20. Shya

Chapter twenty

Shya

L ena led me through the camp, weaving between the various tents and structures.

Finally, we arrived at a tent set slightly apart from the others. It was larger than the other tents I had seen, with a thick canvas covering and a wooden frame.

"Here we are," Lena said, pulling back the flap and gesturing for me to enter.

I stepped inside, blinking as my eyes grew accustomed to the dimmer light. This tent was spacious, with a large, comfortable-looking bed, a small table and chairs, and even a washbasin in the corner. It was so different from the cold, damp cage I had spent the last few weeks in.

"This is so lovely," I said, turning to Lena with a grateful smile. "Thank you for preparing it for me."

Lena ducked her head, a pleased flush spreading across her cheeks. "It's my pleasure," she said. "I want you to feel at home here. You're one of us now; it's important you feel like you belong."

I sat down on the edge of the bed, feeling the softness of the furs beneath me. "And you, Lena? Do you feel like you belong here?"

Lena's eyes lit up at my question, and she sat down beside me on the bed, her hands clasped in her lap.

"I do," she said, her voice filled with conviction. "More than I've ever belonged anywhere else."

I knew what that felt like, the utter loneliness of not having a place to belong. I'd felt it the first few weeks in the cage. "Where were you before this?"

She paused for a moment, seeming to gather her thoughts. "I was born a rogue, you know. My parents left their Packs to be together, and they raised me and my brothers and sisters on the fringes of Shifter society. We were always moving, never really fitting in anywhere."

"That must have been hard," I said softly.

Lena shrugged. "It was our life. But then my parents died, and things got even harder. I was the youngest, and my older siblings … they had their own lives, their own struggles. They didn't have a lot of time for me."

She sighed, as she wrinkled her nose. "After a while, my brother, Matt, he took us to one of the conclave cities, hoping things would be better there. It was supposed to be a new start, and the conclave cities, they're all about equality, right? Humans and Shifters living side-by-side in harmony? But the humans … it was never overt, but if a Shifter and a human went for the same job, it'd go to the human. Every time. They looked out for their own first. Even if we were better qualified or harder workers. I couldn't get work, no matter how hard I tried."

"I'm so sorry, Lena."

Lena nodded, her eyes clouding with the memory. "In the conclave cities, we were supposed to be equal, but equality meant we had to act like humans. We couldn't Shift whenever we wanted, couldn't live according to our instincts. If we got angry or upset, we had to bottle it up because if we Shifted, if we showed the real us, the humans got upset. They saw it as a threat, and it upset the peace between us."

She shook her head, frustration clear in her voice. "It's not natural for us, you know? Shifting, it's how we express ourselves, how we let off steam. But in the city, we had to keep that part of ourselves locked away. We had to be ‘civilized,' had to fit into their mold."

I could see the tension in Lena's shoulders and in the clench of her jaw.

"I felt like I was suffocating," Lena continued. "Like I was wearing a straitjacket every day, pretending to be something I wasn't. And the worst part was, no one seemed to notice. My siblings, they were so busy trying to make a life there, trying to fit in, trying to survive day to day. They didn't see how it was eating away at me."

She paused, taking a deep breath. I could see her struggling to compose herself, to push down the old hurt and anger.

"I tried to talk to them about it, to make them see how wrong it all was. But they just told me to be patient, to give it time. They said we had to adapt, had to make the best of it. But I couldn't. Every day, I felt like I was losing a little more of myself."

Lena looked at me then, her eyes fierce and bright. "That's why, when I heard about a Pack up north, Tristan's Pack, where we could live as Shifters were meant to, without all the stupid human rules and expectations, I knew I had to come. Finding Tristan, finding this Pack … it changed everything for me." She grew more intense, her voice earnest and impassioned. "Here, I'm not an outsider. I'm not the odd one out, the misfit. I'm part of something bigger, something important. Tristan's vision, his plan for our future … it gives me hope. Hope that one day, we won't have to hide anymore. We won't have to pretend to be something we're not just to survive in a human world."

I could feel the conviction in Lena's words, the unwavering belief in Tristan's cause. And I could understand the appeal of it, the draw of a place where you could finally, truly be yourself. I could taste that freedom, the ability to finally be myself, no matter what other people thought. No more duty to my family, to others. I could do exactly what I wanted when I wanted.

Just as long as it pleases Tristan.

I frowned as a voice from somewhere far inside of me made me feel uneasy. Was I really free here? Tristan was building a society where he and his friends were on top, where anyone who wasn't like him, who wasn't a werewolf, who wasn't a male werewolf, was lesser. We didn't get our freedom. He wanted us to sacrifice ours to hold up his.

Stay alive, Shya. I'm coming for you.

It was a different voice this time. The one I'd heard before. I clung to it, almost desperate to work out who had said those words.

The chanting in my head spiked, and I clutched at my head as my thoughts scattered like the ripples in a pond after a stone is thrown in.

"Oh, Shya, are you okay? Do you want me to get Tristan for you?" Lena asked, crouching down in front of me.

I pushed a feeling of unease down and forced myself to focus on Lena. "No. No, it's okay. Just a headache, that's all. I'm glad you found your place here," I said. "I hope I can find the same."

Lena reached out, squeezing my hand. "You will, Shya. I know it. You're one of us now, and we take care of our own."

There was a promise in those words, a vow of belonging and acceptance. And as I sat there, listening to the sounds of the Pack going about their evening, I wanted so badly to believe in it, even as some treacherous part of me whispered that just maybe it was a threat, too.