Chapter 21

Chapter

Twenty-One

TAMAS

‘Do not do it,' Carthius said. Although his voice was calm, I sensed the warning. ‘You bind your fates at her peril.'

"I'll do as I wish," I growled, ceasing my endless pacing and marching toward the bedside table where I'd placed the now blank pages.

His will is stronger than we anticipated, Fivia said.

This will make it harder. But with persistence, we will prevail. We are four. He is one. No human can match our might, Ineth replied.

He is not human, Ovia said. I agree with Fivia. I can feel the strength of his will.

That he is filled with the souls of many weakens our control, Carthius added

The connection with the woman is our greatest problem, Ineth said . We will never truly own him while she is alive .

"How about you all shut up and give me some peace," I said aloud.

They fell silent, leaving me to wonder if I was meant to hear any of that conversation. "You didn't expect me to join you in your secret communications, now did you?" I sneered.

In a collective effort, the Eone had exerted their influence over me, compelling me to snatch the pages from the table soon after Tressya's and my combined touch revealed what was hidden for all these years. But it wasn't the words I had expected to appear on the pages; instead, it was a map.

I swiped the now blank pages from the bedside table. The truth was, I didn't need the map to show me the location of the Etherweave. I was certain the Eone had already revealed its resting place, and now it was time to disclose it to Tressya, to share the truth and gain her trust.

Since waking from the Salmun's poison, nothing I'd done was rational, so I couldn't blame Tressya for questioning my sanity. My bonded partner, my mate, yet the connection between us was fragile, and that I couldn't tolerate. I would win her heart once again by revealing my secrets.

‘Do not be foolish,' Carthius announced, already knowing my intention.

"I've realized one thing tonight," I told him as I marched toward the door. "Your control over me is tenuous at best."

‘Tenuous, you say,' Carthius began.

‘Never underestimate the Eone, my friend,' Ineth finished.

Nearing my bedroom door, my legs became increasingly heavy, each step feeling as though an anvil was strapped to both ankles .

‘You let us in, young Razohan. You traded your life for your freedom,' Ovia helpfully reminded me.

"You tricked me," I gasped, fighting against their control. "You tricked me." In this moment, I realized the enormity of my mistake, the power I'd handed to them, for it wasn't just my mind they could influence. My body failed me too, succumbing to their commands. "I was willing to lose my life. But not Tressya's. Only it turns out Tressya wasn't even dying."

‘If you care for her so much, then release her. You risk her life if you continue to keep her close. She plays no part in this journey,' Ineth said.

"You broke our bargain when you lied. I'll do everything in my power to sever our link."

‘Link? Dear friend. There is no link. We are a part of you now.' I could hear the sneer in Ineth's voice.

‘Tamas, listen to us,' Fivia said.

I attempted to block her out, redirecting all my focus toward reaching the door, determined to undermine their control over my body.

It wasn't entirely me in the maze last night. The Eone spun malicious lies in my head, trying to bind me to their will. Sometimes they won, influencing me in ways I loathed to witness, but I wasn't feebleminded, which infuriated and surprised them. And now they'd inadvertently exposed their vulnerability through their furtive communication, revealing the fear of their influence over me might be diminishing. In time I would explore what I'd learned, but for now I had to reach Tressya.

‘You do not need the map,' Fivia continued .

"I'll put my dagger through my skull if you don't shut up."

‘You have already seen the Etherweave, Tamas. You have been there already. You know where to go.'

I stopped fighting against them for control of my body. So I was right; the Eone had guided me to its location. "The castle? How can it be that simple? Why haven't the Salmun discovered it already?"

‘Because the Etherweave and its tomb are visible only to those it calls to. That is you, Tamas,' Ovia said. ‘The castle is our home.'

"Your home?"

‘The defeat of King Ricaud released the Etherweave from its cage,' Ovia said.

"The rock is its cage. The Nazeen saw to that," I said.

‘It was bound long before that. For centuries, the Bone Throne entombed the Etherweave, starting with King Agropea. When King Ricaud was defeated, the Etherweave tried to return to its masters, but we were no more. The closest it could come to finding us was our home, but the Nazeen intervened, entombing it inside a new prison; the rock it now resides within. But even the power of the witches could not prevent the Etherweave from coming home. There it awaits you.'

"You mean there it awaits you. My guess is the four of you will benefit the most when I take in the Etherweave. You'll have no use for me anymore."

‘You are one of us now, young Tamas,' Carthius said.

"What a load of horseshit. But you needn't worry. I'll rid you from within me. "

I sensed the weakening of their grip on my limbs; the argument distracting the Eone from their intent to prevent me from seeing Tressya. I lunged for the door, yanking it open with such force it flew back and slammed against the wall, sending a loud thud echoing through the manor, likely waking everyone within.

Before they attempted to exert any more control over my body, I rushed to Tressya's door, opening it to find her slipping on a shirt.

"What do you think you're doing here?" she snapped, pulling the fronts of her shirt over her chemise.

I closed the door behind me. "There was a time you never hid yourself from me."

"You thundered all the way down here to tell me that, making enough noise to wake everyone in the manor."

Soon, I would battle the Eone's influence once more. I pressed my hand to my forehead, already sensing their probing presence, like tiny spider bites prickling across my mind's surface as they searched for vulnerabilities, striving to assert total control. Time was running short for me to act freely before resisting their insidious attempts to dominate me consumed my focus.

I strode across to Tressya's window, snagged her hand as I went, and dragged her along beside me. She didn't resist me, which I was grateful for as I doubted I could convince her and resist the Eone's control at the same time. Once there, I pulled her down onto the window seat beside me.

She slumped down, releasing a plume of her scent.

"You smell good."

She'd taken to wearing a perfume unfamiliar to me, a heady scent of depthless mystery, and I welcomed the pleasant distraction.

"Get to the point, Tamas. Why are you here?" The hardness in her voice forced a divide between us I was determined to scale.

I have so many plans for us. My heart pleaded.

‘She will bring you down,' Carthius intervened, intruding upon a moment that should be private. Tressya's bedroom; there was only space for the two of us.

My jaw ached for how hard I clenched my teeth, wanting to force Carthius into the recesses of my mind. After a moment's breath, I lifted her hand, still caged in mine, and placed it on the pages of the Senjel Oracles.

"You're willing for me to see them now?"

I grimaced at the sarcasm in her voice while fighting the Eone's interference. Desperate to conceal the whereabouts of their castle, they were attempting to exert an immense amount of influence.

"I know where the—" I clasped at my throat, feeling the lump thickening, then rising. I shook my head, slumping forward, pressing my lips firm.

You bastards.

The force was too great. I had enough time to throw the pages away as I suddenly lurched forward, bent between my legs, and threw up over the rug.

Tressya gave a small squeak and curled her feet up onto the window seat. "Stars, are you all right?"

I grunted, wiped the last of the spittle from my mouth, then launched to my feet. Stepping over the mess, I stormed across the room, heading nowhere in particular .

"I'm going to shred you for that," I growled, then stopped, rubbing at my brow when I realized I was in Tressya's company.

Bathed in moonlight, she looked diminutive and vulnerable, curled up on the window seat, her eyes wide with shock as they met mine. Despite her appearance of helpless innocence, she was far from it, and right now, deep down, she knew she had been right all along: I was indeed insane.

"Tamas?" she said my name with uncertainty.

I held up my hand, warning her not to come closer. It was better I deal with the bloody Eone at a distance from her, for I could feel the restless urgings of my beast wanting out. This was the work of the Eone, and it distressed me to think they could control that part of me to hurt Tressya.

"I'm struggling at the moment," was all I said, feeling the edges of my claws spike through the tips of my fingers. The audacity of their attempt to control one of the core fundamentals of my nature ignited a fury within me, one that I was certain would be difficult to restrain if I allowed it to be unleashed.

‘You dare do this, and I'll cut out my throat,' I spoke in my mind.

‘Lies, young Razohan. We are privy to all your secrets. We feel the force of your life's blood flowing through your veins. It is strong. You do not want to die,' Ineth said.

‘If you're privy to so much, you would know what I'm prepared to do to keep Tressya safe.'

I gleaned satisfaction in their silence.

"Come sit," Tressya said, patting the space beside her on the bed .

Bathed in moonlight, she looked like the queen she was; my beautiful queen. I paused for a moment, absorbing the sight of her, my mind overflowing with poetic words and my emotions saturated with the love I felt for her. Let the Eone sense that, let them understand Tressya was untouchable. And should they dare, I would ensure their eternal lives met a swift end.

The discarded pages flickered gently in the soft breeze wafting in from her partially opened window. As much as I wanted to sit beside her, I remained shaken by my emerging claws, and how swiftly the Eone had tapped into my beast form—I'd thought that part of me sacredly preserved, the very soul of my nature, under my command and no other. I couldn't risk it happening again, and even though I was sure they were suitably chastised for now, I needed a few more breaths to calm my rampaging heart. Rather than sit beside her, I swiped the pages up, avoiding glancing at the mess I'd made on the floor.

I straightened and stared out the window at the moon, before arching my head back and probing inward, searching for any evidence that the Eone remained close at hand.

Tressya stayed quiet, watching me intently, no doubt wondering what weird words would come from my mouth or bizarre actions I would make.

"It's buried in the Ashenlands." There, I'd said it, with no terrible consequences.

"Why am I not surprised? But how do you know?"

Those evil bastards; this time my tongue felt thick.

"Because I've—" My jaw felt locked in place.

Tressya slid off the bed and came toward me. Unable to tell her to stay away, I held up my hand, preventing her from coming any closer. Of course, the little minx would ignore me. Instead, she took my hand, entwining her fingers with mine.

"You're afraid of what you might do." It wasn't a question. She sensed my struggle to control my beast. "At least the apostles' spells kept you alive. But they never quite cleared the Salmun's magic."

I nodded when I wanted to shake my head. With Tressya's hand in mine, I felt hairs bristle across the back of my neck, felt the tips of emerging claws once more, felt the snarl rush up my throat, contained by the lock on my jaw. Forcing my transformation was the worst invasion. Already I felt the surge of my beast from rioting to be set loose.

Ripping my hand from Tressya's hold, I managed a mumbled groan, then turned and fled her room, discarding the pages before I disappeared out the door. Stampeding down the dark corridor, driven by a madness seizing my mind, hairs sprouted on the backs of my hands and across my chest. Throughout my body, the bones expanded until they broke. What usually took a blink of the eye to complete unfurled in slow and torturous agony as I resisted the change, refusing to allow the Eone to take command of that one part of myself I needed safe.

With my feet partially transformed, my gait was clumsy on the stairwell. Without my usual graceful agility, I caught my left foot on the edge, tripped, losing my balance and tumbled all the way to the bottom, and that was enough for me to lose my grip on my human form. By the time I hit the ground at the base of the stairs, I was the beast .

For one horrible moment, I stayed on my side, staring up the stairwell, sniffing out my prey, seeking that lingering scent as saliva formed in my mouth, dribbling down my fangs and dripping to the wood floor.

I had na?vely believed my suffering was confined to the transformation alone. How mistaken I was, for the greatest anguish of my life was only just beginning. The Eone were turning Tressya into prey, overriding my control and inciting my beast's instincts to hunt

I breathed in her scent, savoring it with both my tongue and my nose, a tantalizing sample of the taste that awaited. My animalistic nature surged through my veins like a swollen river after a torrential storm, amplifying my hunger into an overwhelming force I was powerless to resist.

‘Fuck you,' I cried, but the Eone remained quiet.

"Tamas," came Tressya's voice in the darkness.

My muscles twitched. The scrape of my claws along the wood floor echoed through the silent manor. In my mind's eye, I saw myself leap for the stairwell, mounting the stairs in two bounds. For one horrifying moment, I thought I would do it.

The Eone had unleashed their collective will, disrupting my concentration, muddling my thoughts, forcing me to my knees, forcing my beast to believe Tressya was a threat.

I unleashed a roar of despair, defiant in my conviction that they could never triumph in this manner. I was Razohan, imbued with the combined might of the Huungardred coursing through my veins. No essence could strip that away from me; no one should be able to control my beast but me.

Summoning every ounce of my strength, I ripped myself from the ground, carving deep furrows in the floor as I surged toward the door. With a leap, I burst into the night air, punching through the barrier. I cleared the steps in a single bound and raced alongside the moon, disappearing into the hedge maze and out of sight.

The thrill of my escape consumed my mind and soul, until a rising fury seared through my heart, a united cry of rage for having been defeated. Even so, the Eone refused to release my mind from their vile clutches.

"Tamas," came the cry. The lonely echo of her voice halted me mid-flight.

A savage snarl tore from my lips as I lifted my head, inhaling the intoxicating scent of flesh and meat, along with something far deeper and more alluring. Even the beat of her heart and the rapid flow of her blood through her veins were laid bare for me to explore.

"Tamas." Her voice came closer.

The silly fool. What did she think she would achieve by hunting me down? A low growl rumbled through my throat as I turned from my flight and prowled toward her scent. I'd buried myself within the maze, but would have no trouble following her scent and hunting her down.

The part of my mind that remained free from the Eone's hold, screamed for release, struggled to assume control of my actions. By now that part of me had faded to an annoying hum, insignificant against my feral needs, cruelly drawn forth by the Eone.

"I know you're struggling," she yelled. "The part of you that makes you good, that makes you who you are, is still there. It's fighting. And I know it will survive."

How little she knew me. The foolish little thing, so weak her bones would snap with one bite. By following me into the maze, she'd trapped herself inside with me.

I retraced my steps, deadly silent in my stealth, while Tressya's approach echoed through my head with her noisy clomping tread. I rounded one corner of the maze and then another, sensing her scent growing stronger, while saliva pooled in my mouth.

Now, with only a hedge between us, my senses were attuned to the shallowness of her breathing, the rapid beat of her heart and the aroma of budding fear. It was too delicious to resist. Fine shudders of anticipation racked my body as I prowled around the last corner.

And there she was, her outline haloed in the moonlight. In her haste to dress, she'd missed button holes and left the lace of her breeches and boots loose. Her hair tumbled over her shoulders in a tangled mess as though she'd struggle through brambles for hours to reach me.

She froze on seeing me, her steely gaze never once releasing me.

"I always thought you were a magnificent beast," she said, as if that would save her life.

"Remember when I cursed growing fur myself? Well, I feel differently now. Especially when I see you as you are."

In my beast form, I could neither sneer nor ridicule her attempt to soothe my hunger with her placating words.

"Look," she said, pulling the pages from her pocket. "What was it you wanted to show me?"

What lay upon those pages was something she was never meant to see .

The roar surged up my throat the moment I sprang, launching myself across the distance between us. In that fated moment, something struck me in the middle of my chest, lancing a pain so sharp it strangled my roar. I lost my momentum and slumped to the ground at her feet, losing my hold on my beast form.

Biting back my wail of agony, I glanced down to see the hilt of a dagger protruding through my chest.

Tressya knelt beside me, placing her hand on my shoulder. "You know I could've easily put that through you heart, Razohan. As it is, I've embedded it a hand's span down and slightly to the left."

I collapsed my head forward, pressing my forehead into the dirt, and exhaled through my teeth.

"Come on." She attempted to heave me onto my back. "You'll lose too much blood wallowing in your misery."

I let out a laugh, a shard of agony piercing through my chest. The laugh was for Tressya, my cunning, courageous, resilient fighter, but also for my freedom; the Eone had receded, sulking in the dark corners of my mind, leaving me free of their influence.

"Laughing's not wise in your current predicament."

"I can't…believe…you stabbed me," I stuttered through the pain.

"I can't believe you were going to attack me." She announced with as much indignation as she could muster.

I rested my hand on hers and arched my head back so I could look into her eyes. She needed to see my conviction. "That wasn't me. "

"I gathered," she said. "I'm going to withdraw the dagger."

"Can't you give a man a breath?"

"If I give you too many of those, you may lose your ability to take anymore."

"No thanks to you," I grumbled, overwhelmed with gratitude toward her for what she'd done. Engulfed in a seemingly endless stream of physical torment, my mind was clear, thanks to Tressya. And I would rather endure a hundred stab wounds than find her dead at my feet because of me.

She ignored my grousing and said. "I'm going to count to three."

"I know this trick. You'll pull it out in… Fuucckk," I shouted. "Stars above," I panted, as Tressya pressed both hands hard against the wound, having freed the dagger.

"That worked a treat," she said. "Now you have to change back into the beast so you can heal. But I warn you. I'll make sure it goes through your heart if you dare do that again."

I wanted to tell her never , but until I lunged at her moments ago, I had thought that would have been a given.

"I can't begin?—"

"Stop. Heal yourself first, then you can grovel, because I can tell you now it's going to take a lot to crawl yourself back into my good graces."

I couldn't shift my gaze from her face, no matter how hard I tried. "Come here," I said.

"What?"

"You heard me."

For the first time, she looked unsure. Not when she faced my huge, menacing beast form, not when she pulled the blade from my chest, but now, when I threatened to kiss her, did she hesitate.

"I willingly suffer this pain for what I almost did to you."

"Don't be stupid."

"Know had I succeed?—"

She snorted a derisive sound. "As if you would've."

"I'm trying to speak from my heart, woman."

"Get it said, then heal yourself."

Instead of words, I snaked my arm around her neck and pulled her lips to mine. At first, simply resting my lips on hers, and swallowing her breaths. In doing so, I sent shards like broken glass into my chest. I inhaled the pain, taking it in deep, savoring it for what it did to my sanity.

Slowly, I ran my tongue across her lips, tasting the scent that had nearly driven me wild with hunger in my beast form. Now, as a man, her scent stirred emotions deeper than mere need, emotions so profound they overwhelmed me; my eyes prickled with tears. I fisted her hair and pulled her closer, refusing to let any of her breaths escape.

I cannot lose her . The power of my thought resonated through my soul, steeling my conviction. If I ever did anything to hurt her, I would gladly end my life with my hand.

"Tamas," she whispered, her lips tickling mine as she spoke.

"I'm weak, Tressya." I released my hold on her hair and buried my head in her nape.

"That's not true."

"I nearly killed you. "

"Tamas. Come on. Heal yourself."

"I thought I was stronger than them. I thought I could defeat them."

"The Salmun?"

I shook my head. "The Eone."

She didn't reply.

I slung an arm around her waist, needing to keep her close. Feeling the warmth of her body reassured me she was here with me, alive, mine to love, mine to protect, mine to cherish.

"You can tell me everything when you're healed." She tried to peel my arm from her, but I resisted, draping it around her waist once again and pulling her close.

"The apostles didn't save me. It was the Eone."

Again, she tried to extract herself from my hold. "I really want to hear this story, but once you're healed."

"They created the Etherweave, Tressya."

She stilled.

"And now they possess my mind."

"Not entirely." She gently lifted my head from her nape and shifted to bring her eyes level with mine. "If the Eone possesses you so completely, you wouldn't…" She dusted a finger across my cheeks. "You wouldn't have come back to me."

Despite her kiss feeling as light as a feather brushing across my lips, lingering for several heartbeats, she poured into it the deepest conviction of her heart; she would fight before she ever let me go. I swallowed everything she gave, but grew ravenous for more, so I fisted her hair, tilting her head backward in the perfect position and smothered her lips with my own. I kissed her slow and deep, lingering until it hurt to keep my restraint in place, then let go and kissed her exactly the way a woman like her should always be kissed, untethered and raw, sucking in her soft moans, swallowing them down like they were the sweetest syrup. And when she struggled to pull her head away, I couldn't contain the growl that slipped from my lips.

"Tamas," she mumbled, my name slurring against my lips.

I grew cold the moment I released her.

"I swear I'll command your spirit to perform humiliating stunts if you dare die on me now."

"I surrender." And I relaxed in her arms, and she eased me back so I lay flat on the ground. "To you. Always."