Chapter 14

14

JACKSON

I know that saying I love you to Harper isn’t a magic fix nor is he saying it back to me a cure-all. The rest of my life will be spent proving to him that I love him, that I’m staying, that he’s worth being kept by me. Maybe one day he’ll get it, maybe he never will, but the pursuit of making him feel loved is enough.

Especially with the way he loves me back. It’s the little things with Harper. The way he burrows into me when we cuddle in bed in the mornings, seeking my warmth when his body is still freezing cold. The tilt of his lips when I’ve said something funny but he loathes to laugh, giving me satisfaction. The way he listens raptly to me as I talk about some sports thing that I know he doesn’t really care about, but he cares because it’s a passion for me.

December in Florida isn’t much different from October or November. The heat is a little less intense, but everything else remains the same. Green grass as far as the eye can see. Only the trees are a little more bare, but it’s still so very alive.

The farm apparently throws holiday events every weekend, similar to the autumn festival where I realized I needed Harper with an intensity I’d never needed another person before.

The perfect date spot.

Plus I’ll get to see all my best friends.

Minus Benji because he’s still on a world tour with Nolan.

“Get in the car, loser!” I shout from the window of my car.

Eli wrinkles his nose but still happily skips towards the car. “That’s very mean.”

“You were dawdling.”

Eli huffs in annoyance. “I was locking the front door.”

“Are you living in the big house now?” I tease.

Eli slams the door shut and aims a glare at me. After dealing with Harper, Eli seems like a kitten. I just grin under his barely restrained fury at my gentle ribbing.

“Yes, I moved into Colby’s house last weekend,” Eli quietly admits, as if saying it out loud might curse it. Sweet boy.

“Big step! Everything is going well, I take it?”

The car rumbles down Beau and Trevor’s gravel driveway, kicking up dust in the rearview mirror. I’m going to need a serious detail after this weekend between here and driving to the farm.

Eli hums while restlessly tapping his fingers against the window. “It’s going great. Almost too good, you know?”

I nod in understanding as we come to a stop in front of Trevor’s place. “I understand that.”

Eli angles his body in the car so he can look at me, eyes squinted in the late afternoon sun. “How about you?”

“Oh, I’m going to marry Harper one day. Absolutely no doubt.”

Trevor runs out of the house, tugging on a flannel over his thin T-shirt. His blond hair is up in a loose bun and his grin is soft as he climbs into the back seat.

“’Sup, assholes?” Trevor sings.

“Excuse me.” I turn around to glare at him. “Is that how you speak to me?”

Trevor’s teeth flash between his lips. “I’m not afraid of you. Are we picking up Harper?”

My heart does a familiar dip and dive at the sound of Harper’s name.

“Obviously, we’re picking up my boyfriend.”

Trevor slaps his hands on the driver and passenger seat, leaning between the console to look at Eli. “I know something you don’t know.”

Eli turns confused eyes on Trevor. “What?”

Trevor pinches Eli’s cheek with a warm grin but doesn’t say anything else. When we pull up in front of Harper’s house, I leave the boys in the car to greet Harper in private. I type in the code that Harper assigned to me, pressing into the dark house. Honey greets me with wiggles just as Harper rounds the corner.

His hair is up in a bun, and a few tendrils are hanging loose around his face. Dressed in dark jeans, a maroon henley, and black Converse, he’s the hottest man on the earth. He arches an eyebrow in question as he slips on his leather jacket.

“What’s that look for?” Harper asks around a chuckle.

I back him up against the wall and kiss his smiling mouth. Carefully cradling his face in the palm of my hands, I tilt his head until I get the angle I want so that I can lick into his mouth to savor the taste of him. Harper’s fingers dig into my neck, holding me close, wanting me just as much as I want him.

When I pull away from his mouth, he chuckles darkly, and his warm breath floats across my cheekbone.

“Hello to you too,” Harper says, voice low, and decidedly sultry.

I softly nuzzle my nose against his cheek. “You are so beautiful.”

“So you’ve said.”

“Perfect.”

“Shut up.”

“I’d burn the world for you,” I dig the hole deeper.

“I’m going to murder you and no one will find your body.”

With a loud laugh, I tug Harper out of the house towards the car. Eli moved to the back seat with Trevor, leaving the passenger seat for Harper. As usual, I buckle Harper in, catching the slight flush across his cheekbones at my undivided attention in front of my friends. Honey hops into the back, happily sitting between Eli and Trevor with her service vest on. A flush of pride moves through my chest at the sight of my best friends dutifully ignoring Honey as she works.

The boys chat among themselves while I drive, but I’m too focused on Harper’s warm hand on my thigh to pay attention to anything they say. It feels like such a huge step for him to show me any attention that others might see.

A decent crowd covers the farm as we make our way onto the property. Harper keeps his hand in mine, pointing out things that only someone who's been here a million times would know. The joy on his face brings me to life. I squeeze his hand hard enough for him to look over at me, a question on his face.

“You trust me, right?” I ask softly.

Harper frowns deeply. “Of course, Jackson.”

“I have this idea for your Christmas present. But you’ll have to trust me. Okay?”

“Alright,” Harper agrees warily, looking around at the crowd. “Is it happening right now?”

Chuckling, I swing my arm around his shoulder to tug him against my side. He fits perfectly. “No, punk. It’s not happening right now. Maybe next weekend. Is that fake snow?”

Harper grunts in confirmation. “It’s soap, but the kids love it. Santa comes at night, or sometimes the Grinch.”

The sky is a lovely pink and purple, and the Christmas lights twinkle as the air around us darkens. A screech from Eli pulls my attention towards him just in time to see him launch himself into Colby’s arms. Colby grins wide, chuckling as he holds Eli tight to him. A moment later, Beau appears with a small smile and wave. Trevor tips up on his toes to kiss Beau, a much gentler reaction to the sight of his boyfriend than Eli.

Both men are dressed in Clay Road Farms work attire, meaning ratty jeans and brand-new T-shirts.

“Beau, in twenty years, are you going to be Santa?” Harper teases with a wicked smirk.

“Maybe, will you be my elf?”

Harper’s nose wrinkles in abject disgust. “Definitely not.”

“I’ll be your elf.” Trevor winks at Beau, making the taller man blush.

They’re all sickeningly cute. I love it.

“Are we working or flirting here?” Andy asks with a hand on her hip. She winks at Harper and presses a kiss to his cheek that he swats away. “Let me kiss you,” Andy hisses through her teeth.

“Fuck off,” Harper says with his teeth gritted.

“You love me,” Andy sings.

“Debatable.”

“There’s work to do, lover boys.” Andy points at her brother and then Colby. “Back to work.”

“Last I checked, I am the boss,” Beau says with a teasing lilt in his voice.

Andy salutes Beau with a wide grin. “Aye aye, captain.”

Colby, Beau, and Andy disappear back into the crowd. Eli looks forlornly at the disappearing back of his boyfriend, earning a dramatic gag from Harper.

Harper makes a barfing face. “Don’t look at my cousin like that in front of me, please.”

Eli shoots a glare towards Harper. “You’re one to talk. You’ve got my best friend looking at you like he wants to get you pregnant immediately.”

Harper’s eyes widen as he looks towards me. “Really?”

I shrug with a smirk. “He’s not wrong.”

“Huh,” Harper says softly.

“Maybe tonight we can give it a shot,” I murmur softly for only Harper to hear.

Instead of a biting comment or a swat to my arm, I’m rewarded with a warm red flush across Harper’s cheekbones. Interesting. He turns away from me to look towards the setting sun dipping below the horizon. My favorite thing about Harper is that there are so many layers for me to keep discovering, not just about his personality but what brings him pleasure. Who knew my sarcastic little punk might have a hidden breeding kink?

The four of us amble slowly towards the Christmas tree lot. Trevor and Eli are full of laughter as they judge the trees, but Harper is quiet beside me. Butterflies take flight in my chest when Trevor comes over to tug Harper away so that they can pose in front of some decorated trees for a picture. Eli tosses me his phone, which I easily catch, and I snap a few photos of them posing in front of the trees decorated in a beach theme.

When the sun sets all the way, the bubbles start in the center of the farm, eliciting squeals of joy from the kids present. Eli runs out into the bubbles and tilts his head towards the sky, while Trevor stands at the edge recording him. So typical.

Harper plants his feet firmly to prevent me from dragging him under the fake snow. Knowing Harper’s limits is half of loving him. Getting cute under some fake snow is a hard limit that I’ll definitely respect. But I hold his hand in mine, tucking it under my jacket as he watches Eli play in the fake snow.

“How’s Benji doing on the tour?” I ask Trevor softly.

Trevor’s face pinches with concern. “You should talk to him.”

The very idea shocks me. “Me?”

Trevor nods quickly. “He’s struggling, I think. Claire keeps thinking of convincing him to let the contract go. You know… Nolan can be a lot. It’s a lot.”

Nolan and I had one single night together before I realized it most definitely would not work between us. I might be a top, but pain play is not remotely my thing. I’m more of a service top than anything. Nolan is enough to make anyone’s carefully built walls crack. And the more I think about Benji, the more I realize that he and Nolan are probably a perpetually awfully bad idea. I’m surprised Claire even arranged it.

“How long has that entire thing been going on?”

Trevor grimaces. “At least a year off and on. But the tour is nonstop for a few months. If he comes running to us, we’ll know it’s because Nolan sent him running.”

I hum in agreement, making a mental note to call Benji to check in. Doubtful he’ll share anything with me, but with Benji, sometimes it’s nice just for him to know we all think about him and love him still.

The boys return home with their men, so it’s just me, Honey, and Harper on the ride home. Plus, the Christmas tree tied to the roof of my car. A year ago, it would’ve sent me into a nosedive of a conniption, but now, not so much. Mostly because Harper had smiled, a real, true smile, just at the very idea of buying a real tree. I can’t deny him a single thing that brings him that amount of happiness.

It takes both of us to get the tree into the house. Harper helpfully disappears into his garage to find a tree stand and an old string of lights. I kiss him softly in thanks when he returns with both items in his hand. We wrangle the tree into the stand, then messily wrap the lights around the fluffy branches. Harper stands back to inspect, a thoughtful hand on his chin, head tilting this way and that.

“It looks perfect,” Harper says sweetly, face lit up by the multicolored lights.

Throwing my arm over his shoulder, I bring him tight against me. Placing my mouth to his ear, I whisper, “Wanna explore that breeding kink you have?”

Harper’s groan is so loud that I think I’ll hear it for days.

Camping sounded fun in my brain. Now? I am not so sure. Renting an RV also sounded like a great idea until I had to drive it. Honestly, it’s like driving a goddamn tank. The brakes squeak loudly when I slide into park in Harper’s circular driveway.

Harper steps out onto his front porch in a daze, hand shading his eyes to see the RV in the bright light of dawn. Wearing jeans and one of my faded hoodies I left at his house, I consider just ushering him back inside to fuck him in his own bed all weekend. But I have plans, and I want to see this through, so I will push on.

“What the fuck is this?” Harper says loudly, eyes scarily wide.

I hold my arms out with what I hope is an excited face. “We’re going camping!”

Harper scowls. “Not safe.”

“It is! We’re only going to be thirty minutes away from a hospital! And my phone has an amazing signal; it would work in a remote jungle. Beau and Colby are on alert all weekend, so if I call, they’ll come running to help us. I swear, Harper, it’s safe.”

Harper’s fingers twitch restlessly at his side; his eyes glazed over as he stares blankly at the RV. Slowly, a small smile flickers at the edges of his lips.

“I’m not sure sleeping in that counts as camping, Jack.”

Oh. Oh, that’s nice. Stay chill, Jackson. I gesture towards the back of the RV with a grin. “I also have a tent for when you’re feeling frisky.”

Harper sighs dramatically, although I can tell he’s excited by the gleam in his emerald eyes. He disappears into the house only to return with two bags slung over his shoulders. I hurry up the stairs to take the bags from him, not wanting him to overdo himself so early on in the trip.

Harper doesn’t follow me into the RV, though; instead, he stands just outside, shuffling foot to foot as if he’s unsure.

“Punk?”

“Okay, so.” Harper pauses and takes a deep breath. “I did something for you for Christmas, but it’s a little out of my comfort zone, so just…”

He huffs and gives up on speaking, instead deciding to grab my hand and tug me around to the back of the house. Hanging against the side of the house is a basketball hoop and my heart once again does this funny little dip and dive in my chest. Harper steps away for a moment only to return with a basketball cupped between his palms.

“I thought maybe sometimes you can come over, and we can play together,” Harper says softly, almost as if embarrassed. “I’m so naturally good at it, but maybe you can teach me a few things? We can… we can make it a weekly thing, maybe?”

I grab Harper around the neck and tug him to me to kiss all the air from his lungs. He drops the ball between us with a grunt, instead tangling his fingers at the nape of my neck. We kiss and kiss and kiss until it feels like maybe we could become one person if we wished. When I pull away, my lips tingle with the memory of his mouth against mine.

“Harper… I…”

Harper shakes his head roughly. “Just say thank you.”

“Thank you,” I say roughly, throat thick and tight with want.

Harper nods and stalks back toward the RV. I stand still for a moment, watching every bit of my future disappear. And I bite back a smile when Harper turns around with wide eyes and points toward the RV in clear demand for us to get going.

Honey makes herself at home on the sofa that lines the right side of the RV. I start it up and close the doors, grinning like a besotted fool when Harper takes the seat beside me up front. Always the little things with Harper. The park I’m taking us to is only an hour north of Clay Springs. Plus, I went a little wild and reserved all the spots available for this weekend to guarantee us total privacy.

The RV rumbles down the small one-way road that enters into the park. A tired-looking forest ranger stands at the guard house with an exhausted smile on his face.

“I assume you’re Jackson Harris?” the guard calls out.

I give him a salute. “Yes, sir. Will you be up here all night?”

The guard shakes his head. “Nope, at night, I stay in the ranger lodging. But you’ve reserved the entire park, which we’ve never seen before, by the way, so no one will come bothering you. I’ll drop the gates behind you so no one can get in.”

I watch in the rearview mirror as the guard does in fact drop the gates, locking us in and keeping other visitors out. Five minutes later, I’m parking the RV at the very end of the road, guaranteeing us total privacy.

The brine of ocean air slaps me in the face when I step out of the RV. I hold my hand out for Harper, helping him down as Honey whips past us to nose around. The sky is bright blue with only a few clouds dotting it. Harper tucks his hands in his hoodie while slowly ambling out toward the shore.

Freedom is what Harper needs most while he’s with me. I don’t want to smother him in this newfound experience. Busy with setting up the campsite, I get lost in the mundaneness of it all. Until Honey’s soft bark sends my heart skyrocketing, only for it to settle into peace when I spot the two of them playing in the waves. Harper’s shoes sit a few yards back from them; his jeans rolled up to his knees so he can dip his feet in the cold water.

His smile is easy and free, and mine . I know then that I made the right choice in bringing him here, in giving him this experience that he never thought he’d be able to have in his grip. Honey lowers onto her front feet, then pounces on attack mode as she happily bites at a foamy wave.

Harper’s tinkling laughter rises over the din of the water. Caught up in watching them, I forget about anything else but them. My two sweethearts. Harper bends down to pick up a shell, then carefully washes it off in the saltwater at his feet. With a happy grin, he jogs towards me to present me with the shell.

But it’s not a shell at all.

It’s a dried-out seahorse.

“You know the male seahorses can get pregnant,” Harper says with a gleam in his eye.

“You’re insufferable.”

Harper wiggles his eyebrows. “It’s a sign. We should try tonight.”

I nod towards Honey. “She’s having the time of her life.”

Harper lets out a delighted laugh. “She’s happy to not be working for once.”

Pinching his chin, I turn his gaze towards me. “She’s happy because she’s at the beach with her daddies.”

Harper sighs, long and loud, then leans up on the tip of his toes to kiss me softly. He shivers slightly under my lips. I simply can’t have that. I drag him towards the outdoor seating I set up, shoving him gently into the chair. Using a towel packed away just for the beach, I clean the sand from his feet and kiss the cold skin at the top of his foot.

“Jackson,” Harper whispers, real emotion in his voice.

“Yeah?”

Harper tenderly skims his fingers across my forehead, down my cheek, finally letting them rest along the edge of my jaw. “Thank you. This is the best gift I’ve ever been given.”

My throat goes tight and my eyes burn at the genuine gratitude in his hoarse voice. Just to be given something so simple, has him beyond grateful. When really this is not a gift for him at all, but a gift for me. Because bringing Harper happiness is now my only goal in life. To bring him happiness, and joy, and to keep him forever, if he’ll let me.