothed Grace's hair back. It was getting long. I needed to find a way to keep it out of her face since David wouldn't let us cut it. "Of course," I promised.

Grace shifted to peer up at me. "Then why can't my mom?"

"Can't you keep her quiet?" Charity threw out.

I frowned at Charity and patted Grace's knee. "You know you're not supposed to talk about her."

I figured I'd find some twine and switch it out for the tooth. I'd planned all the ways I'd sell it to Grace. Oh, wow, the tooth fairy left you a piece of string? That is so cool. You must be really special. Say anything with enough enthusiasm, and you can convince people it's the truth.

A gust of icy wind tore at our backs, nearly dousing the fire. A door slammed. "Oh my god," Charity said, staring across the compound. I followed her gaze. The armory door swung back and forth. "It's open." She rose as if in a trance.

"Charity. No."

"It's our chance." Charity glanced down at me. Eyes glazed and bottomless, as if she was under a spell. She raced forward.

"Stay here," I commanded Grace, and ran after Charity. I found her in the armory. Sick pale sunlight streamed through a tiny opening at the top of the tower. Charity smiled, and it was a little wild, a little lost, too deep inside. "I'm going to kill him." She picked up a revolver and met my eyes.

We could be free. The unspoken words passed between us, skating on the frozen air. A dizzying sensation like biting into a warm, ripe peach in the middle of summer.

A shadow fell over us, blotting out the wisp of light. "Put down the gun, Charity," came David's voice. I could feel his body heat, the warmth from his chest. He inched forward and around me. "Be careful. You don't want to hurt anyone," he added, hands splayed. Calm. Too calm? Something felt off. The way he moved with certainty. As if he was sure no harm would come to him.

Charity placed both hands on the revolver and drew it up, David in the crosshairs. Seconds stretched into eternity. It began to snow, a quiet, sleepy dance. David's chest rose and fell with even, unhurried breaths.

He looked at me. "Destiny, take the gun from Charity."

Time moved slow again. Creeping down like molasses from a tree. Charity swung the gun back and forth between David and me.

David said my new name again. "Destiny, take the gun from Charity," he repeated. "Do it for Grace."

I whipped my head toward the compound. Michael's hands were on Grace's shoulders. An inch or two up, and he could ring them around her neck. Squeeze. Blot out the light. Her life.

It happened in a deranged blur. I rushed Charity, putting my shoulder into her midsection and slamming her into the armory's floor. The gun fell with a clatter. Charity pushed out from under me and shrieked. David swung a fist. Once. Twice. Blood came away on his hands, and little droplets sprayed onto the concrete, even outside. I see it when I close my eyes sometimes. Blood in the snow. He rose up, chest heaving. Charity lay crumpled, her face already swelling, already purple.

"You did it." He stepped over Charity and smiled, oddly giddy, a little breathless. "I had an inkling you might, after the other day at dinner." When I'd wanted to trade myself for Grace. "But I had to be sure."

"What?" I asked, ravaged. Bewildered.

"What, what? This was all a test." David swiped the gun from the ground. He pointed it at me and squeezed the trigger. Click. I winced, ready for pain. Nothing. No blow to the chest, no red stain blooming outward. David's smile doubled. "Empty. It was empty," he crowed. "You truly love Grace, don't you? I wanted to see how far you'd go to save her." I swallowed and searched out Grace. She was by the kennels, kneeling and poking her hand through the gratings to pet Star. My chin quivered. All a test? I'd hurt Charity because of a test? Breath sawed in and out of my lungs, scraping up my throat. A fog descended, and I started to hyperventilate and laugh at the same time. Was I as mad as David now? My fingers dug into my sides.

"Stop it," David said through his teeth. I didn't see his hand coming. It fell across my face. Slap. I sobered instantly, my fingers going to the sting in my right cheek. "You be quiet," he demanded. "Take Grace to her room," he called to Serendipity. I watched as Grace was ushered off. I'd taught her that—to do what she was told, to be silent, to not struggle. It was how we stayed alive, but it wasn't any way to live.

"I'm sorry. Please, I'm so—" I dropped to my knees, hunching over his feet. Sometimes I loved him. Sometimes I wanted his affection. Sometimes I craved his kindness, yearned for him to look upon me as if I was a treasure he wanted to keep.

David sighed and took me by the elbows to draw me up. My cheek screamed with pain, along with every other part of my body. "Poor girl," he crooned, folding me into his arms. We stayed like that for a moment. Swaying. A scream began at the base of my skull.

Then he stopped, pulled away so we were eye to eye. "Destiny." He smiled strangely and toyed with a lock of my hair. "Or should I call you Gilgamesh?" Above, two eagles circled. I'd watched one of them since it was a juvenile. It had mated now, and its nest was nearby. He kissed me on the lips. "I love you," he said.

I was all mixed up inside. Shapeless. Twisting and drifting until I was a speck of dirt on an infinite timeline. The sun exploding. A black hole consuming. "I love you too," I said. Is there a word for loving the thing you fear the most? He kissed my forehead. His touch spreading through me like a virus.