Chapter 29

CHAPTER 29

" I can go and tell Samantha to let me in," Diana said instantly.

It was an instinct of hers. She had been such a burden on the Duke already, and she did not wish to make it worse. Samantha had seen her room, having been taken there already, and so she had known precisely what she was doing, but it was not the correct thing to do.

The Duke was a good man, and Diana could not have asked for a better husband in spite of his flaws. After all, he had been so willing to overlook hers. Then again, they had not yet reconciled after all that had happened between them, and it was all too much, far too soon.

"Stay," he whispered.

"What did you say?"

"Stay," he repeated. "You need not go. Samantha clearly wishes to be alone, and I have no objections to you being here with me, not if you want to, that is."

Diana blinked. Was this an invitation?

"I do not wish to intrude. You have already done so much for me."

"I am still your husband. That is my duty, is it not?"

"I-I suppose it is, yes."

"Then stay. We can pretend that we are at home, and that none of this has happened and we are simply going to bed in another one of the sixty-something rooms in our house."

"Very well," she whispered, climbing onto the bed.

Colin lay next to her, and he seemed to fall asleep quite quickly, but Diana did not have such a luxury. She had made the mistake of wearing her corset too tightly that day, and with Samantha refusing to open the door to her, and no lady's maid to aid her, she was left feeling even more uncomfortable than she already would have been.

With a sigh, she tried to place her hands behind her back and pull at the ribbons. Her arms were already quite sore, and at one point she felt like she was back at the bedpost, tied there, and she froze. She pulled her hands back in front of her and tried once more to ignore it, but it was too tight, and her body was too stiff.

She wondered if that was truly the problem, or if she was instead frustrated by everything else that had happened and thought it was easier to blame a corset than her own reckless behavior. Either way, she could not sleep, and so she tried once more. Once again, however, she could not do it. With a sigh, she threw herself back onto the bed.

"If you need help, you need only ask." Colin laughed into the darkness.

"I do not need help."

"It certainly sounds as though you do," he replied, then mocking her sigh.

"Surely I do not sound like that."

"You do, but it is quite alright. Now, did you require any assistance?"

"No, of course not. All ladies know how to remove their own corset."

"Ah, that is just as well, for I have never had to do so on myself."

"Then what luck you have."

"I could always help you, though."

"I do not need you to take it off for me."

"I could loosen it for you, though," he offered. "That is not so bad of a blow to your ego, is it?"

"My ego is perfectly intact, I can assure you."

"Then allow me to help you," he pushed. "There is no shame in it. You can either lie here in discomfort, thus making it impossible for me to sleep too, or you can undergo a few mere moments of accepting someone's aid."

"Fine," she huffed, "but do it quickly."

It was strange, because even though it was dark, when she turned her back to him, he seemed to know exactly what to do. His touch was not rough or wanting, but soft and deft. As he moved, she felt her breathing become easier and easier, and soon enough she felt as though the fabric may fall away from her completely.

"There," he said gently. "It is loosened, and you have managed through the suffering. How brave you are."

"Do not stop," she said quickly.

"What?" Colin asked. "Is it still too tight?"

"No!" she gasped. "No, it is perfectly fine. I simply—oh, for heaven's sake, I want you to keep going."

She could not believe that she had said that. Had she not asked enough of him? He was exhausted, he had said so himself, and after refusing initially to allow him to help her, now she was begging for more. She was impossible, and she knew that he was likely exasperated with her, possibly even hated her, but?—

He continued without any further discussion. She had missed the feel of his hands on her in the few mere moments that he had pulled away, and she wished for the first time in her life that her corset was longer, so that he might be able to continue.

"Do you want me to pull it off you, too?" he asked. "Or would you rather do it yourself?"

Diana thought about it for a moment, but only a moment.

"You," she replied, "please."

Again, he obliged with no argument, and at last she felt like she could sleep. Rather, she might have been had she not felt a strange burning sensation rush through her. The room was completely dark, save for the glow of the moonlight, but she was sure that with all of the heat rising within her, she was lighting the entire room.

"Thank you," she whispered, "for everything."

"You need not thank me, it is my duty."

"I give my thanks all the same. I know that I have not been easy as a wife."

"Nor have I been easy as a husband, but I cannot tell you how fortunate I am that you have stayed with me this long."

"You say that as though I plan to leave."

"Do you—do you not?"

Diana sat up in bed. Colin joined her, sitting behind her with his lips dangerously close to her now bare neck.

"When have I ever even suggested doing so?" she asked, her brow furrowed. "Our marriage may not be perfect, but we are only husband and wife as of a short time. We can learn, we can get by. Why would you expect me to do otherwise? Would you rather that I did?"

"Of course not," he sighed. "Do you know, I have been beside myself for the longest time now, trying to find a way to change so that we can make this work. I want this to be good, and I want to learn how to be the man you need me to be."

"You already are," she protested. "You are willing to try, and that is all that I need from you. It is all that I shall ever need from you."

"Then why did you leave?"

The words echoed in her mind.

"I did not leave," she replied, puzzled.

"You did. I saw the letter Samantha left you, telling you to join her at the monastery. I was going to take the both of you there in the morning."

"Why would you do that?"

"Because it is clearly what you want. That is why you are here, is it not?"

"Goodness, no!" she gasped. "No, the thought did not even cross my mind, not for a second."

"Then why?—"

"I had to talk some sense into my sister."

In the moonlight, she swore she could see Colin start to understand, but she couldn't risk him not fully grasping her motives.

"She did not know what to do," she continued. "She told me that our father is now insufferable, and he is pushing her to marry so that she will be out of the way for our wonderful and perfect half-brother's arrival, and so she did not know how else to be."

"Frightened out of her wits, I can imagine," he said gently. "I believe that your father would have gladly handed her to the first willing gentleman no matter who it was."

"That was precisely the issue, but most of all, Samantha does not want to get married. She would have preferred to be a nun, of all things, and—oh, there is something I must confess to you."

"Of course. You may tell me anything. I will not be angry, what has happened has happened."

"I invited Samantha to stay with us because I thought that you hated me and that our marriage was doomed. I should have spoken with you, I know, but I could not bring myself to, and then Samantha disappeared before I could tell you, and I had to find her and bring her back, even if she was kicking and screaming."

"She does not appear to be doing so now." He chuckled. "I understand why you did what you did. I should have made sure that you had the space to talk to me without being afraid. It is no matter now, we can simply make sure that it never happens again."

"I would like that very much," she whispered.

"Now, am I to take your sister to the monastery tomorrow, or were you successful?"

"Well, she does not truly wish to become a nun, I know that much," Diana sighed.

"I feel as though you are about to say something contrary to that."

"It is only that she does not know what else to do. I have promised her that I will find another way out for her, but what can I do? It is not exactly unfair for our father to want to marry her off—plenty of fathers do that—and in spite of everything, I believe that she would be a good wife should the right gentleman come along."

"But you do not want her to marry now?"

"I want her to marry for the right reasons. Not simply because our father says so."

"I understand completely. Leave it with me, I shall have the matter settled tomorrow, and we shall find a way through this."

"Are you certain of that?" she asked. "I do not mean to doubt you, only that there is no clear way to handle this matter. My father is not exactly the easiest man to make see sense."

"Well, if he knows what is good for his precious son, he will."

"Are you going to threaten my father?"

"Would it be so terrible if I did?"

Diana laughed softly. "No, I do not suppose it would be."

"Then I shall bear in mind that it is not an impossibility."

"And then what about us?" she asked gently, leaning back into his chest. "When all of this is over with, what will we do about you and me?"

"Well, there shall no doubt be a grave scandal that the Duke of Abaddon's footmen were scoundrels, so we shall have to deal with that matter. Then again, it may be a good thing to have that be the main story for once, rather than it being my murderous tendencies. Or it could well add to the rumors. What do you suppose will happen?"

"I do not mean that, and you know it." She laughed. "I mean our marriage. What will we do about that?"

"We will go home, and we will start again, completely anew if you wish. We can pretend none of this ever happened, and that we are newly married and very happy, indeed."

Diana shifted awkwardly. "I do not want that," she whispered. "It might be easier, to be sure, but it is not what I want."

"Whyever not?"

"Because," she said steadily, taking a deep breath, "to start anew and pretend that none of this ever happened would mean pretending that you and I have never had a history, and in such a short time we have done so much, overcome so much, and I cannot, I do not want to, pretend that none of it ever happened. To ignore the bad means I have to ignore all of the good, all of the support, all of the love?—"

She stopped herself, but she had already said too much. The Duke bristled behind her, tensing up.

"I apologize," she said quickly, about to pull away from him, but he held her gently in place.

"No," he said quickly, turning her to face him. "It is I who must apologize to you for not saying this sooner. I have known for a long time, but I could never find the words to say it. Diana, when you left to find Samantha, you took a part of me with you. I have spent so long trying to bury my feelings, hoping that they would subside so that I could give you your freedom, and when I thought I had lost you, I tried to tell myself that it was for the best and that I had to let you go, because that is what one must do when one loves another, and I love you, Diana."

Colin seemed just as surprised to have said those words as Diana had been.

"What I mean to say," he continued, trying to collect himself, "is that I did not want to lose you, but I wanted you to do what you needed, and if that was without me, then I thought I could live with that. When I lost you, though, I realized that I cannot, and there is nothing on Earth that could change that. I need you, Diana, and though you may never feel the same, I want you to know that I will give my life to make you happy. That is all I want."

"And this is all I want," she whispered, before closing the gap between them entirely by placing her lips on his.

She froze for a second, just a second, because the last time she had wanted this, he had rejected her, but this time he pulled her even closer, and just for a moment, she forgot about every bad thing that had ever happened to her.

When they eventually pulled apart, she was dizzy and breathless and fell into his arms. It was as though she were still wearing a tight corset, although she knew that her husband had already helped her out of that situation.

"What happens now?" he asked.

"We sleep," she replied, "and then, tomorrow, we will figure out what happens next, but I know that we can do that because you love me, and I love you."