Chapter 47

Reece

The spray of the shower does nothing to calm my mind. I turn the faucet to cold, hoping it will give my mind a severely needed shock for it to keep working.

I don't want to retreat. I don't want to ignore this anymore. I want to face it head-on. My father told me I always run away from things – just like my mother. Always burying my head in the sand when things get tough. I don't want to be that person.

I get out of the shower, reaching for my phone to read the messages again.

Buddy Carter: Answer your goddamn phone.

Buddy Carter: You're just like your mother. Such a fucking disappointment.

Buddy Carter: And I need the address of where you're living. You can't just disappear off the face of the earth like that. I'm your father, for God's sake. I didn't abandon you like your mother did. At least have the decency to return my calls.

Buddy Carter: Call me back.

I scroll to Elaine's texts. The sale of the house has gone through. I respond with, thank you . One less thing to worry about.

Dressing quickly, I exit the bathroom. Sawyer is in the bedroom. He looks at me curiously. "Everything okay?" he asks.

The mood feels off. There's an unfamiliar heaviness between us. I give myself a mental shake. No. It's just me.

"What's on the other side of the back porch?" I ask. Maybe I need a walk.

"Just the woods. Why?"

I shrug. "Just thinking, maybe, I need a walk."

"Sure."

I give him a cautious look. "Nothing's wrong. I just—"

Sawyer comes up to me, resting his hands lightly on my hips. "You just need a walk. You don't need to explain. Just be careful of the wolves."

"What?"

Sawyer laughs softly. I love his laugh. He's so beautiful. How did I get so lucky? "Just kidding," he says, bending to press his lips to mine.

The woods feel like the woods Asher and I played in as children when we lived in Arizona. The noise inside my head begins to fade the further in I go. I walk slowly, listening for the crunch of dry branches beneath my feet, tilting my head to listen more closely to the evening bird sounds I don't recognize – flute-like songs and melodies that feel haunting. I think I hear the hoot hoot of an owl.

As I walk, inhaling the humid air, feeling comforted by it, I think about how much things have changed since I came to Iowa in March.

I think about how much it hurts to be told that I'm just like my mother. I don't want to be like her. She abandoned her child. I would never have left Abby's side. I don't want to be like my father either. He stayed, but he was no better at being a parent.

Sliding my phone out of my pocket, I consider what would happen if I just ignored him forever. What's the worst that could happen? He's not God.

Still, I unlock my phone, scroll through my contacts and hit call .

He answers in half a ring.

"Reece." It's a bark. I flinch, because this is why I've avoided calling him.

"Dad. Hi." My voice trembles, and I hate myself for it.

"You've been gone since March and I've not heard one fucking word from you."

"Sorry." I chew on my nail, hating myself even more that I'm not strong and confident like Asher and Sawyer.

"Where are you staying? For God's sake, Reece. I don't even have an address for you."

"I'm renting an apartment in Linksfield—"

Wait. Maybe I don't want him to know where I am.

"What the fuck are you doing there?"

It comes out of nowhere, this sudden anger boiling inside of me. Maybe it's because no one has spoken to me in such a tone for months. I've been so cocooned by Ash and Sawyer I've almost forgotten what it feels like to be spoken to so harshly, and for no reason.

"Look, Dad. I'm okay. Okay?"

"Not good enough. You need to come back home."

"You fired me, remember? I have nothing to come back to. And I don't want to come back. I'm happy here."

"Happy? Besides fucking Asher Cameron, who do you know out there in the middle of nowhere?"

"I know his husband—"

"So, you're some kind of third wheel with a man and his fucking husband ? Is this what I sent you to college for?"

My blood boils. "I'm not a third wheel. They want me here."

"Want you?"

"Yes, Dad," I seethe. "Yes. They want me. And I want them. I'm not coming back. There's nothing for me in Arizona. Everything I want is here."

He sputters on the other side of the phone and I've – I've—

I place my hand on my mouth. Fuck. I've fucked it up. This is the last person on earth I should have made such a confession to.

"You'll fucking regret this, Reece. I can't believe that this is the son I raised. Where did I go wrong?"

"Dad. Wait. I didn't mean—"

The line goes dead.

Fuck. Fuck.