Chapter 49

Sawyer

Pippin and I make our monthly trip to Chillicothe Correctional Center in Missouri the weekend after Ash goes back to school.

It's a five-hour drive in each direction, and since we're traveling with Ezra this time, Pippin and I will stay over at the Holiday Inn Express about twenty-five minutes away from the facility.

I talked to Asher about telling Reece about Faye. He asked me why I chose to keep quiet about it, and I told him the truth. And the truth is that I'm ashamed, and I'm scared Reece will judge my life.

He told me Reece would never judge me and I should go and see Faye first. Maybe seeing Faye will help me decide if Reece needs to know about her.

Then, I told Asher to ask Reece to spend the night at our place. And after that, we fucked. I made Asher whisper to me all the nasty things he was going to do to Reece while I was away and then, before he was even halfway done, I came all over my stomach and his chest. I don't know what it was, but the thing that had me coming so hard wasn't when he whispered how hard he was going to fuck Reece. Or all the ways he was going to desecrate Reece's ass.

It was when he buried his face inside my neck while he penetrated me and murmured with that low rumble in his voice, "I'm going to have sex with him while you're gone."

My husband is going to have sex with a man that we are both in love with. Just the two of them. Having sex in our bed.

Even now, thinking about it, I can almost smell the sheets, pungent with sweat and cum and saliva and I have to fight my erection down as I pull up to Pippin's place because that was the sexiest thing Asher has ever said in bed.

Pippin is always sad when we visit Faye, and she gets lost in her head. So, conversations aren't plentiful. Sometimes, we talk about how our family fell apart. How different things could've been if our mother hadn't died and our father hadn't left us. I might've finished high school and gone to college and maybe become a professional at something. Maybe a teacher, like Asher. Or an accountant, like Reece. I sure wouldn't have been a logger.

We arrive at the facility and go through the regular inspection, and then we sit at the glass window, waiting for Faye.

She comes through the door after three minutes.

Pippin starts to cry immediately. Faye, too. She covers her face with her hands and her shoulders shake.

Pippin and I talk a big talk when it's just the two of us but standing in front of our sister – my little sister and Pippin's twin – all we can think of are the days when they played together, and I watched over them. When I saved up for months so I could take them shopping at the thrift store for ‘new' clothes. Sharing the little food we had because we knew we could never let the other starve.

We may not be able to touch Faye, hug her, for the next ten years. All we may have is this glass window and a telephone. I wipe the tears in my eyes away as I watch two sisters cry over all the unfairness of the past. The mistakes that were made, which have to be paid for now.

Pippin unwraps Ezra and holds him toward Faye. Faye leans closer into the glass, crying harder.

The lump in my throat is hard to get rid of. Faye always protected Pippin, and now she isn't even able to hold her baby.

It'll be a month before they see each other again so I leave them alone to talk. It's about thirty minutes before I go back inside.

Pippin takes Ezra to the side to feed him, and I pick up the phone to talk to my sister.

"How are you, Faye?" I ask. My eyes fill with tears. Every time. No matter how many times I come here, I cannot hold back the tears.

"I'm good, Sawyer. How are you?"

"Yeah, I'm getting along."

"And Asher? How's Asher?"

"He's good. He went back to school last week. They won their first game."

"They're gonna win another championship this year. I just know it."

"Most likely. At least, I hope so."

"I'll be rooting for him."

"I know. I'll tell him."

Now that the formalities are over, I inspect her face. "You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. I keep to myself in here. You know that. Don't get into any trouble. Read a lot."

"What are you reading these days?"

She laughs. "I think I finished the entire Martina Cole selection."

"And your medication? You're getting it on time and everything?"

"Yeah. Had some bad days. Really low levels, but I'm managing okay."

"Not like Mom?"

"No. Not like Mom."

"Mom didn't manage her Diabetes type one well. You'll be okay as long as you take your meds."

"Yeah. I'm being good. I'm not getting out of here anytime soon, Sawyer. This is home now. I'm making the best of it. I won't skip meds or break any of the rules."

"Good," I say.

Faye jerks her eyes toward Pippin. "We got a new baby." Her smile is beautiful and sad and soft, and her eyes fill with tears. "I told you not to bring him," she says on a choke, and then, "You teach him how to take care of himself, you hear?"

Asher was right. Faye needed to see Ezra even when she was adamant she didn't want to.

"Yeah. Of course," I say.

"You and Asher will help him, right, Sawyer? Teach him everything right, and don't let that Carlson near him."

"Yeah. We will, Faye. Don't worry."

"But you don't bring him here when he's grown, okay. I don't want—"

I swallow past the lump in my throat. "We're gonna bring him here, Faye. No way you're gonna be some secret we keep from him. We've already decided."

Faye's face hardens. "You want him to know he got an aunt that looks just like his mama sittin' in prison?"

"We want him to know he's got family."

She laughs, but not in a good way. "Family? Family I can't hug? Can't visit for the holidays? What kind of family is that, Sawyer?"

"Faye, don't take this away from us. It's all we got."

"Yeah, well. I don't want Pippin's baby to get bullied in school because his aunt is a fucking criminal."

"We'll make sure that doesn't happen."

"How? You gonna go to kindergarten with him? Sit in his class with him in middle school?"

"We'll make it work. Please don't worry about him. We're taking good care of him." Then, to distract her, I say, "I've got something to tell you."

Her eyes soften immediately. Every time I use those words, it's usually something good. I hope that's true this time. "Remember I told you Asher had that friend in high school?"

"The one he was in love with?"

"Yeah."

"I remember."

"He came to visit us a couple months ago. He was going through some rough times, so we helped him get a job at the lot. His name is Reece."

She grins. "Only you would offer to help your husband's ex-boyfriend."

I laugh. My first genuine moment of happiness since we got here. "We've become friends since then."

"Oh? How's that working out?"

"Well, that's what I want to tell you. Would you judge me if I told you that I'm in love with him, and Asher is okay with it? And we—we want to be together, the three of us."

Faye stares at me for a second. Then tears fill her eyes again. "Judge you?"

I nod.

"Sawyer. You were a father to me and Pippin. A mother. A brother. A friend and a protector. A provider. You were everything to us. And after all that, look at where I am today. You never judged me. How could you ever think I'd judge you? If this makes you happy, if it makes Asher happy, don't ever give it up."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"He's an accountant."

"Rich folk?" I don't like her worried expression.

"Yeah. His father has a construction firm in Arizona."

"Sawyer?"

"Yeah, Faye?"

"Don't tell him about me. It'll ruin everything for you."

"But Asher says he's not like that. He won't judge us."

She leans closer to the glass. "Sawyer, please. I'm begging you. Don't tell him about me. I've screwed things up enough for you and Pip and Ash. Please, Sawyer. I don't want one more person to pay penance to. Even if he's nice, rich folk are different people."

"Okay, Faye. Okay," I say, because she's not wrong. Even if Reece is different, he's got a real nasty father. And if Reece's father is giving him trouble – trouble he's not telling us about – then maybe it's best that I keep quiet about Faye. At least for now. I don't want to make things worse for Reece.