Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

A ll her life, Diana had dreamed that her father might one day become an upstanding member of society, one that would attend social events and laugh and joke like the other gentlemen.

She thought that, surely, if he could simply play the part, then the rest would follow suit and her life would become easier. This did not happen, of course, until the announcement of her engagement to the Duke.

"Where is he?" she asked Samantha, who was wandering aimlessly for what appeared to be the first time in her life.

"The Duke?" Samantha replied, only half listening to her. "I should think he is in his own residence. Why? Are you waiting for him? I did not know that he would be calling on you today."

"Nor do I know. That is why I was not asking about the Duke. I am asking about our father. You do remember that we have one, do you not?"

"However could I forget?" Samantha sighed, then laughed sadly. "I believe he left an hour ago. Why do you ask?"

"You are terribly inquisitive today, are you not?"

"If I am, it is simply because I am terribly bored."

"Ah, you finished the book you were reading."

Samantha nodded. It was not unusual for her to almost lose her sense of purpose when she finished a story, as if she did not know what to do with herself. Diana envied that—if only her purpose could be so small at that moment.

That was not fair of her. Samantha was to have a greater role than she had ever anticipated; all of the work that a lady running a household would have without the loving marriage to go along with it. Samantha would be caring for the Earl, and it was not what she had ever thought she would be doing.

"It truly was brilliant." She nodded. "I do not know what else to do with myself, for the time being. I cannot read another, not just yet. I must think on the last one first."

"In which case, think on it. There is no need to do anything else."

"No, of course not. You have everything in hand, yes?"

"As I so often aim to do, Sister."

"And you are sure that you are happy with this?"

"I would not have done so if I were not."

But in truth, Diana was not happy with what she had done, and she had done it regardless, but Samantha would never know that to be true. She could not know it to be true.

"Might you have the time?" Diana asked, noting the silence that had settled between them.

"It is no longer calling hour if that is what you mean."

It was not, but it did mean that she did not need to ask that. The Duke would not be coming that day, though Diana was unsure of how she felt about that, which did not help her.

"In which case, I was wondering if you might wish to accompany me to the modiste? Father might be chipper at the moment, but he is hardly going to show his face there in order to arrange the preparations for my wedding gown."

"Wedding," Samantha echoed. "Yes, of course. My apologies, Sister."

"Samantha," Diana said gently, "I promise you that I am happy. There is no need for you to worry. Besides, you are the one who wished for me to make a match in the first place!"

She nudged her younger sister playfully, but Samantha's worried expression refused to soften.

"I wished for you to marry for love, not—not whatever this is!"

"And who is to say that, eventually, love will not bloom?" Diana laughed, hoping that it might aid in convincing her sister, not to mention herself. "You have read plenty of books such as that. Is it so fantastical to say it could happen to me?"

"Not with him. I know that we are far beyond the gossip and scandal of high society, but he does not seem completely trustworthy to me. I do not know why—he has been the perfect gentleman to me, but there is something wrong. I do not like it."

"You will have to learn to," Diana replied firmly. "This is not ideal, I know, but it is how it must be now. Besides, it is the first time that you and I have seen Father smile in years. If I am to leave you here, it ought to be with a happy man, yes?"

"I cannot believe that you are to leave after your wedding. That makes it all even worse, and I did not think such a thing was possible."

"It is not as though I will be gone forever!"

But Diana knew the look on her sister's face. This had nothing to do with her and everything to do with their mother. She had not planned to go away forever, either.

"Regardless," Samantha said calmly, taking a deep breath, "I shall miss you terribly. You are all that I have ever known, besides Elizabeth of course."

"And you shall have her when I am gone. I shall not need a lady's maid more than you, and I am quite sure that arrangements can be made so that I can have one."

"But—"

"Sister, might we leave for the modiste? I would much rather have this discussion with you whilst taking some fresh air."

"Very well, but we will be discussing this! You cannot avoid this forever, you know."

And Diana did know, of course, but even so, she could not help but hope that if she continued to push it to one side for a few fleeting moments at a time, perhaps it might never come up again. It was foolish and infantile, but she hated how upset it made Samantha, so much so that it upset her in return, and it was no good for either of them, but it was how it had to be.

And all because she simply had to open her mouth.

It was, however, nice to take in some air. With calling hour having only just finished, there was an absence of young ladies in the streets of Mayfair, meaning an absence of mamas. It was quite the welcome change to amble without a mocking comment slicing through it.

"And what might you be asking for from the modiste?" Samantha asked, seemingly glad to change the topic now.

"I suppose that I shall be happy with whatever she chooses. It is no secret that I am to be a duchess, and from what I have been told by Father, we have ample funds to cover it, and so she can decide what style is the most fitting."

"How fortunate you are."

Diana was unsure of quite how she meant that.

The modiste was, of course, all too happy to be in the presence of the two of them. Her smile reached her ears the moment she saw them, which could only be expected, given that she would receive quite the custom from being the chosen modiste for a duchess.

Even such a notorious one as Diana.

"I must admit, Lady Diana," she said gently as she measured her, "I have had a lot of ladies here discussing yourself and your husband-to-be."

"I can hardly say I am surprised," Diana sighed. "It is quite the scandal, a spinster being chosen by a duke."

"Especially when your sister is there."

"I wouldn't marry him," Samantha said, almost warning her. "He is quite taken by my sister, you know. I should think them a perfect match."

"Well, should the two of you overcome all of this scandal, the two of you could overcome anything."

"Scandal?" Diana asked, an eyebrow raised.

She was more than aware of which scandal the modiste was referring to. Any resident in London would have known. However, all that she knew of was that which Samantha had heard about, which was not a great deal either.

"Well," the modiste replied cautiously, "you must have heard about the reason why the Duke has returned."

"No, I do not know a thing about it. Might you enlighten me on the matter?"

"Perhaps it would be better to ask him yourself."

Acting the fool certainly had its positives. The cutting comments were not nearly as effective when the lady on the receiving end was utterly clueless.

"Oh, did His Grace tell you personally about it?"

"No, of course not, but such issues should be discussed between a gentleman and his wife, rather than the entirety of the ton ."

"Yes, quite, so perhaps we might wish to keep it that way?"

Diana's initial desire had been to draw information from her, information that her betrothed would never disclose himself, but there was something in the way she smirked at her as she spoke that made Diana almost territorial. She couldn't understand why she had had such a reaction, nor why it was so strong, but she could not help herself.

"In other news," the modiste began again, fixing her bright smile back. "Your father has the ton in quite a flutter at the moment. It is nice to see him, according to some of my customers."

"I never thought that I would see the day, personally." Samantha laughed. "He never was the sort to command attention, nor to enjoy it."

"In any case, he has never been so seen, and given all of the gowns he has requested I create for you, the same shall be said of you both soon enough."

The rest of their time passed quietly, but at least their conversation had finished on a positive note. They thanked the modiste for her time before stepping out once more into the bustling streets.

"Can you believe the nerve of that woman?" Samantha fumed. "How dare she speak that way of the Duke?"

"Sister, you do not like him either."

"No, but I would never speak of him that way in front of two ladies that I have just met, especially not when one of them is to marry him!"

"Yes, I suppose that she could have had more tact in that respect."

"It was kind of you to defend him, though. Maybe your marriage shall be an amicable one, indeed."

"One can hope. In any case, I shall still have you. Until you marry, that is!"

"Do you think that might be why Father is so sociable all of a sudden?"

"It might well be."

"That would be a mistake on his part, though, would it not?"

"You cannot call it a mistake simply because you do not wish to marry, you know."

"No, I know, but I am thinking of him. He shall need someone to care for him, will he not?"

"That was when he was indulging too much. He seems to have stopped that of late."

"And how long do you suppose that might last?"

"I cannot say, but if you do not expect it to be forever, you might wish to take the first good match that he suggests and escape while you can."

"Do you…" Samantha trailed off, as if she had begun to ask a question that she either could not finish or did not truly wish to know the answer to.

"Do I what?"

"Do you—Do you care for him?"

"The Duke? Well, not particularly as of yet, but perhaps with time he and I might?—"

"No, I mean Father," Samantha cut in. "Do you care about Father?"

Diana had not, in truth, given the idea much thought before. She had a great deal of love for her father, as any child would, but did she care for him? She could not truly say.

He was her father, not that he had ever quite acted as one. He had been absent and neglectful and often downright cruel, but he had not been completely bad. It was as he had told them over and over in their youth—he could have sent them to the streets, but he allowed them to stay in his home.

"I care that he lives the life that Mama could not," she replied finally. "If she could not stay with us, at least Father can. We are fortunate in that respect, whether we see it that way or not."

"I certainly know that I do not see it that way. I do not think that I care about him at all. Does that make me a villain?"

"Not at all. It makes you human. This is why I think that you should?—"

"Marry, I know, but it is not what I want. Not yet, in any case."

"It would give you freedom, you know."

"And with all of the work you put in, I would make a wonderful match, too. That counts for naught if I do not want it. You must hate me for that."

"Of course not. I could never hate you. I only want you to live the life of your dreams, and marriage can afford you at least part of that."

"I do not want a part of it. I want it all. Marriage is not the only way for a lady to find freedom, you know."

"No? Then tell me, Sister, what else you have in mind?"

"It is nothing," Samantha sighed. "Pretend that I did not say anything. You are right, you want what is best for me, and I ought to listen to you. After all, you are to be a duchess, and I am to be… Well, whatever becomes of me."

"You will do great things," Diana said firmly, stopping dead in her tracks and facing her sister. "You will do incredible, wonderful things with your life that others can only dream of."

"You are only saying that because I am unhappy."

"I am saying it because it is what I believe. I would never lie to you, you know that."

"I do, but what do you think I can do? I wish to see the world, and I cannot even leave my household unless I am chaperoned. How can I do anything more? What if I never get to be anything more than what I am?"

"If being a kind and intelligent young woman with her choice of gentlemen is all you ever are, then you will already be better off than anyone else I know."

"Perhaps one day that might be enough."

"And if not, you could fall in love with a gentleman who travels the world and leave with him."

"Or, more likely, live vicariously through him."

"Would that be enough?"

"No. I sometimes wonder if anything ever would be, you know. Believe me, I am glad that being a wife and mother will be more than enough for you, but it is not the same for me."

Diana smiled at her sister, but her heart shattered inside her chest. That sort of life was not what she had expected, but would it be good enough?

She couldn't be sure.