Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23

F rankly, Diana was nothing short of terrified.

She had known precisely what sort of marriage she had entered into, and now she dared to want more, and her husband had made it perfectly clear that he wanted nothing of the sort. A hand flew to her cheek, and she could feel the heat emanating from it. She dared not look at her reflection, as she knew perfectly well that she was flushed at best.

What was she thinking? Had she truly thought that a man like that would have wanted anything from her other than an apology for her misdeeds? They were friends. That was what they had agreed upon, what Diana knew would be the easiest way to be, but she didn't want that anymore. She wanted… she did not know, but it was more than she could ever have, she knew that much.

The worst part was that Samantha, the one person that she had always been able to speak to about such matters, was sleeping. She was in the same house as her, yet it would not be fair of Diana to awaken her and ask her for advice, and so she did not. She tossed and turned in her bed, eventually drifting away, only to be awoken harshly by the sunlight.

"Ah, you are awake," Samantha said brightly, sitting beside her. "I have been waiting for hours."

"Hours?" Diana echoed. "For how long was I asleep?"

"I do not know, but you have missed lunch. Is everything alright?"

"Yes, of course." Diana nodded. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, it is not like you to sleep this late. Were you and the Duke enjoying yourselves last night?"

Diana felt that familiar unease grow inside her. "I suppose you might say that."

"You know, you need not lie to me."

"I am not!"

"Di, any fool can see from your face how unhappy you are. It is quite alright. If something is amiss, you can tell me."

Diana knew that. She knew that all she needed to say was that she had been finding it difficult to adapt to married life and Samantha would help her, but she could not bring herself to. Her marriage, as far as Samantha was concerned, was her escape from the life that they had been living. It was a chance at a new life, and Diana knew that. She had been so incredibly fortunate, and she was destroying it by wanting more.

"Everything is fine," she said gently. "Marriage is not completely easy, and there have been trials to be sure, but it is nothing that I cannot navigate."

"Of course, for you are the most capable person that I know."

"And you and I both know that you do not know many people."

"Be that as it may." Samantha laughed. "That is not to say that you are not brilliant. You are, and I know it, and the Duke knows it, and soon enough, the county will know it. How is that going, by the way?"

"Now that is something that I am extremely happy with. Would you like to take a tour with me?"

Her sister's eyes sparkled. "Oh, can I? Will the Duke be accompanying us?"

"I do not think so," Diana mumbled. "He… He has a lot of work to do at the moment."

"Oh… Well, you can always ask, can't you?"

She could, of course. Colin would not be angry with her for asking him to join them in the village, but she could not bring herself to do it. He had sent her away the night before, and it was unlikely that it would be any different simply because Samantha was there.

Then again, he did feel a great deal of empathy and sympathy for Samantha, given her situation. Perhaps, given the fact that she would only be there a while, he would pity them and join them?

That was what Diana hoped as she approached his study, with Samantha on her heels. She knocked, and then she heard him invite her in.

"Good morning," she said politely.

"Good afternoon," he replied, and Diana remembered that she had, indeed, slept for far too long.

"My sister and I are going into the village," she explained. "And we were wondering if you might join us."

"As much as I would love to, I cannot."

"Very well."

Diana saw how Samantha glanced between the two of them, the confusion evident in her eyes.

"That is a shame, Your Grace," Samantha sighed. "My sister tells me that you have a lot to do, and I understand, but I have missed having a brother of late."

He seemed to soften at her words.

"Perhaps tomorrow?" he offered, and Samantha lit up once more.

"That would be brilliant."

Diana hoped that her confusion and subsequent excitement were simply due to the fact that Colin had always allowed her to have her own way, and she liked it and was thus confused at not having it, but the second they boarded the carriage, the younger sister's face fell once more.

"Now that we are completely alone," Samantha sighed, "and as you will not tell me of your own accord, I shall have to ask you myself. What is wrong?"

"Nothing," Diana lied once more. "There is nothing wrong at all. The Duke perhaps has less time for me whilst he is otherwise occupied, but other than that, he and I could not be happier."

"Then why did you speak to each other like that?"

"Like what?"

"Good afternoon, might you accompany my sister and me?" Samantha repeated, almost in a mocking tone. "I am not simply your sister to him. I am Samantha, or at least Lady Samantha. I am practically his sister by now."

"Is that what this is about? Because I can always refer to you as Samantha rather than my sister if that pleases you."

"You know exactly what this is about," Samantha huffed. "Something has changed between the two of you, and I want you to tell me what it is."

"I have already told you."

"Have you? Because the simple fact that he has work to do does not signify that you speak to each other as though you are strangers. It was odd, as though you do not know each other at all. I had not expected to come to see you only to have that in front of me. I did not like it. I do not like it."

"And do you think that I do?" Diana snapped.

She expected Samantha's face to fall, but instead, it was almost one of triumph.

"There, now was that so hard?" Samantha sighed, exasperated. "Now, as you have started, you might as well continue. What has happened?"

Diana did not wish to tell her.

"Diana, do you remember the letter that you wrote to me at all?"

Suddenly, it all began to make much more sense. In truth, she had scribbled it down without much thought and sent it away. She had simply wanted her sister there, and that was all that she had considered important. Now that she was thinking about it, however, she remembered just how blatantly she had discussed her difficulties, and how she could no longer cope with them.

"Ah…"

"Yes, and I have been trying to put it out of my mind, hoping that whatever had happened was not too terrible and you were simply being a hypochondriac, but having seen the two of you this morning, I know that it is far worse."

"It is not too bad!"

"I do not care how bad you believe it to be, I have seen with my own eyes just how different the two of you are towards each other. I do not like it, and I expect you to tell me what has happened, given that that is why I am here to begin with."

"Well, if you must know, I have made some mistakes."

"You have not fallen for another, have you?"

Diana's eyes narrowed. "No, I have not. The issue is that I—did you truly believe I would?"

"No, of course not," Samantha replied, almost laughing. "But so long as that is not the issue, then the two of you can work through this."

Diana found herself hoping that her sister was right.

"I have not fallen for someone else, although it may well be seen as a better option than what has truly happened. I have fallen for the Duke."

"That is brilliant!"

"No, it is not. It is anything but."

"How is it not wonderful that the two of you have fallen for each other? That is the best thing for a married couple, is it not?"

"It is, and it would be if the Duke returned my feelings, but he does not, and he never will, and so now… Now I have to accept that I have ruined everything."

"Has the Duke told you that he feels that way? In so many words?"

"He has said it with his actions," Diana explained, trying to push the memory of him not kissing her the night before from her mind.

"Diana, any fool can see that he fell for you long ago. You might have missed it because you simply cannot meet his eye, but I have seen it. I can see it. If there has been no betrayal, then all is well."

"It is not that simple. Even if the Duke did harbor some sort of affection towards me, I have no doubt destroyed it. All that I seem to be able to do is pester him. Besides, you say that I have not betrayed him, but I have."

"How?"

"There was a room," Diana began, looking at her hands, which she had folded and placed in her lap. "And he told me not to go near it, but I did so twice, even going so far as to renovate it. I cannot tell you what happened to him in there, but you must know that he had his reasons and I did not care. I did as I pleased, and it has ruined everything."

"And were you aware of what happened?"

"No, but I should have listened all the same."

"That does not make any sense at all. He should have communicated that to you. Thus, it was a miscommunication, not a betrayal. You shall be fine, I am sure of it."

"Be that as it may, life has not been the easy thing that I expected, and now I do not know what to do."

"You could leave."

Diana, at last, looked up at her sister. She seemed determined, almost, even though what she had said was so utterly preposterous.

"What do you mean?"

"You could be granted an annulment and leave."

"Whyever would I do that?"

"If you are not happy, and you are making the Duke miserable, and you do not wish to do that anymore, it is the perfect solution."

And it was. Diana knew that her sister was making perfect sense, and that if she truly did want to, then she could. The Duke would likely even agree to it if he felt the same, but all the same, she knew that she did not want that. She shook her head.

"As tempting as it is, and as easy as you make it seem, I cannot do that."

"Then you are not as miserable as you claim to be. Therefore, you have no choice but to give your marriage a chance."

Diana nodded slowly, looking out the window. It had been a clever trick of her to play—making her realize that no matter how bad she thought it was, it was not so terrible that she would rather leave.

"Then where do I go from here?" she sighed.

"You try. It is as I said, we all know how happy you make each other, truly. It is simply a case of the two of you realizing that you would rather be with each other than alone if it is truly the case."

"And if it is not?"

"Then we shall navigate it together," Samantha promised, taking Diana's hand in hers. "I know that you shall always see me as your younger sister, and a baby, no matter how old I am, but you need to know that you do not need to do this alone. I will always be here to help you find a way."

"Samantha, you have your own life to navigate. As much as you do not wish for it, you shall eventually have to marry. Perhaps you would be wise to find a match of your own."

"That is the least of my concerns, even if it means destroying my reputation completely. I do not wish to marry, and so I will not."

"Love will find you." Diana smirked. "I am sure of it."

"Well, as it has already clearly found you, I suppose it shall come for me, eventually."

"Love has not come to me yet. I do not believe that it ever shall, and that is fine by me."

One look from Samantha made her no longer wish to protest. Diana did not wish to call what she felt for the Duke love, not at all. There was affection there, to be sure, and she liked him a great deal, but love? She had yet to see it between any married couple, and one that was formed out of convenience would not bloom into that.

Not when her husband couldn't even look at her.

"Well, if it does not," Samantha said, "you and I shall make our own way, just as we always have."

"Samantha, whether you like it or not, the world will be worse off if you do not marry and you instead stay locked away forever."

"The world would be at its best if I were allowed to contribute to it academically, but nobody is interested in what a lady has to say, and so I shall have to find my place elsewhere. However, that place will never be as the wife of a man who can do anything that he wishes. I want to be the one that can do as they please."

"I am sure that there is someone out there that will allow you that freedom."

"Well, we thought that the Duke would be that for you, and now look at the two of you. If it is as you say, then you had the best possible chance, and even that is not enough. If you ask me, the whole thing about needing a man is utterly overrated, and I do not wish to partake in such a facade."

"Very well." Diana laughed softly. "Given what has happened to me, I would have to agree with you. It truly might not be worth the hassle at all."

Samantha seemed to brighten for a moment before her face fell once more.

"So you were saying that you enjoy being a duchess." She nodded. "Aside from your duke, that is."

"I do. It truly does feel as though I am important. I am quite popular in the village, which was my main concern to begin with, and according to Colin, I have some good ideas about how to make it flourish. It is all rather exciting, although I am sure that with time, it shall become quite difficult."

"Tiresome?" Samantha suggested.

"Possibly. After all, when have you seen a duke that is happy to be one?"

"I have met but one duke, and I have never known quite what to make of him."

As the carriage came to a stop, having arrived in the village, Diana couldn't help but think the same thing.