Chapter 5

5

HARPER

T he sticky note from Jackson is slowly losing its adhesiveness. It haunts me daily, just daring me to use the number each time I open the refrigerator. But I won’t. Pretty boys like Jackson only ever cause pain to boys like me. Jocks and nerds only get together in the movies, not in real life.

My phone vibrates gently on my desk. Oh, it’s Andy. Great.

Andy

Are you coming to movie night at the farm?

No

Whyyyyyyyyy

I don’t want to have to get a ride

Colby and Eli will bring you! You’re on the way!

Can I throw popcorn at people?

…… if that will get you to come, then the answer is an unequivocal yes

Fine

don’t sound too thrilled

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

far too many exclamation points

yay!

that’s way better

Hate you

Might as well get dressed. The temperature outside has finally dipped with our first cold front of the year. I tug on a pair of black skinny jeans and a cream cable-knit sweater. Andy says it makes my eyes look poppin’ , whatever that means. The outfit says put together, but my beat-up all-black Chucks say otherwise.

Andy must’ve been in coordination with Colby or Eli because, literally moments later, there’s a knock at my door. But when I open the door, Jackson is standing with one leg on a stair and the other on the porch. The odd position puts us almost at the same height.

“Hello,” Jackson says, voice pitched low, smile on his lips.

Fuck this motherfucker, what the fuck?

“What are you doing here?”

Jackson gestures toward Trevor and Beau’s. “I was visiting Trevor and found out you need a ride to the movie tonight.”

“Andy just told me—” I stop myself. I grab my phone out of my pocket to find a text from Andy.

Andy

Actually, it’s going to be Jackson. He was in the area! Colby and Eli are already at the farm. Sorry, bestie!

Fuck you

:( He’s nice!

I hate you for real

“So?” Jackson asks.

“Whatever.” I pause at the doorway to slip on Honey’s vest.

We go about the same process as usual. Jackson loads us into the car and then makes his way down the gravel driveway. I avert my gaze from him to avoid getting caught staring. Today, he’s wearing a maroon henley and dark-wash jeans. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch him easily handle the wheel. A few times, his eyes lift to the rearview mirror to check on Honey and that does more for my heart than it should.

“Are you feeling better?” Jackson asks.

“Somewhat.”

“I don’t want to be a dick, but no one will betray your trust and tell me what’s up with you. Then you go and spin some new story each time. How do I have to earn your trust to be added to the trusted circle of those with knowledge?”

I can’t help but grimace. Here we go. Once someone knows, they pity me and look at me differently. Just like the entire town keenly watches me as if I’m going to drop to the ground with a seizure at any moment. For some reason, the idea of Jackson knowing settles in my stomach like bad takeout. I’m not ready.

“I told you already.”

The edges of Jackson’s lips tug up at the corners. “Allergies? Or the biting people?”

“Okay, I’ll tell you the truth.”

Jackson sends a hopeful look my way. “Yeah?”

“Yes,” I say sadly. With a sigh, I turn towards him in the car. I give him the biggest puppy dog eyes I can muster, letting my lip tremble slightly. Jackson’s fingers tighten on the wheel, enough to make the leather creak under his touch. “We’re both in the witness protection program.”

Jackson laughs in annoyance, his eyes sliding over to me before focusing back on the road. “I almost fucking believed you.”

“I’m telling the truth!”

“Sure, punk.”

My scowl deepens. “Punk?”

Jackson puts on his blinker to pull into the farm. “You’re a goddamn punk. You lie, you are sarcastic to the core, you refuse to let people help you, and you’re clueless about just how goddamn beautiful you are. So yeah, punk. That’s your nickname.”

“You don’t know me,” I say, suddenly a little out of breath.

Jackson’s lips curl up in a cruel smirk. “Pretend all you want, but I see right through your armor.”

“You don’t see shit.” I hop out of the car, angry, ready to fight anyone in my path. I get one foot away before Jackson’s in front of me, slowly walking me back toward the car. A gasp slips out of me when my back hits the cold metal of the door.

Honey barks in the car, clearly waiting to be let out. Jackson keeps his eyes on me, but reaches out with his left hand to open the door for Honey. With a shake of her body, Honey hops out and dutifully sits at my feet. My gaze lifts back to Jackson to find him staring intently at me, jaw tight.

“Harper,” Jackson whispers, breath ghosting across my face. Fuck. “I’m trying to be really cool here.”

“What?” I ask in confusion.

His fingers trace up my arm, leaving goose pimples in their wake, until finally, his large palm wraps around my neck, his touch exceedingly gentle. My mouth goes dry when his thumb presses under my chin, pushing my chin up to force me to meet his gaze head-on. Dark brown eyes eat me whole. His eyes are fathomless, looking into me, almost through me. For one terrifying second, I’m worried he might try to kiss me, especially when his gaze dips to my mouth. Nope.

But he doesn’t try to kiss me. His thumb just rubs gently under my chin as I stand caged between him and the car. Caught. That’s the word I’m thinking of.

“You can be better. Be good,” Jackson orders, tone low, washing over me in a gentle wave. Something inside me claws to the surface, demanding I fight, forcing my arms against his chest to push him away. He goes easily, stumbling back a little before catching himself.

“Don’t…” I trail off, unsure how to finish my sentence. I crouch down to get level with Honey.

She licks her lips and whines as I stare into her deep brown eyes. My heart calms slowly while I pet her, her warm golden fur easing the pounding of blood in my ears. Without a word to Jackson, I head towards the crowded area on the grassy incline. People are scattered around watching the movie, low murmurs go in one ear and out the other as I scan the crowd for my family.

Spotting Andy, Beau, and Trevor among the masses is easy. There’s always a reserved spot towards the front left for the family. My attitude dramatically improves when I notice little Savannah sitting in the middle of the large picnic blanket. Her grin when she spots me rivals a sunrise at the beach. I definitely made the right choice in coming tonight if only because she’s here.

“Harper!” Savannah screams excitedly, disrupting numerous moviegoers nearby.

I hold my finger to my lips to urge her to be quiet, slowly easing down onto the blanket beside her. “Hi.”

Her excited little hand grips mine tight. “I know Honey is working, so I’m not supposed to touch her, but can I tell her she’s a good girl?”

Savannah always asks before touching Honey. Even when her vest isn’t on. It’s endearing and sweet and reiterates why I think Savannah is the perfect child. No competition.

“Go on,” I say, giving her permission.

Savannah aims a gap-tooth grin my way, then dips around me to acknowledge Honey. “You’re the best girl. Thank you extra much for keeping Harper safe these past few weeks.”

Oh fuck, don’t cry. I dig my fingers into my palm, doing my best to keep all my emotions at bay. When Savannah sits back up and smiles with a little giggle, I know everything’s going to be fine.

I notice there’s only popcorn in front of her and frown. No candy? I’ll fix that.

“Joey, you didn’t get your kid any M&M’s to put in her popcorn?” I snipe at him.

Joey groans loudly. “They’re out of them at the concession stand!”

“Well, that just won’t do, will it, Miss Savannah?”

Savannah excitedly sits on her knees, looking from me to her father. Her light blonde curls jump as she excitedly bounces around. “No!”

“Harper…” Joey pinches the bridge of his nose, then aims a sidelong glance at a quiet Lee sitting beside him. “They had Sno-Caps but she didn’t want them.”

I mock gasp. “Savannah, Sno-Caps are just chocolate chips. That’s better than M&M’s. Let’s try adding those.”

Savannah claps her little hands. “Okay!”

I patiently make my way through the dark grounds crowded with people. A high school kid mans the stand, but he doesn’t blink at Honey, so that’s a plus. Sno-Caps in hand, I slowly make my way back to the group. Jackson’s gaze is hot on the side of my face as I sit, open the box of candies, and dump them into the small bag of popcorn for Savannah. Happy with the addition, she digs in with gusto, and a smile inches across my lips.

Savannah cuddles close to me as the night goes on. The breeze gets a little chillier each time it blows over us. Her hands get sticky with chocolate and popcorn, but I don’t mind a bit. I convince her to wipe her dirty hands on the blanket instead of asking her father for a napkin, earning me a long-suffering look from Colby considering it’s his blanket. I grin in the dark, knowing he’ll just wash the blanket as soon as he gets home.

By the time the movie ends, Savannah is sound asleep with her head resting gently in my lap. I tenderly run my fingers through her soft blonde curls. I’d always wanted a sibling, someone to share secrets with, someone to make me laugh. Instead, I’d remained an only child, but luckily my extended family is large. I’d had enough cousins to make up for the lack of a sibling.

But the shining star is Savannah. Joey is family through love, not by blood, but watching Savannah grow up has been a shining spot in my often miserable life. Children see Honey and don’t see a handicap, but a superhero sidekick. Spending time with Savannah makes me feel distinctly normal, less like an oddity. Adults often just try to avert their gaze, but children look at me head-on, and treat me like they would anyone else.

“She’s conked out.” Joey chuckles as he lovingly sweeps his fingers over his daughter’s forehead. The tender movement has a knot forming in my throat.

“She still has chocolate on her face. Sorry.”

Joey snorts softly. “No, you’re not.”

I bite my lip to contain my smirk. “You’re right, I’m not.”

With a small sigh, Joey dips down to easily cradle Savannah into his arms. She releases a small disappointed sound, but quiets when I let her squeeze my outstretched hand. I watch Joey, Savannah, and Lee disappear into the crowd, all while rubbing the chocolate from my hand onto the blanket.

“Seriously, Harper. We have napkins.” Colby frowns deeply while packing up the camping chairs.

Eli winks toward me. “We’ll wash it later, boyfriend.”

I easily ignored Jackson most of the movie, but now that we’re all standing up and preparing to leave, it’s almost impossible to ignore him. Doubly so when he moves to stand beside me, heat radiating off of him in the chilly night air.

“I’m giving you a ride back home,” Jackson says matter-of-factly.

“Andy can give me a ride home,” I argue, lifting my chin defiantly.

“No can do,” Andy calls out from where she’s helping Colby and Eli fold the now dirty picnic blanket. “I’m not heading your way.”

“Where are you going?” I ask her bluntly.

Andy arches one single eyebrow at me. “Not home.”

“Sorry, I forgot about your moonlighting at Coyote Ugly.”

Andy snorts and throws a piece of popcorn at me. “You’re so annoying. I’m going to Mom’s. I don’t feel like sleeping alone.”

“Stay with me,” I whisper softly so that only she can hear.

“I’m fine, Harp.” But her words bely her statement. I know Andy. Something’s up and she’s not telling me, which is rare.

“Alright.”

“Let Jackson give you a ride home,” Andy murmurs.

Everyone is out to get me. When everyone is looking away, I kiss Andy’s cheek, feeling the skin move beneath my lips as she grins widely. My girl.

We all silently climb into Jackson’s car. Irritatingly, Jackson flips the heated seat on, and it pleasantly warms my now freezing ass. The deep black sky twinkles with stars, spread out before us above the county road that takes me home. Without asking for permission, I reach up to slide open the cover of the sunroof. A surprised gasp rattles through me when Jackson opens the sunroof so that the cool night air blows through the interior of the car.

Tipping my head back against the headrest, I stare up at the pitch-dark sky, my hair whipping in the chilled breeze. An inexplicable joy courses through me, a freedom I haven’t felt in years. I turn my head to take in Jackson, the slope of his strong shoulders, the tightness of his forearms as he maneuvers the car onto the gravel lane towards my home. I’d snapped at him earlier, but the man was annoyingly correct.

I am sarcastic and do my best to push people away. At the end of the day, the only people I’ve ever let in are family. Probably mostly because I don’t feel like I have much of a choice but to let them in. What would happen if I let Jackson be my friend since he so badly desires my friendship? Nobody in this town will let him hurt me. Colby and Beau would kill him if he tried. He keeps showing up, keeps trying to be my friend, so I’ll let him. Because maybe then he’ll realize I’m nothing special and he’ll move on to something else. Something more worth his time.

“Okay, I give in,” I whisper into the dark interior of the car.

Jackson’s gaze slides to me for one long moment before returning to the road. “What?”

“We can be friends.”

A startled laugh escapes Jackson. “What changed your mind? You’ve been fighting me tooth and nail the entire way.”

I look away from him and back out the window, unable to let him see my face even in the dark. “Just changed my mind.”

Jackson hums thoughtfully just as he parks the car in front of my house. The front light I’d turned on prior to leaving glows brightly. Honey moves around in the back seat, jostling her vest and tag in a way that’s always comforted me. The sound of her nearness always settles my nerves.

“I’m sorry for being rough with you earlier,” Jackson apologizes, voice a low, sweet murmur. I suppress a shiver at his words.

I sniffle dramatically. “I accept your apology.”

Jackson pinches my chin between his fingers and turns my face to him. “Do you have an apology for me by chance?”

Saliva pools in my mouth at his touch and at his words. Instead of arguing, instead of pulling from his grasp, I whisper, “Sorry for throwing a tantrum.”

Jackson’s lips lift in one corner as his thumb sweeps just below my lips. “Sour on the outside, sweet on the inside.”

“What?” I ask, confused.

“A Sour Patch Kid.”

I roll my eyes. “You’ve been talking to Beau.”

“Trevor actually,” Jackson amends.

“Of course. Beau’s always called me Sour Patch or trouble.”

“Good nicknames,” Jackson comments idly, still madly sweeping the pad of his thumb under my lips. “I like punk better.”

The motion of his thumb simultaneously drives me crazy and makes me melt. Who knew touch could be so magical. No one has ever touched me in such a tender way, nor has anyone ever looked at me like Jackson is now.

“I should go inside,” I whisper softly.

“I’ll walk you in.” Jackson pulls away, hops out of the car, and comes around to the passenger side with a warm grin. He carefully helps Honey and me out of the vehicle, then walks with us up to the front door. “I’ll see you tomorrow for cupcakes at Bee’s. Do you need a ride into town?”

I actually do need a ride.

“It makes no sense for you to come pick me up, drive me into town, then bring me back.”

Jackson nods in agreement. “You’re right. Do you have plans on Saturday? I could pick you up, we could spend the day hanging out, and end the day at Bee’s?”

My first instinct is to argue, as usual, but I don’t actually have any plans on Saturday. Well, no plans besides sitting in front of the television and binge-watching something.

“Alright.”

He slowly backs away from the front porch with a wide grin, eyes firmly on me. “I’ll pick you up at ten on Saturday. Dress comfortably.”

“I have to bring Honey!” I call after him.

“Of course!” he calls back and promptly climbs into his car.

I stand anxiously on the porch, a little cold, and extremely confused as he drives away into the night. Honey shakes her fur, clearly anxious to get out of her service vest. I don’t blame her. We go about our normal evening routine, then cuddle down into the fluffy blankets on my bed in the dark cover of night. Moonlight streams in through the crack in the curtains, slashing across Honey’s golden fur. The soft hoot of an owl outside is the last thing I hear before falling into a deep, contented sleep full of dreams of dark brown eyes and sweet smiles.