Chapter 30

Reece

I take longer in the shower than I usually do. I like the broad spray of the shower head. I don't have this at my apartment. And shamefully, I miss such luxuries I no longer have access to.

When I exit the shower, with steam still rising from my heat-flushed skin, I find a set of clothes on the bed, as Asher promised, including underwear.

With the towel still wrapped around my waist, I study the clothes as if I've never worn Asher's clothes before. We shared everything when we were teenagers. At first it was just because it was convenient or because I simply liked something of his. Later, it became one of his many acts of love, and eventually, each time Asher bought something new, he let me wear it first.

My father made me remove all his clothes from my closet when he left – when he sent him away – and, at the time, nothing had felt more painful.

Still, even with our history, I can't bring myself to touch Asher's clothing now. The fear that all of this is just a dream, that it's not really happening, is too great. I fear that if I breathe wrong it'll all end, and I'll be back in Arizona and my life is the way it's always been.

Breathing out slowly, I survey the room for body cream. I find it on the dresser. Lathering my still warm skin, I consider how, despite the shock of recent developments, Asher's presence in my life has made everything infinitely better.

Soft noises outside the room reach my ears. I pause, listening. Sawyer's laugh. He must have finished his shower. Then, silence. Maybe Asher reached over to kiss him after saying something funny. Maybe Sawyer pulled him into his arms and kissed his neck, telling him how cute he is for saying whatever he said that made him laugh.

A few seconds tick by and then the scrape of an island chair. Asher taking a seat while Sawyer moves around the kitchen, maybe.

Suddenly, I feel like an outsider. I am an outsider. As I dress, a wave of nausea drags itself up from my stomach, through my chest and settles in my throat. Maybe I'm just something interesting for Sawyer. Something he finds curious and wants to explore. When will the newness of it all fade away? How will I manage if I lose this second chance to be happy? To face not one heartbreak, but two.

The thought of Sawyer has my stomach tightening, and when I think of Asher, my heart pounds with fear that I'll lose them both.

But wasn't the whole point of coming out here to just fucking live? So what if it doesn't work out? Does it mean I shouldn't even try?

A knock on the door pulls me out of my reverie. "Reece?" Asher's voice.

"Uh, yeah. Come in," I call out. "I'm – I'm decent," I mutter to myself. Because that helps, right? What about any of this is decent?

Asher steps into the room. His hair is a little mussed up. It wasn't like that before. His shirt is pulled to the side. A dark purple mark pops against the smooth pale flesh of his neck.

Yes. They were definitely kissing in the kitchen. The mark on Asher's neck makes my blood sing inside my body. Makes me want to lunge forward and suck on that exact spot and darken it further.

"Did you get everything you need?" he asks.

"Yes. Thank you. For the underwear too. I – I hope that was okay."

Asher strides toward me, every step causing my breathing to escalate. My mouth is dry and I'm hard. My gaze locks with his, the intensity passing between us, heated.

Stepping close to me, he reaches out and brushes his thumb across my lips. I part them without thinking. With his eyes now fixed on my mouth, Asher slips his thumb into my mouth, rubbing the inside the flesh of my bottom lip.

A gasp escapes my lips when he dips his head and, instinctively, I step back. Then, I remember that I'm allowed to kiss him. Just like I'm allowed to kiss his husband. I lift my face, closing the miniscule distance between us and his mouth takes mine. I whine into the kiss, opening wide for him. Knowing that Sawyer could walk into the room any minute and I wouldn't have to stop sends blood rushing to my dick and hardening me even more. Asher wraps his arms around me, and I hold onto the material at his chest, kissing him back. He presses his erection into my stomach, and I reciprocate, rubbing against him.

"Fuck, Reece, this fucking mouth," he hisses into our kiss. "I want to fuck this mouth so bad."

My body bucks. I'm right on the edge.

He lets go of my mouth, pulling my hips close to his, rubbing against my erection, but not hard enough. "Not yet, beautiful," he murmurs.

"When?" I ask desperately.

"Let's have the big conversation first. Then, we'll decide." He grins.

I let him go, nodding. But I still keep him close. "Are you sure you're okay with all of this?"

He kisses my neck and I almost forget what we're talking about. "I'm so fuckin' sure, Reece. Now, come. Let's have dinner."

We exit the room, and Asher gets busy in the kitchen with the crockery. I want to offer to set the table but I don't want to come off overly familiar with their routine. Sawyer is in the living room, drawing the curtains since it's now nightfall. I stand at the island with my hands resting on the counter behind me.

"Is there something I can help with?" I ask Asher eventually.

Sawyer rounds the island and comes to stand next to me.

"I think that's it. We can eat," Asher says, taking three dinner plates to the dining table.

I turn my eyes to Sawyer. He gives me a smile that melts my bones. "It's weird, all of this, right?" he asks.

I grin. "So weird."

He leans into me. "Let's make it even more weird."

"Yeah?" I say, breathing in his close proximity. Then, as Asher returns to the kitchen, something inside me urges me closer to Sawyer. Reaching up, I brush my lips against his, boldly asking him for a kiss. He doesn't hesitate. He grips my chin between his fingers, holding my face to his, and he kisses me deeply. He brings our hips together and, shamelessly, knowing Asher is right here, I grind against Sawyer, groaning my pleasure into his mouth.

Asher comes up behind Sawyer. He drags his mouth from mine and turns his head backward to kiss Ash. I watch them, knowing if this keeps up, I'll bust my nuts right here, right now.

"Let Reece eat," Asher chuckles into their kiss.

Sawyer laughs and lets me go.

At the dinner table, they talk about how things are going at school with Asher. Apparently, someone named Abdul got into it with someone named Gerald over dialog lines.

I watch them, again feeling like I don't really belong here. It's hard to keep these feelings away when they interact with each other like this. They have a full and well-developed life. Their life consists of normal, mundane things like running a household, doing chores, running errands. Making plans and sharing the latest gossip from their jobs. And somehow, watching them talk about those things feels as intimate as – or maybe even more than – the kisses we've shared.

After dinner, we move to the back patio, a part of the house I haven't seen before. There are three single patio chairs and each of us takes one. The night is warm, the sky bright with stars.

Asher is the one to break the ice. "Reece," he says, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. I watch, fascinated and shocked, because Ash was always such a by-the-book guy. I never would've taken him for a smoker.

Sawyer reaches across to a side table near him and retrieves a lighter. He tosses it to Ash, who catches it midair and lights his cigarette up, inhales and then blows out a puff of smoke. It's the sexiest, most disgusting thing I've ever seen. He holds the cigarette between his thumb and index finger and grins at me. "Life is stressful sometimes," he says, holding up the cigarette.

"When did you start?" I ask.

He holds my gaze. "Just before I turned eighteen."

I almost drop my gaze, but I have to be brave. I maintain eye contact. "I'm sorry," I say. He acknowledges my apology with a dip of his head.

"You look hot doing it," I blurt out.

Sawyer laughs and Ash joins him. Like it's an inside joke. "That's what Sawyer says after he tells me how awful a habit it is, and I need to quit."

"Well, you should quit but . . ."

"But it's still hot," Sawyer fills in.

He puts the cigarette to his lips, inhaling again. "Yeah, I should quit."

He regards me through a cloud of smoke. "Reece, love. There was never going to be an easy way to do this. And hardly any of it makes sense but it's happening, and I want to trust my instincts. Sawyer too. After last night . . . is this still something you want? A relationship with Sawyer and me?"

"Yes," I answer immediately. And then, because I'm ashamed of my eagerness, I add, "If it's still okay with the two of you."

"We want you with us," Sawyer says. "In every way possible."

"The answer is yes," I repeat.

"We'll learn each other's ways as we go along," Asher says. "But there are some things we have to get out now."

I nod.

"Sawyer and I have a rule. There is no decorum between us. There is nothing we can't bring to each other. Which means there's no shame, no matter how shameful we think it is. We want that with you too. No matter what, and no matter how hard it is, we need you to be honest with us about how you feel. And we'll do the same with you."

"Yes," I say.

"We'll be exclusive, but as soon as you feel like it's too much, you have every right to walk away. No questions asked. All we want is for you to be honest about it."

"And if you decide it's too much for you?" I ask.

"Then we'll be honest with you about it."

Taking their lead with this honesty rule, I ask more questions: "What if you start to think that I want this only because of my history with Asher?" I direct the question at Sawyer.

"If it turns out to be true, I'll feel betrayed."

Then to Asher, "What if you start to think that Sawyer is capable of cheating on you because he has feelings for me?"

"Sawyer has never given me a reason to think he would betray me like that. Even now, with this. He could've gone behind my back, but the first person he came to when he realized what he was feeling was me. I trust him more now than I ever did before. And the reason for that trust is because there's no decorum between us. We don't allow our shame or the things we struggle with to come between us."

I love this man so much. And his husband . . . I could easily love him like that too.

"What if I get jealous when you're together, just the two of you?" I ask, because that could happen. "Or if Sawyer gets jealous or feels left out when it's us. Or you, Asher, when . . ." They get the picture.

"It goes back to being honest with each other," Sawyer says. "Our starting point is that we all want this equally."

Asher says, "The intention is to have an exclusive relationship with each other. If it doesn't work out then we should all be able to walk away having more good memories than bad. That's all we can really work toward."

Then, more shyly I ask, "What about the – the—"

My face is red, so Sawyer takes over. "The sex?"

I nod mutely. "Come here, Reece," Sawyer says. His voice has dropped to a sexy grind. I love it. I get up slowly, excitement coursing through my body like live wire. I'm walking toward Sawyer, but my eyes are on Asher. He's got his cigarette in his mouth, and he watches me through a cloud of smoke.

I stand in front of Sawyer, finally moving my eyes to the man seated in front of me with his legs spread wide. He's reclined into the chair. "Closer," he says with that deep sex voice I'm becoming addicted to.

I step between his legs. Sawyer ropes his hand around my left thigh and pulls me in, maneuvering me until I'm straddling him.

"I'm safe," I say. "It was only Asher and Julie for me."

"We are too. It was only you for Asher, and I've only been with him."

Asher reclines in his chair, smoking his cigarette and watching us. I'm so turned on I don't think I have the brain cells for any more logical conversation.

Sawyer rubs his palms over my thighs. My eyes flutter closed for a moment, and I inhale sharply. "Most people probably start with getting to know each other first," he murmurs against my shoulder. "But we'll have to cut to the chase and fuck first because we need to clear all this sex hanging in the air." He bites down on my shoulder. I whine needily, unsure of how I can beg him for more without sounding like a pathetic virgin.

"And besides, Reece," he continues. "I don't think I can wait six months to touch you. For now, is it enough that I know how happy I am that you're here? That it makes me smile when I see you happy? I think about you all the time. As for the rest, I'll just have to get to know you in between all the fucking. How does that sound?"

Sounds like a fuckin' plan to me. I drop my head, slinking my arms around his neck. "Yes," I whisper. Smoke from Ash's cigarette swirls around my face, and it's then that I realize he's standing behind me. As I lower my face to meet Sawyer's lips, Ash's fingers close around my throat. The fingers of his other hand sink into the hair at the nape of my neck, pulling at my scalp and then weaving upward through my hair. The massaging pressure is too much. I groan into Sawyer's mouth, rocking my groin against his.

Asher's mouth is near my ear. "Do you like Sawyer's mouth on you?" he whispers.

"Hmm," I moan.

His mouth moves to the space below my ear. His tongue licks at the skin there. I angle my head to give him more. He squeezes my throat.

I need to come, and I whisper my predicament into Sawyer's mouth.

"Oh, sweetheart," Sawyer whispers, leaving my lips for a moment to kiss Asher.

"Please, Sawyer," I beg. I can't hold on much longer.

"Maybe we're moving too fast," Asher says, turning his head to kiss me.

My eyes widen with disappointment.

Sawyer kisses me again. "You're such a fuckin' buzzkill, Ash. We're gonna fuck later and come all over each other. It's not fair to Reece."

Asher chuckles. "Buzzkill, huh?" He moves to the side of the chair where Sawyer and I are seated. Slipping his hand into Sawyer's sweats, he pulls out his cock. My dick twitches inside my sweats and I'm one fucking stroke away from an orgasm.

Sawyer's cock is fucking gorgeous. It isn't so much his length as it is that fucking girth. He's thick as fuck. That cock looks so fucking heavy resting over his huge balls.

Asher moves to my sweats. I can't breathe. His hands trail over the material. I can't keep my eyes off him. Is this really happening? He pauses, looking for my permission. I dip my head. Yes. Fucking yes .

He edges my sweats downward, releasing my cock.

I don't know where to place my attention – to the feel of Asher's fingers brushing against my cock. Or how the action causes my dick to line up lightly against Sawyer's.

Sawyer groans, but he doesn't move.

Asher wraps his fist around our dicks.

I lose it.

It isn't even two strokes.

I come. It takes longer for Sawyer, who has thrown his head back as Asher continues to jerk our dicks and within a few more strokes, Sawyer lets out a string of expletives as he comes.

I still can't catch my breath as I watch strings of cum ooze from Asher's fist.

He brings his fist up to Sawyer's mouth, and Sawyer drags his tongue across Asher's fist, swiping our combined cum into his mouth. Then, fuck me to hell, he brings my face to his and smashes his mouth against mine.

Asher rises and walks back into the house, and Sawyer and I kiss until the taste of our cum has been absorbed into each other.